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  • #46
    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post

    Some do,

    I know at least one person who does, Face-palm

    Sad

    Secondly regardless of wether they live with the in laws,

    The SIL could also be the Trouble maker.

    Some men are spineless.
    I know a few

    One from Bangladesh, he is still being babysat by his father in law

    That's all I will say

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

      I know a few

      One from Bangladesh, he is still being babysat by his father in law

      That's all I will say
      What a disgrace,

      One family i know had several daughters and their SILs all living in one house,

      So eventually it went outta control like a boiling kettle as expected and and the wife of the oldest left him, now she lives somewhere far and he has to go visit her to see his kids,

      Spineless still with his parents and he ain't divorced her, wont move out and live with wife.
      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

        Sorry I can't help you but I will make dua your situation gets better Avoid thinking about divorce, try not to doubt your marriage

        How does your mil have your landlord details?

        Seek refuge from the evil eye daily
        Don't tell anyone you are moving
        Because everytime we went to look for places she tagged along..i can never say no ..he is his mother.but i cant believe she will go behind my back and tell landlady to ask her for 11 months rent upfront from me. what the landlady told me that she has agreed on it..which left me in shock..they just want that my parents pay for everything while the just relax...so sad how this world has become where only money matters nothing else..even relationships r now based on money nothing else..so sad..my trust has been broken so much...his mother told me today u better get out of my house soon and u r suppose to take orders from my son literally telling me to be his doormat..how is this fair on my part that i m paying entire rent will soon b going out to earn studying at same time and still they want me to be their slave..have i no respect as a wife..have i no importance..are wives suppose to be degraded like this.how sad...my trust has been crumbled into pieces

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        • #49
          Originally posted by KOKO1987 View Post

          Because everytime we went to look for places she tagged along..i can never say no ..he is his mother.but i cant believe she will go behind my back and tell landlady to ask her for 11 months rent upfront from me. what the landlady told me that she has agreed on it..which left me in shock..they just want that my parents pay for everything while the just relax...so sad how this world has become where only money matters nothing else..even relationships r now based on money nothing else..so sad..my trust has been broken so much...his mother told me today u better get out of my house soon and u r suppose to take orders from my son literally telling me to be his doormat..how is this fair on my part that i m paying entire rent will soon b going out to earn studying at same time and still they want me to be their slave..have i no respect as a wife..have i no importance..are wives suppose to be degraded like this.how sad...my trust has been crumbled into pieces
          Yh i think you should get your parents involved and have a meeting with your husband
          and then another meeting alongside his mother as well if he doesnt listen

          your being oppressed and taken advantage of too much and it will only get worse if u dont deal eith it

          Comment


          • #50
            So finally after a fight with my husband and his mother standing on our closed room day to listen to what ever was happening in our room..my aunt and uncle have also intervened because now situtaion is a bit oit of control..yes some ppl r right i m being oppressed too much and knowing i m the only one doing something then i should not be getting oppressed..my aunt has told me enough is enough u should not b staying with these ppl who cant respect you and they need to be bought into senses..they have bought be back home and my parents are at ease now knowing i m safe with them..they have told me you are strong independant woman.u dont need to b scared of anyone and let anyone oppress you..you will always be at better position in life as u have avwry strong degree and family background. So dont need ro be scared

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            • #51
              So i ask everone..since now relationship is all scaterred over the place just a few Q i want to ask and i dont want answers just opinions

              1.how would you feel if at one point of your marraige your spouse was all yours but then he/she got influenced by other people and changed?

              2.how would you feel thatat one point in your marraige your spouse told u they r not materialistic but then they started to see over your money your income and your jewelry

              3.how would you feel about doing half half and agreeing but still not being appreciated for it

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              • #52
                I also ask do u think my parents and relatives have made the right decision for me

                Comment


                • #53
                  Originally posted by KOKO1987 View Post
                  So finally after a fight with my husband and his mother standing on our closed room day to listen to what ever was happening in our room..my aunt and uncle have also intervened because now situtaion is a bit oit of control..yes some ppl r right i m being oppressed too much and knowing i m the only one doing something then i should not be getting oppressed..my aunt has told me enough is enough u should not b staying with these ppl who cant respect you and they need to be bought into senses..they have bought be back home and my parents are at ease now knowing i m safe with them..they have told me you are strong independant woman.u dont need to b scared of anyone and let anyone oppress you..you will always be at better position in life as u have avwry strong degree and family background. So dont need ro be scared
                  Finally, its nice to see a girl's family that intervenes and cares about her. So many threads where the parents are useless and allow their daughter to stay with the MIL and be oppressed.

                  Only thing is did they talk to your husband? When everyone has cooled down, your father should meet with your husband. You both need to talk it out.
                  These oppressors suck the life out of you, if they don't physically kill you; they mentally will. You can take a stand while being respectful. A man can love and honour his mother without disrespecting his wife. He needs to speak up and find a balance!
                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

                    Finally, its nice to see a girl's family that intervenes and cares about her. So many threads where the parents are useless and allow their daughter to stay with the MIL and be oppressed.

                    Only thing is did they talk to your husband? When everyone has cooled down, your father should meet with your husband. You both need to talk it out.
                    These oppressors suck the life out of you, if they don't physically kill you; they mentally will. You can take a stand while being respectful. A man can love and honour his mother without disrespecting his wife. He needs to speak up and find a balance!

                    yes thankGod i have a family that supports me.even my brother would fly back home if i need him i know that..feel so sad how many woman are actually treated worse from both side..may ALLAH help them...so as after a day when everyone did cool down and silence from my side.my husband did contact me asking if he can meet me.so we both met at my place and then i did let him know very clearly how i feel at his house how his mother has treated me how ridiculous it is that u look over my property i give him lot of islamic references..he said he was sorry he did not know what had gotten into him.he said he is sorry for his moms actions and also that at the end she is wrong..so i have also made clear to him i m not going back to his place at all for the time being.as we had planned to move out so we will but it will be according to my will..as my aunt has offered a room in her house (which i really appreciate she is doing so much) so now for time being we will move there and later we can look for places..he has agreed on that and says okay we can move there as his mom does not want us there anymore....may ALLAH help me with this decision .i hope to see some improvement on his side.hope to see a change in him.first i will observe then will move forward with any other decision with him...relationships r based on trust and he has broken mine so now to rebuild it will take time..as far as i always want marriage to be amazing journey mine always turns out to b too dramatic.may ALLAH make my future easy..need prays in these last few days of ramadan

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by KOKO1987 View Post


                      yes thankGod i have a family that supports me.even my brother would fly back home if i need him i know that..feel so sad how many woman are actually treated worse from both side..may ALLAH help them...so as after a day when everyone did cool down and silence from my side.my husband did contact me asking if he can meet me.so we both met at my place and then i did let him know very clearly how i feel at his house how his mother has treated me how ridiculous it is that u look over my property i give him lot of islamic references..he said he was sorry he did not know what had gotten into him.he said he is sorry for his moms actions and also that at the end she is wrong..so i have also made clear to him i m not going back to his place at all for the time being.as we had planned to move out so we will but it will be according to my will..as my aunt has offered a room in her house (which i really appreciate she is doing so much) so now for time being we will move there and later we can look for places..he has agreed on that and says okay we can move there as his mom does not want us there anymore....may ALLAH help me with this decision .i hope to see some improvement on his side.hope to see a change in him.first i will observe then will move forward with any other decision with him...relationships r based on trust and he has broken mine so now to rebuild it will take time..as far as i always want marriage to be amazing journey mine always turns out to b too dramatic.may ALLAH make my future easy..need prays in these last few days of ramadan
                      Ameen. So happy to hear this. He seems like a good man, he swallowed his pride to ring you and try and resolve the issues. Many men wouldn't do this. Say Alhumdulilah. Allah swt will continue to test you, just make sure you move forward from this incident, dont bring up the past and always remain civil. Remember (even though you are away from his mother) to encourage him to continue to visit his mother so she does not feel abandoned by him.
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                        Ameen. So happy to hear this. He seems like a good man, he swallowed his pride to ring you and try and resolve the issues. Many men wourldn't do this. Say Alhumdulilah. Allah swt will continue to test you, just make sure you move forward from this incident, dont bring up the past and always remain civil. Remember (even though you are away from his mother) to encourage him to continue to visit his mother so she does not feel abandoned by him.
                        yes after so many days i have peace of mind.feel so much better that no one is around to constantly bother me.yes that very same day i told him that he has to take care of his mother that is his duty and i wont stop him with that.that would be wrong from my side.and i dont want to commit a sin like that..and yes ALHUMDULILAH he did also accepted that he was wrong and so was his mother..now i hope when we do move to my aunts home i do see some improvement from his side..if yes then i will go forward finding place for rent..how could i had known that after marriage i wont even have a home to live in..but ALLAH will find me ways and i hope HE makes things easy for me..still need lots of prays

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by KOKO1987 View Post

                          yes after so many days i have peace of mind.feel so much better that no one is around to constantly bother me.yes that very same day i told him that he has to take care of his mother that is his duty and i wont stop him with that.that would be wrong from my side.and i dont want to commit a sin like that..and yes ALHUMDULILAH he did also accepted that he was wrong and so was his mother..now i hope when we do move to my aunts home i do see some improvement from his side..if yes then i will go forward finding place for rent..how could i had known that after marriage i wont even have a home to live in..but ALLAH will find me ways and i hope HE makes things easy for me..still need lots of prays
                          Marriage isnt like a gf and bf relationship where after an issue happens u break up

                          there will be trials but you have to have patience and communicate and then come back stronger

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                          • #58
                            So i guess some people really cant change...when i know all is fine and come to know its actually not it just hits u so bad...finally getting my own place and paying a huge amount of rent along with security deposit and and my dad buying me things for my new home ..just on same day contract gets signed he changes to this whole new person and started demanding me luxurious stuff for home which actually r not necessity at all.if i can live without so can he. Andthen fought me at my home before even .moving in New rented home and not even appreciating what i m doing..i know who is behind this..plz i ask for suggestions now..i m being mentally tortured i dont trust him with my money or property so bascially i have lost trust and i dont know if i should say o dont trust him about my life even..i m getting scared now..tell me if i have been immature i will keep an neutral person in between us and ask him i m willing to do that even..i have a feeling he will blackmail me with divorce now..cant even say i have not met these kind of people before DEJAVU wow..i think my career my studies everything is getting compromised.i m just wasting my energy time money trust everything..my heart is shattered broken to pieces..but i know ALLAH will not give me hardship i cant bear

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by KOKO1987 View Post
                              So i guess some people really cant change...when i know all is fine and come to know its actually not it just hits u so bad...finally getting my own place and paying a huge amount of rent along with security deposit and and my dad buying me things for my new home ..just on same day contract gets signed he changes to this whole new person and started demanding me luxurious stuff for home which actually r not necessity at all.if i can live without so can he. Andthen fought me at my home before even .moving in New rented home and not even appreciating what i m doing..i know who is behind this..plz i ask for suggestions now..i m being mentally tortured i dont trust him with my money or property so bascially i have lost trust and i dont know if i should say o dont trust him about my life even..i m getting scared now..tell me if i have been immature i will keep an neutral person in between us and ask him i m willing to do that even..i have a feeling he will blackmail me with divorce now..cant even say i have not met these kind of people before DEJAVU wow..i think my career my studies everything is getting compromised.i m just wasting my energy time money trust everything..my heart is shattered broken to pieces..but i know ALLAH will not give me hardship i cant bear
                              Why do you keep showing him your money? Say your father gifted it and you have nothing. Tell him he is the provider, he wants luxury items then work and buy it himself. I think your father needs to cut the strings with you too.
                              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Very sorry about your situation
                                may Allah give you strength and make it easier for you -ameen

                                I agree with shay5

                                Tell your dad not to give you money and even if he does then don't tell your husband because he will start behaving the way you just described.

                                Try to remain calm (I know this is the tough bit because it's tempting to do the opposite).

                                Tell your husband that your dad will not be providing for you (btw I forgot, did you tell your partner before how long your dad is provoiding for you and was it just for rent?)
                                Keep your words consistent and tell home that your dad will stop giving money from now on and it's up to him to help you

                                Didn't I say to tell your husband that you are only helping him financially temporarily

                                The problem is that they start relying you on you and the respect goes, they don't act like a provider (from my observations). That's why money is a problem, it's nice to help the husband if he understands his own responsibilities.

                                From the sounds of it your husband is not being very independent with his decisions, he is easily influenced and can't differentiate from right and wrong.

                                There is a dua dua Musa alihisalam made when he flee from getting punished and he had nothing so he made dua to Allah saying he is 'fakir' and that whatever Allah gives him, he is happy with it

                                Someone correct me if I'm wrong but your recent post sounds like you are accepting your situation (that's a good thing because many of us start to despair) so hold on and make the duas made by the prophet
                                It's disgusting how people use threats just because it's your second marriage

                                It's not right how divorcees are still treated like this even in their new marriage, it's almost like a vulnerability

                                I think people see it as a way to trap a divorcee second time round so she must presevere and put up with any oppression unless she wants to be talked about

                                It's wrong because divorcees are also attached for being divorced even though it wasn't their fault that the marriage broke

                                Don't offer your in laws too much (don't give them money) and don't show them weakness just because this is your second marriage (I know easier said then done).

                                it's the last day day or two of Ramadan
                                May Allah accept our duas because he has said to the believer he will listen and answer their calls in the way he wamts.





                                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                                Comment

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