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Marriage for those aspiring for piety?

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  • Sultan786
    started a topic Marriage for those aspiring for piety?

    Marriage for those aspiring for piety?

    Assalamulaikum everyone. Im a new member here. I have come in search of knowledge and guidance from my fellow Muslims.

    My issue is despite looking for many years for a suitable spouse i am basically at a dead end. Let me explain. I dont think i asked for much by searching for someone who implements halal and haram in their life and not just in their words? I grew up in a modest background and by Allahs blessing i never fell into such haram that is sadly too common in the UK. Not even touched a cigarette. Even as a teenager when others 'experimented' i knew what was right and wrong.

    But now when it came to marry literally everyone i know or see talks a good game but their actions are not of deen. Too many sisters in pop concerts and shisha bars. I am no saint and verily Allah knows the sins hidden but i fear Allah and try my utmost to follow the correct path.

    So far i tried the following to find a suitable wife. Friends/Family - Failed as everyone i grew up with or know is too much into haram. Even people my parents recommended i knew about how they really live their lives.

    Muslim marriage sites - Sadly full of fake profiles, people looking for haram relations or generally people who read 5 salah but then also openly do other haram and don't even see it as an issue.

    Really at this point I'm stuck. My other option is an arranged marriage from back home (pk) but I've always felt that unfair on the women who arrive here. Living in the UK away from their family must be very difficult and hard to adapt to.

    If anyone can point me in the right direction i would be immensely grateful. I just make dua to show me some path through this.

    ​​​​​​

  • AmantuBillahi
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

    Try not to say ramadan kareem.as this isnt from the sunnah
    Barak Allah fik

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Assalamu alaykum

    Just a few suggestions:

    1) Specifically search for women who wear Niqaab.

    2) Do not limit your options. There are plenty of divorcees/widows who are struggling to find a good partner.

    These women tend to be more mature, seeing that they've already been through a situation, and have learned their lessons on: Who to pick and who not to pick.

    All the best. Try not to stress over it too much during this month.

    Ramadan Kareem
    Try not to say ramadan kareem.as this isnt from the sunnah

    Leave a comment:


  • AmantuBillahi
    replied
    Assalamu alaykum

    Just a few suggestions:

    1) Specifically search for women who wear Niqaab.

    2) Do not limit your options. There are plenty of divorcees/widows who are struggling to find a good partner.

    These women tend to be more mature, seeing that they've already been through a situation, and have learned their lessons on: Who to pick and who not to pick.

    All the best. Try not to stress over it too much during this month.

    Ramadan Kareem

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Your the religion of your friend

    even with muslims if they arent practising leave them if youve tried helping them and they dont change

    coz they will influence you into badness

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post

    It really shook me to be honest. To this day I still think it may have been a test from Allah. I won't go into too many details here as its indecent but this muslimah was incredibly beautiful too. On that night she even asked me for the prayer mat so she could pray asr. Suffice to say i have never prayed with so much gratitude as i do now.

    On the other hand i think she may have influenced by someone to behave that way. Maybe she was worried I'd visit once and never return to marry? Only Allah knows.
    It was a lucky escape for you

    Count your blessings

    Don't think it's a loss for you, it's a victory for you
    Not many would have 'survived' it

    Forget all about her, delete any messages and erase her face out of your memory, don't let Satan lure you back in that shameless position

    That face would have caused you a grave sin and the punishment of the day of judgement.

    No pretty face is worth the agony in the grave
    Let's hope she also feels ashamed of her actions.

    Think of Yusuf Alihisalam

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

    If shes cool with meeting without a mehram thats a red flag
    That's true

    Never meet a girl alone

    Take your sister or mum with you especially if she doesn't have a wali
    shame about Indonesia, it being a Muslim country I thought it would be a nice environment for Muslims

    When Muslims do questionable things others get influenced

    It's like a domino effect

    If a sister wears tight clothing, the other sister might think, why can't I do that? It will become more tempting for her

    If a brother hangs out with girls, another brother might think I wish I could hang around with those pretty girls.
    Likewise the temptation will increase

    If we are practicing together, we're stronger in iman together so the temptations become less appealing because our connection with religion is there.

    If people were like this in Muslim countries then things would be decent, instead they are a fitnah for one another.

    Correct me if I'm wrong but there is a Hadith where our nabi saw said if you want to be shameless and don't take heed,
    THEN DO WHAT YOU WANT.


    ​​​​

    ​​​​​​

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    Help the brother out.
    How am i suppose to help him lol
    I told him what i would do

    You sisters should help him you guys should have connections and know sisters looking to get married
    ​​​​

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    Brother i dunno what u been doing
    maybe ur not looking the right way or your criteria is too strict but theres still many practising sisters irl and online

    if u look for

    Always prays salah
    No free mixing
    niqaabi/jilbaabi
    u dont care abour race,tribe, skin color,education level
    your not too fussy with age height and looks you can find potentials no problem

    Go to masjid regularly start praying more ajr and make duas first of all
    also check masjid marriage events or ask imams
    Make religious friends and they will help u
    Help the brother out.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post

    It really shook me to be honest. To this day I still think it may have been a test from Allah. I won't go into too many details here as its indecent but this muslimah was incredibly beautiful too. On that night she even asked me for the prayer mat so she could pray asr. Suffice to say i have never prayed with so much gratitude as i do now.

    On the other hand i think she may have influenced by someone to behave that way. Maybe she was worried I'd visit once and never return to marry? Only Allah knows.
    If shes cool with meeting without a mehram thats a red flag

    Leave a comment:


  • Sultan786
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    This is actually really disturbing to read (especially in Ramadhan). You went all the way to a different country with the intention of marrying a pious Muslimah, and it turned out she just wanted to engage in haraam?

    There are no words.

    May Allaah keep you firm. Aameen.


    It really shook me to be honest. To this day I still think it may have been a test from Allah. I won't go into too many details here as its indecent but this muslimah was incredibly beautiful too. On that night she even asked me for the prayer mat so she could pray asr. Suffice to say i have never prayed with so much gratitude as i do now.

    On the other hand i think she may have influenced by someone to behave that way. Maybe she was worried I'd visit once and never return to marry? Only Allah knows.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post
    Thank you for your understanding. That last person really shook me if I'm honest. The week i stayed in that place in a Muslim majority country i saw just as much if not more haram then in the UK. I felt lost. Azaan would cry out from every corner at the appropriate times but islam hadn't penetrated the hearts of men and women.

    I am not one of weak resolve but Allah knows i have been tested. In my life i never felt as much like my imaan was leaving me as i did that day. We live surrounded by kuffar everyday yet i never felt an attack on my imaan like i did when i was surrounded by muslims. A weaker man would perhaps had succmob to such temptation. But that night only one thing occupied my mind. If i engage in such haram what will i tell my children if I'm blessed with any? How will i guide them when they suffer the same trials?

    I remember when i first arrived and i said i forgot to bring along a prayer mat. I remember walking to the nearest large town and struggling to find one. But i remain steadfast in my trust in Allah. For i shall persevere and inshallah I'll be guided to the right people.

    I think perhaps my parents know better than me. They know what i seek is perhaps just a pearl in an ocean. They just want my happiness. Very few people know just how much i cared for those around me. How much i sacrificed for the happiness of others. And such sacrifices I was honoured to make. Inshallah they will count in my favour on the day of judgment.

    ​​​​​
    ​​​​​
    This is actually really disturbing to read (especially in Ramadhan). You went all the way to a different country with the intention of marrying a pious Muslimah, and it turned out she just wanted to engage in haraam?

    There are no words.

    May Allaah keep you firm. Aameen.



    Leave a comment:


  • Fakhri
    replied
    Maybe someone who's attended one of (traditional) madaris here..?

    If you can marry back home and visit often enough...?
    Especially if she has relatives here already, with things like Skype and video calling... It's not as bad as it was for young women marrying then moving over to this country

    (?)

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    But jazakAllah khair yasin
    your right men have lost gheera
    and our sins have drowned us
    we all need to fix up
    may Allah forgive us and allow us to bring honour back to the religipm
    (reminder to my self )

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Yep, protect yourself and don't tell people in real life about your good actions, in case of riyaa and arrogance.

    Like I said before, none of us are immune from the saitans whispers and as you know, fitnah is in front of us.

    We're blessed to be Muslims, it's a gift. We just need to take it seriously.

    I suppose I'm in the mood to give a speech. Have to let it out, it's how I feel even though I have a lot of shortcomings.

    It feels like it is getting worse, the likes of fornicators, zaanis, adulterers, gamblers, drug addicts etc in the west....these muslims don't treat women right, they don't respect them. Yet they disapprove of what is going on with our sisters abroad.

    This is why our sisters are getting raped, tortured, oppressed, violated in every way. Because the Muslims have no dignity. No gheerah for their womenfolk. The 'what if it was your mum or sister' remarks don't cause any dents because they don't even respect their own mums and sisters


    Always remember when Satan appears in front of you in the disguise of a woman, don't go near it's filthy seduction.

    Don't go near zina. Muslims have gone near zina and they have brought wrath upon themselves and this why we are an embarrasment and we are getting humiliated.

    Respect every woman, before you realise you lost your self respect and start crying.

    This should go in the divorce thread. Our 'men' are 'indulging' with prostitutes, they complain women are not homely. They complain women are too career minded, too educated, too powerful, they complain women are the ones to blame for societies distraction.

    Well maybe if the men of this ummah weren't dayooths then we would not be in such a mess. Maybe they should start using their heads more than their desires.

    Obviously I am not talking about all men. This should not offend anyone, if it does offened you then you should question yourself. And let me know.

    If the men are responsible, so will be their womenfolk. But if the men, who are supposed to be our walis and guardians, who don't take their role as the leaders seriously, it is their fault.

    They should have been our role models.


    If im being honest brothers and sisters are both to blame
    our sins are to blame
    we get punished because of this
    just like im the battle of uhud sahaba didnt listen to the prophet they didnt stay on the mountain they went to get the ghaneema (war booty) what hapoened 55 out of 70 or 73 got killed
    look at the ummah today and what we all do boys and girls government rulers countries this is why the ummah is getting destroyed

    and when sisters are being abused and muslims are being killed around the world and muslims go fight to help them these muslims they are called all soughts of names even by their own community from crazy to mental to extremist and so on


    1 women got harrassed by a jew and a sahaba killed him

    1 women was imprisomed and the khalifa mu'tasim went with his army and took out the romans

    Some sisters were taken as slaves and muhammed bin qasim.and 30000 invaded india


    now a muslim does anything they are called khawarij and crazy
    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 18-05-18, 11:19 PM.

    Leave a comment:

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