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Marriage for those aspiring for piety?

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    Marriage for those aspiring for piety?

    Assalamulaikum everyone. Im a new member here. I have come in search of knowledge and guidance from my fellow Muslims.

    My issue is despite looking for many years for a suitable spouse i am basically at a dead end. Let me explain. I dont think i asked for much by searching for someone who implements halal and haram in their life and not just in their words? I grew up in a modest background and by Allahs blessing i never fell into such haram that is sadly too common in the UK. Not even touched a cigarette. Even as a teenager when others 'experimented' i knew what was right and wrong.

    But now when it came to marry literally everyone i know or see talks a good game but their actions are not of deen. Too many sisters in pop concerts and shisha bars. I am no saint and verily Allah knows the sins hidden but i fear Allah and try my utmost to follow the correct path.

    So far i tried the following to find a suitable wife. Friends/Family - Failed as everyone i grew up with or know is too much into haram. Even people my parents recommended i knew about how they really live their lives.

    Muslim marriage sites - Sadly full of fake profiles, people looking for haram relations or generally people who read 5 salah but then also openly do other haram and don't even see it as an issue.

    Really at this point I'm stuck. My other option is an arranged marriage from back home (pk) but I've always felt that unfair on the women who arrive here. Living in the UK away from their family must be very difficult and hard to adapt to.

    If anyone can point me in the right direction i would be immensely grateful. I just make dua to show me some path through this.

    ​​​​​​

    #2
    Walikumsalam

    Welcome to the forum

    There are pious sisters available, you just have to keep looking and tell people to let you know of 'pious' people.

    I have never been to those places, I haven't even been to a cinema lol not saying I'm a pious individual but being like that is possible and avoiding free mixing, dating is also possible
    i know for a fact that there are sisters that fall into your search category but often they over looked because people focus on others and piety is usually at the bottom.

    I know about a sister on this forum, but she's not active

    She is a British Pakistani. She lives with her mum. I don't know much about you but if I did I would recommend.

    Obviously this forum is not a matrimony service, that will just create fitnah and it can become like some universities where Muslim girls and boys obsess about who is 'fit' or not.

    Not all girls from back home will feel alienated, for some it's a better lifestyle, more comfortable than back home.

    You can always go and see, there are bound to be pious sisters there too but don't be fooled, good and bad everywhere. Back in Bangladesh I felt like I was the 'freshie' and everyone else was westernised, I was gobsmacked.

    Nothing else I can suggest but make dua and do tahajjud. These things are out of your control.







    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


      #3
      This place is like a marriage yellow page book lol

      Comment


        #4
        I wonder if any of these flash adverts have been successful

        Comment


          #5

          Frankly as i get older and learn more about the world around me i find myself more isolated. I am not strong enough in imaan so i try not to surround myself in temptations.

          But alot of the time when i talk to someone and tell them about halal living they laugh it off like I'm not serious. It's like they think 'he can't be serious can he?'

          i honestly thought it would be much easier than this when the time came. Some people i spoke to over the years i even tried to encourage to drop their haram but it didn't work. I guess I'm too naive or optimistic about people.

          Caste, colour or background didn't make a difference. People are the same fundementally with the same wants and desires.

          As for back home, yes I'm fully aware muslim countries are not full of saints. People are just people.
          ​​​

          Comment


            #6
            Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places? As for men looking for the wrong things. Quite honestly, finding someone beautiful is far easier than finding someone with strong faith.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post
              Assalamulaikum everyone. Im a new member here. I have come in search of knowledge and guidance from my fellow Muslims.

              ​​​​​​
              wswrwb

              Good women and men do exist...you are not alone..Go to the masjid and fill out a marriage profile.
              “Whoever wants to purify his heart must prefer Allah over and above his own desires.” .

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                wswrwb

                Good women and men do exist...you are not alone..Go to the masjid and fill out a marriage profile.
                Some of the rishte i was shown were from people in the mosque. My dad is fairly active in our mosque but when i showed him the reality of the people he showed me he was upset. I think its called burying your head in the sand. My mosque has no such facility as far as I'm aware but i will ask the imam next time. Inshallah after Jummah.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post

                  Some of the rishte i was shown were from people in the mosque. My dad is fairly active in our mosque but when i showed him the reality of the people he showed me he was upset. I think its called burying your head in the sand. My mosque has no such facility as far as I'm aware but i will ask the imam next time. Inshallah after Jummah.
                  Tell him to find a righteous proposal someone who practices the Deen and has good character.
                  ​​​​​​
                  http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                  "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                  – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post

                    Tell him to find a righteous proposal someone who practices the Deen and has good character.
                    ​​​​​​
                    I spoke to my dad about this. He is fairly heavily involved in mosque activities. He said the imam can't help me in this matter. He can only give advice on what is halal and haram possibly.

                    To give you an example. One of the proposals was for the daughter of a person my dad knows as generally pious. I happen to know she attended a pop concert the other week with free mixing and the like. I only know of the concert as i was invited to it by muslimahs at work and i refused.

                    It is not my place to judge the actions of individuals. Allah knows my faults though how can i accept someone into my life like this? Someone who is nearly 30 and has been surrounded by religiosity their whole life can surely understand whats right and wrong. My dad said 'you are looking for a saint but you won't find one'. I said I'm looking for someone who genuinely fears not entering the gates of paradise.

                    My search continues.

                    ​​
                    ​​​

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post

                      I spoke to my dad about this. He is fairly heavily involved in mosque activities. He said the imam can't help me in this matter. He can only give advice on what is halal and haram possibly.

                      To give you an example. One of the proposals was for the daughter of a person my dad knows as generally pious. I happen to know she attended a pop concert the other week with free mixing and the like. I only know of the concert as i was invited to it by muslimahs at work and i refused.

                      It is not my place to judge the actions of individuals. Allah knows my faults though how can i accept someone into my life like this? Someone who is nearly 30 and has been surrounded by religiosity their whole life can surely understand whats right and wrong. My dad said 'you are looking for a saint but you won't find one'. I said I'm looking for someone who genuinely fears not entering the gates of paradise.

                      My search continues.

                      ​​
                      ​​​
                      Thank Allah عز و جل for saving you from thr disaster of marrying that person.

                      You did the right thing, we judge by the apparent, dont listen to the only God can judge brigade, they will only mislead you.

                      Abdullah ibn Utbah reported: I heard Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, say, “Verily, in the time of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, the people would be judged by revelation, but the revelation has ended. Now we judge you according to your outward deeds. Whoever shows us good, we will trust him and favor him and it is not for us to judge his inner secrets, for Allah will hold him accountable for those. Whoever shows us evil, then we will not trust him or believe in him even if he claims his intention is good.

                      (Sahih Bukhari 2498)


                      ​​​​​​May Allah عز و جل grant you a pious wife

                      آمين يا رب العالمين

                      جزاك الله خيرا
                      Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 18-05-18, 01:52 PM.
                      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post
                        Assalamulaikum everyone. Im a new member here. I have come in search of knowledge and guidance from my fellow Muslims.

                        My issue is despite looking for many years for a suitable spouse i am basically at a dead end. Let me explain. I dont think i asked for much by searching for someone who implements halal and haram in their life and not just in their words? I grew up in a modest background and by Allahs blessing i never fell into such haram that is sadly too common in the UK. Not even touched a cigarette. Even as a teenager when others 'experimented' i knew what was right and wrong.

                        But now when it came to marry literally everyone i know or see talks a good game but their actions are not of deen. Too many sisters in pop concerts and shisha bars. I am no saint and verily Allah knows the sins hidden but i fear Allah and try my utmost to follow the correct path.

                        So far i tried the following to find a suitable wife. Friends/Family - Failed as everyone i grew up with or know is too much into haram. Even people my parents recommended i knew about how they really live their lives.

                        Muslim marriage sites - Sadly full of fake profiles, people looking for haram relations or generally people who read 5 salah but then also openly do other haram and don't even see it as an issue.

                        Really at this point I'm stuck. My other option is an arranged marriage from back home (pk) but I've always felt that unfair on the women who arrive here. Living in the UK away from their family must be very difficult and hard to adapt to.

                        If anyone can point me in the right direction i would be immensely grateful. I just make dua to show me some path through this.

                        ​​​​​​
                        I'm facing a similar issue. If you're looking for a pious sister in the west who fears Allah and doesn't engage in haraam for the most part (of course everyone makes mistakes), then you've already filtered out like 95% of women.

                        That leaves 5% of women. But how do you even find them? Where do you even look? And of that percentage how many would even fulfill your other criteria?

                        Your only hope I think is getting the help of a masjid or looking online. For online, try purematrimony.com. I saw quite a few deeni sisters on there from UK.
                        ​​​

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post

                          Thank Allah عز و جل for saving you from thr disaster of marrying that person.

                          You did the right thing, we judge by the apparent, dont listen to the only God can judge brigade, they will only mislead you.

                          Abdullah ibn Utbah reported: I heard Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, say, “Verily, in the time of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, the people would be judged by revelation, but the revelation has ended. Now we judge you according to your outward deeds. Whoever shows us good, we will trust him and favor him and it is not for us to judge his inner secrets, for Allah will hold him accountable for those. Whoever shows us evil, then we will not trust him or believe in him even if he claims his intention is good.

                          (Sahih Bukhari 2498)


                          ​​​​​​May Allah عز و جل grant you a pious wife

                          آمين يا رب العالمين

                          جزاك الله خيرا
                          Brother for me its a more complicated issue too. I'm a kind hearted individual by nature and i think it bad if i openly tell the faults of someone to their parents. I am certainly not strong enough of imaan that i can guide another aside from myself.

                          I certainly tried that approach recently. I thought perhaps my better nature could rub off on someone. It didn't work. Many times i think Allah perhaps is just testing my imaan. Will i give up his law and commands for the sake of persuing my desires. Thus far i have been protected.
                          ​​​​​​

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

                            I'm facing a similar issue. If you're looking for a pious sister in the west who fears Allah and doesn't engage in haraam for the most part (of course everyone makes mistakes), then you've already filtered out like 95% of women.

                            That leaves 5% of women. But how do you even find them? Where do you even look? And of that percentage how many would even fulfill your other criteria?

                            Your only hope I think is getting the help of a masjid or looking online. For online, try purematrimony.com. I saw quite a few deeni sisters on there from UK.
                            ​​​
                            Its heart breaking for me. I really thought in my naivety that when the time came and I was able and willing to marry that it would be easier.

                            I used the online sites before namely single Muslim. Out of the many i talked to only 1 was at least on face value piois or at least trying to obtain piety. Some time passed. She lived in Indonesia from a poorer background. Madrassah educated, prayed all salah, read quran everyday, is a primary school teacher, encouraged me in salah etc. Some time passed until i could make the necessary arrangements to visit. I visited but she had other ideas of what we should be doing even though we are unmarried. Even though i warned her what is allowed and what conduct we should have. I left her after apologising for wasting her time. I tried to guide her but she said in her country it's normal. She encouraged me in haram so i left that very day. And brothers i can tell you that if a man was tested by temptation that night i was tested. I thank my parents for the moral compass they instilled in me.

                            ​​​​

                            Comment


                              #15
                              It's tough

                              I'm not saying I'm pious either but at times desperation and the pressure of marriage set on women and age by our culture was getting to me. I just wanted to get married for the sake of it.
                              To end the nightmare, made home life very toxic and it really took it's toll on my mental health.
                              i know people may think how is that possible and it sounds minor but it was rough for someone who is not great at handling stress.

                              I was online as well, too much corruption on there though.

                              If it wasn't for Allah's guidance and my parents teaching me morals, values, who knows what would have happened, I might be confident in thinking I'm safe from all that but look at the example of the sister you described, if she's saying it's normal to behave like that in a Muslim country with an ajnabee, that's dangerous.

                              You never know these things, it's very scary and the threat of losing your iman because of the bad influence around you is so real. One minute your practicing, the next minute you lose it because of the fitnah around you.

                              I came across two very bad potentials- thankfully they called it off, one was sleazy and the other one backed down because he obviously was not committed. My desperation was convincing me that it's ok to pursue them for marriage. I knew they were not my type but thought they seem to be ok with me, my photo (I always question that though) so why miss the opportunity? Get marriage out of the way. They sounded ok but Alhamdullilah it worked out for me and I did not get involved with them, my wali told me to stop talking to one of them who stopped messaging me soon anyway, the other one kept us waiting and he just stopped communication with me too.

                              My dignity is much more important and I wish I didn't behave so desperate that could have cost me. I feel ashamed because of it but it shows what desperation can do to people. What if they persuaded me to meet up with them? Who knows, but I was saved. All praise is to Allah.

                              It's​​​​​'s better to deal with the pressure than to get married to a bad person.

                              Always remember to protect your dignity as well as your iman.
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment

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