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I am a revert but for marriage a family won’t accept me

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  • #16
    Originally posted by neelu View Post
    Sadly this is a fairly common problem. The guy is caught between you and his family even though according to Islamic rules, he doesn't need his parents permission to marry someone, but on the other hand, according to Islamic rules, angering or upsetting parents is considered very sinful so he feels caught between a rock and a hard place. The bottom line here though, is that he has to make a choice, which is to either marry you and risk angering (possibly being disowned by) his family or else capitulating to what his family want. I think on some level, he's dithering and waiting around for a year because he probably hoped that with time they'd get used to the idea and come round so he could have his cake and eat it. He needs to consider the possibility that that might never happen in which case he'd have to choose. If he thinks he could convince his parents within a specific time frame such as six months then ask him how much time he needs, give him that time but tell him after that, there will be an ultimatum and he'll have to choose if they don't come round in that time. He can't let this situation continue indefinitely.

    There's another thing that you have to take into consideration which is that even if they very reluctantly and begrudgingly let you marry him, there's the possibility that they'd always resent you as the one who took their good son away from them and will "dilute" their family bloodline and values. Right now you're so focussed on how much you want him that you might not realise what could go wrong if you actually got what you wanted and end up having to live with people who stare daggers at you and b!tch about you to their friends.... because in the back of their minds is the hope that you'll eventually feel fed up and leave him so that they could make him marry the cousin they chose from back home. Also he'd feel the need to still be the good son and placate them (cos' he still wants to have his cake and eat it) as he'd carry guilt for hurting them by being with you so they'll pressure him to side with them in arguments and you'll feel very alone if he falls for that old chestnut. I've seen that happen enough times. If he doesn't show enough backbone to stand up for you now at this stage and take responsibility for being more decisive, then take that as a warning sign of what your future would be like even if you did end up together.

    So basically what I'm saying is you need to draw a line somewhere as to how much you're willing to wait and how much you're willing to concede to his parents demands if they have any so that if you do marry him, you both know where you stand and if he keeps dithering, then be prepared to give an ultimatum and part ways if that isn't enough to prompt him to commit and be prepared to move on.



    The last line is untrue. Islamically as a Muslim, you are not under any obligation to register your marriage if/when you get married. You can register it if you want but you don't have to. Some of the more religious Muslims refuse to register their marriage because the laws of the land are unIslamic so they only adhere to the religious laws according to which nikah is sufficient in order to be married. On the other hand, some prefer to register the marriage because if nikah is not recognised by the laws of the land, then it could mean you don't have certain legal rights for example if the husband died, you might not be entitled to his pension or if he had a stroke, you might not be considered his next of kin and things like that.
    Islamicly for the couple to be halal for each-other and have intercourse the court marriage is not required but if the couple wants to be a real married couple than they MUST register their marriage in the secular court because having your marriage documented and recognized by the Shariah requires that the law of the land be followed in permissible things and the documentation of marriage is one of them.

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    • #17
      No that isn't true. There is no daleel within Quran or Sunnah to suggest that at all. Islamic Shariah does not require that the law of the land is followed when the laws are based on kufr anyway and anyone who says otherwise is lying and many of the culprits who originally suggested such things only did so because they were paid handsomely by kufr governments to convince Muslims to submit to them.

      Originally posted by muhajir12 View Post

      Islamicly for the couple to be halal for each-other and have intercourse the court marriage is not required but if the couple wants to be a real married couple than they MUST register their marriage in the secular court because having your marriage documented and recognized by the Shariah requires that the law of the land be followed in permissible things and the documentation of marriage is one of them.
      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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      • #18
        Originally posted by muhajir12 View Post

        Islamicly for the couple to be halal for each-other and have intercourse the court marriage is not required but if the couple wants to be a real married couple than they MUST register their marriage in the secular court because having your marriage documented and recognized by the Shariah requires that the law of the land be followed in permissible things and the documentation of marriage is one of them.
        Seriously stop saying things you keep sayings things related to islam and have been wrong

        its dangerous to spread something not correct and ican.be sinful

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