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Muslim Men In Abusive Marriages.

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  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

    men are generally reserved and have a set work life balance. Its the post divorce consequences that the whole complicated process of divorce , dealing with family, kids, legal issues.
    So they choose the easy way out by turning to things that comfort them rather than deal with that.
    It leads to other problems , which will invariably make them the bad guy and rather deal with that later on.

    This probably annoys the wife more , cos he becomes more quieter and just goes through the motions.
    Its no excuse , but happens.
    Men are supposed to be strong you say - remember emotion is a feeling that affects everyone differently.
    C'mon bro, to someone like that you sort your finances out so she can't get her mitts on them and then you send her back to her parents.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

    What stops these men from leaving?
    men are generally reserved and have a set work life balance. Its the post divorce consequences that the whole complicated process of divorce , dealing with family, kids, legal issues.
    So they choose the easy way out by turning to things that comfort them rather than deal with that.
    It leads to other problems , which will invariably make them the bad guy and rather deal with that later on.

    This probably annoys the wife more , cos he becomes more quieter and just goes through the motions.
    Its no excuse , but happens.
    Men are supposed to be strong you say - remember emotion is a feeling that affects everyone differently.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
    Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

    I read something in the news a couple of weeks ago about a (non Muslim) man who was physically and emotionally abused by his (female) partner for a number of years. (Really horrifying and traumatic abuse was endured).

    Most of us come from patriarchal societies whereby men lead and women follow, so something like this seems somewhat like an alien concept.

    Nevertheless, it probably does happen. So how can we help someone in this situation? Or will a man ever seek help, if they are ever in that situation? Are there any organisations that deal with this? Will the community laugh at such men? Anyone know of anyone who has been through this?
    Emotional abuse is probably the most common, physical abuse is rare in Muslim marriages.
    Women manipulate by indirectly threatening the husband with what he loves most in the marriage.

    You cant fight this type of abuse cos invariably you become the bad man, and the wife will make sure the world knows it. So men stay quiet cos they are good at accepting and ignoring it for the sake of kids family etc.

    How far she takes it determines the boiling point for man.

    Men handle this type of abuse by turning to getting close to religion,friends alcohol,other relationships etc....

    Solution is - no solution, as its not like you can tell this type of woman what is right or wrong.
    Divorce you say - welll if you are prepared to lose everything and if mentaly you can handle it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Muslimahghuraba
    replied
    ...
    Attached Files

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  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    You...definable.
    Okay...

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    Sister who...?
    You...definable.

    Leave a comment:


  • oshirowanen
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    locked down as in under the thumb in every way

    fear that life wont be good without the wife because she has such a hold over him
    That would be a messed up place to be. I was lucky in that regard, the only thing holding me back was my kid, worried about how divorce will affect her. But then I guess I grew up and realised that staying in an abusive marriage will set an example for my daughter that it is okay to stay and be abused. Unfortunately, most muslim societies never grow up enough to realise such a basic thing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    Lock down in what way?

    And what fear would a man have of leaving?
    locked down as in under the thumb in every way

    fear that life wont be good without the wife because she has such a hold over him

    Leave a comment:


  • oshirowanen
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    Do you ever worry that later in life, people will look down on your daughter because she's from a broken family?

    Your views are "forward-thinking", I think it's going to be a long time before most Muslim cultures accept that divorce can be liberating.
    That used to bother me, but then I realised such things do not matter. If people think badly about you, that's there problem, not yours. If you get absorbed into such things, you become a slave of society, always worried about what people will think.

    Have to remember, when the prophet (pbuh) of Islam started telling people about Islam, he was condemned and the majority of people thought badly of him. It doesn't matter what people think, as long as you know you're doing the right thing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post

    because theyre on lock down and fear having to leave
    Lock down in what way?

    And what fear would a man have of leaving?

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

    It was definitely my number one reason. But then I realised that I am causing my child psychological harm in the form of showing her that it is okay to stay in an abusive relationship. So i figured, on top of everything else, no point me staying with her mother who I can no longer trust, plus, if I divorce her mother, at least that will show my daughter, that it is perfectly okay to divorce an abusive person, and that there is no need to stay in such a relationship.
    Do you ever worry that later in life, people will look down on your daughter because she's from a broken family?

    Your views are "forward-thinking", I think it's going to be a long time before most Muslim cultures accept that divorce can be liberating.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

    What stops these men from leaving?
    because theyre on lock down and fear having to leave

    Leave a comment:


  • oshirowanen
    replied
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post

    I think this is the number one reason why most people stay in abusive marriages. Also because they think life being separated will be worse than how they are now.
    It was definitely my number one reason. But then I realised that I am causing my child psychological harm in the form of showing her that it is okay to stay in an abusive relationship. So i figured, on top of everything else, no point me staying with her mother who I can no longer trust, plus, if I divorce her mother, at least that will show my daughter, that it is perfectly okay to divorce an abusive person, and that there is no need to stay in such a relationship.

    Leave a comment:


  • Indefinable
    replied
    Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

    Not wanting there kids to have divorced parents.
    I think this is the number one reason why most people stay in abusive marriages. Also because they think life being separated will be worse than how they are now.

    Leave a comment:


  • oshirowanen
    replied
    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

    Love for the spouse
    embaressment and shame
    fear of consequences of divorcr
    Not wanting there kids to have divorced parents.

    Leave a comment:

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