Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Muslim Men In Abusive Marriages.

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    What about people that tell Muslim women to suffer in silence and to have patience because it could mean they enter heaven.

    I used to think that, yes, if we just suffer then perhaps we will get rewarded. That's deluded.

    It doesn't sound right but this is what some communities tell women, to have sabr and leave the husband doing as he wishes.

    When a woman challenges her husband for being an idiot it means she is a brainwashed maniac (no, I am not referring to Abu Kamel's post but it got me thinking).

    The question is, should Muslim women suffer in silence to avoid getting a divorce, in the hopes of getting rewarded in the here after?

    Or

    Should we start helping Muslim women to understand that they should not tolerate an iiresponsible husband who continues with his impermissible acts?



    I think it's upto the woman and each case should be judged individually. Nothing is clear as black and white. And for women - if they do end up with a good-for-nothing husband, then they should have the courage and responsibility to decide what is good for their dunya and akhira.

    Comment


    • #47
      Originally posted by Faith reloaded View Post

      some ladies these days are androgynous and hitting the gym and taking anabolic steroids

      they can do some damage and put up a good fight against a male who doesnt do the same
      well... they will be unlikely able to give birth, if that is the case. I consider it as blessing.

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
        Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaah.

        I read something in the news a couple of weeks ago about a (non Muslim) man who was physically and emotionally abused by his (female) partner for a number of years. (Really horrifying and traumatic abuse was endured).

        Most of us come from patriarchal societies whereby men lead and women follow, so something like this seems somewhat like an alien concept.

        Nevertheless, it probably does happen. So how can we help someone in this situation? Or will a man ever seek help, if they are ever in that situation? Are there any organisations that deal with this? Will the community laugh at such men? Anyone know of anyone who has been through this?
        I've been through that. Was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused. She would try to provoke me to hit her. My fear was if I do, she would probably die, I was more or less twice her height, twice her weight... I'm guessing she wanted to get me imprisoned for some reason. Unfortunately, that provoking tactic never worked (but it "almost" did one or twice). When she figured out her provoking tactics are not working, she started plotting a new plan. When her new plan was executed, my life got turned upside down, inside out. She accused me of an extreme crime. A crime which is so extreme that I can't think of anything which is worse than such a crime. I was interrogated like an animal for 6 months by the police. After the traumatic interrogation ended, the police concluded, the accusations were false. I took her to court for preventing me from seeing my little kid. I won the case.

        Divorced her in the end.

        Comment


        • #49
          Why is it hard to understand or imagine? It has nothing to do with physical strength. The person is mentally and emotionally drained and most likely sees everything as their fault as abusers are often manipulators. It's psychological before it's physical.
          شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
          فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
          وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
          ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

          Comment


          • #50
            Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
            Why is it hard to understand or imagine? It has nothing to do with physical strength. The person is mentally and emotionally drained and most likely sees everything as their fault as abusers are often manipulators. It's psychological before it's physical.
            I agree, in my example above, my ex was/is a master at manipulating.

            Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
            So how can we help someone in this situation? Or will a man ever seek help, if they are ever in that situation? Are there any organisations that deal with this? Will the community laugh at such men? Anyone know of anyone who has been through this?
            You're right, most men do not seek help. And that is for good reason too as I found out first hand. When I was being interrogated, they said, why didn't you seek help? I laughed and said "yeah right, what would you have done if i walked into the police station and said, my wife is accusing me of xyz?" they paused and then said, "you're right, we would never have believed you and would have arrested you on the spot, that's just how it is in the UK".

            I also came to this forum some years back asking for help. To my shock and horror, some mods said "no way would your wife accuse of that for no reason, you probably did that crime and are now trying to cover it up". So even if a man tries to get help, in my experience, help is not given, instead, asking for help makes it worse.

            Also went to the local imam, told him the situation, even he didn't believe me. Also friends, family, relatives, all turned their back.

            In the end I realised, there is no help for abused falsely accused men in the UK. Luckily, I was able to logically think my way out of this situation, fought back, set the record straight, cleared my name with the judge at the high court, ditched the friends, family, relatives, local imam, lost respect for certain mods here. I mean, why keep contact with people who will not be there for you when you need them?
            Last edited by oshirowanen; 18-06-18, 10:43 AM.

            Comment


            • #51
              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
              Why is it hard to understand or imagine? It has nothing to do with physical strength. The person is mentally and emotionally drained and most likely sees everything as their fault as abusers are often manipulators. It's psychological before it's physical.
              Maybe not for you. But it is hard for me to imagine for a man to be in such a position.

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

                I agree, in my example above, my ex was/is a master at manipulating.



                You're right, most men do not seek help. And that is for good reason too as I found out first hand. When I was being interrogated, they said, why didn't you seek help? I laughed and said "yeah right, what would you have done if i walked into the police station and said, my wife is accusing me of xyz?" they paused and then said, "you're right, we would never have believed you and would have arrested you on the spot, that's just how it is in the UK".

                I also came to this forum some years back asking for help. To my shock and horror, some mods said "no way would your wife accuse of that for no reason, you probably did that crime and are now trying to cover it up". So even if a man tries to get help, in my experience, help is not given, instead, asking for help makes it worse.

                Also went to the local imam, told him the situation, even he didn't believe me. Also friends, family, relatives, all turned their back.

                In the end I realised, there is no help for abused falsely accused men in the UK. Luckily, I was able to logically think my way out of this situation, fought back, set the record straight, cleared my name with the judge at the high court, ditched the friends, family, relatives, local imam, lost respect for certain mods here. I mean, why keep contact with people who will not be there for you when you need them?
                Your immediate family must have believed you and supported you, right?

                Trials certainly show other people's true colours. When things are good, everyone is around and wants to be your friend, but when things get slightly difficult then ... most people tend to be ostracized.

                Your real friends/family are those who stick by you through your worst. Unfortunately there's not many people around like that.





                Comment


                • #53
                  2 things i see that follow a pattern\

                  if its physical abuse its usually the male

                  if its mental abuse its usually the female



                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                    Your immediate family must have believed you and supported you, right?

                    Trials certainly show other people's true colours. When things are good, everyone is around and wants to be your friend, but when things get slightly difficult then ... most people tend to be ostracized.

                    Your real friends/family are those who stick by you through your worst. Unfortunately there's not many people around like that.
                    Unfortunately no. Immediate family were the ones who chose my ex, they too were abusers, they were the first to turn their backs. So I figured, had enough of abuse, time to minimise interaction with them as much as possible.
                    Last edited by oshirowanen; 18-06-18, 11:49 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Sorry this happened to brother Oshirowanen. Abuse toward man is common in Muslim society. Even our prophet SAW said women will go to jahanam for treating her husband poorly. Most of us think it is because she is disobeying her husband but the reality is, if you meet enough couple & listen to their stories, you will learn the women are downright mean/bullies to their husband. Most are not physical and the cases where it is physical its because the men is afraid of the scene she will create if he raises his hand back at her. This is not just a western problem of police call if a men hits a women but also in east where she can scream loud enough and get the whole village together & drag his name down. So he stays quiet.

                      But 90% of abuse are mental, which can be far worst than physical because it leaves no mark behind. Unfortunately it is also hard to help. In our community we do have suspicious of many men who everything thinks is in some form of abusive marriage but these are old men who have been married for decade. Many of these mans need permission from their wife before they do anything, some of those men are really dumb & had made plenty of mistakes in past that the wife took over leadership role. some of these men end up doing 90% of the house work while the wife stays home and gets fatter. I don't know if there is resource or how to get help, I really don't know how I would help. Oh speaking of physical abuse, I heard of a guy who got chased with "daa" (knife) by his wife, they are still married.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

                        In the end I realised, there is no help for abused falsely accused men in the UK. Luckily, I was able to logically think my way out of this situation, fought back, set the record straight, cleared my name with the judge at the high court, ditched the friends, family, relatives, local imam, lost respect for certain mods here. I mean, why keep contact with people who will not be there for you when you need them?
                        Sorry to hear that...I remember reading your posts from a few years ago.....
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

                          Unfortunately no. Immediate family were the ones who chose my ex, they too were abusers, they were the first to turn their backs. So I figured, had enough of abuse, time to minimise interaction with them as much as possible.
                          That must have been devastating. I'm sure this whole ordeal has made you a stronger person. In Sha Allaah.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post

                            Unfortunately no. Immediate family were the ones who chose my ex, they too were abusers, they were the first to turn their backs. So I figured, had enough of abuse, time to minimise interaction with them as much as possible.
                            may Allah give you someone better in this world and the next

                            ps the hoor al ayn were making duaa against her all that time she was causing u problems

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Kya View Post
                              Sorry this happened to brother Oshirowanen. Abuse toward man is common in Muslim society. Even our prophet SAW said women will go to jahanam for treating her husband poorly. Most of us think it is because she is disobeying her husband but the reality is, if you meet enough couple & listen to their stories, you will learn the women are downright mean/bullies to their husband. Most are not physical and the cases where it is physical its because the men is afraid of the scene she will create if he raises his hand back at her. This is not just a western problem of police call if a men hits a women but also in east where she can scream loud enough and get the whole village together & drag his name down. So he stays quiet.

                              But 90% of abuse are mental, which can be far worst than physical because it leaves no mark behind. Unfortunately it is also hard to help. In our community we do have suspicious of many men who everything thinks is in some form of abusive marriage but these are old men who have been married for decade. Many of these mans need permission from their wife before they do anything, some of those men are really dumb & had made plenty of mistakes in past that the wife took over leadership role. some of these men end up doing 90% of the house work while the wife stays home and gets fatter. I don't know if there is resource or how to get help, I really don't know how I would help. Oh speaking of physical abuse, I heard of a guy who got chased with "daa" (knife) by his wife, they are still married.


                              You're right. Some men really do have a tough time.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by Indefinable View Post



                                You're right. Some men really do have a tough time.
                                "Most of us are emotional, hot-headed and argumentative."

                                If that really is the case then I would expect it to be a little more than some men having a tough time.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X