Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Life after divorce

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post

    Its not funny brother.
    My aunts marriage was a standard run of the mill marriage in my family where one marries their close relative. And the ones marrying have no say what so ever.
    So this never came to light until after a year or so. Regardless she had to live at his house for nearly 15 years despite everyone fully understanding the truth ...they were okay with her remaining married to him on paper because the stigma of divorce for women is that severe in their eyes.

    Common or rare I don't know but it is a ridiculous state of affairs.

    It is very tragic, may Allah make it easier for her-Ameen

    I recently found out another 'case' of adultery. Gave me the chills and i just thought how can we protect ourselves and our iman. If it's common, what do we do.

    The sister who is the very unfortunate wife of this adulterer only found out after she gave birth to more than three kids of his.

    Worst part is that the other lady is Muslim in 'hijab'.
    ​​​​​​
    Meeting up in hotels, doing as they wish. No real shame, it's all fun and games. I saw the evidence, hotel bookings and intimate pictures.
    ​​​​​​

    The wife is from back home, she does not speak english, she is financially dependent on this 'husband'.
    She has no choice but to stay, it's the 'better' option for her as she doesn't have anyone.

    Angers me so much, there should an anti group for these types of sinners as they don't even care how sinful or damaging it is

    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post

      On the topic of life after divorce, Iíve post a number of times of my own experiences, and a number of times the threads have been locked or deleted. Now, the overall tone is that itís in bad taste or not beneficial. That is a matter of opinion, and I have no issues with it.

      Now, moving on to your post. I guess what Iím trying to understand is where the line is drawn regarding outing people. I mean, if someone has engaged in bad behavior prior to marriage, arenít people covering this up because we canít reveal their sins? Even after marriage is over, does the same not apply?

      Itís a difficult concept, at least for me at times, because itís foreign. I recall knowing friends of friends who had relationships with countless women (Muslim men) and when they finally get married, having to sit there, meet the wife, and pretend not to know of the personís past just a few months ago. Itís gross.

      But, what to do; where is the line drawn? Do we reveal sins? Does this site allow that conversation, even? I donít know what the answer is. This is a discussion forum, but what can be discussed?

      *This post is not related to anything Neelu wrote in particular. Just FYI.


      I feel the same

      Islam is merciful and teaches us to forgive people

      But it is also just.

      How can we call what you described and what we've been talking about on this thread just?

      It's more deception than being just. This isn't even an act of mercy.

      I feel like I am stuck in the middle and I ask the same question.

      Do we keep the sins of a sinner a secret (to protect them) or do we name and shame them so that they don't carry on and learn from their actions so to avoid ruining others lives.

      I don't know the right answer but I know that people don't change overnight.

      They might get worse because they're of the hook, so the cycle contiues. No one shuns them, it's the victims that are told to fix their spouse

      Appalling and illogic
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post


        It is very tragic, may Allah make it easier for her-Ameen

        I recently found out another 'case' of adultery. Gave me the chills and i just thought how can we protect ourselves and our iman. If it's common, what do we do.

        The sister who is the very unfortunate wife of this adulterer only found out after she gave birth to more than three kids of his.

        Worst part is that the other lady is Muslim in 'hijab'.
        ​​​​​​
        Meeting up in hotels, doing as they wish. No real shame, it's all fun and games. I saw the evidence, hotel bookings and intimate pictures.
        ​​​​​​

        The wife is from back home, she does not speak english, she is financially dependent on this 'husband'.
        She has no choice but to stay, it's the 'better' option for her as she doesn't have anyone.

        Angers me so much, there should an anti group for these types of sinners as they don't even care how sinful or damaging it is
        Thats just evil shes breaking a whole family apart

        This is what happens living without sharia people live however they want according to their desires with no deturrent

        and these idiots that show them selves naked on their phone
        how many people who control those apps or softwares or hack phones probably have seen those pictures
        Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 18-05-18, 12:26 AM.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

          I feel the same

          Islam is merciful and teaches us to forgive people

          But it is also just.

          How can we call what you described and what we've been talking about on this thread just?

          It's more deception than being just. This isn't even an act of mercy.

          I feel like I am stuck in the middle and I ask the same question.

          Do we keep the sins of a sinner a secret (to protect them) or do we name and shame them so that they don't carry on and learn from their actions so to avoid ruining others lives.

          I don't know the right answer but I know that people don't change overnight.

          They might get worse because they're of the hook, so the cycle contiues. No one shuns them, it's the victims that are told to fix their spouse

          Appalling and illogic
          As part of islam we cant name and shame
          if Allah has hidden their sin then u should keep it quiet
          If sharia was implemented if they commit a sin in public or confess them they would be punished

          but if not then they would be punished in the grave or jahannam.if they didnt repent and or if Allah didnt forgive them

          however if someone asks for a charachter reference such as ie for marriage u say they arent of good charachter in regards to this the prophet actually said a man was stingy and another was very hardh when it came to marriage reference
          Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 18-05-18, 12:53 AM.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            Thats just evil shes breaking a whole family apart

            This is what happens living without sharia people live however they want according to their desires with no deturrent

            and these idiots that show them selves naked on their phone
            how many people who control those apps or softwares or hack phones probably have seen those pictures

            I don't know if she knew he was married but it shows how accessible zina is, technology is like a weapon. We have to use it responsibly otherwise you damage your own dignity and the people around you.

            He is the main culprit

            I feel for the wife, she obviously loves him too which might sound abhorrent but at the end of the day she built a family but the thing destroyed it for her

            All you need is a phone to lure yourself into it

            It's very dangerous, I'd encourage Muslims who care about themselves to delete all apps.
            YouTube is weird too, you'll end up getting weird recommendations. I once accidentally misspelt something and errr...shock horror. Scary.

            And junk mail, I don't know how on Earth I get Russian brides- eeeeewwwww irritates me. Don't open them it's just scam and don't get lured by fake skanks

            I understand that there is a Hadith about women being a trial for men but if a man controlling himself is impossible then it would not make sense. It's just selfishness and fulfilling lustful desires which are temporary.

            May Allah protect us from all forms of fitnah and accept our intentions and actions. Ameen




            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

              As part of islam we cant name and shame
              if Allah has hidden their sin then u should keep it quiet
              If sharia was implemented if they commit a sin in public or confess them they would be punished

              but if not then they would be punished in the grave or jahannam.if they didnt repent and or if Allah didnt forgive them

              however if someone asks for a charachter reference such as ie for marriage u say they arent of good charachter in regards to this the prophet actually said a man was stingy and another was very hardh when it came to marriage reference
              It's hard for me to swallow

              Great news for the transgressors because as we can see on this thread, no one will confess

              It's the total opposite, they hide it which has consequences for the ones getting mugged off - the innocent party



              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #37
                That's interesting. Yeah, I don't know the answer to this question because should everyone be completely upfront about themselves and reveal themselves to all or keep themselves hidden somewhat...May Allah guide us to good and bless us all

                Comment


                • #38
                  No need to reveal all to everyone just to your spouse or potential spouse. If they then run to the world to tell everyone or your sins that much is on them. I can't imagine a sound relationship being forged based on deceit and lies.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    What about after the divorce when everyone asks you what happened with your marriage?

                    Do you just shrug your shoulders and say 'just didn't work out'?

                    Or even better, can't we just say what really happened (our honest story).

                    Because the former will make people curious and if the man is known as a 'good Muslim that will never even hurt a fly', then what could he have possibly done to you?

                    Does the women have to live with people being suspicious, people not coming with proposals because her marriage with her first husband didn't work out and he was from such a good family.

                    People won't be keen on this sister because there will be mistrust, they'll think may be she was a bad wife.

                    She's covering his sins and she has to deal with the consequences of his sins.

                    That's not just is it? Women are supposed to have guardians (husband, father, brother) but regarding divorced women they are hindered because of their former guardian failing in his duties and he doesn't even have to pay for that.

                    She has to deal with the consequences.

                    I know we have to trust in Allah, but this requires true taqwa and when your hopes have be en shattered you want some reassurance and answers from your religion.
                    ​​​​​​

                    The main thing I'm finding hard to grasp is the fact the one who was oppressed has to pretend and keep quiet for some one who ruined her life.





                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                      Thats just evil shes breaking a whole family apart

                      This is what happens living without sharia people live however they want according to their desires with no deturrent

                      and these idiots that show them selves naked on their phone
                      how many people who control those apps or softwares or hack phones probably have seen those pictures
                      ^
                      LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                      -------------------------------
                      "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                      NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        What about after the divorce when everyone asks you what happened with your marriage?

                        Do you just shrug your shoulders and say 'just didn't work out'?

                        Or even better, can't we just say what really happened (our honest story).

                        Because the former will make people curious and if the man is known as a 'good Muslim that will never even hurt a fly', then what could he have possibly done to you?

                        Does the women have to live with people being suspicious, people not coming with proposals because her marriage with her first husband didn't work out and he was from such a good family.

                        People won't be keen on this sister because there will be mistrust, they'll think may be she was a bad wife.

                        She's covering his sins and she has to deal with the consequences of his sins.

                        That's not just is it? Women are supposed to have guardians (husband, father, brother) but regarding divorced women they are hindered because of their former guardian failing in his duties and he doesn't even have to pay for that.

                        She has to deal with the consequences.

                        I know we have to trust in Allah, but this requires true taqwa and when your hopes have be en shattered you want some reassurance and answers from your religion.
                        ​​​​​​

                        The main thing I'm finding hard to grasp is the fact the one who was oppressed has to pretend and keep quiet for some one who ruined her life.




                        Solution is people need to have taqwa
                        if they do then they wouldnt lie about a person and let that person with issues marry someone

                        they would get the person to fix their issues and once thier changed then get married

                        but coz they lack taqwa they dont care they just think dont worry no one will find out lets get them married that will sort it all out

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post


                          I don't know if she knew he was married but it shows how accessible zina is, technology is like a weapon. We have to use it responsibly otherwise you damage your own dignity and the people around you.

                          He is the main culprit

                          I feel for the wife, she obviously loves him too which might sound abhorrent but at the end of the day she built a family but the thing destroyed it for her

                          All you need is a phone to lure yourself into it

                          It's very dangerous, I'd encourage Muslims who care about themselves to delete all apps.
                          YouTube is weird too, you'll end up getting weird recommendations. I once accidentally misspelt something and errr...shock horror. Scary.

                          And junk mail, I don't know how on Earth I get Russian brides- eeeeewwwww irritates me. Don't open them it's just scam and don't get lured by fake skanks

                          I understand that there is a Hadith about women being a trial for men but if a man controlling himself is impossible then it would not make sense. It's just selfishness and fulfilling lustful desires which are temporary.

                          May Allah protect us from all forms of fitnah and accept our intentions and actions. Ameen




                          It really is terrible. How truly horrible and destructive internet and media-related technology is for us all, especially those of us who want to live good, clean, decent moral lives..

                          The worst thing is we can't really do away with it altogether (without making life very inconvenient) because it's the way the world works now...

                          The thought of raising children in this age with all of the things there you'd want to protect them from...



                          ​​​​​
                          Last edited by Fakhri; 19-05-18, 12:51 AM.
                          LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                          -------------------------------
                          "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                          NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            If anyone has stats or reports about the number of divorcees or about the reasons for divorce, post it here

                            I am only interested in stats that are from Muslim couples not non Muslims



                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              What are the challenges of remarrying as a divorcee?

                              Also, do Muslims that have divorced find that they are paranoid about what they are looking for in a spouse the second time round?

                              Are there trust issues? How much has your previous marriage effected your mentality?

                              How do you overcome the fears and start thinking good of marriage?

                              And did you or are you changing your search criteria and method?
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                How much support did you get if any?

                                ​​​​​​
                                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X