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    #16
    Originally posted by Sultan786 View Post

    Ive seen it happen alot when someone follows islam in a ritualistic way. People have become really good at paying lip service to quran and sunnah. I certainly know of wife beaters who never missed salah.
    You have to follow both sides of islam
    the ibadah side and the adaab side
    social aspect of islam is highlighted alot
    people just dont implement it
    alot of it is the last generatioms fault as well they taught their kids salah quran girlfriend drugs alcahol haram that was it

    nothing else

    so they learnt nothing about life as a muslim
    Last edited by Abu julaybeeb; 17-05-18, 12:31 AM.

    Comment


      #17
      --
      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

      Comment


        #18
        Interesting post sister Neelu, thank you for sharing.

        Needless to say we live in times of great fitna and hypocrisy. I have no personal experience of divorce and I pray Inshallah I never do but I thought I should share the story of my aunt.

        She was married in the family, as is the norm, back in 2000 to her first cousins son. After they married he stayed with her at his parents house for around 4 months and then returned to Greece where he was working.
        Since then he has never returned.
        Slowly it came out that he should never have been married. My family is very conservative so no one spoke openly about what exactly the issue was but what I gathered was that he was a hermaphrodite ...or something of that nature. He was incapable of having a relationship with a woman. Worst yet his mother knew about it and hid it in the hope that marriage will 'fix' him.
        He was too spineless to say no to his mother and had agreed to the marriage. To be honest even until this day I do not despise him for it. He was actually a very nice guy and he would send what little money he had to my aunt but unfortunately he was just too spineless. Until this day he has never returned to Pakistan and I hear he has been living in pretty dreadful conditions, healthwise & financially. May Allah guide him and provide for him.

        Despite knowing all this she remained in his parents house for the next 14 years as a woman getting a divorce is equal to blasphemy in our family. She wasted away all her youthful years just serving his family in the full knowledge that she had no hope of marriage despite being married.
        Problems occurred and she moved in with her brother & sister in law where she finally started to push for a divorce and second marriage. It was a bitter pill to swallow for everyone but eventually she got the divorce and after many failed attempts finally got married again.

        Her second marriage she got married to an already married man as a second wife. He had no children with her, they had a daughter who had passed away in her early 20's. He came across as a very respectful 'religious' man - you know he talked the talk, had the sunnah beard etc. And he was actually recommended by a relative as they too believed he was a decent man.
        She was married to him for 6 months and then he divorced her.
        In the short while she stayed with him she found he was an alcoholic (he even made her serve alcohol to him on many occasions), gambler and even bought prostitutes around his house so they could dance for him. He was always intoxicated.
        He was abusive towards his first wife, they did not have a great relationship, although to be fair he was never abusive to my aunt. His family absolutely loved my aunt and despised his first wife as they saw her as an evil & wicked woman. My aunt never opened up about any of this as she knew it would bring 'great shame' and embarrassment for the family if everyone found out her second marriage had turned out as such. No one had shred the fact that she was a second wife as that was also a cause of great embarrassment. My aunt came back to her brothers after about 5 months.

        I do not know the full story but the first wife had a pir which she followed and she convinced him and her husband that he should divorce my aunt. The pir wrote down a clumsy divorce statement and the husband signed it. And that was that.
        Now she is in her 40's and if she was to even mention getting married again a 3rd time all hell would break loose. It is sad but Allah knows best, perhaps marriage is not in her Qadr. Despite how many attempts over the years it has always failed and 2 times she was married it also failed through no real fault of her own.

        As she is fairly uneducated and does not work she depends on us to send her money. Muslims can mock 'career women' all they like but atleast when they are left out to dry they can stand back on their feet swiftly. Unfortunately that is not the case for many many women.

        Comment


          #19
          Originally posted by neelu View Post
          Walaykum salam,

          I know several divorcees (including my siblings), especially people of my generation, whereas in my parents' generation, divorce was something quite rare and unusual, so we grew up assuming we'd follow in those footsteps and wouldn't have divorces in our family. Out of our circle of friends and relatives, each of them had different reasons for getting divorced and each bullet point represents a different person's story:

          - Our distant relative in West London: She got married when she was around 30ish to a guy who was very charming and said all the right things, but after marriage turned out to be two faced and quite abusive. They were both educated professionals with good jobs, but whilst his sister and mother were nice people, his dad was very controlling and he inherited that trait. She left him within 3 months of their wedding and never looked back. Before the divorce when they were separated, he used to phone her to plead with her to return to him and at the same time he was attending those "Muslim marriage introduction" events and telling women there that his marriage was over. It was her first (and only) marriage but his second marriage. Alhamdullilah she's a resilient person and due to her education, she was able to establish herself in a good job and live independently, but I think the emotional scars have been difficult in terms of learning to trust people and she often has her guard up cos' of her bad experiences. Years later, he married another woman and had a couple of kids but was very abusive to his new wife. He'd say things to his kids like "your mum is useless but don't worry, I'll get you a new mummy and she'll be better". His kids were very small at the time, probably less than 9 years old. So that wife left him and last we heard, she was living in a women's refuge with her kids.

          - Our local family friend: She was born and raised in Pakistan but her husband grew up here so we met her when he brought her to this country. He was raised in an abusive family and after marriage he became an abusive husband who'd hit his wife even when she was pregnant and used to hit his daughter who was still in primary school at the time and he'd say horrible disparaging things about them and tell his friends that his wife is no good in bed. She's a decent, religious and well educated woman whereas he was an arrogant pir worshipper (I mean in the literal sense, he said all sorts of weird shirk), so I often advised her to leave him because his beliefs would've invalidated their nikah anyway but she was too scared of him at first. Eventually the police put him in jail for some months so having some time away from his control and mind games gave her the courage to end the marriage. He did tell a fellow prisoner that he'd kill her and social services tried to force her to leave town, but her and the kids were dumped in a dirty women's refuge- also bear in mind that the youngest child was a baby with severe health problems so this environment was unsuitable on that basis alone (he died less than a year later). It was supposed to be a secret location to keep her away from her estranged husband but all the kids at the daughter's school knew where they were going anyway. Eventually her kids couldn't cope with that place and they decided to come back here, at which point social services and the police were furious, withdrew support and threatened to take the kids away from her. My dad helped her contact some sort of Asian human rights or domestic violence type organisation and played the race card, saying the police didn't take into account her cultural background, that she's established within a supportive community which is especially important when there's a sick child involved and the police backed off after that and alhamdullilah the ex husband didn't try to kill them after all. Her family (ie siblings, aunts, uncles etc) are in Pakistan but a lot of them are very unsupportive and some are quite backward and jahil so she's had to struggle through a lot of this alone and she has some health problems as well. Before her health problems, she worked part time at a school and she did some hair dressing work but now I think she's mainly living off benefits. She never remarried as she devoted her life to her children. Her children have grown up now: one completed her studies and works at a good job so she contributes to the household expenses and the other is studying at uni but they're quite irreligious.

          - Didi: It's a long story, but to cut it short, before marriage her husband gave her the impression that he was one type of person and after marriage she realised that he's very skilled at lip service, at shirking away from responsibilities so she had to be the breadwinner (which she didn't mind at first cos' she thought it would be temporary till he finishes his studies- it wasn't). 5 years after they got married, she said to him that maybe we should think about starting a family, especially as she was in her thirties and didn't want to wait too long but he was completely against the idea and wanted to spend his whole marriage enjoying uni and then travelling like some sort of hippy guru. He also claimed to be religious and prayed regularly but then he'd make excuses to discard any Islamic rule that wasn't to his liking and showed a number of traits of hypocrisy. Eventually in order to flee from any form of commitment to her, 5 years after they got married, he moved out saying he needed space and he never returned. As he was the one that left, she told him to give talaaq as she didn't want to give khula, so he did say talaaq to her but he never gave her mahr- again cos' he was irresponsible when it came to money (when he did earn money, he'd send it back home so didi had to be the breadwinner to make ends meet). Last we heard, he was living with a skanky German girlfriend and was sponging off her money- we have good reason to believe he was that way inclined during the marriage as well. It took years before didi mustered up the strength to finalise her legal divorce through the courts, I think because it was so draining and horrible to think about that she put it off for a long time. Once the divorce was finalised, she said she'd like to meet someone and would hope to marry and start a family, but the few rishtas she did meet were unsuitable. The annoying thing for us is that after my brother's divorce, my mum told all the relatives that her perfect son is now back on the market so pretty please find a nice girl for him, but in Didi's case, she went to a wedding about a year or two after the divorce and our elderly relatives thought she was still married and asked where her husband was. It was like mum was reluctant to tell people that much let alone the fact that it would be nice to keep a lookout for anyone potentially suitable. She had a good professional job so was able to afford a deposit on the place where she lives, but then she lost her job and since then most jobs she's done have not been permanent so that has made it much more difficult for her to manage financially. Since the separation she's also developed health problems although for now alhamdullilah they are manageable enough that she's still able to keep up with working and looking after her home and fluffy cat.

          - Brother: I think I've mentioned my brother's situation before. To cut a fairly long story short, he met a Bengali girl he liked at uni and they'd been seeing each other for some years. Even though he was born in Pakistan, he's still quite westernised and I don't think he could ever have accepted an arranged marriage. Although he didn't consider marrying her at first, I think eventually he just got used to her presence in his life and they got married in their mid 20s. He was clueless in that she was a bit forward and loud and he mistook that for confidence when actually that was her superficial expression of insecurity. He said her family are like ours because they're educated when in fact her family are not like ours; her mother felt intimidated by her father for a start and he'd prescribed tranquilisers for her. Her father did not treat her mother well so basically there were daddy issues and their circle of "friends" consisted of a cluster of very mean gossipy aunties which put my brother's wife off aunties altogether including my mum. No matter how much we tried to be welcoming and accepting of her, she took offence at Everything. We had no problem with them living independently and my brother and his wife lived in their own flat from day one. We never said they have to live with us after marriage and she never stayed a night at our place ever. My brother would pop round to see us roughly every week and she disliked the fact that he kept ties with us after getting married- it was like she wanted him all to herself. My brother said she's just sad cos' they don't have kids and once she has kids she'll be fine- it wasn't true and he was deluding himself. Once she had kids, she was even worse; on the one hand there were times she wouldn't let him hold his own children and even yanked the baby out of his arms and then afterwards she'd accuse him of being unsupportive and not helping out enough.... how could he do that if she wont let him touch them? She started physically attacking him as well and one time he had deep fingernail cut marks on his leg that lasted literally for months. Even with all this going on, they weren't happy together but he wanted to stay for the sake of the kids so the last 2-3years in particular were very tense and difficult, but she'd had enough and sent him the divorce papers. He was distraught but I believe she did him a favour. Since then she's placed obstacle after obstacle to prevent him from seeing the kids and even when the kids were 6 years old she was making up all sorts saying things like he took all her money and telling them that if they have a nice time at daddy's house it makes her cry so she instilled this determination in them to resent us and again, it doesn't matter how caring and welcoming we are towards the kids, that lie and those insecurities became a part of their identity too. As for the deen, spiritually there's a massive void- they have Muslim names, celebrate Eid and don't eat pork but other than that, I don't see any sign of Islam in the kids lives or my brother or his ex wife. I tried advising him about such matters in the past but got nowhere.

          I'd say physically and financially my brother was okay, cos he's had good jobs and he exercises regularly and eats healthy food so in that sense he looks after himself, but for years he was very hurt and for every weekend that she cancelled the kids' visits, he'd feel heartbroken. Some years after the divorce, he fell in love with a non Muslim girl, but he'd made his mind up that he doesn't want anymore kids (he says he can't go through that whole nappy changes and sleepless nights phase again) whereas she was young and single and wanted to have her own kids in future so eventually they broke up. After that my mum said to him I want a Pakistani daughter in law this time; we tried things your way with your first marriage, but I don't want to go through that again. Last year he got married to a Pakistani woman he'd met online. She has two children from her previous marriage. He spends about half of his week at her house in Birmingham and the rest of the week in my town, but we suspect that in future he'll eventually move to Birmingham.
          You have a loose mouth. If the .Stories never happened to you then you have no right to talk about other people's stories.

          Comment


            #20
            ^Keeping our mouths shut is precisely why you get situations in which innocent and decent young women are duped into marrying gay men/paedophiles/hermaphrodites/alcoholics/abusers cos' everyone thinks it's "shameful" to ever admit to what's going on and that culture of silence is what allows the abuse to continue. Besides, no names have been mentioned in my post so no one knows who these people are that I'm talking about.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


              #21
              Who got married to an haemaphrodite lol
              the odds of that is rare

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by Ahmed4u View Post

                You have a loose mouth. If the .Stories never happened to you then you have no right to talk about other people's stories.
                i feel very offended and she's talking about the people she knows

                The point of the thread is to share the very ugly problems taking place amongst Muslims

                Discussing or even warning about each other regarding the horrid things we have witnessed is being sincere with one another.

                Brushing it under the carpet and pretending we are a great bunch with nothing to improve on is utter deception and illusion.

                If there is nowhere to address these matters it will not only get worse but where do people get support?

                Turn to other means except religion?

                Very recently a sister on here was contemplating suicide because of what her husband has put her through, she has a child to look after. That is not an easy job.

                Should we become a nation of idiotic, irresponsible, filthy fathers and husbands?

                Deceiving someone to get married and to show people that you are a 'good' person only to destroy the poor innocent girls or boys life is very evil.

                It's dhulm

                If people shame these filth that has damaged our communities then the situation would have been different.
                But we silently accept it and these leeches get away with murder.


                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                  Who got married to an haemaphrodite lol
                  the odds of that is rare
                  It's not as rare as you think

                  I remember someone mentioning there's quite a few in Bangladesh and a similar incident took place with another couple I think
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post

                    i feel very offended and she's talking about the people she knows

                    The point of the thread is to share the very ugly problems taking place amongst Muslims

                    Discussing or even warning about each other regarding the horrid things we have witnessed is being sincere with one another.

                    Brushing it under the carpet and pretending we are a great bunch with nothing to improve on is utter deception and illusion.

                    If there is nowhere to address these matters it will not only get worse but where do people get support?

                    Turn to other means except religion?

                    Very recently a sister on here was contemplating suicide because of what her husband has put her through, she has a child to look after. That is not an easy job.

                    Should we become a nation of idiotic, irresponsible, filthy fathers and husbands?

                    Deceiving someone to get married and to show people that you are a 'good' person only to destroy the poor innocent girls or boys life is very evil.

                    It's dhulm

                    If people shame these filth that has damaged our communities then the situation would have been different.
                    But we silently accept it and these leeches get away with murder.

                    On the topic of life after divorce, Iíve post a number of times of my own experiences, and a number of times the threads have been locked or deleted. Now, the overall tone is that itís in bad taste or not beneficial. That is a matter of opinion, and I have no issues with it.

                    Now, moving on to your post. I guess what Iím trying to understand is where the line is drawn regarding outing people. I mean, if someone has engaged in bad behavior prior to marriage, arenít people covering this up because we canít reveal their sins? Even after marriage is over, does the same not apply?

                    Itís a difficult concept, at least for me at times, because itís foreign. I recall knowing friends of friends who had relationships with countless women (Muslim men) and when they finally get married, having to sit there, meet the wife, and pretend not to know of the personís past just a few months ago. Itís gross.

                    But, what to do; where is the line drawn? Do we reveal sins? Does this site allow that conversation, even? I donít know what the answer is. This is a discussion forum, but what can be discussed?

                    *This post is not related to anything Neelu wrote in particular. Just FYI.



                    Comment


                      #25
                      One of the earlier posts on this thread was about a woman who was tricked into marrying a hermaphrodite. I know of two other women (one in India and one in Pakistan) who had their engagements cancelled shortly before they were due to get married because it turned out they were due to marry hermaphrodites. It probably happens more often than we realise, it's just that families keep everything hush hush for fear of their reputations and the women are afraid of the stigma of divorce.

                      Many years ago, I knew an elderly aunty in Pakistan. When I grew up, I talked to my mum about her and asked how come she didn't have any kids and she said that the aunty's husband "wasn't a man". It took me a long time to realise that in Pakistan, this is an umbrella term which meant either he was gay, or impotent or a hermaphrodite but the implication was that there was no conjugal relationship. Many years later my mum admitted that the aunty's husband was a paedophile and when my mum was a child, her and her siblings were warned to stay away from him. As he was the son of a judge, no one had the courage to take any action against him and besides, this was decades ago when stuff like this is rarely acknowledged, let alone addressed.

                      Never mind previous generations, even if I speak of my generation, I know two Pakistani women living in the West who were married to gay men. One had an arranged marriage with her cousin and stayed with him till he died even though she knew he was gay but she forgave him. The other got divorced about one or two years after getting married when she found out he was gay and he only got married for the sake of keeping up appearances and keeping up a pretence in front of society. She's now happily married to someone else.

                      I used to be in touch with a brother who assisted one of those "shariah courts" up North, where women would go to get khula. He said problems with adultery and gay husbands was rife and they were in contact with loads of people going through such problems. He was quite shocked.

                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                      Who got married to an haemaphrodite lol
                      the odds of that is rare
                      Edit: in response to ^Sister 2009's post; I think there's a massive problem of people misquoting Islamic evidences as an excuse to cover up their filthy lifestyles. For example, it's assumed that a guy who is a "player" and slept with anything in a skirt throughout his college years, should marry the most pious virgin girl after he graduates because they assume "he repented" and that makes it okay to pass on herpes to her. There was a thread in the anon counselling section some years ago in which a woman posted that her husband tried to touch up an 8 year old neighbour and asked for our advice. We all said to call the police and break up with him, but she had kids and breaking up the family was unthinkable to her. She posted some days later, claiming her husband "repented" and the child's parents accepted his apology like that makes everything okay. I feel sorry for that poor child who will probably still be sent to that house while that predator is waiting for another opportunity to molest her. People throw around this "repentance" word to justify their hypocrisy, not to turn their lives around in any meaningful way.
                      Last edited by neelu; 17-05-18, 11:15 PM.
                      The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Originally posted by neelu View Post
                        One of the earlier posts on this thread was about a woman who was tricked into marrying a hermaphrodite. I know of two other women (one in India and one in Pakistan) who had their engagements cancelled shortly before they were due to get married because it turned out they were due to marry hermaphrodites. It probably happens more often than we realise, it's just that families keep everything hush hush for fear of their reputations and the women are afraid of the stigma of divorce.

                        Many years ago, I knew an elderly aunty in Pakistan. When I grew up, I talked to my mum about her and asked how come she didn't have any kids and she said that the aunty's husband "wasn't a man". It took me a long time to realise that in Pakistan, this is an umbrella term which meant either he was gay, or impotent but the implication was that there was no conjugal relationship. Many years later my mum admitted that the aunty's husband was a paedophile and when my mum was a child, her and her siblings were warned to stay away from him. As he was the son of a judge, no one had the courage to take any action against him and besides, this was decades ago when stuff like this is rarely acknowledged, let alone addressed.

                        Never mind previous generations, even if I speak of my generation, I know two Pakistani women living in the West who were married to gay men. One had an arranged marriage with her cousin and stayed with him till he died even though she knew he was gay but she forgave him. The other got divorced about one or two years after getting married when she found out he was gay and he only got married for the sake of keeping up appearances and keeping up a pretence in front of society. She's now happily married to someone else.

                        I used to be in touch with a brother who assisted one of those "shariah courts" up North, where women would go to get khula. He said problems with adultery and gay husbands was rife and they were in contact with loads of people going through such problems. He was quite shocked.


                        people that hide their issues for the sake of pleasing family but as a result oppress another person
                        will be accountable on the day of judgement

                        Comment


                          #27
                          The gay case must be common as i also heard of one

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                            Who got married to an haemaphrodite lol
                            the odds of that is rare
                            Its not funny brother.
                            My aunts marriage was a standard run of the mill marriage in my family where one marries their close relative. And the ones marrying have no say what so ever.
                            So this never came to light until after a year or so. Regardless she had to live at his house for nearly 15 years despite everyone fully understanding the truth ...they were okay with her remaining married to him on paper because the stigma of divorce for women is that severe in their eyes.

                            Common or rare I don't know but it is a ridiculous state of affairs.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Originally posted by MyUsernameIs... View Post

                              Its not funny brother.
                              My aunts marriage was a standard run of the mill marriage in my family where one marries their close relative. And the ones marrying have no say what so ever.
                              So this never came to light until after a year or so. Regardless she had to live at his house for nearly 15 years despite everyone fully understanding the truth ...they were okay with her remaining married to him on paper because the stigma of divorce for women is that severe in their eyes.

                              Common or rare I don't know but it is a ridiculous state of affairs.
                              your right
                              may Allah forgive me

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Originally posted by neelu View Post
                                One of the earlier posts on this thread was about a woman who was tricked into marrying a hermaphrodite. I know of two other women (one in India and one in Pakistan) who had their engagements cancelled shortly before they were due to get married because it turned out they were due to marry hermaphrodites. It probably happens more often than we realise, it's just that families keep everything hush hush for fear of their reputations and the women are afraid of the stigma of divorce.

                                Many years ago, I knew an elderly aunty in Pakistan. When I grew up, I talked to my mum about her and asked how come she didn't have any kids and she said that the aunty's husband "wasn't a man". It took me a long time to realise that in Pakistan, this is an umbrella term which meant either he was gay, or impotent or a hermaphrodite but the implication was that there was no conjugal relationship. Many years later my mum admitted that the aunty's husband was a paedophile and when my mum was a child, her and her siblings were warned to stay away from him. As he was the son of a judge, no one had the courage to take any action against him and besides, this was decades ago when stuff like this is rarely acknowledged, let alone addressed.

                                Never mind previous generations, even if I speak of my generation, I know two Pakistani women living in the West who were married to gay men. One had an arranged marriage with her cousin and stayed with him till he died even though she knew he was gay but she forgave him. The other got divorced about one or two years after getting married when she found out he was gay and he only got married for the sake of keeping up appearances and keeping up a pretence in front of society. She's now happily married to someone else.

                                I used to be in touch with a brother who assisted one of those "shariah courts" up North, where women would go to get khula. He said problems with adultery and gay husbands was rife and they were in contact with loads of people going through such problems. He was quite shocked.



                                Edit: in response to ^Sister 2009's post; I think there's a massive problem of people misquoting Islamic evidences as an excuse to cover up their filthy lifestyles. For example, it's assumed that a guy who is a "player" and slept with anything in a skirt throughout his college years, should marry the most pious virgin girl after he graduates because they assume "he repented" and that makes it okay to pass on herpes to her. There was a thread in the anon counselling section some years ago in which a woman posted that her husband tried to touch up an 8 year old neighbour and asked for our advice. We all said to call the police and break up with him, but she had kids and breaking up the family was unthinkable to her. She posted some days later, claiming her husband "repented" and the child's parents accepted his apology like that makes everything okay. I feel sorry for that poor child who will probably still be sent to that house while that predator is waiting for another opportunity to molest her. People throw around this "repentance" word to justify their hypocrisy, not to turn their lives around in any meaningful way.
                                Ah yes the player brothers. I've seen many an innocent woman's life utterly ruined under such guise. Certainly its the part of some cultures i despise the most. Covering someones sin when they are not repentant. What is this? Allah knows we all make some mistakes but expecting your son to become a saint after he spent his entire adolescence in fornication and haram is expecting a miracle.

                                It can most definitely happen though. People can be guided to the right path but it is rare and highly selfish such experimentation to potentially ruin the life of another. And it is surely the fault of the so called pious too that the prospects of marriage after divorce are poor for a woman. Perhaps in my lifetime at some point these issues won't simply be brushed under the carpet.

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