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Trying to save my marriage - in law trouble, please help.

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  • Trying to save my marriage - in law trouble, please help.

    Salaam alaikum,

    I want to start this post by saying I have no trouble directly from my mother-in-law. My husband however creates issues between her and I. We stayed abroad in my in-laws house for 2 months right after we got marred. As uncomfortable as it could be at times in terms of lack of privacy as newlyweds. I also wasn't able to cook, clean, or carry out my day to day duties because there was always someone over minding me and it was kind of frustrating. If I had planned a nice meal for the entire family, to show my appreciate for what they have done for us and to show them I could make a proper meal too, someone would decide to cook something else. Even if I had been planning on the meal and preparing for a few days.. My husband told me just to be flexible because it was their house and I wasn't used to their customs or cultures. So I did.

    But I raised this issue with my husband when we returned to the states. I told him that I would like to be queen of the house and not under his mother. I would like to be in charge of maintaining the home, our children, meals, chores..etc. I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home. I told him that I understand even though it is not my obligation to clean and cook, I would love to do these things for my family. He said that the house will not belong to me and that this will not happen. That I have to share everything, and he means everything, with his mother and if I don't like this that I can be divorced. I even reminded him that his mother built two houses for herself in their own country. She has her house. I would like to feel wherever we live is my house. Am I wrong?

    It's from my understanding that it is my Islamic right to have a space provided for me if requested and he is able to do so. If I am not mistaken I also have heard that it's wrong for the mother in law to meddle in our relationship and with our children? Correct me if i am wrong.

    Again, This isn't even from my mother in law. This is my husband. I love her but he doesn't set boundaries and allows his family to walk over me and not let me do what I need to do. He even allowed her to walk in to our bedroom while I was sleeping. He even let her take our one and only wedding gift from our wedding. He also took his mother to look at homes instead of me. If we are buying something for our home he wouldn't even ask me my opinion on something he would just go straight to his mother.

    I told him that I would love for both of our families to feel welcomed and at home. I love for family to be around. But I want to be responsible for the house and children. I don't want to feel as though she is my master .

    Can anyone please share with me authentic hadiths, fatwas,...anything at all to show him evidence of his wrong doings. I know I am far from perfect and I am trying to be patient. But it's come down to evidence and defending my rights so that I am not oppressed my whole life.
    Last edited by ummyaseen2017; 05-03-18, 07:49 PM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by ummyaseen2017 View Post
    ...Can anyone please share with me authentic hadiths, fatwas,...anything at all to show him evidence of his wrong doings. I know I am far from perfect and I am trying to be patient. But it's come down to evidence and defending my rights so that I am not oppressed my whole life.
    You can Google your own fatwas.

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