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Is sending a "semi" love letter to your fiance weird?

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  • Is sending a "semi" love letter to your fiance weird?

    I will be getting married In Shaa Allah soon, but I was wondering if it's weird to send a letter to your fiance, who you've known for only a few months.

    It's not a sappy love letter or anything, OK.. it has a little bit of that in the beginning, but mainly promises, reassurance, and hope for the future.


    In any case, I feel really embarrassed, and hoping it doesn't come off as being weird....

    Any thoughts on this from anyone?

    Jzk.
    Last edited by Azraael; 27-02-18, 04:15 AM.

  • #2
    No issues though, in my opinion.
    Or you can wait till after you are married to convey whatever messsage that you are trying to send.

    I don't think its weird. Its commendable and shows you are serious about the marriage. I know it doesnt mean that if you don't send letters, but still, putting that extra effort is great.

    On another though, It can backfire, depending on the contents that you are writing, I think. So make sure its vetted or something, or reviewed by a trusted party.
    If you are not confident, I guess don't send it? Because we at times may have no idea how a person can well-receive that letter.

    Congrats akhi, by the way.
    May Allah bless your marriage.
    Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Azraael
      I will be getting married In Shaa Allah soon, but I was wondering if it's weird to send a letter to your fiance, who you've known for only a few months.

      It's not a sappy love letter or anything, OK.. it has a little bit of that in the beginning, but mainly promises, reassurance, and hope for the future.


      In any case, I feel really embarrassed, and hoping it doesn't come off as being weird....

      Any thoughts on this from anyone?

      Jzk.
      I wouldn't do anything of the sort before the nikah.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by MuslimThinker View Post
        No issues though, in my opinion.
        Or you can wait till after you are married to convey whatever messsage that you are trying to send.

        I don't think its weird. Its commendable and shows you are serious about the marriage. I know it doesnt mean that if you don't send letters, but still, putting that extra effort is great.

        On another though, It can backfire, depending on the contents that you are writing, I think. So make sure its vetted or something, or reviewed by a trusted party.
        If you are not confident, I guess don't send it? Because we at times may have no idea how a person can well-receive that letter.

        Congrats akhi, by the way.
        May Allah bless your marriage.
        Jzk for the reply.
        So obviously I kept it focused like i said on reassurance and also that Islam should play an integral role in our relationship as well as the remembrance of Allah (swt).

        As far as contents I did sort of compliment her on two things.

        in any case...it's too late now...

        I feel so cringy...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post

          I wouldn't do anything of the sort before the nikah.
          Too late now bro. It's out of my hands....literally.

          now in going to go lay in the corner...

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          • #6
            Nah...don't do anything cheesy of that sort.

            It's better to wait till marriage like a honourable Muslim man and then prove your love and commitment towards her through both words and actions.

            Empty promises before marriage are mostly made by players. The fact that you're getting married to each other legally is in itself a signal that you take this relationship seriously and intend to spend your entire life with her through good times and bad times, health and sickness, happiness and sadness etc etc.

            Behave in a noble and upright manner, befitting of a righteous Muslim.

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            • #7
              I think its really sweet. Getting handwritten letters reminds me of the good old days. As long as there isn't anything haram in it and you aren't being unrealistic in your promises then it would be lovely. But I do agree with muslimthinker, that someone should read it first.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                Nah...don't do anything cheesy of that sort.

                It's better to wait till marriage like a honourable Muslim man and then prove your love and commitment towards her through both words and actions.

                Empty promises before marriage are mostly made by players. The fact that you're getting married to each other legally is in itself a signal that you take this relationship seriously and intend to spend your entire life with her through good times and bad times, health and sickness, happiness and sadness etc etc.

                Behave in a noble and upright manner, befitting of a righteous Muslim.
                Oh man that's pretty harsh.
                What you're saying is true but I just wanted to show it to her in writing.
                My intention was to express longing, commitment, acceptance, and hope.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                  I will be getting married In Shaa Allah soon, but I was wondering if it's weird to send a letter to your fiance, who you've known for only a few months.

                  It's not a sappy love letter or anything, OK.. it has a little bit of that in the beginning, but mainly promises, reassurance, and hope for the future.


                  In any case, I feel really embarrassed, and hoping it doesn't come off as being weird....

                  Any thoughts on this from anyone?

                  Jzk.
                  It isn't something I would personally do, and I'm not sure how I'd feel if I received it. At the same time, I don't think it's a big deal. You're excited and want to talk about it :shrugs: Since you've already sent it, you might want to ask for this thread to be closed since opinions now might make you feel bad or question yourself. Now that it's sent, just don't follow it up or backtrack due to feeling goofy or anything.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You know I was talking with a buddy of mine regarding something which i'd like to share , because it truly is valuable insight.

                    Men desire being all 'lovey' just like women do. Women also desire 'intimacy' just like men do - but both differ as to the degree of that.

                    What a lot of men are deceived by, is that, just like men lose respect for women who are 'too easy' - women too, lose respect for men who are too lovey and cute with them; and this is despite their claim to desire seeing that in men.

                    Not to shun being romantic , for indeed , it is Sunnah. But sometimes 'less is more'.

                    And Allah knows best.

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                    • #11
                      I don't know, but it is not from the sunnah so best stay away.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                        You know I was talking with a buddy of mine regarding something which i'd like to share , because it truly is valuable insight.

                        Men desire being all 'lovey' just like women do. Women also desire 'intimacy' just like men do - but both differ as to the degree of that.

                        What a lot of men are deceived by, is that, just like men lose respect for women who are 'too easy' - women too, lose respect for men who are too lovey and cute with them; and this is despite their claim to desire seeing that in men.

                        Not to shun being romantic , for indeed , it is Sunnah. But sometimes 'less is more'.

                        And Allah knows best.
                        That's very interesting.
                        I do believe there is definitely some truth to that.

                        the difficult part is finding that thin line...between cringy and actually a good piece of writing.

                        so what's the solution? I think if most men read that they will go to the other end of the spectrum and become distant and more reserved and that's how I feel right now to be honest.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Azraael View Post

                          That's very interesting.
                          I do believe there is definitely some truth to that.

                          the difficult part is finding that thin line...between cringy and actually a good piece of writing.

                          so what's the solution? I think if most men read that they will go to the other end of the spectrum and become distant and more reserved and that's how I feel right now to be honest.
                          Well, what me and my buddy concluded, is that, just like they don't throw themselves at men whom they find attractive - for they know that the guy will be disinterested in her, if he doesn't have to work hard for it; we too, should not throw ourselves at them - by showering them with unlimited romance and 'cute' behaviour - despite some desire within us to do that. Make her work for it - or just give it in limited doses, to keep her interested.

                          Allah knows best
                          Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 27-02-18, 08:28 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by ahmedyounes View Post
                            I don't know, but it is not from the sunnah so best stay away.
                            Theres nothing in the sunnah that says u cant do that

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post

                              Well, what me and my buddy concluded, is that, just like they don't throw themselves at men whom they find attractive - for they know that the guy will be disinterested in her, if he doesn't have to work hard for it; we too, should not throw ourselves at them - by showering them with unlimited romance and 'cute' behaviour - despite some desire within us to do that; make her work for it - or just give it in limited doses, to keep her interested.

                              Allah knows best
                              That makes complete sense.
                              I guess it's also knowing your receptient and context.

                              I would admit though it's a risky move and it takes courage. But you have to be balanced in the writing.

                              we'll see what happens in my case.

                              I just wanted to get an opinion from fellow Muslims because our marriage process is unique to us and we don't do dating or anything.

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