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How long is a piece of string?

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  • How long is a piece of string?


    I think too many threads on here are about sweeping generalisations that are often quite pointless. Take for example the "how much knowledge a potential should have" thread. It is like asking how long is a piece of string. Some people have only a little knowledge and some people have lots of knowledge and that in itself doesn't necessarily render anyone as unsuitable for marriage because if they find someone with a similar mindset and similar goals in life, then that could mean they're compatible with individuals who'd rather have that in a spouse. Of course I'm not referring to the issue of people who have such little knowledge that they make excuses for haram or that sort of thing- that's a different topic. Also, whilst the general rule is that the more Islamic knowledge a person has, the better, we can't overlook the fact that there are a lot of non practising Muslims in our community and Islamic knowledge is very low on their priority list, so in their specific case, if they have no interest in practising or bettering themselves, then you can't apply that rule and say we'll find someone knowledgeable for you.

    Then there's the "ideal age to marry" thread. Islamically, it's recommended to marry young- we all know this, it's not exactly a secret and on top of that, we also know that for various reasons, it's commonplace for people to still get married at an older age in spite of that. Some do that because they want to devote years towards studies or a career, some don't marry young cos' they didn't find anyone suitable until years later.

    There is no simplistic input-output model when it comes to such things.
    The Lyme Disease pandemic:

  • #2
    Wa alaykum assalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatahu,

    ILM without AMAL is fruitless and will be against you. One can only judge a person based on their actions, not based on the knowledge they have acquired.
    Secondly, it is better for a potential spouse to be on the path of seeking knowledge because the path is a means to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. There is no end to knowledge it is vaster than the ocean.
    Thirdly, pick the better of two options. If you have desire a spouse and do not have another option. That's different. But if you are unsure between two potentials, than inquire about the one whose actions are closer to the Prophet pbuh.
    Fourthly, the one you're interested in should be one who practices the basics, hence he or she has knowledge of the basics obligations.

    The length of the string is in accordance with the observer. If you can scope a range, than you know what you're looking for. Some people can ask the question "how much knowledge should the other potential have" and thus may highlight that they themselves do not know what is necessary. Someone who asks this question should be asking, what is the knowledge that I need to have, because you base what you want for others based on what you want for yourself.

    If you do not know what is good for you, then how will you judge what you want for others?


    • #3
      Thanks so much for this post sister Neelu xxx Every rizq is decreed by Allah and if we keep praying for a good spouse and being good in ourselves, Allah will help us.

      Sometimes I feel that there is no reason to feel sad because Allah decreed everything in my destiny. We can't hide or run from what Allah decreed for us, so its much healthier to accept what comes our way, but also think productively.
      Abu Malik at-Ash'ari reported:

      The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith

      and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah)

      and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light,

      and charity is proof (of one's faith)

      and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur'an is a proof on your behalf or against you.

      All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.

      حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ - أَوْ تَمْلأُ - مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏"‏ ‏.‏

      Reference : Sahih Muslim 223
      In-book reference : Book 2, Hadith 1
      USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 2, Hadith 432
      (deprecated numbering scheme)

      أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

      Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].

      Please take a look at my blog :


      • #4
        Very true, lol would reduce marriage threads 10x, which would be healthy for UF