Quality time with the husband

[P1RAT3N]

The less a person talks the better it is for their iman, there is wisdom in silence, the more you talk, the harder it is to guard your tongue, I am simply advising the sister towards that which is beneficial for her as well as her marriage since she identified herself as an extrovert.

It's pointless trying to advise someone that is not present especially through someone that holds a negative view of them, all you do is reinforce their belief's while giving them a free pass which doesn't help anyone.

Talking a lot when the other person is no longer engaged or talking for the sake of talking are both spiritual diseases and signs of narcissistic tendencies something very common by those that ascribe to being extroverts.

if you unable to calibrate when to shut up and when to speak you will talk yourself into a heap of troubles as well as frustrations.

There is only one of two reasons why the husband finds solace in his phone, such a sudden behavioural change is not normal, he is either no longer attracted to her (unlikely this early on) or he is disillusioned by her extroversion (most likely)

If we were to question him in private, he would likely point that out, but of course he will never verbalise this with her to protect her ego, hence it's our job to tell her the truth and not further massage her ego.

You know full well the story of Ibrahim when he told the wife of Ismael that complained to him after he asked her about their condition to pass on the message to Ismael to "change his doorstep", now that women was complaining about poverty/hardship and not her husband like the OP is.

What you find in almost the majority of cases were you have a partner that complains incessantly while the other doesn't and as I have seen through many experiences, the incessant complainer is the devil in that household, because naturally such a person has the reprehensible characteristics of ungrateful and impatience.

Bruv I think you don't really know what being introvert and extrovert is all based on. I suggest you go and read about it, then come back and comment again.

[zi-zizou]

No one is telling the husband to switch off ,what everyone is saying is for her to be a bit understanding and flexible and change her rigid attitude.

Not everyone, I'm not saying that. I think it's reasonable to give 25% of your time to your wife. I think that's what OP is saying.

[zi-zizou]

Zizou just painted a perfect husband picture , I am sorry thats not how it works.
practicality and application are determined by emotions ,situations and stress levels.

no need to put him in some pedestal

As a married man I don't think it's unreasonable to spend time with your wife. Perhaps I'm just weird like that.

[zi-zizou]

why the sarcastic tone? you may have an easy and stress free job it doesn't mean every else does ... not everyone what a to bombarded as soon as they walk through the door.. actually the majority don't.... and do not refer to my husband as a poor dear again I find the tone and manner disrespectful

Let's not muddy the waters...no one is talking about bombarding anyone.

I was responding to your comment where you said "To be fair the last thing a man wants to do is start conversing when he gets home...". You did not mention your husband and I certainly was not referring to your husband.

As a man I'm quite capable of conversing when I get home. It's really not that hard. I mean if I can manage to exercise my mouth when I'm eating the food my wife prepared for me I'm also more than capable of opening my mouth and letting some words come out. Obviously, not at the same time as chewing my food, but I hope you get the idea.

[zi-zizou]

What is shocking is that you are giving advice on this thread, yet you have never been married, nor do you work full time. You have no concept of the topic at all.

Seriously?

[zi-zizou]

So if he is working in 45c your advice is different is it.
What happened to your no matter what theory.

See this is why marriage is practical and situations are different .Men cant just come home and be what the wife wants you to be ,there are lot of things involved in the process of relaxing and communication etc.

I don't think you read what I said clearly enough...

"It should not be beyond the capability of any man in the main to sit and chat with his wife every day. Sure some days things are difficult and you may just not have the time at all but those days should not be the norm, even in those situations you could find some time."

[Sister_2009]

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously.

[zi-zizou]

Yeah, seriously.

You are old enough to have left the playground long time ago. The "my dad is bigger than your dad" comment does not help anyone.

[Sister_2009]

You are old enough to have left the playground long time ago. The "my dad is bigger than your dad" comment does not help anyone.

[zi-zizou]

Thanks!

[AmantuBillahi]

the tides have changed

Or is it just a mirage ..

[P1RAT3N]

Can you all just stop and respect each other? You can argue without being negative. I imagine the TS being confused now. This became a world war, but in a forum.

[Hannahk92]

Let's not muddy the waters...no one is talking about bombarding anyone.

I was responding to your comment where you said "To be fair the last thing a man wants to do is start conversing when he gets home...". You did not mention your husband and I certainly was not referring to your husband.

As a man I'm quite capable of conversing when I get home. It's really not that hard. I mean if I can manage to exercise my mouth when I'm eating the food my wife prepared for me I'm also more than capable of opening my mouth and letting some words come out. Obviously, not at the same time as chewing my food, but I hope you get the idea.

brother I apologise I did jump the gun there

by no means do I mean the husband should not spend time with his wife.. of course he should .. everyone needs companionship .. I was talking from my experience, of course everyone is different

[zi-zizou]

brother I apologise I did jump the gun there

by no means do I mean the husband should not spend time with his wife.. of course he should .. everyone needs companionship .. I was talking from my experience, of course everyone is different

No apology necessary.

I've read the whole thread. I don't see what the OP is doing wrong. For two of the three months of the marriage he's spending something like 90% of his time doing his own thing when he's home. Maybe this is over exaggerated but I don't think it's unreasonable for a wife to expect a fairer distribution of his time. After all she will be giving the same to him, it won't be one way.

If you say he comes home at 5.30pm, takes 30 mins to freshen up and change into his slippers and onesie and say goes to bed at 11pm. He has 5 hrs to do as he pleases. Is it really outrageous for his wife to want 45-60 mins with him?? Roughly 20% of his time on an average day? I'm confused as to why the onus is on her to compromise further and not be so rigid. She's already willing for the split to be 80/20.

[shay5]

OP - if you say to your husband ' omg you're always on your phone ', he will think you're nagging. What you need to do is clearly explain to him that you two need to connect. Then find solutions; why not ensure that you go out once during the week, you could go for a walk, drive, eat or bowling etc. This way you're either talking or at least doing something together. What is he doing on his phone?

We did get to know each other before marriage for about 6 months Also, the conversation is so dry, he does not make many comments generally whatever I talk about.

Please advice

If you got to know 6 months before marriage then why didnt you notice the dry conversation then? <Most women dont get a chance to get to know their husbands before marriage like you did, and yet you couldnt even figure out you were not compatible?

Unless he has changed ?