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  • #61
    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

    No one's talking about a nagging wife, let's not confuse matters. When you are at work you have responsibilities and you get on with it because you have too. Do you say sorry I'm an introvert I need to chill? no you get on with your job. When you get home you also have responsibilities you don't always get to switch off on your own terms, you still have responsibilities, they don't disappear when you get home.
    No one is telling the husband to switch off ,what everyone is saying is for her to be a bit understanding and flexible and change her rigid attitude.
    ​​
    Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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    • #62
      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
      Zi-zizou is the only person here that makes sense. The rest of you are just shocking lol, what on earth seriously,
      Zizou just painted a perfect husband picture , I am sorry thats not how it works.
      practicality and application are determined by emotions ,situations and stress levels.

      no need to put him in some pedestal
      Last edited by muzzybee; 24-01-18, 09:20 AM.
      Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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      • #63
        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

        What's the poor dear been doing all day...digging for gold with a pickaxe in 45C temperatures?
        why the sarcastic tone? you may have an easy and stress free job it doesn't mean every else does ... not everyone what a to bombarded as soon as they walk through the door.. actually the majority don't.... and do not refer to my husband as a poor dear again I find the tone and manner disrespectful
        Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs

        ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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        • #64
          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

          No one is telling the husband to switch off ,what everyone is saying is for her to be a bit understanding and flexible and change her rigid attitude.
          ​​
          precisely
          Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs

          ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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          • #65
            Btw I didn't say she should leave just because he refuses to do A,B and C things that she arranged. I said she should leave if he refuses to put effort into the marriage and treat her like she wants to be treated.

            As for the whole "well you're all on your phones too" argument, firstly, a lot of us are not married, we didn't a sign a contract to live side by side with someone and give them all their rights. yes we are on our phones. So? Nobody said he shouldn't go on his phone at all. And it doesn't take 10 hours out the day to make 2 or 3 posts a day. But some of us have the decency not to be on our phones when we are spending time with family/friends and when they need our attention. It's basic manners. Can you imagine a wife doing this? Her husband wants her attention, her kids want her attention, but she's on her phone instead from the moment they are both home or from the moment he is home because she's been working all day and it's her 'free time'.
            ​​​​​​
            your spouse/kids, needs come before 'free time'. When everyone in your home is happy and all their needs are met, then you can chill. If you give 100% like this, you deserve to get 100% back, otherwise what's the point staying in a miserable marriage for years. I find it crazy that out of 24 hours a husband and wife don't speak for even an hour while living together.
            شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
            فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
            وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
            ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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            • #66
              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
              Zi-zizou is the only person here that makes sense. The rest of you are just shocking lol, what on earth seriously,
              zi-zou is looking at it as though we live in a perfect world .. unfortunately we don't
              however I definitely agree that the husband need to give some time to his wife .. she has rights upon him ... just don't bombard him as soon as he walks through the door
              Last edited by Hannahk92; 24-01-18, 09:30 AM.
              Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs

              ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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              • #67
                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                What's the poor dear been doing all day...digging for gold with a pickaxe in 45C temperatures?
                So if he is working in 45c your advice is different is it.
                What happened to your no matter what theory.

                ​​See this is why marriage is practical and situations are different .Men cant just come home and be what the wife wants you to be ,there are lot of things involved in the process of relaxing and communication etc.
                Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                  No one's talking about a nagging wife, let's not confuse matters. When you are at work you have responsibilities and you get on with it because you have too. Do you say sorry I'm an introvert I need to chill? no you get on with your job. When you get home you also have responsibilities you don't always get to switch off on your own terms, you still have responsibilities, they don't disappear when you get home.
                  It was just sn example, I am not saying she is a nagging wife. Nor do I support the husbands actions too. Simply put, I do not know anything about the TS and her private life. I can't determine where the problem is. We heard the story from one side, not the other. Why is he on his phone? She only said "he sits with his phone when coming back". She never told us why or what he's doing. Is it really because he is addicted? Is it because he is tired of her? Is it a way for him to kick back and relax? We don't know anything.

                  My reply was just an answer to a possible incident that can occour.

                  The thing I want to say is that extroverts and introverts can have a hard time together. But if it still happens and they end up in the same house then they gotta work together. He should not completely ignore her and she should not keep asking once every second. There should be a balance and people need to know how to approach different people.

                  Trying to relate, I would propably act like him the first year or two. Not using the phone, but just straight up trying to stay isolated. It's not because I hate him, it's not because I want to piss him off. It's just because I don't feel I know him enough. And this couple haven't been married for to long, so the last thing I wanna advice her to do is to divorce. It's not the best thing to do for both parts.

                  I suggested the TS to make him do the major briggs test. And she should propably do it too because I believe all people can't get along fine.
                  ​​​​​
                  ​​​​​​

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

                    Zizou just painted a perfect husband picture , I am sorry thats not how it works.
                    practicality and application are determined by emotions ,situations and stress levels.

                    no need to put him in some pedestal
                    Someone who follows the sunnah and spends a few moments after work asking how his wife is, is now looking for perfection? That's not how it works?
                    This is what we're dealing with in 2018, may Allah help us.


                    He deserved the pedestal this time though...
                    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

                      Someone who follows the sunnah and spends a few moments after work asking how his wife is, is now looking for perfection? That's not how it works?
                      This is what we're dealing with in 2018, may Allah help us.


                      He deserved the pedestal this time though...
                      Strange how you say few moments now, what happened to your she making him agree to the one hour theory ,oh wait teach him.

                      Again no one is denying him spending some time with her of course he must but not to time tables and deadlines ,be pracitcal be understanding ,be welcoming.
                      Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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                      • #71
                        OP - three months is not long at all. You can't call it quits or start contemplating divorce at the first sign of trouble.

                        He's your husband. Does he fulfill all your other basic rights? How is his character? Is he honest/hardworking/God-fearing?

                        If his ONLY flaw is that he watches vids on YT, then just be patient with him, In Shaa Allaah. Hopefully this phase will pass.

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                        • #72
                          Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                          Nice to see a brother being stern against a brother - while the sister cuts him some slack. It's usually not like that. MashaaAllah
                          the tides have changed
                          Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

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                          • #73
                            Okay, for everyone that is highlighting that I need 1 hour quality time daily. I do not demand that he spends a hour with me, any quality time would be good, even 30 mins a day or even 20 mins. To all those writing, discuss this spending time with him, I have mentioned it to him many times but it has been a few weeks, I have stopped now. No point repeating myself.

                            I think some people just prefer to spend more time on their phones than having human interaction.

                            I agree these conversations should occur spontaneously and naturally and I shouldn't have to request his time. I have a ladies gym membership and even if I did join the gym he goes too, he does weights and uses different equipment that I don't use so we would be in different sections of the gym.

                            For any relationship, for the bond to be strong, communication is key.

                            I have a question to ask everyone:

                            Are you female or male? Would you want to be in a romantic relationship where you are not given time and attention?
                            Last edited by s_muslimah; 24-01-18, 02:15 PM.

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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

                              Because of her personality she's somehow lacking in modesty and imaan? give me a break. Allah created people with different personalities and different nature to one another.
                              Maybe you're the one that is insecure.
                              You're talking like you just came out of the cave man era. Total ignorance.
                              The less a person talks the better it is for their iman, there is wisdom in silence, the more you talk, the harder it is to guard your tongue, I am simply advising the sister towards that which is beneficial for her as well as her marriage since she identified herself as an extrovert.

                              It's pointless trying to advise someone that is not present especially through someone that holds a negative view of them, all you do is reinforce their belief's while giving them a free pass which doesn't help anyone.

                              Talking a lot when the other person is no longer engaged or talking for the sake of talking are both spiritual diseases and signs of narcissistic tendencies something very common by those that ascribe to being extroverts.

                              if you unable to calibrate when to shut up and when to speak you will talk yourself into a heap of troubles as well as frustrations.

                              There is only one of two reasons why the husband finds solace in his phone, such a sudden behavioural change is not normal, he is either no longer attracted to her (unlikely this early on) or he is disillusioned by her extroversion (most likely)

                              If we were to question him in private, he would likely point that out, but of course he will never verbalise this with her to protect her ego, hence it's our job to tell her the truth and not further massage her ego.

                              You know full well the story of Ibrahim when he told the wife of Ismael that complained to him after he asked her about their condition to pass on the message to Ismael to "change his doorstep", now that women was complaining about poverty/hardship and not her husband like the OP is.

                              What you find in almost the majority of cases were you have a partner that complains incessantly while the other doesn't and as I have seen through many experiences, the incessant complainer is the devil in that household, because naturally such a person has the reprehensible characteristics of ungrateful and impatience.
                              Last edited by Dawud21; 24-01-18, 02:46 PM.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                                Zi-zizou is the only person here that makes sense. The rest of you are just shocking lol, what on earth seriously,
                                What is shocking is that you are giving advice on this thread, yet you have never been married, nor do you work full time. You have no concept of the topic at all.

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