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  • #46
    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
    Nice to see a brother being stern against a brother - while the sister cuts him some slack. It's usually not like that. MashaaAllah

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    • #47
      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

      He's fulfilling the rights of his Android/IOS device more so than his wife. The one hour is arbitrary, it's the sentiment behind the comment which is important.

      Stay or leave that will work itself out. If you are in a relationship that is lacking then your choices are limited to doing your bit to fix it and living with the outcome or moving on. The only question is what timeframe you choose to work too.
      Last edited by Sister_2009; 23-01-18, 11:50 PM. Reason: Spelling

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      • #48
        Your first need to examine your own behaviour here, because most extroverts have the tendency to yap you to death especially if your the type that loves lecturing people and have an opinion on everything, hence instead of confronting you about this and bruise your ego, he has decided to seek solace through his phone,

        Let me tell you the blunt truth that many people on here will never tell you, there is nothing more despicable or off putting to a man then an extrovert women, modesty and shyness is not only the greatest of feminine traits that captivate men but they are also part of your iman, it's the very first characteristic any decent male looks at when it comes to selecting a women.

        However most male's that lack confidence who also tend to carry a variety of insecurities would have no problem with extrovert women during courtship because that's the only choices they have, but once married, most of that vanishes and reality kicks in, learn to read these signs.

        I was with you all the way until you declared yourself to be an 'extrovert', change this nasty habit, I had the same issues growing up, you should be talking less then him not more, the loudest one in the room is the weakest and the most insecure, find things to do, hit female fitness classes in your neighbourhood, work on that burgeoning ego and crazed expectations before it begins to destroy you (through remembrance of Allah & studying the deen)

        You will quickly find that everything around you will begin to change for the better if you embark on this.





        Comment


        • #49

          Well , what kind of strikes me more than anything , is that , would you not like to kick it with your wife anyways? I mean , it's not like they've been married for years , and now , things are kind of played out. They don't even have kids.

          Although I am speaking in generalities. We don't have the specific details to speak on situations such as these , with practical certainty. For all we know , this sister could be expecting her husband to arrive home from work , and then force him to give her a hour of uninterrupted conversation on a daily basis. That is not only not normal , but that could be a form of oppression. But that doesn't mean you can't do other things like ; go out , cook together , religious activities , etc. A newly wed should want to do these things regardless of their 'personality type'. There is a difference between being an introvert and being a dork ( no offense intended ).
          Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 24-01-18, 01:19 AM.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post


            Well , what kind of strikes me more than anything , is that , would you not like to kick it with your wife anyways? I mean , it's not like they've been married for years , and now , things are kind of played out. They don't even have kids.

            Although I am speaking in generalities. We don't have the specific details to speak on situations such as these , with practical certainty. For all we know , this sister could be expecting her husband to arrive home from work , and then force him to give her a hour of uninterrupted conversation on a daily basis. That is not only not normal , but that could be a form of oppression. But that doesn't mean you can't do other things like ; go out , cook together , religious activities , etc. A newly wed should want to do these things regardless of their 'personality type'. There is a difference between being an introvert and being a dork ( no offense intended ).

            Comment


            • #51
              Well said

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                I've not read the majority of the posts but on the plus side I have read the last one. It makes no difference how tired or how over worked a husband is. His home is not any more a sanctuary than it is for his wife. His duty to his wife begins when he enters the home. He has responsibilities that he needs to fulfill regardless of what state he is in. If he can manage this while working with colleagues he can certainly manage this to someone he is meant to love. To spend time with your wife is not a hardship it's meant to be easy. If it is a challenge then he needs to ask himself why he felt he was up to entering into this relationship. From the little I've read the wife is not asking for much. The lead comes from the husband.
                Your overall statement doesnt make sense ,home is a sanctuary period and people have various habits and ways to make it one.
                You cant blame people for entering into marriage with the unknown ,its not like you have a test run before.
                what needs to change is attitude ,being an extravort and having friends that mindset can easily be expected in a marriage ,so living upto that is hard.
                Lead can come from the husband,but good luck trying to have boring less conversations everyday if not this becomes a complain.
                sorry zizou even you cant do this.

                I am sure sister has very good intentions of marriage ,but she needs to change her attitude and then evaluate how to solve the issue

                Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                Comment


                • #53
                  To be fair the last thing a man wants to do is start conversing when he gets home .. let him chill out for a bit ... when he comes home give each other salams ... put the the kettle on and just let him unwind.. he will talk in his own time. if he's had a particularly bad day give him longer ... if after a while he's still not engaging just ask him how his day at work was .. if he's ready he will engage
                  ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                  ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Why would it not be partly his fault, he's part of this relationship is he not? The wife wants to engage he does not to a level the wife finds acceptable. Perhaps she's asking for too much perhaps not but he needs to manage those expectations if he feels they are excessive. Since when did it become acceptable to glue your eyes to a 5" inch screen when you come home. That's not unwinding your brain is processing information you are throwing at it.

                    Fair is to give and take. It should not be beyond the capability of any man in the main to sit and chat with his wife every day. Sure some days things are difficult and you may just not have the time at all but those days should not be the norm, even in those situations you could find some time.

                    Sometimes in a relationship that is meaningful and I would put a marriage in that you sometimes put yourself out for the other. It balances itself out if you care for each other.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

                      Your overall statement doesnt make sense ,home is a sanctuary period and people have various habits and ways to make it one.
                      You cant blame people for entering into marriage with the unknown ,its not like you have a test run before.
                      what needs to change is attitude ,being an extravort and having friends that mindset can easily be expected in a marriage ,so living upto that is hard.
                      Lead can come from the husband,but good luck trying to have boring less conversations everyday if not this becomes a complain.
                      sorry zizou even you cant do this.

                      I am sure sister has very good intentions of marriage ,but she needs to change her attitude and then evaluate how to solve the issue
                      The point I made is it needs to be a happy place for them both, it's not something that works one way. It has to be made to work for both it just won't be that place without effort.

                      When you enter the marriage is it not unreasonable to think you will be spending less time by yourself and more time with each other? Do you not think that your own personal time will diminish? I'm not talking about having deep and meaningful conversations and solving the worlds problems. I'm talking about normal chat, some dull some not so. It's not hard to talk. This should not even be a discussion point. Couples should be spending where possible time together. Yes at times do your own thing but come on 3 months into a marriage and the phone takes priority?!? Bunch of snowflakes!!!

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Hannahk92 View Post
                        To be fair the last thing a man wants to do is start conversing when he gets home .. let him chill out for a bit ... when he comes home give each other salams ... put the the kettle on and just let him unwind.. he will talk in his own time. if he's had a particularly bad day give him longer ... if after a while he's still not engaging just ask him how his day at work was .. if he's ready he will engage
                        What's the poor dear been doing all day...digging for gold with a pickaxe in 45C temperatures?

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post

                          What's the poor dear been doing all day...digging for gold with a pickaxe in 45C temperatures?
                          Being tired doesn't always mean being physically tired. If you go to a workplace full of people everyday, the last thing you wanna do is coming home and deal with a nagging wife.
                          You get mentally tired and want to rest. Some people need more rest than others and people have different ways to kick back and relax.

                          People do not understand introverts, expecially the rarest types who gains energy from being alone. We get mentally crazy (and sometimes even sick) if we can't isolate ourselves for some hours during the day

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by Dawud21 View Post
                            Your first need to examine your own behaviour here, because most extroverts have the tendency to yap you to death especially if your the type that loves lecturing people and have an opinion on everything, hence instead of confronting you about this and bruise your ego, he has decided to seek solace through his phone,

                            Let me tell you the blunt truth that many people on here will never tell you, there is nothing more despicable or off putting to a man then an extrovert women, modesty and shyness is not only the greatest of feminine traits that captivate men but they are also part of your iman, it's the very first characteristic any decent male looks at when it comes to selecting a women.

                            However most male's that lack confidence who also tend to carry a variety of insecurities would have no problem with extrovert women during courtship because that's the only choices they have, but once married, most of that vanishes and reality kicks in, learn to read these signs.

                            I was with you all the way until you declared yourself to be an 'extrovert', change this nasty habit, I had the same issues growing up, you should be talking less then him not more, the loudest one in the room is the weakest and the most insecure, find things to do, hit female fitness classes in your neighbourhood, work on that burgeoning ego and crazed expectations before it begins to destroy you (through remembrance of Allah & studying the deen)

                            You will quickly find that everything around you will begin to change for the better if you embark on this.
                            Because of her personality she's somehow lacking in modesty and imaan? give me a break. Allah created people with different personalities and different nature to one another.
                            Maybe you're the one that is insecure.
                            You're talking like you just came out of the cave man era. Total ignorance.
                            شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                            فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                            وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                            ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post

                              Being tired doesn't always mean being physically tired. If you go to a workplace full of people everyday, the last thing you wanna do is coming home and deal with a nagging wife.
                              You get mentally tired and want to rest. Some people need more rest than others and people have different ways to kick back and relax.

                              People do not understand introverts, expecially the rarest types who gains energy from being alone. We get mentally crazy (and sometimes even sick) if we can't isolate ourselves for some hours during the day
                              No one's talking about a nagging wife, let's not confuse matters. When you are at work you have responsibilities and you get on with it because you have too. Do you say sorry I'm an introvert I need to chill? no you get on with your job. When you get home you also have responsibilities you don't always get to switch off on your own terms, you still have responsibilities, they don't disappear when you get home.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Zi-zizou is the only person here that makes sense. The rest of you are just shocking lol, what on earth seriously,
                                شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                                فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                                وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                                ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                                Comment

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