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  • #31
    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    Stop nagging and demanding attention/time. Come up with a list of activities you can do together on his days off/free time, maybe once a week/few times a month. you make the arrangements etc teach him how to treat you because people don't always know at the beginning. All he will have to do at this stage is put the stupid phone away and do these activities you've arranged. He should learn with time to take initiative to make sure the marriage grows because it can't just be you putting in 100% all the time while he does nothing.

    If all that doesn't work and he simply refuses to spend any time with you or put any effort into the relationship, then leave because you deserve better. You should never have to beg for a husband's time and attention. You'll find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
    This is realy not good advice, and a clear lack of understanding of marriage.
    ​​​
    Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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    • #32
      This is a tricky situation. You've not been married for to long so we don't really know why your husband acts this way. There's so many reasons.

      I would propably be like this until I get to know the spouse. Simply put, he propably doesn't feels 100% secure yet. He propably needs some time to adjust.
      If it's the phone then ask him if something bothers him. Maybe someyhing bad happened at the job. Mayne they're dealing with a crisis. Investigate. If he's completely fine then he is propable addicted.

      Don't be demanding or needy, it gets annoying after a while and in the end he would propably isolate himself completely. Give him space and see if something changes with or within him.

      Extroverts and introverts can't get along most of the time. Some personalities do, but not all of them. Make him do the major briggs test and tell us the results. You can do it too. Easier for us to help you that way

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      • #33
        I think there is considerable amount of chance that your husband doesn't realize what he is doing, you should really talk to him and not draw any sor of conclusions.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

          This is realy not good advice, and a clear lack of understanding of marriage.
          ​​​
          And you putting all the blame on her was great advice wasn't it. That showed a great deal of understanding didn't it.
          Lol you think everything I say is 'bad advice'. If it was I definitely wouldn't be the only one giving bad advice, have you seen some of the replies? In comparison, I don't really see what I said that is so wrong. At least I gave better advice than the mumble jumble you came out with.
          شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
          فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
          وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
          ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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          • #35
            Originally posted by muzzybee View Post


            Statements like I am an extrovert and I cant see myself living like this
            ​​​​​
            then statements like conversation is so dry ,
            demanding that attention.

            cmon men get fed up with this attitude eventually.

            after all is spoken about and done ,no marriage can maintain intensity levels.

            Also him saying I love you so many times shows he needs a bit of toning down and settling in.
            he is turning to his phone for comfort

            being an extravort ,lot of friends and insistent on attention ,thinking conversation is dull
            Well that attitude needs to change
            ​​​

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            • #36
              Generally speaking , it is not normal to be disinterested so early in your marriage. The beginning is supposed to be the most fun , and interactive , so to say.

              Sorry to be rude , but ill just speak my mind - maybe you're a boring person , with lame conversation? Maybe you don't meet his expectations in certain areas , and he is expressing his dissatisfaction in this manner?

              Are you guys very religious , because it doesn't sound like it. Does he lead you in Salaah? You were texting back and forth prior to marriage? Were those messages supervised? If not , what did you expect? A religious brother would look after your needs for the sake of Allah , especially this early in the marriage when all things are fresh and new.

              If I were you , i'd just ask him straight up. Don't tell him what to do. Ask him why he's even doing what he's doing. "Is this how you pictured married life?" "Are you even interested in me?" Etc
              Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 23-01-18, 04:41 PM.

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              • #37
                This is true. I fully agree with you. I am not saying the TS thinks this way because we do not know anything about her or her man. But people tend to overlook themselves.

                And then there's these people who loves tv and tend to watch alot, but as soon as the spouse picks up video games/pc/phone or whatever, they get mad.
                You need to measure your technology usage too, before judging people.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

                  And you putting all the blame on her was great advice wasn't it. That showed a great deal of understanding didn't it.
                  Lol you think everything I say is 'bad advice'. If it was I definitely wouldn't be the only one giving bad advice, have you seen some of the replies? In comparison, I don't really see what I said that is so wrong. At least I gave better advice than the mumble jumble you came out with.
                  Not all the blame part, I said she is part of the problem.
                  So let me see ,knowing each other for six months now you wana teach him ,if he doesn't listen or change to your teachings of yourself over a period of time divorce ,please tell me you are joking.
                  He works six days to provide and comes home and is expected to have a DRY less conversation for roughly an hour.
                  This is nonsence.

                  See marriage is about practicalities ,not a code and theory that you read in some book .
                  Your advice sounds like this.
                  Last edited by muzzybee; 23-01-18, 05:02 PM.
                  Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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                  • #39
                    Yeah,he probably comes home and got some time to unwind and release the stress of work via technology .
                    As a man you can use wisdom ,provided the wife is flexible.
                    he can get in a few moments here and there with her whilst in between phone usage.

                    Not with someone who sees it as a fault with a timer attached to it.
                    It probably will double his stress.


                    ​​​

                    ​​​
                    Visit my channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post

                      Not all the blame part, I said she is part of the problem.
                      So let me see ,knowing each other for six months now you wana teach him ,if he doesn't listen or change to your teachings of yourself over a period of time divorce ,please tell me you are joking.
                      He works six days to provide and comes home and is expected to have a DRY less conversation for roughly an hour.
                      This is nonsence.

                      See marriage is about practicalities ,not a code and theory that you read in some book .
                      Your advice sounds like this.
                      That's funny you mention books because I don't read books on this. I still don't see what I said that is so wrong. If you've never been married before I don't know how you're trying to talk like you know more than anyone else.

                      Maybe we all have different views and standards here but to me, no one should have to beg for attention from their spouse or anyone they care about. The sunnah of the prophet is to talk to your wives at the end of the day and to give them the time and attention they need and he did way more work than any man yet here you are saying it's nonsense.

                      So you think it's alright for a husband to do whatever he likes after work, maybe fit in a few words directed to his wife here and there, despite the fact his wife is not happy at all. And why? Because "he works and provides" blah blah so she should just deal with it. She works too. OP's fault is nagging, her saying the conversations are boring is probably true.

                      If someone doesn't know how to treat you, yes you have to show them. And if after everything they refuse to treat you how you want and deserve to be treated, leave. It's that simple. I don't care if it's a marriage or a friendship. I don't care if it's a man or a woman.
                      شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                      فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                      وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                      ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

                        That's funny you mention books because I don't read books on this. I still don't see what I said that is so wrong. If you've never been married before I don't know how you're trying to talk like you know more than anyone else.

                        Maybe we all have different views and standards here but to me, no one should have to beg for attention from their spouse or anyone they care about. The sunnah of the prophet is to talk to your wives at the end of the day and to give them the time and attention they need and he did way more work than any man yet here you are saying it's nonsense.

                        So you think it's alright for a husband to do whatever he likes after work, maybe fit in a few words directed to his wife here and there, despite the fact his wife is not happy at all. And why? Because "he works and provides" blah blah so she should just deal with it. She works too. OP's fault is nagging, her saying the conversations are boring is probably true.

                        If someone doesn't know how to treat you, yes you have to show them. And if after everything they refuse to treat you how you want and deserve to be treated, leave. It's that simple. I don't care if it's a marriage or a friendship. I don't care if it's a man or a woman.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          I've not read the majority of the posts but on the plus side I have read the last one. It makes no difference how tired or how over worked a husband is. His home is not any more a sanctuary than it is for his wife. His duty to his wife begins when he enters the home. He has responsibilities that he needs to fulfill regardless of what state he is in. If he can manage this while working with colleagues he can certainly manage this to someone he is meant to love. To spend time with your wife is not a hardship it's meant to be easy. If it is a challenge then he needs to ask himself why he felt he was up to entering into this relationship. From the little I've read the wife is not asking for much. The lead comes from the husband.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                            I've not read the majority of the posts but on the plus side I have read the last one. It makes no difference how tired or how over worked a husband is. His home is not any more a sanctuary than it is for his wife. His duty to his wife begins when he enters the home. He has responsibilities that he needs to fulfill regardless of what state he is in. If he can manage this while working with colleagues he can certainly manage this to someone he is meant to love. To spend time with your wife is not a hardship it's meant to be easy. If it is a challenge then he needs to ask himself why he felt he was up to entering into this relationship. From the little I've read the wife is not asking for much. The lead comes from the husband.

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                            • #44
                              Nice to see a brother being stern against a brother - while the sister cuts him some slack. It's usually not like that. MashaaAllah

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                              • #45
                                He's fulfilling the rights of his Android/IOS device more so than his wife. The one hour is arbitrary, it's the sentiment behind the comment which is important.

                                Stay or leave that will work itself out. If you are in a relationship that is lacking then your choices are limited to doing your bit to fix it and living with the outcome or moving on. The only question is what timeframe you choose to work too.

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