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how often do marriages end because of adultery in the muslim communities

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  • how often do marriages end because of adultery in the muslim communities

    I know in the somali community I noticed most of the relationships ended because of abusive relationships. I haven't heard about divorces in the muslim community ending because of a spouse commiting adultery.

    personally that's a big fear of mine when it comes to the thought of arrainged marriages. most people don't really know the person they are marrying. and once they do get married they get to know the person.

    my mother has been married 4 times through an arrainged marriages. 1 guy my father was abusive, 2nd was a dick, 3rd was a dick, 4th one which she has been married for the past ten years with just got deported. he caused a lot of problems so right now she is trying to divorce him.

    but seeing this growing up wallahi it makes me think that arraigned marriages are terrible.

    at this point I don't really plan on chasing a spouse soon at all. I will once l I finish school inshallah. I don't know if I will go through the arraigned marriage path or I might start a relationship with the intent of marriage.
    Last edited by Luffy1997; 12-01-18, 09:37 AM.

  • #2
    Most somali marriages don't end because of abusive, they end because of the stupid decisions some of the men make.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    • #3
      The wisdom behind the hududd punishment for adultery is that nobody will feel their lives are worth fulfilling their sexual desires. How many marriages would of been saved...
      "When a man sees the road as long he weakens in his walk." Ibn Qayyim

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      • #4
        I think maybe most of the time the women are told to keep quiet and be patient if their husband did that. If it was the other way the husband would divorce them no question.

        If you do get an arranged marriage, you can still get to know the person before marrying them, have meetings and ask questions. If you feel there not for you, you can always say no. And arranged marriages are not supposed to be forced. You always have the right to say no, no matter what. I don't advise you start a relationship before marriage, nothing good will come out of it.

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        • #5
          I have the same question. It does exist and janna90 is correct when she says about women being told to keep quiet when it's the man that commits adultery. They are expected to be more merciful and forgiving, worst of all, they are told to forget what has happened and carry on normal. Makes me very angry.

          All I know is that a cheater will cheat no matter what, because he is a fool, an animal, he has no respect for himself (this applies to the women who cheat too), so it does not matter what arrangement you get married under. All this nonsense about the wife not trying to look pretty enough is a load of madness, don't buy it. NO excuse for cheating. If you don't like the spouse you have to be a man and TALK like a man, not go behind her back and cheat, losers. Seriously, dumb logic on blaming women for everything really irritates the heck out of me, as you can see. LMSO.

          We have knowledgeable people that commit adultery because they are basically you know what, a person who knows that it's a sin but also has some dignity for himself will think twice before going after a slut/slapper or some other scummy person who goes after married people. These are one of the people who are at the very bottom in society. I call them cheap people.

          The adulterers need to be told and should feel how disgraceful their behaviour is otherwise they will continue with it because they'll have no shame in doing so. There will be no fear.

          May Allah subhana wa ta al protect us all from commtting sins, displeasing him and always keep us on the straight path-Ameen

          Another question is, would it be better to divorce the adulterer? or give him/her a chance?

          What do you lot think? I think if the wife has the strength to let him go, she should ditch him, it's about trust but things like this are very complicated when emotions are involved.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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          • #6
            Your poor mum, fourth time round, I feel for her

            if that was me i'd just become a man hater, lol obviously not the best way to go about it but all it takes is one man to put me off, terrible

            May Allah ta a la bless her with happiness in this world especially in the hereafter-ameen
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #7
              Arranged marriage will most of the time end in a disaster. You should be able to decide who's gonna be your spouse. Parents can bring you examples and give you advices, but they have no power over your final decision.

              ​​​​

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              • #8
                Always talk to the man and I do believe arranged marriages can be successful, sometimes us girls get some feelings when we meet new people, vibe or instincts - it's a sign and never ignore those feelings

                Just make sure you don't fall on his feet, some girls are way to desperate to 'sell' themselves, don't be afraid to speak up

                One meeting I intimidated the guy with 'extreme' questions, him and his family never returned LOL. Nothing to be proud of but don't let anything hold you back. I was 'ageing' *rolleyes and so my mum told me off for being so aggressive. Oh well, I could clearly see he was way to modern for me, I like to stay in the middle.
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'd agree with Rumaysah on this one, Somali men are usually at fault for marriage breakups (e.g. remarrying secretly w/out his wife's knowledge, etc.) You shouldn't feel so bad though because in all of those situations the men were abusing your mother, and not vice versa. I think a big problem for us is that some Somali men aren't ready to take responsibility or whatever and the solution should be to set a decent meher so he will be less likely to part with the woman as soon as he gets scared. This is just from my experience though. I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF A SOMALI WOMAN CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND, it's highly unlikely that that will happen to you. Also, arranged marriages could be beneficial because you could marry someone from from your subclan or whatevs and the elders could mediate between you if a conflict did arise. Anyway, focus on finishing school and Inshaallah everything goes smoothly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                    Most somali marriages don't end because of abusive, they end because of the stupid decisions some of the men make.
                    what kind of decisions

                    I don't know about Somalis but I see a lot of lazy men
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Adultery amongst Muslims is nowhere near the level of the Kuffar/Mushrikun, and neither is it one of the main reasons for divorce.
                      http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                      "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                      – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        Always talk to the man and I do believe arranged marriages can be successful, sometimes us girls get some feelings when we meet new people, vibe or instincts - it's a sign and never ignore those feelings

                        Just make sure you don't fall on his feet, some girls are way to desperate to 'sell' themselves, don't be afraid to speak up

                        One meeting I intimidated the guy with 'extreme' questions, him and his family never returned LOL. Nothing to be proud of but don't let anything hold you back. I was 'ageing' *rolleyes and so my mum told me off for being so aggressive. Oh well, I could clearly see he was way to modern for me, I like to stay in the middle.
                        Idk why but I think it's a guy lol

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janna90 View Post
                          I think maybe most of the time the women are told to keep quiet and be patient if their husband did that. If it was the other way the husband would divorce them no question.

                          If you do get an arranged marriage, you can still get to know the person before marrying them, have meetings and ask questions. If you feel there not for you, you can always say no. And arranged marriages are not supposed to be forced. You always have the right to say no, no matter what. I don't advise you start a relationship before marriage, nothing good will come out of it.
                          If a woman can tolerate her husband being an Adulterer she can tolerate anything.

                          Nauzibillah
                          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            i'd like to add that we probably don't know about HALF THE NUMBERS OF PEOPLE committing adultery, I mean who is gonna report that and where? LOL.

                            IT IS USUALLY HIDDEN-AWAY FROM PEOPLE.

                            so please everyone, we have to accept it is there happening under cover, some sisters will not expose their husbands but I can guarantee the woman will be NAMED AND SHAMED

                            they'd probably be stoned to death if the husband's family could carry it out, I see the double standards loud and clear, and the usual BLAME on the woman for the husband's adultery just makes it more shocking

                            chi chi

                            we need more support/advice/guidelines for these type of scenarios

                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Asmaa19 View Post

                              Idk why but I think it's a guy lol
                              sorry asma, are you saying you think i'm a man?

                              LOOOL

                              DON'T worry - I don't care, it's so like meh to me, everyone mistakes my gender cos of my username
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment

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