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  • ForexTraderNYC
    replied
    mr. wanderer1, waleykum salam.. thanks,...ahh yes ofcourse there must be some decent women out there who don't look at riches and only want a loving companion... its just they are hidden somewhere in a cave, finding them is the difficult part. I personally don't have high expectations either nor do i seek like a supermodel, i want someone whom i am attracted to when my eyes meet her eyes, I feel it will only help me increase my love/kindness towards her. I seen some people who lack of better word "ugly" and i feel bad for them, cuz it will be difficult for them to find their spouses.. and imagine how tough it will be upon their parents to see child become the 5th wheel every time.. i can imagine may allah save us from such tough tests which we cannot bear(bhaalu). Every difficulty is a test from god i think..and passing the test requires patience(sabr)..if u can achieve patience, u have achieve victory cuz in the end, to Allah is final return and he will reward those who are patient and Allah is with the patient ones says quran (2:153) ooo what was i saying? yes...

    Mr. malleat1 , woa woa hold it right there...34 is old sure i agree but its slightly diff from males/females. Females, if im not mistaking after age 33 n onward their off producing offspring become less n less... however, thats not the case for males..(alhamdulilah) so parents need to be aware of this bit before they panic.

    I have to passionately disagree with you about parents' finding "happiness finding elsewhere" part. If we can tone down our emotions and think objectively and ask what happiness is? is it not an emotion? you can feel happiness by looking at sunset,seeing birds chirp, or seeing your grandkids or whatever. In all cases, either we control our emotions or the emotions control us, take your pick cuzin, do u wanna be IN control or you want to BE CONTROLLED?.. like in times of sadness, we can cry like baby or we can hold our tears and think constructively over what/where we went wrong?...it's up to us how emotionally strong/stable we are.. are we someone sensative who easily, trust me i easily cry even seeing birds eat.. but there are times i hold firm, like at times when relatives died, everyone cried, i did cry but inside, outside i appeared to remain calm/numb but not cry like rest of folks. I knew if i cried who'd control the younger ones? i am very bad at consoling someone who losses a loved one, i cannot say cliche' sentences(ie: ohh so n so was such a great guy) i look into the eyes of one in pain, he looks into my eyes n feels my pain in seeing them in pain.. heh ok what am i talking about just now?? anyways...lets be practical and cut the emotional crap cuz in Allah we trust..his decree we accept.

    So if parents are tying their "happiness" their absolute happiness to someone other than themselves, than i have to suggest such parents to find/explore new hobbies that they can find happiness in.. it could be anything..my happiness, i love the human interaction, great ideas/debates, knowledge, science if i have access to these, i am happy anywhere/everywhere.. with smartphone i am 24/7 learning something..some ides..it keeps me engaged/provides healthy stimulus to the mind... i advise every human should be busying themselves along these lines..every minute of the day we should be spending it in worship/seeking knowledge/helping self/others. anything else is just meaningless or waste of time/energy.

    Dude seriously, did everyone's parents "always" dedicate their lives to their kids? not necessarily true for all. Not every kid was lucky.. Some parent's just had kids without even planning parenthood or even fulfill all rights as parents. Don't let your kids become educated only in skool but rather spending quality time with their kids. They can start by 1on1 meeting with their kids, spending atleast 5-10 minutes of the day asking them how their day went, what they learned and is there anything they want help with..that would bring wonders into our family life, it will build trust n strong bonds. The families where there is no communication is a family of strangers living side by side with no connection, no common values, it will end up hurting everyone's personality, their character and overall end up hurting the community/nation/ummah.. everything starts at micro level,cuz...

    Allah blessed us with sound mind i think we should use it with wisdom and overcome our emotions, think objectively not emotionally, call spade a spade. Discuss our problems, not hide them pretending they'll go away..

    Wow what a big rant' i have here... forgive me once i get started with it's hard for me to stop, braadaz' .. there is so many things going on my mind, can' you tell? a cluster of thoughts n ideas... i sould be called the contemporary Allama Iqbal of our times..

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  • malleat1
    replied
    If 34 isnt old, i really dont know what is.

    Telling ur parents to "find happiness elsewhere" away from their kids is the most immature advice to parents i've ever read. who would've thought a 34yrs old would be that silly? Do u really think they've dedicated their life to hear you giving them a non-sense advice like this?
    Ridiculous

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  • wanderer1
    replied
    al-Saheehizaarizaar

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  • ForexTraderNYC
    replied
    Yes 34 isnt too old but sometimes our elders dont have the right vision. They compare us to our cousins and other people forgetting that everyone's different.

    Yes, going to older muslims N seeking help, there is no shame in that or better yet use masajid matrimonial services? im guessing most practicing muslim families use them. :-) insha-allah things will be allright cuz' there is good in everything.. meanwhile i am getting my self in good shape, exercising/diet-ing no more icecream n noodles in past month and i miss em dearly grrr.. i figure we demand beautiful shaped spouses, we ought to do the same.. any other flaws/weakness i have i plan to work on those...n once all pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are put together, then it would be fair to to go out n find our missing rib/soulmate/better half/nagster/nag-queen.

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  • Luffy1997
    replied
    Originally posted by ForexTraderNYC View Post

    pff, i'll make romeo N juliet look like WWII.. when i have my spouse. emmenseeeeeeee loveeeeeee to a point of suffocation!! no jus kidding.. pff dude being nice to your wife is one of the best of deeds said the prophet(saw) no shame in that.. The prophet was the most loving n caring husband in the world..u remember the time he lost the race on purpose... aww what a kind man.. so lets roll up our sleeves n cut those onions for the biryaani, cuz... mom got rice to take care off.... if u got nothing to do.. ask parents if they need help w/ something.. once done.. n get back to our precious internet world.

    . be "hey be a man! do the right thing" said russel peters in one of his gig.
    I highkey imagined just going up to older muslims I knew and just telling them I was ready to get married. everyone of them so they could put my name out their. that's what I was planning on doing in the future. try that out.

    34 isn't old man. here in the states a lot of non muslims who seek careers usually get married once they finish all of their schooling including the ones who are interested in becoming doctors and etc. mostly a couple of years after they finish school.Average age of marriage keeps going up in America. so that they are pretty stable enough to raise a family. non muslims though have a life style where having pre maritial sex is common in society, so staying pure isn't a necessity for most non muslims

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  • ForexTraderNYC
    replied
    Originally posted by Arsalan View Post
    AoA Welcome to forum

    By the way Romeo and Juliet both died of unnatural causes.
    pff, i'll make romeo N juliet look like WWII.. when i have my spouse. emmenseeeeeeee loveeeeeee to a point of suffocation!! no jus kidding.. pff dude being nice to your wife is one of the best of deeds said the prophet(saw) no shame in that.. The prophet was the most loving n caring husband in the world..u remember the time he lost the race on purpose... aww what a kind man.. so lets roll up our sleeves n cut those onions for the biryaani, cuz... mom got rice to take care off.... if u got nothing to do.. ask parents if they need help w/ something.. once done.. n get back to our precious internet world.

    . be "hey be a man! do the right thing" said russel peters in one of his gig.

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  • Arsalan
    replied
    AoA Welcome to forum

    By the way Romeo and Juliet both died of unnatural causes.

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  • ForexTraderNYC
    replied
    oops.. i almost forgot about this place.. update u guys: i lost all i had about 1-2 month ago... so this was another test from Allah ie: Quran 29:2-3) no problem. We should be happy with whatever Allah written. I still have my health/my deen/my parents/ a decent job... as for the subject of the thread.. heh.. ok things are turning complex. It get's complex with other people are involved, in my case my father. who craves to see me married ASAP.. according to him i am getting old 34 is my age.. and he has this mentality that no woman will want to marry me if i am 34-35-36 etc.. which i find it to be absolutely not true, specially in 2018 people are marrying late... anyhow whats hurting me is that he is tying "his happiness" to me being marriage.. as if he sole life purpose is/was to see me married & have kids,with whom he wishes to play with... ok great.....so moving on,

    last week,.DAD finally found some courage to reach out to someone for their daughter, n i saw her pic n didn't feel the spark/attraction ..so i said, thanks dad for effort but no.. dont worry i'll find someone, he got really upset and start to cry hilariously omg ur turned 34!! all your cousins are married n have 2 kids already..why o lord why this? hold it mr. emotional adult guy/dad.. dude if i am motivated enough i can find anyone within 1 day. To me right now marriage is not life and death matter as i wanna get my finances in order and your behavior dad is unacceptable.. i told him to speak to me calmly give me 5 minute to explain where i am coming from, NOP..this man has 0time to listen to what i have to say (dude if u cant give ur son 5 minute and rather watch tv about some pkstani politicians argue on tv) then u dont deserve any of this "so-called happiness".. u gotta listen to your kids too...have serious discussion dialogue, which is too much to ask... although it would be nice to have my khadija/aisha(r.a) like figure...to hold me down.. but if its not happening, great.. i'll stick to find happiness in feeding birds :P but to my dad "my marriage" is like life and death issue, its almost as if its battle of badr..

    Part 2 - the crux
    ok my issue to parents is 1) donot tie "your personal happiness" to some one else's actions... u need to find happiness in your life yourself. find a hobby or something etc etc.. 2) If you are a parent thanks for looking for girls for ur sons, but its not "obligatory" on parents to seek life partners for their kids.. if they volunteer do, then awww so sweet of them..but NO its not obligatory.. so my parents never did go out seeking a lifepartner for me.. in all my life 34 yrs i think i only seen 3 girls photos, so i had to pick them or i am being a BAD SON in their view, i am being picky!? yes 3 girls? they think there arent any more girls left on planet earth, so hurry hurry ... my parents weren't just good these social things...they are naaive/innocent & kept to themselves basically..they lacked a role-model figure, the communication skills or sharpness, they are plain simple-tons(like bedouins at time of prophet) and may allah bless them...just have faith n keep calm is wot i ask.

    Part 3 - action time..

    So looks like, i gotta take things into my own hands... awaken the tiger in me n go hunting for my bride.. may be go up to stranger(women) and ask them out for a lunch, explain my story.. totally not suppose to attract opposite gender) but hey, being truthful is all i can offer, and rest is upto Allah... miracles do happen right? :) is everyone have a lovely weekend? hahahaha... problems? o what problems? I don't see any.. everything is dandy... :-p ..no seriously Alhamdulillah, i just wished my parents had sabr n spoke more calmly instead of being emotional about this.. Allah is Akbr, he is our protector, as long he is with us, no calamity should break us down, this is what keeps me going...
    Last edited by ForexTraderNYC; 25-02-18, 07:35 PM. Reason: damn when i free-write i make so many grammatical mistakes and yes my spelling sucks. No speaka' english.

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  • dsr478
    replied
    Asalamu Alaikum


    Get married ASAP, before you get too old.

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  • MuslimThinker
    replied
    Originally posted by ForexTraderNYC View Post
    thanks everyone for your honest feedback/advice on my condition. I have taken note of everyone advice. May Allah give you all ajar for it.

    Something that stood out is someoneone mentioned i need to work on my self-esteem/worth & that struck me that How am i suppose to love someone, if i don't love myself first? and yes bro' your right living consciously fully keeping eyes open, if someone comes along as it is Qadr' i'll meet her somehow. A lot of times, i came across nice girls but never approached them. I'll have to get out of my shell and avoid the hesitation of approaching girls but before that i think its time to refine myself n mentally prepare myself, plan out scenarios N how to practically approach someone. If i still idle, one thing is for sure, no wife is going to land from the sky right onto my lap. So, ya a lil effort in my part is a must... have tawakkul and tie the camll said rasool (pbuh)

    I always believed in living consciously to the fullest without compromising my deen. All was going as planned but Allah had diff plan. The lose of wealth got me lil' discouraged but it's not over till it's over, i'll make a comeback recover build myself strong mentally/physically/financially be iznillah, InshaAllah. Keep your brada' in dua'
    InshaAllah

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  • ForexTraderNYC
    replied
    thanks everyone for your honest feedback/advice on my condition. I have taken note of everyone advice. May Allah give you all ajar for it.

    Something that stood out is someoneone mentioned i need to work on my self-esteem/worth & that struck me that How am i suppose to love someone, if i don't love myself first? and yes bro' your right living consciously fully keeping eyes open, if someone comes along as it is Qadr' i'll meet her somehow. A lot of times, i came across nice girls but never approached them. I'll have to get out of my shell and avoid the hesitation of approaching girls but before that i think its time to refine myself n mentally prepare myself, plan out scenarios N how to practically approach someone. If i still idle, one thing is for sure, no wife is going to land from the sky right onto my lap. So, ya a lil effort in my part is a must... have tawakkul and tie the camll said rasool (pbuh)

    I always believed in living consciously to the fullest without compromising my deen. All was going as planned but Allah had diff plan. The lose of wealth got me lil' discouraged but it's not over till it's over, i'll make a comeback recover build myself strong mentally/physically/financially be iznillah, InshaAllah. Keep your brada' in dua'

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  • A500DaBest
    replied
    My advice is know a person for one complete year before you get married, also my next advice don't have children until 10 year mark. This way all problems that comes when you bring someone new in your life will be filtered out within the ten years mark. This way you would know if you can stand each other and that is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.Then after ten years have a child, this will make sure the child is within two family home or else you will be part of the large statistic of children raised by single mom and you are somewhere in the world just sending money to the child and then she will find someone else to get married and the child be will be taking care off by the new man while you are sending cheque. I don't think that is a good setting. Don't get hurry and have children...know the person, know the person, know the person and never ignore the red flags ever!
    Last edited by A500DaBest; 04-01-18, 01:23 AM.

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  • malleat1
    replied
    Marry a bright lady, she'll help u make better financial decisions!

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  • shay5
    replied
    I don't get it, you have a job, a place to live, hopefully some savings in case you lose your job and have to get back into another. Just get married, most women are satisfied with a good Muslim man who has a job and goals.

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  • Ya'sin
    replied
    34 can be seen as old because I would ask why it took you so long and if you've had other relationships or not while you were single, you work in the city so that would naturally make me suspicious because your working environment is hectic and you probably see women dressed in a way that 'tempts'

    if your financial goals are unrealistic then you're wasting your time delaying marriage

    Money is important but there's no guarantee what will happen next, you're not in control of rizq.

    Main questions you should ask yourself are, can you provide shelter, food, central heating, basic toiletries, basic clothing, basic transport for an extra human being? Or are you looking for someone who is into big names like Gucci and whatever the others are lmso, van goldof or benga senga, if so, that's your choice and yes you will have to wait to get rich because the basic necessities will not be enough for them

    Some girls like the idea of a dual income, you might find that more suitable for you, obviously she'll be working too so you both share the income and this has to be agreed before the marriage

    Get your parents/family to start looking, if you don't look you won't know what is available

    i'm surprised you describe the romeo and juliet thing :/ that's kinda hmm you're 34 bro, come on, get out of it lol. I don't mean to be MEAN but get out of that kind of fantasy, be real, yes you can find someone compatible but don't go overboard with fantasies, it's not healthy, they die for each other, shirk or what

    I hope you don't watch Disney, urgh, lol, don't feel low about your finance as long as you make it clear what you want and how much you earn

    Makes lots of dua daily





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