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putting off marriage becuz...

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  • #16
    oops.. i almost forgot about this place.. update u guys: i lost all i had about 1-2 month ago... so this was another test from Allah ie: Quran 29:2-3) no problem. We should be happy with whatever Allah written. I still have my health/my deen/my parents/ a decent job... as for the subject of the thread.. heh.. ok things are turning complex. It get's complex with other people are involved, in my case my father. who craves to see me married ASAP.. according to him i am getting old 34 is my age.. and he has this mentality that no woman will want to marry me if i am 34-35-36 etc.. which i find it to be absolutely not true, specially in 2018 people are marrying late... anyhow whats hurting me is that he is tying "his happiness" to me being marriage.. as if he sole life purpose is/was to see me married & have kids,with whom he wishes to play with... ok great.....so moving on,

    last week,.DAD finally found some courage to reach out to someone for their daughter, n i saw her pic n didn't feel the spark/attraction ..so i said, thanks dad for effort but no.. dont worry i'll find someone, he got really upset and start to cry hilariously omg ur turned 34!! all your cousins are married n have 2 kids already..why o lord why this? hold it mr. emotional adult guy/dad.. dude if i am motivated enough i can find anyone within 1 day. To me right now marriage is not life and death matter as i wanna get my finances in order and your behavior dad is unacceptable.. i told him to speak to me calmly give me 5 minute to explain where i am coming from, NOP..this man has 0time to listen to what i have to say (dude if u cant give ur son 5 minute and rather watch tv about some pkstani politicians argue on tv) then u dont deserve any of this "so-called happiness".. u gotta listen to your kids too...have serious discussion dialogue, which is too much to ask... although it would be nice to have my khadija/aisha(r.a) like figure...to hold me down.. but if its not happening, great.. i'll stick to find happiness in feeding birds :P but to my dad "my marriage" is like life and death issue, its almost as if its battle of badr..

    Part 2 - the crux
    ok my issue to parents is 1) donot tie "your personal happiness" to some one else's actions... u need to find happiness in your life yourself. find a hobby or something etc etc.. 2) If you are a parent thanks for looking for girls for ur sons, but its not "obligatory" on parents to seek life partners for their kids.. if they volunteer do, then awww so sweet of them..but NO its not obligatory.. so my parents never did go out seeking a lifepartner for me.. in all my life 34 yrs i think i only seen 3 girls photos, so i had to pick them or i am being a BAD SON in their view, i am being picky!? yes 3 girls? they think there arent any more girls left on planet earth, so hurry hurry ... my parents weren't just good these social things...they are naaive/innocent & kept to themselves basically..they lacked a role-model figure, the communication skills or sharpness, they are plain simple-tons(like bedouins at time of prophet) and may allah bless them...just have faith n keep calm is wot i ask.

    Part 3 - action time..

    So looks like, i gotta take things into my own hands... awaken the tiger in me n go hunting for my bride.. may be go up to stranger(women) and ask them out for a lunch, explain my story.. totally not suppose to attract opposite gender) but hey, being truthful is all i can offer, and rest is upto Allah... miracles do happen right? :) is everyone have a lovely weekend? hahahaha... problems? o what problems? I don't see any.. everything is dandy... :-p ..no seriously Alhamdulillah, i just wished my parents had sabr n spoke more calmly instead of being emotional about this.. Allah is Akbr, he is our protector, as long he is with us, no calamity should break us down, this is what keeps me going...
    Last edited by ForexTraderNYC; 25-02-18, 07:35 PM. Reason: damn when i free-write i make so many grammatical mistakes and yes my spelling sucks. No speaka' english.
    Quran 2:155 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

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    • #17
      AoA Welcome to forum

      By the way Romeo and Juliet both died of unnatural causes.
      "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Arsalan View Post
        AoA Welcome to forum

        By the way Romeo and Juliet both died of unnatural causes.
        pff, i'll make romeo N juliet look like WWII.. when i have my spouse. emmenseeeeeeee loveeeeeee to a point of suffocation!! no jus kidding.. pff dude being nice to your wife is one of the best of deeds said the prophet(saw) no shame in that.. The prophet was the most loving n caring husband in the world..u remember the time he lost the race on purpose... aww what a kind man.. so lets roll up our sleeves n cut those onions for the biryaani, cuz... mom got rice to take care off.... if u got nothing to do.. ask parents if they need help w/ something.. once done.. n get back to our precious internet world.

        . be "hey be a man! do the right thing" said russel peters in one of his gig.
        Quran 2:155 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

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        • #19
          Originally posted by ForexTraderNYC View Post

          pff, i'll make romeo N juliet look like WWII.. when i have my spouse. emmenseeeeeeee loveeeeeee to a point of suffocation!! no jus kidding.. pff dude being nice to your wife is one of the best of deeds said the prophet(saw) no shame in that.. The prophet was the most loving n caring husband in the world..u remember the time he lost the race on purpose... aww what a kind man.. so lets roll up our sleeves n cut those onions for the biryaani, cuz... mom got rice to take care off.... if u got nothing to do.. ask parents if they need help w/ something.. once done.. n get back to our precious internet world.

          . be "hey be a man! do the right thing" said russel peters in one of his gig.
          I highkey imagined just going up to older muslims I knew and just telling them I was ready to get married. everyone of them so they could put my name out their. that's what I was planning on doing in the future. try that out.

          34 isn't old man. here in the states a lot of non muslims who seek careers usually get married once they finish all of their schooling including the ones who are interested in becoming doctors and etc. mostly a couple of years after they finish school.Average age of marriage keeps going up in America. so that they are pretty stable enough to raise a family. non muslims though have a life style where having pre maritial sex is common in society, so staying pure isn't a necessity for most non muslims

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          • #20
            Yes 34 isnt too old but sometimes our elders dont have the right vision. They compare us to our cousins and other people forgetting that everyone's different.

            Yes, going to older muslims N seeking help, there is no shame in that or better yet use masajid matrimonial services? im guessing most practicing muslim families use them. :-) insha-allah things will be allright cuz' there is good in everything.. meanwhile i am getting my self in good shape, exercising/diet-ing no more icecream n noodles in past month and i miss em dearly grrr.. i figure we demand beautiful shaped spouses, we ought to do the same.. any other flaws/weakness i have i plan to work on those...n once all pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are put together, then it would be fair to to go out n find our missing rib/soulmate/better half/nagster/nag-queen.
            Quran 2:155 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

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            • #21
              Assalamu alaikum,

              there will be a lot of women who dont care about having a rich husband, they just want a husband who will follows the religion, be's kind to them and treat them with respect.


              “And marry those among you who are single (male and female). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” [Surah Nur, 32]




              al-Saheeh (no. 1425) narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi, who said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself (in marriage) to you.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her and looked her up and down, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) lowered his head and paused. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. A man from among the Sahaabah said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if you are not interested in her, then marry her to me.’ He said, ‘Do you have anything?’ He said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah.’ He said, ‘Go to your people and see if you can find anything.’ So the man went, then he came back and said, ‘No, by Allaah, I could not find anything.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Look and see (if you can find anything), even if it is only an iron ring which you can give.’ So he went, then came back, and said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, not even an iron ring. But (I have) this izaar (garment) of mine, she can have half of it.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘What can she do with your izaar? If you are wearing it she will have nothing of it.’ The man sat down, then after a long time had passed, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw him leaving and called him. When he came, he said, ‘What do you know of the Qur’aan?’ He said, ‘Soorah Such-and-such and Soorah Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Do you know them by heart?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then go, you are married to her by what you know of the Qur’aan.’”




              -As the brother said before, just be honist with her about your finances (as Im sure you would be) and you will see a lot women dont even care about the money, they just want a good husband, a companion to complete half their deen insha'Allah.


              Jazak'Allahu khairan
              www.puremuslimmatch.com

              *The Free Marriage Agency for practising Muslims*

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              • #22
                If 34 isnt old, i really dont know what is.

                Telling ur parents to "find happiness elsewhere" away from their kids is the most immature advice to parents i've ever read. who would've thought a 34yrs old would be that silly? Do u really think they've dedicated their life to hear you giving them a non-sense advice like this?
                Ridiculous
                *
                *
                * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

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                • #23
                  mr. wanderer1, waleykum salam.. thanks,...ahh yes ofcourse there must be some decent women out there who don't look at riches and only want a loving companion... its just they are hidden somewhere in a cave, finding them is the difficult part. I personally don't have high expectations either nor do i seek like a supermodel, i want someone whom i am attracted to when my eyes meet her eyes, I feel it will only help me increase my love/kindness towards her. I seen some people who lack of better word "ugly" and i feel bad for them, cuz it will be difficult for them to find their spouses.. and imagine how tough it will be upon their parents to see child become the 5th wheel every time.. i can imagine may allah save us from such tough tests which we cannot bear(bhaalu). Every difficulty is a test from god i think..and passing the test requires patience(sabr)..if u can achieve patience, u have achieve victory cuz in the end, to Allah is final return and he will reward those who are patient and Allah is with the patient ones says quran (2:153) ooo what was i saying? yes...

                  Mr. malleat1 , woa woa hold it right there...34 is old sure i agree but its slightly diff from males/females. Females, if im not mistaking after age 33 n onward their off producing offspring become less n less... however, thats not the case for males..(alhamdulilah) so parents need to be aware of this bit before they panic.

                  I have to passionately disagree with you about parents' finding "happiness finding elsewhere" part. If we can tone down our emotions and think objectively and ask what happiness is? is it not an emotion? you can feel happiness by looking at sunset,seeing birds chirp, or seeing your grandkids or whatever. In all cases, either we control our emotions or the emotions control us, take your pick cuzin, do u wanna be IN control or you want to BE CONTROLLED?.. like in times of sadness, we can cry like baby or we can hold our tears and think constructively over what/where we went wrong?...it's up to us how emotionally strong/stable we are.. are we someone sensative who easily, trust me i easily cry even seeing birds eat.. but there are times i hold firm, like at times when relatives died, everyone cried, i did cry but inside, outside i appeared to remain calm/numb but not cry like rest of folks. I knew if i cried who'd control the younger ones? i am very bad at consoling someone who losses a loved one, i cannot say cliche' sentences(ie: ohh so n so was such a great guy) i look into the eyes of one in pain, he looks into my eyes n feels my pain in seeing them in pain.. heh ok what am i talking about just now?? anyways...lets be practical and cut the emotional crap cuz in Allah we trust..his decree we accept.

                  So if parents are tying their "happiness" their absolute happiness to someone other than themselves, than i have to suggest such parents to find/explore new hobbies that they can find happiness in.. it could be anything..my happiness, i love the human interaction, great ideas/debates, knowledge, science if i have access to these, i am happy anywhere/everywhere.. with smartphone i am 24/7 learning something..some ides..it keeps me engaged/provides healthy stimulus to the mind... i advise every human should be busying themselves along these lines..every minute of the day we should be spending it in worship/seeking knowledge/helping self/others. anything else is just meaningless or waste of time/energy.

                  Dude seriously, did everyone's parents "always" dedicate their lives to their kids? not necessarily true for all. Not every kid was lucky.. Some parent's just had kids without even planning parenthood or even fulfill all rights as parents. Don't let your kids become educated only in skool but rather spending quality time with their kids. They can start by 1on1 meeting with their kids, spending atleast 5-10 minutes of the day asking them how their day went, what they learned and is there anything they want help with..that would bring wonders into our family life, it will build trust n strong bonds. The families where there is no communication is a family of strangers living side by side with no connection, no common values, it will end up hurting everyone's personality, their character and overall end up hurting the community/nation/ummah.. everything starts at micro level,cuz...

                  Allah blessed us with sound mind i think we should use it with wisdom and overcome our emotions, think objectively not emotionally, call spade a spade. Discuss our problems, not hide them pretending they'll go away..

                  Wow what a big rant' i have here... forgive me once i get started with it's hard for me to stop, braadaz' .. there is so many things going on my mind, can' you tell? a cluster of thoughts n ideas... i sould be called the contemporary Allama Iqbal of our times..
                  Quran 2:155 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

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