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  • Divorce and children

    Hi

    I am currently going through a divorce after finding out my wife had an affair with a english guy, I was shocked to begin with, but she says she does not love me and wants to leave me for him so I have already given her the islamic divorce after trying to convince her to give it another go.

    Now my concern is only with my 2 young girls and how they will be raised by her and him. She says she will convert him to islam - but she does not practice herself so I think it will be hard to convince a non muslim. Also she says she will raise them as muslims but again she lacks the knowledge to do this.

    I will have the girls with me at the weekends and I will teach them what I can.

    I want to go to court and fight for custody but I have been told the courts will always side with the mother.

    Her family have disowned her, however her brothers have not been told the true reason and I have been told not to contact them, if I was able to tell her brothers then maybe they would show her the best option is to leave the girls with their father who will raise them as muslims.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience?

  • #2
    Re: Divorce and children

    Brother do it, contact her brothers.

    Damn seen this before take no chances, forget the courts the talk crap most of the time anyway.

    What ever happens dont turn you back on your kids.

    May Allah help you & guide us All. Ameen.

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    • #3
      Re: Divorce and children

      Salam

      whatever you do PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do it with a clear mind and only after thinking it through, please don't be hasty and don't act on anger! or resentment

      Sunrise

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      • #4
        Re: Divorce and children

        Originally posted by ahmed D2 View Post
        Hi

        I am currently going through a divorce after finding out my wife had an affair with a english guy, I was shocked to begin with, but she says she does not love me and wants to leave me for him so I have already given her the islamic divorce after trying to convince her to give it another go.

        Now my concern is only with my 2 young girls and how they will be raised by her and him. She says she will convert him to islam - but she does not practice herself so I think it will be hard to convince a non muslim. Also she says she will raise them as muslims but again she lacks the knowledge to do this.

        I will have the girls with me at the weekends and I will teach them what I can.

        I want to go to court and fight for custody but I have been told the courts will always side with the mother.

        Her family have disowned her, however her brothers have not been told the true reason and I have been told not to contact them, if I was able to tell her brothers then maybe they would show her the best option is to leave the girls with their father who will raise them as muslims.

        Has anyone else had a similar experience?
        brother, im so sorry your going through this. it is so inherantly wrong for your wife to have custody of those kids given her behaviour. your in my duas.
        Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) say, “If you relied on Allah as He should be relied on, He would provide for you as He provides for birds.
        They go out hungry in the early morning, and return full in the evening." [Tirmidhi]


        sigpic

        Do not try to run away from trials and tribulations, but endure them with patience. They cannot be avoided, and there is nothing for it but to endure them with patience. How can you expect the whole of this world, and all that has been created therein, to undergo change and transformation just to suit your convenience? The Prophets are the best of all creatures, yet they have always had to suffer afflictions and so it is for their followers, those who tread in their footsteps as they walk along their highway, emulating their example.


        Shaikh Abdul Qadir al-Jilani

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        • #5
          Re: Divorce and children

          perhaps you should give a try to contact her brothers?
          insha allah dont give up anyway, it is better that u can get more time with ur kids to ensure their islamic education and upbringing insha allah. May Allah help u in that
          .: Rufaida :.
          .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
          http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
          “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
          but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
          ~ Ibn Atallah

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          • #6
            Re: Divorce and children

            Salaam

            I have thought long and hard about this and know if I contact the oldest brother it will cause alot of issues in their household because he has not been told the truth. My ex wife does not even want me going to birmingham in case I see them and tell them why we are divorcing, her dad has even threated me if I contact them!

            However I have to think about the children and by contacting her brother will make her bitter/twisted towards me but if there is a slight chance he can convince her of the right thing to do then it would be worth it, then at least I know I did everything I could for them

            thanks

            Ahmed

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            • #7
              Re: Divorce and children

              Originally posted by ahmed D2 View Post
              Salaam

              I have thought long and hard about this and know if I contact the oldest brother it will cause alot of issues in their household because he has not been told the truth. My ex wife does not even want me going to birmingham in case I see them and tell them why we are divorcing, her dad has even threated me if I contact them!

              However I have to think about the children and by contacting her brother will make her bitter/twisted towards me but if there is a slight chance he can convince her of the right thing to do then it would be worth it, then at least I know I did everything I could for them

              thanks

              Ahmed

              Islamically if a couple divorce the children are to remain with the father..mainly because it is his responsibility as he will be accountable on the day of judgement for their welfare and upbringing. despite the divorce they are still his children. But Allah knows best and He is the most Merciful.

              Also another reason is more so for the woman, now a days with so much stigma attached to a divorced woman its hard for her to remarry and even harder if she has children...because unfortunately that is the way of the community...Brother Ahmed, i know tat is not the case here but i am simply wanted to point it out.

              I can only suggest to you what i think is best. You must think about what is best ofr the children inshaAllah. Firstly, they are female and this man is a non muslim and until he married their mother he is ghair mahram to them...so will she be getting married to him?!

              Also the poor girls are confused...and seeing as though they are still young, not only will this all have an effect on them, but what sort of role model do they have in their mother (without being slanderous about her)? Not the kind that Islam advocates at all.

              You are their protector and if you need to contact her brothers in order to sagaurd the akhira of two muslims then inshaAllah do it!..i know if i grew up and learnt that my daddy wanted to look after me to protect me from an adulterous mummy and he didnt try his hardest to do it ..i would be heart broken!

              And you also need to think about what you will say to Allah on the day of judgement. I can see from your post this is none of your fault as she has strayed but this is a huge test from Allah ..and you need to develop Sabr and Tawakkul on Allah. InshaAllah the outcome will be the best for all those concerned.

              Will make dua for you as i am sure all ummah brs and srs will, May Allah make you strong and allow u to suceed in your aim so long as it is for the gratification of Allah. Ameen

              Wassalmu alaykum
              Sis P

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              • #8
                Re: Divorce and children

                asalaamu alaikum

                im very very sorry and sad to hear about ur situation. i understand that it must be a very hard and trying time for u.

                if ur wife was the one in the wrong and u want to raise ur daughters in an islamic way u should do whatever u can to win custody.

                the courts do tend to favor mothers but i think this situation is different. u want to raise them in a religious household which was ruined by there mothers infidelity...she obviously cant be practising the deen herself to go off and have an affair behind ur back. courts do tend to favor strong people with support...try to get together with ur family and show a united front.

                u obviously want ur kids and u dont seem too hasty so jsut do what u can and contact her family if u can...maybe they can talk to this woman and put sum sense into her.

                whatever u do...i hope it works out. keep trusting in Allah and he will provide u with whats best.

                walaikum salaam

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