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    From a mother to her daughter

    :salams

    Is it okay to allow your child to be aware that as a woman, you are confidential in how you look and pleased with your physical appearance?

    I don't mean cosmetics and western clothes.
    I don't mean any nakedness or inappropriateness.

    I just mean in a quietly modest sense, that as a female, the mother is grateful to Allah (swt) for being female and is confident in her femininity and unashamed of her form.

    When at home of course.

    Hopefully raising her daughter with a good sense of herself. Therefore lessening that crushing inadequacy and self criticism that girls (and boys) feel as they grow up.

    #2
    Re: From a mother to her daughter

    Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
    :salams

    Is it okay to allow your child to be aware that as a woman, you are confidential in how you look and pleased with your physical appearance?

    I don't mean cosmetics and western clothes.
    I don't mean any nakedness or inappropriateness.

    I just mean in a quietly modest sense, that as a female, the mother is grateful to Allah (swt) for being female and is confident in her femininity and unashamed of her form.

    When at home of course.

    Hopefully raising her daughter with a good sense of herself. Therefore lessening that crushing inadequacy and self criticism that girls (and boys) feel as they grow up.
    Is it haram? No.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: From a mother to her daughter

      Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
      :salams

      Is it okay to allow your child to be aware that as a woman, you are confidential in how you look and pleased with your physical appearance?

      I don't mean cosmetics and western clothes.
      I don't mean any nakedness or inappropriateness.

      I just mean in a quietly modest sense, that as a female, the mother is grateful to Allah (swt) for being female and is confident in her femininity and unashamed of her form.

      When at home of course.

      Hopefully raising her daughter with a good sense of herself. Therefore lessening that crushing inadequacy and self criticism that girls (and boys) feel as they grow up.
      :wswrwb:

      The parents , and mostly the mother , is the most important figure in boosting the morale of her children.

      Telling them that they are loved , beautiful , capable .. That they make you proud , happy , etc.

      These are all essential. In fact , there are stories I have read on this forum of women never being told that they are beautiful , ever in their lives. When really ( from an Islamic perspective ) , her family should be encouraging their self esteem or else they may go and seek it from haram sources.

      From what I have heard in general - and feel free to correct me , but things get problematic when we praise spouses / children beyond what is acceptable. For example , telling your spouse " You are the most beautiful of Allahs creations. " or things of that nature.

      Allah knows best

      Comment


        #4
        Re: From a mother to her daughter

        Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
        :salams

        Is it okay to allow your child to be aware that as a woman, you are confidential in how you look and pleased with your physical appearance?

        I don't mean cosmetics and western clothes.
        I don't mean any nakedness or inappropriateness.

        I just mean in a quietly modest sense, that as a female, the mother is grateful to Allah (swt) for being female and is confident in her femininity and unashamed of her form.

        When at home of course.

        Hopefully raising her daughter with a good sense of herself. Therefore lessening that crushing inadequacy and self criticism that girls (and boys) feel as they grow up.
        :wswrwb:

        Do you mean: confident/proud/happy in your daughters appearance? The word confidential threw me off there.

        I don't think any mother (and especially father) would not tell her/his daughter that she is pretty.

        There is probably a fine line though. You don't want your child having a false sense of reality in which she/he genuinely believes that she/he is extremely attractive (whether they are in reality or not).

        Comment


          #5
          Re: From a mother to her daughter

          Originally posted by horizon View Post
          :wswrwb:

          Do you mean: confident/proud/happy in your daughters appearance? The word confidential threw me off there.

          I don't think any mother (and especially father) would not tell her/his daughter that she is pretty.

          There is probably a fine line though. You don't want your child having a false sense of reality in which she/he genuinely believes that she/he is extremely attractive (whether they are in reality or not).
          Oh gosh sis, I meant confidence! Silly phone, sorry, I usually proof read.

          No, confidence in our own appearance as women. Children soak up like a sponge, how we feel about ourselves more than the words we say to them about them. So if a mother has a good balanced opinion of herself and her own body, then her daughter is more likely to have a balanced and appropriate view of her own sense of self.

          I also don't mean attractive either but more so just pleased with how Allah (swt) has made you. (Attractive, beautiful is largely the measurement of mankind)

          Comment


            #6
            Re: From a mother to her daughter

            Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
            :salams

            Is it okay to allow your child to be aware that as a woman, you are confidential in how you look and pleased with your physical appearance?

            I don't mean cosmetics and western clothes.
            I don't mean any nakedness or inappropriateness.

            I just mean in a quietly modest sense, that as a female, the mother is grateful to Allah (swt) for being female and is confident in her femininity and unashamed of her form.

            When at home of course.

            Hopefully raising her daughter with a good sense of herself. Therefore lessening that crushing inadequacy and self criticism that girls (and boys) feel as they grow up.
            :wswrwb:

            If they are not going to learn it from their mothers, they are going to learn it from someone else or learn something worse. So yes mothers need to teach their daughters to confident in their femininity, pleased with the way Allah has created them.
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            Comment


              #7
              Re: From a mother to her daughter

              Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
              :wswrwb:

              If they are not going to learn it from their mothers, they are going to learn it from someone else or learn something worse. So yes mothers need to teach their daughters to confident in their femininity, pleased with the way Allah has created them.
              Agree with this. Most people, if not all, want to be appreciated for how they look. If they don't get it from home, they'll look for it elsewhere.
              They might not prioritise it above other aspects of themselves, but it is still important. Especially when children go through puberty, they become more aware of their body image. At the same time, being aware that people come in all shapes and sizes but still recognising the health risks of extremes, and the difference between reality and photoshop/surgically 'enhanced' looks. Also not giving children the false sense of body confidence (i.e. complimenting what's not there).
              Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: From a mother to her daughter

                Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                Oh gosh sis, I meant confidence! Silly phone, sorry, I usually proof read.

                No, confidence in our own appearance as women. Children soak up like a sponge, how we feel about ourselves more than the words we say to them about them. So if a mother has a good balanced opinion of herself and her own body, then her daughter is more likely to have a balanced and appropriate view of her own sense of self.

                I also don't mean attractive either but more so just pleased with how Allah (swt) has made you. (Attractive, beautiful is largely the measurement of mankind)
                How would you convey this to your children?

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: From a mother to her daughter

                  Originally posted by horizon View Post
                  How would you convey this to your children?
                  I'm not really sure.

                  Within the confines of ones own home then allowing femininity to be celebrated, if a person is so inclined.

                  The way a child observes the interaction between her mum and dad, as in, respect, joy, gentleness, fun, courtesy etc. around the home in general.

                  Being open about the function of a female body during pregnancy for example and celebrating that too.

                  Aside from that, self esteem in general about ones self, (whether male or female) just having a realistic balanced view of yourself and not a conceited one nor a negative, self-critical one.
                  Last edited by Rifqah; 06-10-17, 06:05 PM.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: From a mother to her daughter

                    Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                    I'm not really sure.

                    Within the confines of ones own home then allowing femininity to be celebrated, if a person is so inclined.

                    The way a child observes the interaction between her mum and dad, as in, respect, joy, gentleness, fun, courtesy etc. around the home in general. (1)

                    Being open about the function of a female body during pregnancy (2) for example and celebrating that too.

                    Aside from that, self esteem in general about ones self, (whether male or female) just having a realistic balanced view of yourself and not a conceited one nor a negative, self-critical one.
                    1) I would hope every home in this Ummah is like that, inshaAllah.

                    2) Forgive my ignorance, but can you further explain what this means? Are you referring to situations where the mother doesn't conceal her pregnancy from her children? The hayaa of parent/child must be kept in mind in these instances

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: From a mother to her daughter

                      Originally posted by horizon View Post
                      1) I would hope every home in this Ummah is like that, inshaAllah.

                      2) Forgive my ignorance, but can you further explain what this means? Are you referring to situations where the mother doesn't conceal her pregnancy from her children? The hayaa of parent/child must be kept in mind in these instances
                      You have to hide your pregnancy from your children?

                      My nieces and nephews are curious and my sister when she was pregnant used to answer all their questions factually and also with warmth. My niece especially used to hug her mums tummy and speak to the new baby. My sister didn't mind, in fact it gave her an opportunity to teach her how wonderfully females are made and the complexity of new life.

                      If there are rules between mothers and children, I haven't learnt about those yet.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: From a mother to her daughter

                        Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                        You have to hide your pregnancy from your children?

                        My nieces and nephews are curious and my sister when she was pregnant used to answer all their questions factually and also with warmth. My niece especially used to hug her mums tummy and speak to the new baby. My sister didn't mind, in fact it gave her an opportunity to teach her how wonderfully females are made and the complexity of new life.

                        If there are rules between mothers and children, I haven't learnt about those yet.
                        To the best of my limited knowledge, no you don't. I am referring to situations where the pregnant mothers stomach is fully bare and the children can see it. You may have seen it in Western adverts related to small children and pregnant mothers, where the mother is wearing hardly any clothing (the pregnant midriff is fully exposed) and the advert is celebrated as "a time of joy".

                        I don't think any mother would be able to deprive her young children from "hugging new baby brother/sister in mummies stomach".

                        Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and as you said, it is an ideal time to educate curious children.

                        SubhanAllah, I think as long as the modesty/hayaa in dress is not violated, nothing else seems untoward or impermissible.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: From a mother to her daughter

                          Originally posted by horizon View Post
                          To the best of my limited knowledge, no you don't. I am referring to situations where the pregnant mothers stomach is fully bare and the children can see it. You may have seen it in Western adverts related to small children and pregnant mothers, where the mother is wearing hardly any clothing (the pregnant midriff is fully exposed) and the advert is celebrated as "a time of joy".

                          I don't think any mother would be able to deprive her young children from "hugging new baby brother/sister in mummies stomach".

                          Pregnancy is a wonderful thing and as you said, it is an ideal time to educate curious children.

                          SubhanAllah, I think as long as the modesty/hayaa in dress is not violated, nothing else seems untoward or impermissible.
                          Jazakallah khayr

                          I just realised you're a brother not a sister and I apologise.

                          I think of horizon and sunset and sister, sorry.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: From a mother to her daughter

                            Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                            Oh gosh sis, I meant confidence! Silly phone, sorry, I usually proof read.

                            No, confidence in our own appearance as women. Children soak up like a sponge, how we feel about ourselves more than the words we say to them about them. So if a mother has a good balanced opinion of herself and her own body, then her daughter is more likely to have a balanced and appropriate view of her own sense of self.

                            I also don't mean attractive either but more so just pleased with how Allah (swt) has made you. (Attractive, beautiful is largely the measurement of mankind)
                            I thought the same.
                            And yes, their mother is their number one role model, especially in a girl's first years.
                            Growing up with someone insecure and always complaining about their weight/face/hair and whatnot will take a toll on their mindsets.
                            The thing is, little girls don't usually notice the things women stress over, such as their weight or their size or acne etc. They pick up on these things depending on who they're with and from that, they start to form their own insecurities. Yes, if there's something noticeable children do notice, but unless you make a fuss over it they most likely won't if you show them it's normal and that it's how Allah created them.
                            Mothers should also show them how diverse people's bodies/skin colours/builds can be, to prevent shock and/or necessary comparisons later on.
                            Girls parents should make them feel beautiful and confident-inside and out, so they don't seek this acceptance elsewhere.

                            Comment

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