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How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

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    How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    :salams

    What the Title says.

    How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

    How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?


    #2
    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    IIRC, Women have custody until they get married again.
    Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

    If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

      Originally posted by Abdell View Post
      IIRC, Women have custody until they get married again.
      Yes, true.

      I was thinking more along the lines of access - obviously both parents would want access to the children. Here in the UK, they are able to gain access through the Courts.

      How does that affect children - being with one parent, then the other - back and forth. Then on top of that - some relatives saying negative things, trying to detach the children from one of the parents.

      Things like that.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

        [MENTION=89596]Muslima London[/MENTION]

        [MENTION=81355]candyapple[/MENTION]

        [MENTION=139790]Ekoor[/MENTION]

        Comment


          #5
          Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

          Theres reasons why we are told to be patience with our spouses, kids are one of those reasons.

          but it seemes like many kids grow up just fine. Provided the father or mother is not an absoulte wreck.

          Marry people with good character folks...Dont compromose because shes pretty or hes handsome or whatever else.

          Id ask some single moms here. Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason.
          Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

          If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

            Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
            :salams

            What the Title says.

            How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

            How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?

            :wswrwb:

            Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

            With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

            https://islamqa.info/en/20473

            http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

            There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

            If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).

            Comment


              #7
              Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

              Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
              Yes, true.

              I was thinking more along the lines of access - obviously both parents would want access to the children. Here in the UK, they are able to gain access through the Courts.

              How does that affect children - being with one parent, then the other - back and forth. Then on top of that - some relatives saying negative things, trying to detach the children from one of the parents.

              Things like that.
              Childhood trauma. Whilst kids can be resilient it still affects them being separated from one parent. However this also depends on the circumstances of the separation ie in cases of dv or abuse, where separation is vital then it can bring stability to a child.
              82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

              Comment


                #8
                Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                Originally posted by horizon View Post
                :wswrwb:

                Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

                With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

                https://islamqa.info/en/20473

                http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

                There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

                If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).
                If this is in the uk with services involved then the sister will more then likely be liaising with police courts social services ect as opposed to.ulamah
                82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                  :salams

                  What the Title says.

                  How does a parent deal with the 'other side' trying to 'influence' the child/ren involved by saying negative things about the said parent?

                  How do couples decide who/where the child/ren live with?

                  Wslmwwb

                  You cant describe what it does to children.

                  Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

                  Be it at school or socially etc.

                  I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                    It affects children later on in life, not immediately as they are too young to show the effects of it.

                    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                      Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
                      Wslmwwb

                      You cant describe what it does to children.

                      Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

                      Be it at school or socially etc.

                      I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.
                      true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.

                      Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                      **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                      Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                        Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                        true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.
                        agreed

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                          true, but very rarely it is mutual , as selfishness , the anger towards the other partner is always taken out through the childrens , they are used as pawns more often than not, even though parents think it is for the best interest ,but childrens life will be taken on a yoyo ride.
                          If couples truly love their kids they will (on both sides) try to do what is right and make theiur marriage work.

                          This includes giving up bad habits and cutting out what needs to be left out of marriage etc.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                            Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
                            If couples truly love their kids they will (on both sides) try to do what is right and make theiur marriage work.

                            This includes giving up bad habits and cutting out what needs to be left out of marriage etc.
                            Yes agree,
                            Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
                            It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
                            What hatred can do.Amazing

                            Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                            **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                            Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                              Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                              Yes agree,
                              Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
                              It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
                              What hatred can do.Amazing
                              I can tell you one thing,.. Marriage brings about love... Marriage itself cant love... The love comes from the human...
                              When you learn to love a person for the sake of Allah even though that person doesnt deserve even for you to spit on them... than only can you truly make a marriage work...

                              Comment

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