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How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

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    #16
    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

    Originally posted by Abdell View Post
    Theres reasons why we are told to be patience with our spouses, kids are one of those reasons.

    but it seemes like many kids grow up just fine. Provided the father or mother is not an absoulte wreck.

    Marry people with good character folks...Dont compromose because shes pretty or hes handsome or whatever else.

    Id ask some single moms here. Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason.
    I don't think anyone knowingly marries someone 'bad'.

    "Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason." - Thanks -_-

    Comment


      #17
      Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

      Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
      It affects children later on in life, not immediately as they are too young to show the effects of it.
      How though? - extreme example - do they become serial killers?

      How does it affect them?

      Why does it affect them? If both parents still love them - how/why are they affected?

      Comment


        #18
        Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

        Originally posted by horizon View Post
        :wswrwb:

        Alas, it is such that after divorce that husband and wife will be bitter (most times). Saying negative things will occur, but this does not make it right. It would equate to backbiting/slander. How does one deal with it? I am not sure.

        With regards to custody, I have referenced 2 different sites:

        https://islamqa.info/en/20473

        http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/33350

        There seems to be ijmaa that the child should stay with the mother, if the child is a minor (provided the wife does not remarry). Both sites also indicate that the welfare/costs of the child are on the father to pay.

        If this is *not* a theoretical question, then you (or whoever requires this information) should seek the advice/counsel of the local Ulama (who tend to deal with these matters and act as independent/fair third-parties).
        :jkk:

        If only people were more Islamically inclined - then I doubt these issues would even occur.

        But it's nice to know the mother has custody.

        Comment


          #19
          Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

          Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
          Childhood trauma. Whilst kids can be resilient it still affects them being separated from one parent. However this also depends on the circumstances of the separation ie in cases of dv or abuse, where separation is vital then it can bring stability to a child.
          Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
          If this is in the uk with services involved then the sister will more then likely be liaising with police courts social services ect as opposed to.ulamah
          :jkk: sis Asiya.

          I'd forgotten this is your expertise.

          Say for example - the person involved has a clean record - but then the spouse 'makes up' allegations of 'extremism' - then how does the SS view this - would the Courts automatically favour the other parent?

          Just curious.

          Comment


            #20
            Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

            Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
            Wslmwwb

            You cant describe what it does to children.

            Even though they adapt, somewhere they fall short.

            Be it at school or socially etc.

            I think couples (especially with kids) must think and ponder very care fully and try their best to amend their ways (if they are at fault) before taking the huge leap of divorce.
            I see.

            I think so too - and agree - all avenues for reconciliation must be exhausted before the 'D' word takes place.

            Unfortunately though - in some instances - you can't force a relationship/marriage to work - if the other person doesn't want it/you/to.

            Comment


              #21
              Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

              Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
              Yes agree,
              Sad reality of life.The person you love the most one fine day becomes your most hated person.
              It is so weird how individually they justify the divorce or separation by claiming it to be the best interest of children, somehow not having a clue that the children they think they know the most think absolutely the opposite.
              What hatred can do.Amazing
              Where does this hatred come from? If you've been married to someone for an X number of years - then surely you would have some degree of love/mercy for them. Especially if they haven't wronged you in any way?

              Is there such a thing as an 'amicable' separation?

              Comment


                #22
                Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                Originally posted by Ekoor View Post
                I can tell you one thing,.. Marriage brings about love... Marriage itself cant love... The love comes from the human...
                When you learn to love a person for the sake of Allah even though that person doesnt deserve even for you to spit on them... than only can you truly make a marriage work...
                Isn't that one-sided though?

                Shouldn't both spouses aim to make it work for the sake of Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala?

                How can one person make it work?

                Comment


                  #23
                  Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                  Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                  :jkk:

                  If only people were more Islamically inclined - then I doubt these issues would even occur.

                  But it's nice to know the mother has custody.
                  If the world was perfect, then our Deen would not have the method/manner to carry out a divorce.

                  People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. In the past, the reasons were extreme (and sometimes, even through abuse, spouses stuck it out with their SOs).

                  The Ulama would likely encourage all manner of reconciliation between the spouses, precisely to avoid disrupting the lives of the families/children. This is why I recommended getting in touch with them to assist.

                  If you are in the UK, then maybe the other sister might be able to assist you as well.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                    Originally posted by horizon View Post
                    If the world was perfect, then our Deen would not have the method/manner to carry out a divorce.

                    People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. In the past, the reasons were extreme (and sometimes, even through abuse, spouses stuck it out with their SOs).

                    The Ulama would likely encourage all manner of reconciliation between the spouses, precisely to avoid disrupting the lives of the families/children. This is why I recommended getting in touch with them to assist.

                    If you are in the UK, then maybe the other sister might be able to assist you as well.
                    This isn't for me.

                    But I see what you're saying.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                      Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                      How though? - extreme example - do they become serial killers?

                      How does it affect them?

                      Why does it affect them? If both parents still love them - how/why are they affected?
                      Children have a mind of their own, there is nothing more beautiful for a child mentally than to see both parents laughing and be happy together, they develop a strong heart based on compassion and love, what they become at old age is moulded at a young age , so everything small thing affects them in moulding them to who they are.

                      even if the parents divorce with proper understanding,
                      a child can see that affect when the parents are not around at school, when other kids talk about their parents, being picked on from others ,seeing happy families on the road,it affects them they begin to develop an internal anger of sort cos they cant understand fully like adults do.
                      These can become qualities.

                      Also , going to see the other parent during access , if the parent is happy a child can develop some form of anger , as to why he or she could have been happy as a family or even if the other parent is seen as sad then also that can develop into frustration.

                      Dont forget the stepparents coming into the scene , very rarely they turn out to be very happy.

                      Children dont become extreme , but can develop habits , getting close to the wrong friends for support, turning to TV and games for consolation support,
                      developing anger issues , short temper, finding it hard to keep a relationship etc.....





                      Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                      Where does this hatred come from? If you've been married to someone for an X number of years - then surely you would have some degree of love/mercy for them. Especially if they haven't wronged you in any way?

                      Is there such a thing as an 'amicable' separation?
                      It is betrayel isnt it. How can you explain a broken relationship if there was love and understadning all along , where is the logic in that.
                      The frustration of what went wrong , how could this happen.
                      In a snap that could turn that love to hurt to anger to hatred.
                      It is very easy to hate some one when you have loved , cos the history plays right in front of you.
                      Itis a unique form of feeling that you just take with a heavy heart.

                      Yes there is amicable seperation, ( in legal terms or face value ) but it never is the case isnt it , something ought to be wrong leading to that.
                      No sane two people would amicably seperate if they are happy together.
                      It is widely used to explain a divorce where both parties are in agreement, but it does not talk about the oroblems as both choose not to bring it out rather go seperate ways without any hassle.
                      Last edited by muzzybee; 22-08-17, 03:08 PM.

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                      Comment


                        #26
                        Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                        Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                        I don't think anyone knowingly marries someone 'bad'.

                        "Ummah forum seem to have a gazzillion of single moms for whatever reason." - Thanks -_-
                        Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

                        1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
                        2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
                        3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

                        These are all stupid, but common problems.

                        No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

                        No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

                        I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
                        Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

                        If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                          Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                          Children have a mind of their own, there is nothing more beautiful for a child mentally than to see both parents laughing and be happy together, they develop a strong heart based on compassion and love, what they become at old age is moulded at a young age , so everything small thing affects them in moulding them to who they are.

                          even if the parents divorce with proper understanding,
                          a child can see that affect when the parents are not around at school, when other kids talk about their parents, being picked on from others ,seeing happy families on the road,it affects them they begin to develop an internal anger of sort cos they cant understand fully like adults do.
                          These can become qualities.

                          Also , going to see the other parent during access , if the parent is happy a child can develop some form of anger , as to why he or she could have been happy as a family or even if the other parent is seen as sad then also that can develop into frustration.

                          Dont forget the stepparents coming into the scene , very rarely they turn out to be very happy.

                          Children dont become extreme , but can develop habits , getting close to the wrong friends for support, turning to TV and games for consolation support,
                          developing anger issues , short temper, finding it hard to keep a relationship etc.....







                          It is betrayel isnt it. How can you explain a broken relationship if there was love and understadning all along , where is the logic in that.
                          The frustration of what went wrong , how could this happen.
                          In a snap that could turn that love to hurt to anger to hatred.
                          It is very easy to hate some one when you have loved , cos the history plays right in front of you.
                          Itis a unique form of feeling that you just take with a heavy heart.

                          Yes there is amicable seperation, ( in legal terms or face value ) but it never is the case isnt it , something ought to be wrong leading to that.
                          No sane two people would amicably seperate if they are happy together.
                          It is widely used to explain a divorce where both parties are in agreement, but it does not talk about the oroblems as both choose not to bring it out rather go seperate ways without any hassle.
                          SubhanAllah so many problems can occur within the childrens lives i never even thought of some of these

                          May Allah bless us with a beautiful patience and make us more righteous

                          InshAllah divorce never takes place unless its the worst of situations

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                            Originally posted by Abdell View Post
                            Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

                            1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
                            2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
                            3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

                            These are all stupid, but common problems.

                            No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

                            No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

                            I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
                            Some guys do it as well lol

                            But more of the time the picky people are less in their deen

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                              Some guys do it as well lol

                              But more of the time the picky people are less in their deen
                              Guys are just as guilty if not more.

                              Particularly with good looks...Then they start conplaining when the wife is too lazy too cook lol
                              Stop being apologetic to Kuffars!

                              If I don't engage with you or reply to any of your question, it's likely because I find you racist and a total waste of time.

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Re: How Does Separation/Divorce Affect Children?

                                Originally posted by Abdell View Post
                                Sure, but people knowingly set the wrong priorities. You cant possibly tell me it isnt rampant in the islamic community. Here, Ill give you an example so you can understand.

                                1. Main Priority good looks - instead of deen Islamic character
                                2. Obssession with marrying a specifc race - Go to marriage site in the west and you see how notorious Arabs are for seeking White Guys..Men similiarly have weird obssession with white women in the west. - Instead of focusing on deen and islamic character
                                3. We know some parents are obssessed with marrying their daughters to people with certain amount of income.

                                These are all stupid, but common problems.

                                No one is saying that if deen was number 1 surely you would never get divorced, but theres a smaller chance that you will

                                No one is saying that you dont marry your daughter to rich guys...You should find someone financially capable to support your daughter. But we know many parents go way beyond that boundary.

                                I am not even going to discuss obssessive preferences. Having preferences are fine, obssessive preferences are whole anothr story. Some of these women wont even marry their own race. Audobillah.
                                Okay.

                                But this thread is about children - and what happens AFTER a marriage breaks down.

                                Comment

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