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Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

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    Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

    When my husband tells my two little boys to do something or to stop doing something, they do it right away and almost always no fuss about it. But when I'm alone with them, they try to walk all over me and have almost no fear of me?? ( Disclaimer: neither my husband and I hit or beat our kids or emotionally abuse them).

    It's doing my head in, so frustrating! Do any of you mom's have this problem? Or if you don't, how do you command respect, esp. from little boys? JazakAllah Khair!
    Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
    Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
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    You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

    #2
    Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

    cause boys are scared of dad. plain and simple. the boy knows-or fears- that if he dosent do what papa says thats hhes gonna get a whopin like a redheaded stepchild in a redneck village.

    boys also know that momma loves them and wont beat them so they feel that they have more power.

    its a boy thing. how can you command respect? IMO by beating them a little bit. nothing makes a boy respect their mama like a whopin up the backside.

    its a natural boy thing. the father dosent even have to do anything. his presence is enough to keep the boy in line.

    its either you beat them lol or get your husband to talk some sense into them and to give them a stern warning. worked on me as a boy. worked on every other boy i know too.

    heck im the biggest brother of this household (my bros are 7 and 8 and im 22) and when i warn them to be good to mom they are good. i dont have to beat them and ether dose dad. our words stick in their minds and they think twice before displeasing mom.
    Last edited by uncle umar; 14-06-11, 08:31 PM.
    And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allâh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. (25:63)

    O You who believe! Shall I guide you to a trade that will save you from a painful torment? (10) That you believe in Allâh and His Messenger (Muhammad SAW),and that you strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allâh with your wealth and your lives, that will be better for you, if you but know! (11) (If you do so) He will forgive you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Adn (Edn) Paradise; that is indeed the great success. (12)

    JazakAllah khair for the duas but i would prefer duas for shahadah instead.

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      #3
      Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

      back in the day "wait till your dad comes home" used to work a treat. dunno with today's kids though.
      Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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        #4
        Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

        my 2 year old daughter does the same. she dont listen to her mum but does everything i say. could be because i'm strict
        There is a clock on your forehead counting down to the time of your death. Only Allah knows how many seconds are left on it

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          #5
          Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

          uncle umar i dont think its a great suggestion to just beat them :S

          sis when ur husband is there does he back u up and stuff, so u are giving a united front to the boys and so he is reinforcing your authority with them etc? and when u give them any warnings for bad behaviour do u follow it through? have u got any consequences that u usually use? cos all those things will tend to help, and also the firm voice, 'dont mess with me' kind of look etc :p

          how old r u ur boys? mine both are still very young 3 yrs and 18 months but they listen to me as much as their dad, tbh probably more because i am with them everyday and i am stricter :p if u feel like they dont take u seriously as they try 2 ignore when ur telling them things then i think bring in some consequences and follow them through and they should get the message, n get their dad to back up the message or possibly also get him just to say to them i expect u to listen to your mum and do as you are told, as they listen to him then maybe its good if he also makes that point to them? and both of u encourage them a lot when they do listen and do as ur told, ie make sure you comment so they know that u noticed and ur happy with it

          if they r young they r prob just trying to test their boundaries and mayb they feel safest to try that with u, sometimes thats the case?
          .: Rufaida :.
          .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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            #6
            Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

            Originally posted by .: Anna :. View Post
            sis when ur husband is there does he back u up and stuff, so u are giving a united front to the boys and so he is reinforcing your authority with them etc? and when u give them any warnings for bad behaviour do u follow it through? have u got any consequences that u usually use? cos all those things will tend to help, and also the firm voice, 'dont mess with me' kind of look etc :p
            That's happened with all the boys in my family. :|

            I think men are just more believable when they're angry, I see it when my sister-in-law's tell my nephews off compared to when its my brother's telling them off. It's harder for mums to go through with the bold.
            Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
            O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
            We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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              #7
              Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

              :salams

              Children should have "fear" of both parents, I think. I know some of my aunt used BEAT the 'eck out her kids for little things, like not eating. So they used to listen to her and I'm sure they still do. I don't recommend this, though.

              I think if you raise your voice a little at them, that should do it. Show the anger in your tone and let them know when you're being nice and when you're being serious, so it creates the image in their head when mommy isn't playing around. Lol.

              It's probably harder for mothers to be strict to their children, I think, than fathers. But, they can get it done, too.
              Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

              "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
              - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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                #8
                Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                cuz dad rulez thats why :banbear:
                لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

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                  #9
                  Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                  :salams

                  Sister is it because you are/were less strict in the past ? Maybe that is how they got used to it and thus they do not listen to you ?

                  :wswrwb:

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                    #10
                    i notice my children are afraid of me. you have to have a commanding presence rather than tge simple approach. may Allah bless our children to respect us as parents and only fear allah

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                      #11
                      Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                      lol well for me
                      i see it this way...

                      If i annoy my dad he will ship me back home lol
                      if i annoy my mom she will lecture me/ignore me

                      idk moms are usually sweeter and dads are stricter

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                        #12
                        Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                        Watch supernanny :) lol..
                        http://s14.postimg.org/v1lw1cm69/ummahanim.gif
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                          #13
                          Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                          No Its Because The Dad Isnt Around As much I mean Working and Out Of The House

                          Moms Is The One Who Keeps The Ship Tight And Every Thing On Lock


                          But They Do Love You But Dad Gives Em More Favour I Reckon
                          And He found you lost and guided you,
                          ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

                          Salaah Reminders

                          Guide us to the straight pain.
                          " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
                          ~ Quran 1:6 ~

                          الله أعلم

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                            #14
                            Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                            Telling you now, when they Grow up and reflect on their Islamic teachings, they'll heavily regret any pain they caused their mothers.
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                              #15
                              Re: Why do the kids respect dad but not mom?

                              Originally posted by nousername View Post
                              When my husband tells my two little boys to do something or to stop doing something, they do it right away and almost always no fuss about it. But when I'm alone with them, they try to walk all over me and have almost no fear of me?? ( Disclaimer: neither my husband and I hit or beat our kids or emotionally abuse them).

                              It's doing my head in, so frustrating! Do any of you mom's have this problem? Or if you don't, how do you command respect, esp. from little boys? JazakAllah Khair!
                              Not having Fear of You does not mean they have no Respect for you ...

                              They probably "Walk all over you ..." because you'll fogive and tolerate them more than the Father, you will Punish them less than the Father, and you will in all likelihood Love them more than the Father ...

                              the solution is Discipiline, you've got to drill into them the line which they mustn't cross and what you won't tolerate ...


                              :jkk:
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                              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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