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  • My little sister

    As-salamu alaykum,

    Decided to ask on forums as I don't know who else to ask.

    (I keep re writing this post it's hard for me to put it into words)

    I'm a 20 Yr old guy and I'm struggling with my little sister.

    my little sister, who just turned 18, has been on and off about islam for just over a year now and has now decided to completely drop islam. She doesn't like that she has to dress modest and eat halal food only. She believes it has too many restrictions. I heavily blame modern society. She wears tight clothing to show off her backside and says it makes her feel more confident, as an older brother it makes me feel sick, seeing my sister walk about like that. My mother who has been through so much in her life already has told me to be patient as inshallah she will see that what she is doing is wrong. As repeating it to her will only make it worse and want her to continue what she is doing. I just don't know what to do in the meantime to help with the situation.

    It's stressing me and my mother out, my mother is sick as it is and the stress isn't helping. I'm sorry if what I have said isn't much of an explanation but it's hard for me to put it into words.

    If you have any advice or if your are in the same situation please let me know.

    Thank you.


  • #2
    Originally posted by M7Ali View Post
    As-salamu alaykum,

    Decided to ask on forums as I don't know who else to ask.

    (I keep re writing this post it's hard for me to put it into words)

    I'm a 20 Yr old guy and I'm struggling with my little sister.

    my little sister, who just turned 18, has been on and off about islam for just over a year now and has now decided to completely drop islam. She doesn't like that she has to dress modest and eat halal food only. She believes it has too many restrictions. I heavily blame modern society. She wears tight clothing to show off her backside and says it makes her feel more confident, as an older brother it makes me feel sick, seeing my sister walk about like that. My mother who has been through so much in her life already has told me to be patient as inshallah she will see that what she is doing is wrong. As repeating it to her will only make it worse and want her to continue what she is doing. I just don't know what to do in the meantime to help with the situation.

    It's stressing me and my mother out, my mother is sick as it is and the stress isn't helping. I'm sorry if what I have said isn't much of an explanation but it's hard for me to put it into words.

    If you have any advice or if your are in the same situation please let me know.

    Thank you.
    Wa Alaykum Salam

    Where is her father? Your post gives the impression that he's not in the picture.

    Prevent is always better than cure. Yes, modern society is heavily to blame, but it is our parents/community's job to nurture the Imaan of the youth so things like this don't happen so frequently.

    At this point it looks like there's not much you can do other than try to get her to believe in Islam again. Does she still pray here and there or has she completely abandoned it? Does she still wear Hijab or has she cut that off too? What about in front of your parents- has she abandoned the religion publicly?

    Try to encourage her from the ground up in a way that is not annoying or ineffective. You know her best. Prove to her that God exists and that Islam is the truth. Invite her to sisters conferences and Halaqas in the Masjid. Maybe you need to introduce her to some practicing sisters and see if they could inspire her to fear Allah.

    May Allah grant you Sabr.
    Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 22-01-20, 02:13 AM.

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    • #3
      Father not in the picture, a blessing in disguise, I have tried to be her father figure from a young age even though just a 2 year difference.

      My sister had autism at a younger age, Alhamdulillah it is a minor case and not major, has calmed down drastically over the years.

      My mother took care of us so well on her own, she is the strongest and biggest blessing to us. But she has been severely sick over these past few years, situations so deep that I see her in so much pain, I prayed that Allah would take her soul just so she could be in peace. The sickness was calming down until this happend with my sister, its beginning to get worse again.

      My sister doesn't pray, wore her hijab but was never forced, it was her own decision but she started secondary/high school and she took it off, we respected her decision at the time believing it would just be a phase and she would go back to wearing it.

      She has abandoned religion in front of me and my mother. We fear forcing her to accept Islam is going to push her further so we are trying to be patient.

      Her reason for leaving islam is "Why is there so much evil and suffering if Allah loves us". I showed her a lecture(s) online explaining why but she is just looking for any excuse now.

      Thank you may Allah grant you sabr asw
      ​​​

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      • #4
        This is something that I found online. It maybe of use to her:

        https://onereason.org/god/is-god-good/

        May Allah SWT make it easy for her and give your family patience.

        Comment


        • #5
          Sorry, I don’t know how to edit my post above, but I wanted to say that I was also in a similar situation - not in the sense of abandoning Islam, but more so the struggle of wearing hijab) and I can say that one of the major factors that cause problems with young ladies is the feminist agenda. Alhamdullilah, now I do wear hijab and I am only a few years old than your sister.
          I would say to check her friendship circles and don’t force anything.. explain the high status Islam has for women and that she is precious.

          also, is she going through any sort of emotional struggle with self-esteem or anything that is causing her to become like this?
          I think she is at an age where she is trying to find herself... in the meantime, make lots of dua that allah(swt) guides her back to the deen.



          Comment


          • #6
            Walaykum salam,

            First of all, make dua for her. Allah (swt) is the turner of hearts so pray that he turns her heart towards what is right and keeps you and your family steadfast. Whether a person accepts or rejects Islam is not in our hands and when a situation gets out of control, then dua is the first and best resort.

            Secondly, don't look at what she's doing, don't look at what she's wearing, instead look at what's behind all of this. What are her influences? What prompted her to stop covering her head in school? Was it bullying or was it feeling self conscious and not liking to stand out? Was it the sight of glamorous uncovered girls at school who seemed to have all the popularity, all the fun and all the praise and attention that she aspired to have herself? I don't know the answers to these, but finding out the answers can help you figure out what has led her to become like this and inshaAllah what can bring her back. Is this her reaction to the stress of seeing her mother so unwell and not being able to cope- possibly even wondering how could Allah (swt) put a good woman through something so painful?

            Don't bother scolding her or correcting her- your mother is right, she'll only rebel even more if you do that.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

            Comment


            • #7
              its the way the media, social media, TV programs, country is, anything that is modest is ''oppressive'' and everything else when you barely wear anything is '' empowerment'' this is all tricks of the Shaytan he loves nothing more than the clothes of women become less and less, the deeds become more shameful, you need to try to tell her about the true beauty of islam, and why women cover, ultimately to protect her and her Chasity and modesty and because shes precious and precious things need to be guarded against unwanted sight

              all these ideologies of current western times are all falsehood and plots and plans of the shaytan, how he has willingly got women to think they are being empowered by dressing half naked and that they feel confident on how much they reveal, its really sad, and I really feel your pain as someone whos going through the same thing as you in a similar sense its really tough trial

              Comment


              • #8
                1st make dua for her, Allah guides whom he wills. You will be surprise how many sisters I know from school days who were so far away from islam back then are now model muslima's & vice verse. Our teen and 20s are tough because everyone is finding their ground & we take extreme sides with the limited information we have.

                2nd don't police her. Don't give her halal and haram rules. At that stage, nothing pisses a person more than a haram police throwing rules at them. Islam is about believe first. Once believe/faith is there, the rules will follow. be gentle with her but don't let her be completely free of any guidance because she could get worst. At this point you are playing prevention game, not trying to get her to be a person who follows sunnah perfectly. At this point you need to help strengthen her faith & if her argument is "why is there so much suffering in world" then take her to places where people are suffering. she will see how much faith those people have & that her perception is completely wrong.

                3nd create an Islamic environment & community. Attend the next Islamic event, dinner, lecture..etc happening your neighborhood. Something about seeing a community of sisters in hijab gathering together strengths other sisters faith but don't' expect your sis to go alone. You have to go as family. Make it a family outing and go to those event. Why not volunteer to distribute food or any other activity Muslims in your community are engaging in. Things that she is passionate about but will get her to be around other Muslims. Many girls have weak faith because they are only exposed to Islam at home with their parents only. They don't go to masjid or Islamic events because parents are from back home & that's not the culture. But there is a strength in community & numbers. Girls need to be exposed to that. Start small, ask her to join you in the next MSA event at your university.

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