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How do you maintain a good relationship with your mum?

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  • #16
    I just want to clarify why I asked this question..

    I see from my experience and from my friends as well that most of the Arab parents are controlling. We should always show them respect but i don't think it is right to let them shape our future . We have to take the risk.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Farah. A View Post
      I just want to clarify why I asked this question..

      I see from my experience and from my friends as well that most of the Arab parents are controlling. We should always show them respect but i don't think it is right to let them shape our future . We have to take the risk.
      True its impacted my self confidence.
      8 powerful habits to succeed


      1. Wake up early!
      2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
      3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
      4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
      5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
      6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
      7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
      8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

      NEW UPDATE

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


      Watch this when you're distressed!

      Comment


      • #18
        Short answer..if you mother is a psycho,,you don't. Everything you mother does is for one simple reason..because you let her. Using your mother as an excuse to save yourself from taking risks or progressing or whatever it is you want to do is down to you. You have to change because she most definitly is not going to. There is a Bata chappal with your name on it if you need some sense knocking into you.
        Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the worldís ending!

        None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.Ē

        Comment


        • #19
          If we look at the story of Ibrahim (AS) it is the perfect example of duty/kindness to parents. He obeyed him and served him except where a matter was against the teachings of Islam. Even though his father was committing shirk and ordering him to do so, he did not get angry with him about his beliefs or curse/speak harshly to him.

          Over controlling parents can be a complete nightmare though, often they don't even realize they are doing it. Try to be patient with her, explain in a nice way how her behaviour affects you negatively, speak to a family member that can speak to your mum. Most importantly make duaa for relief from this.

          Comment


          • #20
            You're being vague, Br Magic.

            What has your mother restricted you from.

            Comment


            • #21
              I think you need to break free. Move out temporarily, e.g. for a year or two in another city or country. The distance might help the relationship and you'll gain some independence. 


               
              Pray. Fast. Zakat. Pilgrimage. Allah.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Magic. View Post
                What if you find her a barrier to progress, Islamically, materially and even in terms of marriage?
                What are her reasons? Is she ill and needs you around physically?

                You're your own person. I know some mothers want their sons to be reliant on them, in the hope that they won't "leave" them.

                I understand a mother's love and the desire to keep children close, but if it is causing you mental harm (anxiety/depression) - then take that step and move away for a while, travel, or do something different.

                Comment


                • #23
                  If she is physically healthy and not reliant on you then you should consider moving out as an option. One of my brother's friends has a controlling mum who was even controlling towards his wife when he got married and it led to his divorce even though him and his wife liked each other but they weren't allowed any space or privacy. He's the only son so for him to move out would be seen as a betrayal and "abandoning" his parents even though they're not dependent on him and his sisters visit them regularly.

                  Anyway he told my brother that he has two choices: either he lives with his parents and allows his mum to always have her way OR he gets a job abroad and settles down there. We found that strange but he said literally these are the only options and if he found a job out of town or said he'd have to move to another city in England, again, they'd accuse him of betrayal and abandonment. After his divorce, he did get married to a cousin his mother chose for him and this cousin was more subservient to his mum so they got on okay, but even so, he decided it would be best to move abroad so that his own wife and kids could have space to do their own thing. He got a job in Pakistan of all places and settled his wife and kids there (even though him and his wife weren't raised there) for years and they're doing very well. He does visit England from time to time and stay with his parents during those visits, but doesn't live here permanently and it worked out well for him.
                  The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Magic, I will suggest you to get out of this rut and take that brave step and do what you want to do.

                    Decide you want to move out and pray isthikhara.

                    You mentioned on a different thread that your mum is educated, she is working and therefore she is well informed. She isn't the typical south Asian mum being a housewife.¬¬†

                    I am sure she would not want her son to get 'whipped' by the modern girls of today. She works with Muslim women and she should know what is out there in general terms, so the confusion here is why she is keeping you sheltered.

                    Probably the motherly instincts, the fear of something, protecting you under her motherly wings etc.

                    in the long term this will damage your image as a man, women can sense a timid man and a man that is controlled by his assertive mum. This will put you in a week position as the husband

                    If you were a sister, my advice would be different

                    When it comes to marriage, alot of mothers have destroyed their sons marriage.

                    I could use my own example, my mother in law has alot to answer for.

                    Your mum might be trying to protect you, but she has to let you out in the real world to help you.¬¬†


                    I think you should reassure her and remind her that this doesn't mean you are leaving her.¬¬†

                    Many mums have this fear that their children will abondon them.¬¬†

                    sometimes, (especially Muslim men) have to take these steps to help themselves to grow and be a bit more assertive.¬¬†

                    ¬¬†
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #25

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Just talk and be there. Try not to argue. Or don't argue at all.
                        As the age gap is there. Her ideas and your ideas may not be the same.
                        Different experience.

                        Like some said, buy her food and eat together.
                        Watch tv together and talk about the show, even though you don't really like the drama that well.


                        Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          i have decided to do something, instead of moping around Jazakhallah for the advice guys
                          Last edited by Magic.; 12-10-19, 08:11 PM.
                          8 powerful habits to succeed


                          1. Wake up early!
                          2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                          3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                          4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                          5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                          6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                          7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                          8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                          NEW UPDATE

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                          Watch this when you're distressed!

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Magic, how's everything with you and your mum so far

                            Any improvement?

                            Sorry, I know it has only been a couple of days since you last posted about this
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                              Magic, how's everything with you and your mum so far

                              Any improvement?

                              Sorry, I know it has only been a couple of days since you last posted about this
                              I don’t want comment if it’s improved or not. I mean if it’s improved Alhamdullilah and if not then I’ll be patient. Every time something good happens I tell people and then it ceases. Maybe I am paranoid but I don’t want to comment.
                              8 powerful habits to succeed


                              1. Wake up early!
                              2. Do it as soon as possible, you could die tonight so make the best of today
                              3. Remember your life is unique, don't compare yourself to others. Use that jealousy as an energy to make your life a success"
                              4. Have healthy habits. Set a time each day to exercise. Try with the mindset you're only going to do some jumping jacks for 5 seconds and the next thing you know, you're doing a workout!
                              5. Read, read, read. Ponder over the Qur'an, learn more. Put the idiot box (TV) away
                              6. Take note. Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves.
                              7. Results aren't just worldly. Results are also about perseverance, retaining dignity, being honest, being honourable, doing good unto others.
                              8. Always encourage others especially our brothers and sisters, let them know making mistakes is okay, we all make mistakes, do not ever undermine them and make them feel incompetent. This is also true for the dunya, so what if they don't get the maths sum right the first time, that is what LEARNING is.

                              NEW UPDATE

                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJubtizAEfU


                              Watch this when you're distressed!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) order children to be good to parents specially to be good to mother. You are wrong there.

                                Comment

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