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How do we protect our sons from Fahsha until they're ready for marriage?

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  • How do we protect our sons from Fahsha until they're ready for marriage?

    Assalamu alaykum

    Disclaimer: I intend to keep this thread formal and beneficial for everyone inshaAllah. However, if you're upset with discussing the problem of Zinaa, masturbation, pornography, or anything of that nature, then this would be your key to exit the thread.

    Bismillah

    1) How do we protect our young boys from Zinaa and practicing onanism (masturbation) until they reach the age of marriage?

    2) At what age would you recommend speaking with your son about onanism and telling him that it's Haram?

    3) After informing him about its reality, how should we regulate his behaviour? Is that simply beyond our means?

    I hope you guys get the jist of where I'm going with these questions. I'd really like to hear your views and techniques on how to deal with this inevitable problem in our modern context.

    Jazak Allahu Khayr

  • #2
    Some useful threads:

    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/mi...e-masturbation

    https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/mi...-t-i-just-quit
    sigpic

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
      Assalamu alaykum

      Disclaimer: I intend to keep this thread formal and beneficial for everyone inshaAllah. However, if you're upset with discussing the problem of Zinaa, masturbation, pornography, or anything of that nature, then this would be your key to exit the thread.

      Bismillah

      1) How do we protect our young boys from Zinaa and practicing onanism (masturbation) until they reach the age of marriage?

      2) At what age would you recommend speaking with your son about onanism and telling him that it's Haram?

      3) After informing him about its reality, how should we regulate his behaviour? Is that simply beyond our means?

      I hope you guys get the jist of where I'm going with these questions. I'd really like to hear your views and techniques on how to deal with this inevitable problem in our modern context.

      Jazak Allahu Khayr
      Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

      Do you know the power of Dua? Dua is a weapon of a believer!

      Only through the Mercy of Allah Azza Wajal we can come through our hardships. Seeking forgiveness is one of the ways to earn the mercy of Allah azza wajal. Also, did you know - One of Allah Azza Wajal name is "Ar-Raqeeb" - He is the All-and-Ever-Watchful, observing everyone's actions, thoughts, and feelings. Ar-Raqeeb is also The Controller; preserving and organizing the affairs of creation with the perfect planning!

      I'd like to kindly share this Dua for Protection from Unlawful Desires

      Click image for larger version

Name:	Dua_for_Protection_from_Unlawful_desires_uAnvnsZ.png
Views:	1
Size:	65.8 KB
ID:	12589400


      Arabic to English: Allahummagh-fir zam-bee wa ṭah-hir qal-bee, wa ḥaṣṣin far-jee


      Meaning: O Allah forgive my sin, cleanse my heart and guard my chastity.

      Learn More: https://www.duasrevival.com/supplications/protection/dua-protection-unlawful-desires


      Please remember us in your Duas.

      Jazakallahu Khair,
      DR
      Do you know the power of Dua? Dua is the weapon of a believer! Website: https://www.duasrevival.com/

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Duas_Revival View Post

        Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

        Do you know the power of Dua? Dua is a weapon of a believer!

        Only through the Mercy of Allah Azza Wajal we can come through our hardships. Seeking forgiveness is one of the ways to earn the mercy of Allah azza wajal. Also, did you know - One of Allah Azza Wajal name is "Ar-Raqeeb" - He is the All-and-Ever-Watchful, observing everyone's actions, thoughts, and feelings. Ar-Raqeeb is also The Controller; preserving and organizing the affairs of creation with the perfect planning!

        I'd like to kindly share this Dua for Protection from Unlawful Desires

        Click image for larger version

Name:	Dua_for_Protection_from_Unlawful_desires_uAnvnsZ.png
Views:	1
Size:	65.8 KB
ID:	12589400


        Arabic to English: Allahummagh-fir zam-bee wa ṭah-hir qal-bee, wa ḥaṣṣin far-jee


        Meaning: O Allah forgive my sin, cleanse my heart and guard my chastity.

        Learn More: https://www.duasrevival.com/supplications/protection/dua-protection-unlawful-desires


        Please remember us in your Duas.

        Jazakallahu Khair,
        DR
        stop spamming

        Comment


        • #5
          .

          Comment


          • #6


            Originally posted by Duas_Revival View Post

            Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

            Do you know the power of Dua? Dua is a weapon of a believer!

            Only through the Mercy of Allah Azza Wajal we can come through our hardships. Seeking forgiveness is one of the ways to earn the mercy of Allah azza wajal. Also, did you know - One of Allah Azza Wajal name is "Ar-Raqeeb" - He is the All-and-Ever-Watchful, observing everyone's actions, thoughts, and feelings. Ar-Raqeeb is also The Controller; preserving and organizing the affairs of creation with the perfect planning!

            I'd like to kindly share this Dua for Protection from Unlawful Desires

            Click image for larger version  Name:	Dua_for_Protection_from_Unlawful_desires_uAnvnsZ.png Views:	1 Size:	65.8 KB ID:	12589400


            Arabic to English: Allahummagh-fir zam-bee wa ṭah-hir qal-bee, wa ḥaṣṣin far-jee


            Meaning: O Allah forgive my sin, cleanse my heart and guard my chastity.

            Learn More: https://www.duasrevival.com/supplications/protection/dua-protection-unlawful-desires


            Please remember us in your Duas.

            Jazakallahu Khair,
            DR
            Appreciate it guys. Hamza's thread was excellent as usual and that Du'a was a great reminder. However, this thread is specifically aimed at dealing with the issue as parents.

            How do we prevent our sons from watching illicit content online or 'relieving themselves' when we expect them to get married after college? Is that even a realistic expectation?

            Should we just close our eyes to it like our parents did for us?

            What is the way forward?
            Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 10-11-18, 02:33 PM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post





              Appreciate it guys. Hamza's thread was excellent as usual and that Du'a was a great reminder. However, this thread is specifically aimed at dealing with the issue as parent.

              How do we prevent our sons from watching illicit content online or 'relieving themselves' when we expect them to get married after college? Is that even a realistic expectation?

              Should we just close our eyes to it like our parents did for us?

              What is the way forward?
              At the end if the day, there is only so much you can do. You cannot control their every action or watch their every move. They will have to take responsibility for themselves

              Yes, you can teach, you can warn, you can educate and you can put things like internet restrictions in your household. What else can you do?

              You cannot shelter them and treat them like 10 year old children up until the point that they get married

              Even if you decide to restrict websites in your household, it is incredibly easy to work around these restrictions, so much so that anyone can do it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Gingerbeardman AbuNajm Abu 'Abdullaah .

                Could I get your opinions on this issue? I'm looking for answer that make sense with Islam, biology, and our modern context.

                The way things are done currently is flawed. This 'way' necessarily leads to Zina. Is there such a thing as a Zina-free solution?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Faith reloaded View Post

                  At the end if the day, there is only so much you can do. You cannot control their every action or watch their every move. They will have to take responsibility for themselves

                  Yes, you can teach, you can warn, you can educate and you can put things like internet restrictions in your household. What else can you do?

                  You cannot shelter them and treat them like 10 year old children up until the point that they get married

                  Even if you decide to restrict websites in your household, it is incredibly easy to work around these restrictions, so much so that anyone can do it.
                  Assalamu alaykum Akhi

                  Thanks for the response. Would you say that your perspective is no different to that of our parents?

                  Question: Do you see anything wrong with how things are currently set up in the West? Does it lead to Zina or do you believe that religious brothers are completely innocent of private Faahasha?

                  Personally I'd like to see a practical solution to the problem of Zina and onanism in the West. I believe that closing our eyes to this is irresponsible and oppressive.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                    Gingerbeardman AbuNajm Abu 'Abdullaah .

                    Could I get your opinions on this issue? I'm looking for answer that make sense with Islam, biology, and our modern context.

                    The way things are done currently is flawed. This 'way' necessarily leads to Zina. Is there such a thing as a Zina-free solution?
                    You mean when people follow a mixed-up craziness way of living made up of some aspects of their 'home' culture, the west and a weak attachment to Islam? why do they get messed up or how do we get out of it?

                    Because the way to help with this problem is to practice the deen, have trust in Allah and teach the youth about these issues so they don't fall into them, but are aware of the traps of lblis
                    FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                    www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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                    • #11
                      Let's say Allah blesses you with a son. How would you go about answering the following? Do you have an actual plan?

                      Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                      1) How do we protect our young boys from Zinaa and practicing onanism (masturbation) until they reach the age of marriage?
                      Am I wrong for thinking that marrying early is the only solution to this problem?

                      If men don't have a Halal outlet they will seek a Haram outlet because they necessarily need an outlet. It is virtually impossible from a biological standpoint to remain patient for that long.

                      Having children without planning or having a solid full-proof answer to this is absolutely absurd to me.
                      Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 10-11-18, 05:42 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post

                        Assalamu alaykum Akhi

                        Thanks for the response. Would you say that your perspective is no different to that of our parents?

                        Question: Do you see anything wrong with how things are currently set up in the West? Does it lead to Zina or do you believe that religious brothers are completely innocent of private Faahasha?

                        Personally I'd like to see a practical solution to the problem of Zina and onanism in the West. I believe that closing our eyes to this is irresponsible and oppressive.
                        Wa ‘alaikum as-salam : )

                        Well, I don’t think we could generalise the perspectives of all our parents, but yes, I believe it is basically the same.

                        Some things are wrong... like when demands are too much. But it’s hard to see anything changing or a solution! A guy has to show that he is serious, mature and in a positon to marry. And for most guys, this doesn’t happen until their early/mid 20s.

                        Back to your thread title... the protection is not within your hands. Statistics speak for themselves... even if you send your son to an islamic school, they are very likely to be exposed to some pornography from their friends or somewhere else. I remember when i was in secondary school, these muslim guys would watch pornography in the classroom, on the desktop computers.

                        And fahisha is not only about that. Vulgar language is a form of fahisha and the things a lot of teenagers say are not great. Back when i was at secondary school, I recall hearing all sorts of vulgar language on a daily basis, from brothers and hijabi-sisters alike, from vulgar language, to references to sexual things, all in the open and loud for everyone to hear

                        i would say that there are some gentle souls out there, who are free from all of this. But i believe they are in the minority

                        i agree, but i dont really see a solution...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Faith reloaded View Post

                          Wa ‘alaikum as-salam : )

                          Well, I don’t think we could generalise the perspectives of all our parents, but yes, I believe it is basically the same.

                          Some things are wrong... like when demands are too much. But it’s hard to see anything changing or a solution! A guy has to show that he is serious, mature and in a positon to marry. And for most guys, this doesn’t happen until their early/mid 20s.

                          Back to your thread title... the protection is not within your hands. Statistics speak for themselves... even if you send your son to an islamic school, they are very likely to be exposed to some pornography from their friends or somewhere else. I remember when i was in secondary school, these muslim guys would watch pornography in the classroom, on the desktop computers.

                          And fahisha is not only about that. Vulgar language is a form of fahisha and the things a lot of teenagers say are not great. Back when i was at secondary school, I recall hearing all sorts of vulgar language on a daily basis, from brothers and hijabi-sisters alike, from vulgar language, to references to sexual things, all in the open and loud for everyone to hear

                          i would say that there are some gentle souls out there, who are free from all of this. But i believe they are in the minority

                          i agree, but i dont really see a solution...

                          Defeatist mentality! I appreciate your honesty though.
                          ​​​​​​

                          Originally posted by Faith reloaded View Post
                          i would say that there are some gentle souls out there, who are free from all of this. But i believe they are in the minority
                          As much as I would like to believe that, it's virtually impossible for it to be the case. Young men naturally learn about onanism at a certain age without external influences. Surely it would be wise for us to speak with them about it during that stage.

                          Moreover, every man necessarily needs an outlet; whether it be a Halal or a Haram one. You cannot eat food and function like a normal human being without 'releasing'. I'm claiming that it's virtually impossible. Sure, maybe not everyone watches pornography, but they'll relieve themselves through different means. (Excuse my language)
                          Last edited by AmantuBillahi; 10-11-18, 05:43 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Gingerbeardman Sorry brother, Post #11 was directed to you but I forgot to quote you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post
                              Let's say Allah blesses you with a son. How would you go about answering the following? Do you have an actual plan?



                              Am I wrong for thinking that marrying early is the only solution to this problem?

                              If men don't have a Halal outlet they will seek a Haram outlet because they necessarily need an outlet. It is virtually impossible from a biological standpoint to remain for that long.

                              Having children without planning or having a solid full-proof answer to this is absolutely absurd to me.
                              First of all you are wrong to say this is a male problem, it is not. It is a human problem. Yes women do not fall into these evils as much, at least not Muslim women but they are not as far behind as you think... as the saying goes... it takes two to tango.

                              Now, yes a halal outlet for perfectly normal desires is helpful, but you are looking at this purely from a biological, or to be more precise a psychological standpoint, and discounting the power of emaan, of stepping outside or at least not being controlled by those physical restraints of the body.

                              I know many brothers who kept themselves away from these evils, before I married I did the same myself but that does not mean I am saying it is easy, it often isn't, but it is perfectly possible and Islam gives us the solutions to these problems.

                              So if you can afford it then marry, and marry young if you are capable of it on each level that is required.
                              If you cannot then fast.

                              But restraining from food and drink, whilst at the same time surounding yourself with music, or films, tv, freemixing is a recipe for failure.

                              It's because we mix the islamic solution, with a western lifestyle we see our brothers failing.

                              Not a problem in the solution itself.
                              FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                              www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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