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Marrying Our Children Off Early

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  • #61
    Originally posted by AmantuBillahi View Post

    Assalamu alaykum

    What are your thoughts regarding the Fitnah that boys go through during this age? Are you aware of the fact that it's impossible for a young man to remain patient until 25? Your son will commit sins and possibly destroy himself if he doesn't have a Halal outlet. What are you going to do about this?

    I really feel like women are oblivious to this, or they simply don't care.
    If the issue was women being oblivious, so many fathers wouldn't expect the same from their sons before they are ok with them getting married.

    Both men and women deal with fitnah, you have self restraint and there's also fasting. But if it got that bad of course I can not stop marriage. In most cases I see around me the men themselves want to be stable before they get married anyway.

    The advice is pretty clear, if you can't get married you fast.


    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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    • #62
      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post

      If the issue was women being oblivious, so many fathers wouldn't expect the same from their sons
      Culture, intellect and religious commitment prevent most fathers from understanding the frustrations of their sons. In our parents time there wasn't such a thing as pornography and society wasn't as promiscuous.

      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
      Both men and women deal with fitnah
      Women can remain patient much longer than men can in this aspect.

      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
      The advice is pretty clear, if you can't get married you fast.
      Easier said than done. Have you ever met a brother who fasts every other day? Because any brother who is above 20 and doesn't fast every other day..

      Don't mean to debate you sister. I mean, going back and forth might even be pointless. This is something women are oblivious to; no different to how we don't understand menstruation.

      Jazak Allahu Khayran

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      • #63
        Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post


        over 50% of guys in uk let alone the west have not been chaste
        thate me being optimistic

        Comment


        • #64
          Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
          Honestly, if I
          We're living in the 21st century where everything is expensive and extended family and cultural networks are being very disconnected. I wouldn't even marry right now at the grand age of 26 partially for this reason, its just not feasible.
          sisters shouldnt delay especially after 25
          i have relatives who struggled and they had nothing wrong with them but they started late

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          • #65
            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

            sisters shouldnt delay especially after 25
            i have relatives who struggled and they had nothing wrong with them but they started late
            Nope you can delay after 25, its brothers mentalities that should change about over-25s, instead of pushing sisters to rush to marry themselves off.
            وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

            And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


            أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

            Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


            Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

            Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

            Comment


            • #66
              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post

              Nope you can delay after 25, its brothers mentalities that should change about over-25s, instead of pushing sisters to rush to marry themselves off.
              of course your allowed to

              im just saying its better not to
              brothers wont change
              generally they want younger sisters
              this was also emphasized by the prophet

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post

                of course your allowed to

                im just saying its better not to
                brothers wont change
                generally they want younger sisters
                this was also emphasized by the prophet
                actually brother, matron women have their good aspects, as do younger woman, both are emphasised in sunnah. The hadith about the older women looking after the husband's little sisters comes to mind.
                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                Comment


                • #68
                  Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post

                  actually brother, matron women have their good aspects, as do younger woman, both are emphasised in sunnah. The hadith about the older women looking after the husband's little sisters comes to mind.
                  im not saying they dont have good aspects
                  im saying generally men prefer younger women and they always have and always will generally

                  and the hadith is about jabir radiallahu anhu
                  https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9126...gin-or-a-widow


                  again the general is younger

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Every child is different and it is not the parents job to dictate kids life. Some kids (very rare) will be ready for marriage and family at young age just like some kids will never be ready for marriage even at 40. Parents need to make best decision for their kids, keeping the kids personality & character in mind. Not every person needs to finish university nor does every person need to get married. We have to realize nothing in life is guaranteed to anyone, including marriage. There are few exceptions where an 18 year old is ready for marriage. But majority of the time, people are not mature enough at 18 to get married. They are still teenagers who don't know how to take care of themselves, forget handling marriage. I would not support young marriage for average kids.

                    they reason our parents r moving away from youth marriage is because they too saw too many immature ppl get married n make nor only their own marriage hell but make life difficult for everyone around. Parents having to interfere in those marriage just to keep it alive, mediation session every few months between the family to keep couple from killing each other, continue to financially support a married couple, raise grandkids because the mother/father doesn't know anything. Its just not worth the headache for parents. Yes getting married was easy a generation or 2 back, but the marriage itself was never easy. I met too many adult (especially ladies) who got married young but never grew up. Still act like teenager, still feel entitled, still need outside intervention because they can't manage their own life.

                    I don't understand why everyone is attacking people growing up in west to be immature. I been to east and I saw the people there, the youth are just as immature if not more in middle class family in East. There are boys in their mid 20s with no job and nothing to do but wait for exam session and parents to pay their pocket money. At least young people in west get part time job from teenage years and know how to manage money.

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                    • #70
                      My first goal is to make him financially and socially independent. Then I will assist (or dictate maybe depending on his judgement) him in his search for a wife In Sha Allaah.

                      I would like him to marry young, for obvious reasons. But yet, at the same time, I don't want to lose him :-(

                      (This would be even worse, if I had a daughter ... I dunno how people marry off their daughters).


                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
                        My first goal is to make him financially and socially independent. Then I will assist (or dictate maybe depending on his judgement) him in his search for a wife In Sha Allaah.

                        I would like him to marry young, for obvious reasons. But yet, at the same time, I don't want to lose him :-(

                        (This would be even worse, if I had a daughter ... I dunno how people marry off their daughters).

                        make him an alim for the ummah
                        in sha Allah

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post

                          Nope you can delay after 25, its brothers mentalities that should change about over-25s, instead of pushing sisters to rush to marry themselves off.
                          If women are free to delay marriage till over 25, then men are free to reject them in favor of younger women.

                          You can't have your cake and eat it too.

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Aslamualaykum

                            Early or late, just pray to God you find someone loyal and genuine. Otherwise restraining those desires will seem like a walk in the park for what’s to come...

                            A friend/colleague of mine got married at 17years(love marriage)had a beautiful wife and later a daughter. Now at the age of 23 they both detest each other and just live together( due to circumstances ) but pretty much independent of each other. I also had a similar experience but got off in a better position with some cuts and bruises etc.

                            Life doesn’t treat everyone the same way. Marriage isn’t as simple as it used to be. There was an order to things. Now it just feels like chaos, or maybe it’s just me?

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