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  • Children & Prayer.

    Assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaah,

    Prayer is one of the most important aspect of practising Islaam.

    How can we instill this practise, without it seeming to be a burden (on the child)?

    Those with experience, please advise.

    Do you wake your 7+ year old for Fajr on a school day?

    What about the summer, when the days are long, and Esha is late?

    How did they take to it?

    (My son will be 7 in some months time and I'd really like to embed this in his routine, without him "hating" it).



  • #2
    Sorry, no answer, but very interested in this myself. I see some of the brothers regularly take their little ones to many prayers at the masjid. These are good practicing brothers with good akhlaq, brothers who seem to have rahmah and a good relationship with their sons but the kids typically pray very hurried and carelessly if they're not next to their fathers.

    Hopefully some brothers and sisters have some useful advice. Very interested to know beneficial answers to this one. (Jazaa'akillah khair for thread. Alhamdulillah)
    LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
    -------------------------------
    "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
    NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

    Comment


  • #3
    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
    Assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaah,

    Prayer is one of the most important aspect of practising Islaam.

    How can we instill this practise, without it seeming to be a burden (on the child)?

    Those with experience, please advise.

    Do you wake your 7+ year old for Fajr on a school day?

    What about the summer, when the days are long, and Esha is late?

    How did they take to it?

    (My son will be 7 in some months time and I'd really like to embed this in his routine, without him "hating" it).

    Wa Alaykum us-Salam wa Rahmatu Llahi,

    The earlier you begin having your child pray with you, whether in congregation or at home, the better. Definitely by 7 years old, they should be praying every prayer with the father.

    I was particularly demanding on my child after 7 years old- I made sure that he stood still, made the movements properly, and learned proper outward khushu' in the prayer. It was the source of some crying and complaining on his part and some angst from his mother, however it instilled the proper conduct and etiquette over time.

    There's no skipping days, especially for male children. After 10 years old, there were no problems as it was routine. That is how the life of a Muslim is as a young adult, so they should get used to it as children.

    As for children hating things they are made to do, then I don't think there's anyway to avoid that at some points in time. However, with the prayer, it is important to combine the routine of prayer with the legal aspect as well- continuously remind them that Salaah is the one thing between them being Muslim and being a Disbeliever. There's no overstating that point, even with children.

    May Allah AWJ bless your child and make him among the pious slaves of Allah. Ameen.

    Comment


    • Indefinable
      Indefinable commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for your reply. It's good to see what has worked Alhamdulillaah.

      So it is better to take a "No Nonsense" approach. (He is already making excuses).*

      Why do you say "Praying with the father"? - I ask because often enough, the father isn't around due to other commitments.*


      Aameen. (The same for you).

  • #4
    Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
    Sorry, no answer, but very interested in this myself. I see some of the brothers regularly take their little ones to many prayers at the masjid. These are good practicing brothers with good akhlaq, brothers who seem to have rahmah and a good relationship with their sons but the kids typically pray very hurried and carelessly if they're not next to their fathers.

    Hopefully some brothers and sisters have some useful advice. Very interested to know beneficial answers to this one. (Jazaa'akillah khair for thread. Alhamdulillah)
    The bolded/underlined part is important. Being a father in the West means paying the bills and showing up to a sporting event once in a while. This is not what it means to be a father in Islam.

    Male children are not allowed to pray behind their mothers after the age of distinction between right and wrong. For this reason, it is important that fathers pray at least 2 prayers a day with their children to teach and correct their Salaah. I personally sacrificed career and my wife sacrificed lifestyle in order for me to be home while our son was between the ages of 5 and 10 years old. It was so important for us to do that as a family, al-Hamdu li-Llahi.

    Thanks for the tag.

    Comment


    • Fakhri
      Fakhri commented
      Editing a comment
      Jazaa'akallah Khair, dear brother, may Allah Ta'aalaa accept your efforts. Thank you for that reply. That's a good example for us all, for someone to be able to make those sacrifices by His Kindness. (Alhamdulillah.)

  • #5
    Sorry Brother Abu Najm, I can't seem to quote you. (Invalid Server Response).

    But why can't the mother correct the child's Salaah?

    Comment


    • AbuNajm
      AbuNajm commented
      Editing a comment
      Afwan, noble sister.

      Two things:

      1) The child prays right next to the father and so he will see things that a mother praying behind may not. For example, several times I made sure that my son was actually mouthing silently the Ayaat [in silent prayers], Tasbeeh, Tashahhud and Duruud. This wouldn't be possible for someone praying behind the child.

      2) Correction and discipline from the father and mother differ in how they are perceived by a child. My son would get away with murder when it comes to his mother and she rarely would be "enthusiastic" in the course of her discipline. On the contrary, my son couldn't get away with looking cross-eyed with me and the punishment always fit the crime, so to speak.

      That said, there are some mothers that are the disciplinarian of the two parents and they are capable of eliciting a "fear" response in their children and they are not shy to do so. In that case, the important thing is that the routine and discipline take place, not which parent is involved. If both can share that responsibility, then that is best.

      The dynamic between mother and son also differ greatly oftentimes. They are like peas and carrots and even partners in crime when it comes to not telling the dad things that might have happened during the day or while at work. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all. It's just hard to make the transition from partner in crime to bad cop when the time comes. That can make it difficult to assume the role of warden/dictator which is needed when it comes to setting routines.

      I remember when my son would get sick, like a cold or flu, I would be the one insisting that he make Tayammum and still keep the prayers within their timings, even if combined and/or shortened. When we travel, I am the one that insists on praying in public, even in the busiest airport or bus station, while they don't feel safe or confident to do so when traveling alone [which is understandable]. My point is that the mother, being the good cop and partner in crime [oftentimes], may not have it in her constitution to insist on holding to the routine and exercising the discipline necessary to make the Salaah something that a child knows must be done no matter the circumstances.

      Don't get me wrong- their are mothers out there who absolutely can effectively discipline and establish routines for children with respect to the Salaah and cultures differ in this respect as well. In the West, my experience is that this is something the father is better able to do, specifically with the prayer, yet work is not allowing it much of the time. That is part of the reason why we have children running amok in the prayer halls despite the parents being "good Muslims".

  • #6
    Brother AbuNajm. That's a really detailed and insightful response. I will definitely take your advice on board In Sha Allaah.

    Comment


    • #7


      What about rewarding him for praying?
      Adults pray with the hope of rewards from Allah, however adults have the understanding and ability to make efforts and work towards something/rewards that they can't see, and have the understanding to wait (a good while) to receive rewards as well, whereas a child/young person doesn't or may not have that.

      Perhaps this could help your son associate good with salah and see it as something positive, that if he prays, he gets rewarded which makes him happy. You know your son's personality, so you'll know what he likes/dislikes and how he takes to being told to do things.
      And of course I mean healthy treats that are good for the mind and body, maybe sugar-free homemade fruiy milkshakes/fruit ice-cream. :)
      Or non-food treats like playing with friends at the weekend if he completes a whole week of prayer?

      Just ideas ... May Allah make it easy for all parents, ameen.



      Comment


      • Indefinable
        Indefinable commented
        Editing a comment
        Great idea. I'll either try the "reward" system or the "punish" system. Depends on what approach I take.
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