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  • Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

    I apologise if there were topics about this before but am really tired of this issue i am going to write about.


    Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

    I chose this title simply because its how many un educated Muslim people think. Because of the attitude of some men, we have sisters whom are rebelling, we have sisters whom contantly bring up the tired annoying comments such as "yeah am gonna work and if he has a problem with that, to hell with him and his chavanistic attitude"

    I feel that it is wise to not take sides between any of them, because in my honest opinion both sides are intellectually bankrupt, the brothers for being under this pathetic notion of wife= maid and ignorance = obedience, and the sisters for not being able to handle the situation properly.

    They choose to let emotion dictate their conclutions regarding this issue instead of the superior sword of intelligence. with this short article i hope to inshahallah reconcile the pathetic battle of the sex's that has occured with in the ummah, of course in the light of quran and sunnah.

    In my opinion, the best advice a father can give to his daughter is similar to the advice my father gave me, which was something along the lines of

    You have the potential to be anything you want to be, and most importantly you have my permission to do as you please, and become in life whatsoever you please so long as it PLEASES ALLAH.

    i think his advice was not only wise but also fair, for he attached a condition to my desires, that condition being that my desire has to be in harmony with what pleases ALLAH.

    This condition naturally demands that i check the choices i make in life with what pleases allah. if they suit him i go ahead if not, i try to find another way. a subsitute, for submitting to ALLAHS will rather then yours is the supreme way to go

    having said that, many of us come from cultures and back rounds that teach things similar to islam, but at the same time things opposite, and i honestly believe the wife = maids issue is an idealogy which can find its roots in the various cultures.

    To the brothers (not singleing anyone out)

    Remember to educate a man is to educate him, but to educate a women is to educate an entire family.
    ignorance does not = obedience, fear of allah, knowledge of islam, respect, mercy and appreciation does,

    The wife has a duty to you, as u have a duty to her, each have rights, and the rights of one spouse are not superior to the others.
    "The relationship between husband and wife does not mean order and obedience. Rather, such issues must be based on mutual agreement without causing harm or benefit to one part at the expense of the other. "

    According to islam without beating around the bush i would like to stress the sweet reality often forgotton by many, which is in a nut shell that Being a maid is not the duty of the wife, assigned to her by ALLAH

    if thats all men seek from a wife, then surely swapping the constant nagging with a paycheck paid out to a certified maid, is a better way to go.

    Allah explicitly says in the quran woman are the companions of men, and they come together in marriage so that they may live in tranquility.

    Having said that, a wife preparing a meal, or catering to her husbands domestic needs knowing such things earn his pleasure, is a good thing.
    her cooking cleaning and what not though not being direct roles dictated to her by ALLAH, they are roles which are part of human neccesitys, whether she cooks and cleans for herself, or for her husband, the real woman will not see a difference, if by catering to his needs, whether physical, intellectual or domestic, she meets his pleasure, then ALLAH is also pleased

    for his pleasure is next to ALLAHs in that regard.

    Sisters must not feel because she does those things then she is a maid, it all depends on how u see things. and most importantly the attitude of the husbands regarding these things.

    No its not her duty to mend ur shoes, cook ur food, make ur bed etc, i noticed that the majority of sisters whom are caught up in the battle of the sexs issue, have no problem making 4 5 pancakes, or hoovering , what they have a problem with is the attitude of men whom say that is their only purpose and role in life.

    such men do an injustice to their own souls and their wifes.

    the prophet scw is our role model and he did all those things himself despite the fact that many wanted to do them for him.

    so as soon as men get this notion of wife = maid out of their heads, we will all live happily ever after scream some sisters.

    However they themselves are not perfect, what bothers me is not that they are upset with the certain attitudes of chavanistic men, but how far they go in imitating some kufar women when handling the situations.

    The media loves to protray muslim woman as oppressed, depressed, tired, unequal and pregnant, but they are far from the truth, it is not muslim women whom are oppressed or unequal, if that had been the case then by ALLAH the feminist movement would have began in the middle east and with a bang.

    Any muslim women who is oppressed or unhappy, is simply like this because of the absence of islam and not its presence.

    The problem with some sisters is that they take western values as arbiters in place of islam. i have a huge problem with this thus one of the reasons as to why i say they are intellectually bankrupt.

    western values must not be taken as arbiters

    the criteria for where right and wrong, whats morally correct or incorrect should be judged is in a nut shell in ISLAM and not western values, who by the way are for ever changing their values, this is wat happens when man legislates laws and dictates what should be the social norms, the laws are later found to be inadquate, and the norm ever changing, there are always loopholes, so there is always room for aiming for perfection. but with the laws of ALLAH decorated in ISLAM. there lys perfection at is best.

    Once our sisters realise this, they will be able to think intelligently, and go about things differently, for indeed only after realising this will they be able to go back to the source (quran and sunnah) and realise where they stand, and what their rights are. This is better and more effective then rebelling like a nincampoop.

    ALLAH put women in the front line of islam, he has given them conditions, and restricted for them only things which will cause them harm, these restrictions do not include, the right to education, or the right to work.

    ALLAH loves the women so much so that he even placed a condition on their wealth that non but they should spend from it, unless she decides to share it.

    To sisters, we know their are some men whom are scum, but let us keep an open mind, and realise that there are good ones among them. put aside the defence mechanism many of you use in assuming all men are chavanistic pigs, and let us focus on the bigger picture.

    i mean to say all that i justly can, as Rasoululaah scw said ALL OF US ARE INCHARGE OF OUR FLOCKS.

    the flock of the woman are her children (if she has any)
    doing good by ur children does not mean u can not excercise ur freedom of will in willing to work. if a need arised or u simply just wanted to.

    there is no reason as to why u cannot do both, however if u honestly see that in attempting to do so, that ur children are even in the least bit affected negatively, then prioritising according to importance by choosing to nurture them ova ur blooming career is a thing which can be described as nothing less then high moral excellence.

    Also let us know and recognise the fact that in catering to the needs of the men in our lifes, does not in anyway demean or damage our roles as equals.

    men and women in islam are over all equal, just not identical.

    There should be no competition between the two genders, those whom trive on competing are in reality insecure. we are different yes, but more alike then un alike, we should embrace our differences, and bond through our similaritys. The world is like a transit, do not turn ur backs on the world to come, by clinging to the one thats leaving u.

    To conclude

    men and woman are companions in this world. so work together productively. and be the cause for each others success in the after life, not weaknesses.

    Allah blessed be he has set limits and conditions for both genders, these limits can be found in all aspects of life, so long as muslim women abide by them god bless u in the choices u make.

    lets make love not war

    Note: i couldnt add any verses as i went along simply because i do not have any handy, so if others can provide them i will be grateful. may ALLAH forgive my mistakes and inspire any of u to correct them if they see any.

    Till the next episode peace be upon those whom follow the guidance.
    Last edited by Quest; 06-03-06, 10:09 PM.
    " Whoever abandones jihad in order to be safe from fitnah, then he has already fallen into fitnah that is a result of doubts in his heart, sickness of his mind and his abandoning jihad that Allah ordered him!" Ibn Taymeeyah r/a

  • #2
    Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

    Originally posted by Quest
    men and women in islam are over all equal, just not identical.
    :salams

    Mashallah in my opinion when I read such things like this I feel happy and content. Our women is our future, without women thier is no future. Pretty obvious but not a lot of people take this in consideration.

    When ever I look at a woman committing sins I feel worst then when I see men do it but only because men sometims force the women to do it and also because women are so precious, like a diamond but then again very tough within it's inner shell. But that's just me.

    Hey... Some of the best scholars of our time were taught by women. Capish'

    Jazakallah for that post may Allah swt bless you and help you gain more knowledge.
    [url]www.myspace.com/questonline[/url]

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    • #3
      Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

      :up: here here

      im sure if everyone knew that the divorce rates would drop hell of alot
      Please Re-update your Signature

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      • #4
        Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

        retro LoL

        submission, how sweet, yes and u are right akii, without woman mankind will be extinct, but then again with out man woman would not exist. (think adam eve and rib)

        u see either way we are reconciled, it should remain that way for ever.
        " Whoever abandones jihad in order to be safe from fitnah, then he has already fallen into fitnah that is a result of doubts in his heart, sickness of his mind and his abandoning jihad that Allah ordered him!" Ibn Taymeeyah r/a

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        • #5
          Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

          Originally posted by Quest
          without woman mankind will be extinct, but then again with out man woman would not exist. (think adam eve and rib)
          Interesting... While am about to go college I am going to think about that... Haha so I guess women and Men really are Equal and Thiers the proof lolz!
          [url]www.myspace.com/questonline[/url]

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          • #6
            Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

            Originally posted by Quest
            To sisters, we know their are some men whom are scum, but let us keep an open mind, and realise that there are good ones among them. put aside the defence mechanism many of you use in assuming all men are chavanistic pigs, and let us focus on the bigger picture.
            I still can't understand what means this bigger picture.:( We should do what exactly?:embar:
            :) t. l. poetry corner
            So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
            Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

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            • #7
              Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

              Submission lol you do that akii.

              Originally posted by mara
              I still can't understand what means this bigger picture.:( We should do what exactly?:embar:
              The bigger picture sister is ALLAH and his justice, if we put aside the defence mechanism i mentioned, by focusing on the true source of our diin, we will be able to solve this mess, with good reasoning and wisdom, as opposed to emotional outburst which get us no where, i hope that makes sense, if not holla.
              " Whoever abandones jihad in order to be safe from fitnah, then he has already fallen into fitnah that is a result of doubts in his heart, sickness of his mind and his abandoning jihad that Allah ordered him!" Ibn Taymeeyah r/a

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                Originally posted by Quest
                Submission lol you do that akii.



                The bigger picture sister is ALLAH and his justice, if we put aside the defence mechanism i mentioned, by focusing on the true source of our diin, we will be able to solve this mess, with good reasoning and wisdom, as opposed to emotional outburst which get us no where, i hope that makes sense, if not holla.
                The sisters should not divorce than? We should accept the man with his entire collection of faults and never ever try to make justice here? That you want to say?
                :) t. l. poetry corner
                So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
                Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                  Originally posted by mara
                  The sisters should not divorce than? We should accept the man with his entire collection of faults and never ever try to make justice here? That you want to say?
                  I'm sorry either we have some sort of mental block or am not being clear enough let me try again uktii

                  what i am saying is, if we focus on our diin, then we (the women) would no our rights, and not only that we would have the evidence to confront our men with.

                  rather then us getting all emotional and saying whatever it is better we move with evidence. corner him with proof that he is wrong dont just tell him his wrong.

                  thats what i am saying, i never said a woman should accept his faults and keep silent and trapped.

                  peace
                  " Whoever abandones jihad in order to be safe from fitnah, then he has already fallen into fitnah that is a result of doubts in his heart, sickness of his mind and his abandoning jihad that Allah ordered him!" Ibn Taymeeyah r/a

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                    Slightly off topic (as usual)>>>

                    If you come from a family where no-one co-erces you into obedience and no-one definitely orders you about, having a partner who expects you to shout "how high" when they say jump is bound to be incredibly awkward to deal with.

                    Some of it may be down to our own perception of the husband/wife relationship. A request to do something by the husband may be seen as "ordering" by the wife. Much of that interpretation is down to how the wife see's her position in relation to her husbands position in the marriage.

                    Another example: Before you leave the home, pre-marriage, I'm assuming most parents would ask the sister where they are going, with who, what for and expected time of return. Some sisters may not understand why they need to provide this information, whereas others do comply because because they are aware of how important it is for THEIR own benefit. (In my experience the above has applied to both brothers and sisters; however I am aware for the majority such an approach is generally used for sisters only. So those young boys you see hanging about the street corner til unsocial hours of the morning - Is it surprising their parents don't know their whereabouts? )

                    Now, after marriage if the husband was to ask the same questions, some women may throw a wobbly and accuse him of "keeping tabs" on them or not trusting them.

                    Some women indeed need to change their attitude.
                    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

                    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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                    • #11
                      Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                      Originally posted by Quest
                      I'm sorry either we have some sort of mental block or am not being clear enough let me try again uktii
                      We disagree because we don't have the same attitude toward family life-marriage.:embar:
                      :) t. l. poetry corner
                      So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
                      Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                        Originally posted by mara
                        We disagree because we don't have the same attitude toward family life-marriage.:embar:
                        LoL you are so cute sister, (by the way am female so no am not hitting on u)

                        care to share your attitude with me ?
                        am intrested
                        " Whoever abandones jihad in order to be safe from fitnah, then he has already fallen into fitnah that is a result of doubts in his heart, sickness of his mind and his abandoning jihad that Allah ordered him!" Ibn Taymeeyah r/a

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                          Husband will be my half which means briefly::)
                          will never hurt me, saying bad words, acting irationally
                          he always sustaining me
                          he is a great cook or at least not too picky when i made something S.F. in the kitchen;)
                          he loves the dogs because i like them
                          he likes everything what i like
                          and off course he is the perfect gentleman - don't expect me to try to educate him.
                          I don't have in my dictionary this word obedience and always when someone try to force me i do it in the last in my way but i never give satisfaction to that person.
                          For me marriage will be a constant happiness not that common work to mentain a relation.
                          :) t. l. poetry corner
                          So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
                          Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Husband & Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                            Mara you have to be realistic. You can not have a marriage of constant happiness without putting in any effort to maintain it. You're kidding yourself, sorry to tell you. You can't expect everything to come to you on a plate
                            .: Rufaida :.
                            .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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                            “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
                            but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
                            ~ Ibn Atallah

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                            • #15
                              Re: Husband &amp; Wife does not = Order and Obedience

                              Originally posted by Quest
                              Sisters must not feel because she does those things then she is a maid, it all depends on how u see things. and most importantly the attitude of the husbands regarding these things.
                              To be honest I think that is the main problem. The attitude of the husband.. No woman likes to be seen as a maid.. or treated badly if she fails to do the chores properly.. It is men who breed so called 'femenism'.. it is their attitude which is sometimes so ridiculous.. it can put one off marriage completely..

                              This is a big problem I think.. a very big problem..
                              - Inna Ma'iya Rabbi Sayah Deen -

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