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is this a divorce

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  • is this a divorce

    salaam

    I have been happily married for 10 years. We got along fine with no major arguments etc. Then her brother came from pakistan. He and his family had a grudge against me. In the past they wanted to borrow a large sum of money and also sponser him to come to UK. Unfortuantely i was not in the position to fulfil their request.

    Anyway, brother arrives in UK and stays with his sister in a different city. From then my wife started to act differently towards me. Acting cold and harsh. Sometimes she starts to pick a fight with me for no apparent reason. Started to ask for divorce. Her brother rang saying she is unhappy and best to give her divorce. I ignored him.

    Things got from bad to worse. She started to hit me. She kept asking for a divorce. One day she threaten she will cut her wrist if i dont give her a divorce. I had no choice but was forced to write on a piece of paper ' i divorce you ' three times. She read the paper and asked me to put her name next to each sentence which i did. Then i signed underneath. I told her i am not divorcing you and this paper does not count. You forced me. I did not say the words 'i divorce you' She then left to stay with her brother. Are we divorced? The thing is she has comes to her senses and wants to come back. I am willing to give her a second chance but she claims her family insists it is a proper divorce.

    My understanding is that you say it verbally 'i divorce you X' , then wait a month then say it again, then wait a month. This way you have the chance to change your mind. However i have heard of cases where the man says it to his wife three times in one go.
    Last edited by wazza; 16-12-05, 02:23 AM.
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  • #2
    It sounds like you are in a spot of bother.

    Under British law writing I divorce you 3 times on a piece of paper does not constitute divorce.
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    • #3
      Hmm brother go to your local imam or sheikh.
      She forced you into it, and you didnt want to give her divorce, if you dont then she needs to get khula.

      Allahu Alim ask an imam, someone who is knowledgeable in this field. :insha:

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      • #4
        Actually after reading your post a second time I would be wary.
        If a couple in Britain divorce then the wife generally gets half of the husbands assets, house etc. Could your wifes cash strapped family be trying to extort some money from you ?

        Its hard to say as I dont know you or your family, but your brother in law sounds a bit dodgy.

        Be on your guard.
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        • #5
          Originally posted by Tony
          Actually after reading your post a second time I would be wary.
          If a couple in Britain divorce then the wife generally gets half of the husbands assets, house etc. Could your wifes cash strapped family be trying to extort some money from you ?

          Its hard to say as I dont know you or your family, but your brother in law sounds a bit dodgy.

          Be on your guard.
          Tony the Tiger has a point.

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          • #6
            I have the same feeling as Tony, but we have three children. The house is soley in my name. Have drawn a will which leaves everything to the children.

            I am just thinking about the upbringing of my children. Want them to growup in a stable environment. They are under 10 years old.

            Is there a directory of imans in UK? Or simply ask at mosque? The thing is there are people 'hanging' around in the mosque and i want to discuss this matter privately.
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            • #7
              3 kids, this complicates things. See your Iman by all means, but see a good solicitor also.

              The house is in your name, you think this protects you ?
              In British law the mother is generally given custody of the children, she will also probably be given the house, you will also have to give up a large portion of your income until the youngest child is 16.
              You may also have to pay a portion of the mortgage ( of the house you wont be living in) until your youngest child is 16.

              I have a good friend who was divorced about a year ago. He gave up his home freely so his ex wife had a home to bring up their daughter. He was prepared to pay child support. But when the case came to court the judge made him pay not only the child support but also a large share of the mortgage on his wifes home.

              And that was just one child in an amicable divorce.

              Worried yet ?
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              • #8
                here is more fuel to add the the fire so to speak. 'wife' moved in with brother who has rented a flat. there isnt enough space for the kids and also its in a different city. she has left the kids with me to look after. after a couple of months she took me to court for custody of the kids. she lost. i have custody of the children. i had to give up my job in order to bring them up. the youngest at that time had just turned 2. the seperation is coming to its 2nd year anniversary. the strange thing is she visits the kids once a week and we talk like as if still married when we were happy. this is done purely in front of the kids so they wont feel any tension or bitterness.

                away from them we talk like friends. we dont argue. she admits she has made a foolish mistake but her family wont let her come home. she is confused and bitter of the stupid decision she made

                back of my mind i wonder if she is coming back for revenge or if she has come to her senses

                if no chidren was involved then this matter would have ben closed. friends and family have initally tried to put sense into her but no response. Now they advice to clean the slate and start a fresh life with a new wife.


                what is life not simple?
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                • #9
                  bro u should check if its divorce... i dont think it is but i dont know.. as far as i knew it had to be given verbally and could not be done by force etc... but check with an alim in your area... where are you from ill try to guide you to a suitable place inshallah...

                  also try to reconcile with your wife its the best thing for yor kids and for yourself...


                  There is no nobility in anyone who lacks faith.

                  The wise man knows that the only fitting price for his soul is a place in Paradise.

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                  • #10
                    al-hiraab have tried to send you a private message regarding an imaan in my area. could you pm me and i will return it stating my location. wish to be as discrete as possible

                    thanks
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                    • #11
                      is this divorce

                      dear brother

                      assalam allekum

                      to day i read all your posts about divoce. actully your and mine problem is the same.

                      my husband also said talaq three times togeather, i am also in problem its talaq is done or not,

                      so if you find any soultion for that so please let me know also i have also three childeren and
                      i am always thinking about them.

                      i read in one magzine about the matter according to them this talaq is not done, but i am not satisfied what to do now i am also living in london but for me very difficult to find imams.

                      bcz all the time i have to stay at home bcz of childeren.

                      sabina
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                      • #12
                        Its a good idea to ask your questions to a scholar qualified in issue of divorce or if you decide to ask at a fiqhi site like Sunnipath.com, it maybe helpful. Also when you ask you will have to give exact reality of how and what eactly happend so the scholar(s) can assess each of your individual reality and give you a judgement.
                        "The objective behind Shari'ah is to liberate individuals from his desires in order to be a true Abd (slave) of Allah and that is the legitimate Maslaha... Violating the Shari'ah under the pretext of following Maqasid al-Shari'ah is like the one who cares about the spirit without the body and since the body without the spirit is useless therefore the spirit without the body is useless too." ~ Imam Shatibi - The greatest intellectual founder of Maqasid al-Shari'ah

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                        • #13
                          Sabina - did your husband give talaaq in front of witnesses? for some this is a valid divorce. I plan to ask the mosque for an iman and will ask him.
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                          • #14
                            The way Shariah has ordained divorce in the husbands case, is if he verbally says 'talaq.' (Three times on the spot or three times in one setting there is a difference of opinion.)

                            As for those who refer to the British divorce system, this has no basis in Islam as we divorce according to All Mighty Allah's laws not Tony's laws.

                            With regards to the will that one has drawn, make sure it fulfils the rules of Shariah in terms of the shares each member of the family may receive.

                            We mere laymen can advise from the limited knowledge we have, although Allahu 'Alam about your case, make sure you refer to a scholar Inshallah.
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                            • #15
                              :salams
                              oh god life is so scary....best of luck 2 u both wazza...& sabina
                              may ALLAH guides...& sorts out the problem in ur & ur children's best of interests..
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