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    <TABLE class=tborder cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt1><TABLE width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD width="90%">marriage guidance
    </TD><TD align=right width="10%"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- message -->I met this guy online on a matrimonial website .We just got to know each other initially -about urselves ur background etc etc -now its been 4 weeks since we've been chatting online n on the tele;hone , n now I think that this guy is the one i would like to get married to n he too thinks the same - the feeling is mutual.
    I am a dental surgeon n am working right now, this guy is a consultant in international trade but due to some unfortunate circumstances he could not go through his formal education hence he has done only his 10th std n then his BBA.
    My mother n father were looking for a guy for me n have always wanted me to get married to a guy is either an Engg or a Doctor.Now since this guy does not have a degree they dont like him for me.He is doing fine for himself n Alhamdulillah is also looking after his family too .As far as i'm concerned it doesnt matter if he has a degree or not n all that i'm looking for is a guy who is God fearing n one who will res;ect me n be faithful to me.And i think that he is all this n more.
    I am writing all this on the bulletin board because I would want to get some advice from anyone wise n elder who could guide us because our intentions are good n we would like this relationshi; to end u; in marriage.
    I have told my mom and dad about it but they refused, because they dont think that he is good enough coz he doesnt hold a degree and they dont want to give him a chance too, both of us dont want to go against our ;arents because we think that we cannot have a ha;;y marriage by hurting our elders.
    My ;arents have decided about a guy who is an Engg and they want me to get married immediately but i dont want to get married to anyother guy and hence am in a fix .InshaAllah i'm ho;ing to get some hel; from someone thru this
    <!-- / message --></TD></TR><TR><TD class=alt2> </TD><TD class=alt1 align=right><!-- controls --></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
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  • #2
    Tanveer -- I have a quick question -- do you have other members of your immediate family who were married in "love matches" instead of "arranged marriages"?
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    • #3
      Originally posted by tanveer
      <TABLE class=tborder cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt1><TABLE width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD width="90%">marriage guidance


      </TD><TD align=right width="10%"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- message -->I met this guy online on a matrimonial website .We just got to know each other initially -about urselves ur background etc etc -now its been 4 weeks since we've been chatting online n on the tele;hone , n now I think that this guy is the one i would like to get married to n he too thinks the same - the feeling is mutual.

      I am a dental surgeon n am working right now, this guy is a consultant in international trade but due to some unfortunate circumstances he could not go through his formal education hence he has done only his 10th std n then his BBA.
      My mother n father were looking for a guy for me n have always wanted me to get married to a guy is either an Engg or a Doctor.Now since this guy does not have a degree they dont like him for me.He is doing fine for himself n Alhamdulillah is also looking after his family too .As far as i'm concerned it doesnt matter if he has a degree or not n all that i'm looking for is a guy who is God fearing n one who will res;ect me n be faithful to me.And i think that he is all this n more.
      I am writing all this on the bulletin board because I would want to get some advice from anyone wise n elder who could guide us because our intentions are good n we would like this relationshi; to end u; in marriage.
      I have told my mom and dad about it but they refused, because they dont think that he is good enough coz he doesnt hold a degree and they dont want to give him a chance too, both of us dont want to go against our ;arents because we think that we cannot have a ha;;y marriage by hurting our elders.
      My ;arents have decided about a guy who is an Engg and they want me to get married immediately but i dont want to get married to anyother guy and hence am in a fix .InshaAllah i'm ho;ing to get some hel; from someone thru this
      :salams
      Do you have anyone that is respected by your parents that could talk to them on your behalf? ... someone who might be able to get them to see things from your perspective?

      :wswrwb: <!-- / message -->
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      • #4
        To Bagera

        Dear Bagera,

        We dont have any uimmediate family members on either side who were married in love matches.

        Any advice n guidance from your side under Islamic view point will be deeply appreciated

        Thanks

        Tanveer
        Originally posted by Bagera
        Tanveer -- I have a quick question -- do you have other members of your immediate family who were married in "love matches" instead of "arranged marriages"?
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        • #5
          To Inayah

          Dear Inayah,

          I dont have any one from my side of family n friends to speak to my parents on my behalf and explain to them.

          Any advice n guidance from your side under Islamic view point will be deeply appreciated

          Thanks

          Tanveer
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          • #6
            Originally posted by tanveer
            Dear Bagera,

            We dont have any uimmediate family members on either side who were married in love matches.

            Any advice n guidance from your side under Islamic view point will be deeply appreciated

            Thanks

            Tanveer

            Regarding a child's marriage match, in most situations, the parent's primary concern is that the spouse is suitable in terms of compatiblity with the family, education and income. Your parents are basically concerned about securing your future (and maybe extended family's future as well).

            If your heart is leading your head, your wise parents will see this and try to discourage your romance and marry you off quickly to a spouse of their choosing.

            But if you are mature enough to let your head rule over your heart, and understand that the bloom of romance will blend into a deep love and respect, then you need to be prepared to stand strong and enlighten your parents that you are making a wise, head strong choice.

            What you need to do is to allow your parents to express their concerns and fears openly and then allow your love to allay those fears -- first by acknowledging their concerns and then reassuring them that the two of you have your future (security) well mapped out. Open communication is a great key to opening minds.

            I wish you luck.
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            • #7
              Originally posted by tanveer
              Dear Inayah,

              I dont have any one from my side of family n friends to speak to my parents on my behalf and explain to them.

              Any advice n guidance from your side under Islamic view point will be deeply appreciated

              Thanks

              Tanveer
              Tanveer,

              The way your parents have reacted from the Islamic perspective is wrong. IF a good pious man asks for your hand in marriage, they should accept. Merely saying that your not allowed to marry a man because he doesn't have a thick paycheck is not good.
              The prophet Mohammed (Peace & blessings be upon him said "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers" (vice virsa too).
              Theres also another hadith (cant find it). What it said was if a pious man comes to ask for a women's hand and her guardian turns him down, this will spread great fitna.

              1) First thing is to do istikhara - That is extremely important when making decisions such as. What better than to seek Allah's guidience?

              2) Try to get an imam to talk some sense into your parents.

              3) Try and arrange a date for the guy to come over to your house, to meet your parents.

              IF after doing istikhara you notice things start to go with you then thats a good sign, if they start going againest you (i.e. obstacles) then its bad for you. Also, your feelings may change too. For more info on istikhara, google it.

              BUT as your a women your not allowed to marry this man without your parents permission. If you've tryed your best with them and they still don't listen, then it would be best to forget about him, and not to leave them for him (i.e. run away with him)! etc..

              Hope this helps
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              • #8
                :) I'd go with Shaolin's advice!
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