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Seeking appropiate spouse....

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  • Seeking appropiate spouse....

    Marrying for Deen?


    The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained that the primary consideration in choosing a spouse should be their deen.

    "Deen" is a very comprehensive word. It does not only mean praying and fasting. The deen relates to one's entire life-transaction:

    (1) One's relationship to Allah, through belief, worship, and following His Commands;

    (2) One's relationship to others, through being good in one's dealings, good character, honesty, uprightness, and so on;

    Therefore, it covers:

    (1) Belief;

    (2) Outward worship;

    (3) Good character and manners (akhlaq);

    (4) Good, upright dealings with others (mu`amalat), in accordance to the Sacred Law and guidance of the Beloved of Allah (peace and blessings unlimited be upon him, his family, companions, and followers);

    (5) One's turning to Allah in all one's affairs (suluk).

    Therefore, these are things one needs to consider when marrying someone. Someone with the above is better than someone of noble lineage or social standing with shortcomings in the above, and the former would be a more suitable choice in marriage. This is why another condition for a legal match is that their "deen" be comparable to the deen of the girl and her father.
    [Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

    Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said,

    "Whoever's actions slow him down will not be speeded up by his lineage." [Muslim 4867, Tirmidhi 1853, Abu Dawud 1243]
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,
    Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

    http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

  • #2
    jazakallah for the reminder sis :up:, an interesting read indeed :)
    Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

    Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

    Comment


    • #3
      Against my will....

      Islamically, an adult woman has the right to choose or agree to the person she will marry, for the obvious reason that this is the person who will be her companion and ameer for the rest of her life.

      The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him) said ,

      If the person is not suitable for religious reasons, or because she does not like his character, personality, or something else that will not make her happy or secure with him, then she has the full right to refuse to marry him, and her parents cannot force her to do so against her will. Then, if she continues to refuse, the marriage will not be valid. If they force her to accept against her will, they will have wronged her.



      (Item 53)

      * An adult free woman cannot be forced to marry, whether she is a virgin or a non-virgin.

      * Rather, it is necessary to get her permission and approval.

      * If she is a virgin and her immediate guardian (wali), or his agent (wakeel) or messenger (rasul) sought her approval before marrying her off or if he married her off... and she knew the husband and the mahr and maintained her silence from refusing, without being forced, or smiled or laughed without doing so scoffingly, or cried without a voice, then [in all these cases] this is considered an approval [f: legally, though it is religiously recommended to seek explicit spoken approval]... (Qudri Basha, )

      This is confirmed by Imam Haskafi and Ibn Abidin in Radd al-Muhtar `ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar (2.298-299, Bulaq ed.) and other major texts of the Hanafi school.

      Refusing in the best of ways
      The sister should think things through, and seriously consider whether her parents are, in fact, right. []

      However, if she concludes that the suitor in question is simply not suitable for her, she has every right to refuse.

      Given this, they have no right to marry her to someone she does not approve of, especially if he is not religious.

      She will not be wronging her parents in any way by not obeying them in such a marriage, though she must remain polite, non-confrontational, and well-mannered, for this is their right.

      Giving parents their rights, too
      This is because giving someone (even oneself) their right does not permit one to take the right of others.

      The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) instructed that we, [Hakim and others]



      Allah Most High instructed us and those before us,


      And,



      One brother explained his marriage process, and the troubles he went through with parents and family, which he dealt with admirably, as,
      What does 'freedom' mean?

      Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
      Restricted by the sky?

      Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
      Not enough river to explore?

      Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
      but death for the fish,

      The sea is wide for the fish
      but will engulf the bird.

      We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
      We can only express our nature as it was created.

      The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
      freedom from slavery to other than the One,
      Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
      and a horizon that extends to the next life,
      Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

      http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

      Comment


      • #4
        On request of AbdulWahab :)

        Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Book 62:
        Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

        Narrated Abu Huraira:

        The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers
        What does 'freedom' mean?

        Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
        Restricted by the sky?

        Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
        Not enough river to explore?

        Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
        but death for the fish,

        The sea is wide for the fish
        but will engulf the bird.

        We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
        We can only express our nature as it was created.

        The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
        freedom from slavery to other than the One,
        Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
        and a horizon that extends to the next life,
        Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

        http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

        Comment


        • #5
          *bumb*
          :up:
          MashaAllah a productive thread regading marriage :)
          Please Re-update your Signature

          Comment


          • #6
            Mashallah :up:
            Please Re-update your Signature

            Comment


            • #7
              Jazakullahu Khair
              :lailah:

              Comment

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