not wanting to get married!

[Kulthoom]

Salaam all,

I have a freind who is having a really bad time with her parents at the mo. She want to carry on her education, shes in the first year of her degree, she overheard her mum discussing a prospective marraige parnter with someone and she confronted her saying that as she wasnt interested her mum might as well say no. Her mum went ballistic that she over heard and the matter bacame exaggerated and they continued to fight. From what i know she's always had a good relationship with her mum and can;t really talk to her dad as he's her step dad.

Her mum told her she's had enough of her being too independant (only making choices which i feel and she feels are islamically her rights) and is going to look for someone for her even though she dosnt want to get married. her mum especially was very practising and has even been born and brought up and educated in england.

Im not sure what to advise her even though i know shes right what do u guys advise?

ws

[Ebony]

Just bcz her mother is looking doesnt mean tht she will in turn definitely get married.

[aamilah]

what makes her think that if she gets married it will tamper her education? Why cant she say she will marry if her husband allows her to continue her education

[Abdul-Curim]

if the prospective marriage partner is of good character and can manage a family of his own , then the sis has no good reason to reject .

[Neyzen]

salam

Salam


In this situation, it shouldnt be insisted her to get married. no one has any right to force her to get married. if she gets married she may not have a happy life. her parents will be respobsible for that.

But this sister should be patience. she should just make dua. inshaAllah everything will be better for her. May Allah help this sister. maybe as a friend of her you should try tp talk her parents. you may help her.

ws

[Kulthoom]

jkahair to you all for your replies, i know what u all mean i guess its just tring to make her understand it all she's a bit worked up at the mo!

ws

[outlandish]

if the prospective marriage partner is of good character and can manage a family of his own , then the sis has no good reason to reject .

oh yes she has a good reason. If the sis doesnt want to get married,she dont want to get married. No one can force her to get married,its her right.
Maybe she just aint ready for it,and her education is a good enough reason as well.

[Abdul-Curim]

education could be pursued after marriage too .

and what good reason for a woman to be repugnant to marriage ?

[MG]

sounds to me she is over reacting, her mother has a RIGHT to look for a man in marriage, she shoulda sat down and talked to her mother, she gone way over the top and i wouldnt ever have an all argument with my mother like that,no matter what she did to me.


She brought me into this world,she can do what she wants with me (unless its against islam or force) even then u shoudl sit down and talk.

[ponderingstar]

yep, must go with outlandish. if she does not want to get married she does not have to. better she inform her parents of her decision now than not be able to say it inthe day of her nikka becasue she is too embarrased and ends up getting married to someone she doesn't want like.

[MG]

yep, must go with outlandish. if she does not want to get married she does not have to. better she inform her parents of her decision now than not be able to say it inthe day of her nikka becasue she is too embarrased and ends up getting married to someone she doesn't want like.

i agree but i dont agree with the WAY she went about it at all.

[Abdul-Curim]

if she interested in some bro from the UNI she should speak to her mom , and leave the decision to her parents .

[outlandish]

education could be pursued after marriage too .

and what good reason for a woman to be repugnant to marriage ?

well a good enough reason these days for women to be repugnant to marriage is the lack of nice brothers out there.
and no education most of the times can not be pursued after marriage. It gets lots tougher and heavier for the women.First they say yeah sure u can continue studying,but than its like no better stay at home. She has to take care of house,hubby and what if she has kids later. Would be very hard to continue,and in the end they have to leave studies.
Forcing her wont do any good. such marriages dont last for long either

[Ali_Khan]

Total overreaction to hearing the conversation.

Parents are parents, of course they talk about getting their kids married! They worry about their children and they think about it, they keep their eyes and ears open to prospective partners.

That is a good thing, it shows they care and want the best for you.

It must be hurtful for parents when their kids react immaturely and put across a "rebel" attitude.

And it doesn't help the situation of the child either.. If you approach your parents with respect and maturity and hear them out and then put across your opinion, you are likely to get a better response than if you scream and shout at them and sound rebelious and defiant and as though you don't even care what they think, you've already made up your mind.

If it was at the stage where the mother hadn't even told the daughter.. surely it was not even serious enough to be a worry?

Reserve your right to say no. But say no as nicely as possible so as not to hurt your parents and make it a them vs. you situation.

Mashallah, sometimes it is hard to beleive you are 19.

[Kulthoom]

SALAAM ALL,


just like to say a big jk to all of u for taking the time out to respond, most appreciated.

sr chainedwater :up: thanks for the humble advice i totally agree with what u said but as u also mentioed easier said then done. I guess the best thing to do i stay quiet and try to address the issue later with a clear mind. this was the advice i gave her.

Ne way thanks again:inlove:

ws