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The pre counselling consultation thread INPUT NEEDED!!!!

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  • The pre counselling consultation thread INPUT NEEDED!!!!

    Dearest wonderful sisters,

    sister reema had expressed a desire to start a counselling thread on the sisters forum and i figure its a great idea. we all need help etc on liek personal matters.

    i wanted to know what rules we could have.

    i really do require help and advice in certain things. like what to do to make things better etc. what do you guys think i shoud do in these circumstances. Is it permissable to discuss personal situations if we do not mention peoples names and beacuse no one knows who i am on line?

    i just want an islamic perpective on this.

    thanks :)
    Please Re-update your Signature

  • #2
    I think if the purpose is to gain advice and seek help.. then it is OK esp without names.
    My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong, That trust is now my shield; I'm safe, and undeceived.- Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi

    Real forsaking is forgetting the thing forsaken.- Shaykh al-Shadhili

    Live as long as you wish, you shall die. Love whatever you wish, you shall be separated from it. Do whatever you wish, you shall be rewarded for it. - Jibreel (as)

    ياَ أَبَا اَلزَّهْرَاء وَلَّذِي صَانَكْ- لاَتُخَيِّبْنَا يَا سِيْدِي نَحْنُ ضِيْفَانَكْ
    O father of Zahra, for the sake of the One who protected you,
    Please do not leave us disappointed, O master, we are your guests. - Shaykh Ahmad al-Alawi (rh)

    أَنتَ رَبّي وَ عِلْمُكَ حَسْبِيْ. فَنِعْمَ الرَّبُّ رَبِّي وَ نِعْمَ الحَسْبُ حَسْبِيْ.ـ حِزْبُ البَحْر

    Comment


    • #3
      Like even on fatwa sites I've seen quetsions like..

      "My father is having an affair with a woman online.. me and my brother found pictures of his mistress on his computer, she wasn't very dressed. We are very upset and don't know what to do.. shall we tell our mother?"

      I distinctly remember one like that.. my fave Mufti answered it and gave them advice.. he didn't indicate that it was wrong to be discussing it or anything.

      So I seriously think for the these kind of purposes it is OK.

      We all need advice sometimes. We all need to talk about whats going on in our lives to get comfort from friends and get help and guidance.

      Is that wrong?

      I don't think so.. but it raises an interesting question.. We should search around for a fatwa on this.. the issue has never even crossed my mind before.
      My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong, That trust is now my shield; I'm safe, and undeceived.- Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi

      Real forsaking is forgetting the thing forsaken.- Shaykh al-Shadhili

      Live as long as you wish, you shall die. Love whatever you wish, you shall be separated from it. Do whatever you wish, you shall be rewarded for it. - Jibreel (as)

      ياَ أَبَا اَلزَّهْرَاء وَلَّذِي صَانَكْ- لاَتُخَيِّبْنَا يَا سِيْدِي نَحْنُ ضِيْفَانَكْ
      O father of Zahra, for the sake of the One who protected you,
      Please do not leave us disappointed, O master, we are your guests. - Shaykh Ahmad al-Alawi (rh)

      أَنتَ رَبّي وَ عِلْمُكَ حَسْبِيْ. فَنِعْمَ الرَّبُّ رَبِّي وَ نِعْمَ الحَسْبُ حَسْبِيْ.ـ حِزْبُ البَحْر

      Comment


      • #4
        firstly i am in hysterics at "she wasn't very dressed"... *ahem*... but yeah.. sorry.

        I think it depends how you talk about people. i do not see those people who cause me harm or emotional distress as bad people but as people who are victims of their own personalities just as i am of mine. But the thing is that is you discuss someone with a friend and you both know who that person is, if that person has wronged you then teh friend WILL inevitably think badly of them. i think this is wrong but it's human nature. For example if someone you knew was acting antagonistically twards you because of something that had come between you and you told your sister, she would obviously feel for you and not for this other person.

        it's difficult ground which can be made more complicated in real life. women love to talk and communicate but they also pass judgements on people they don't know. (as men do also) not to say that you would be lying about the said person, but if your sisters actions towardsthe said person changed, then i just think this would be where things would become back biting.... because of the repercssions, but Allah knows best.
        Please Re-update your Signature

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        • #5
          depression kills:(
          ربِ إشرح لي صدري ويسر لي أمري

          Comment


          • #6
            from what i understand about backbiting you are allowed to talk about someone, to a friend/person etc if they can bring justice to you.

            i think a counselling section would be excellent, i love lstening to others probs and giving advice!!
            The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

            Comment


            • #7
              I found some bits of information which may prove useful inshaAllah. :)

              What is Depression?


              Depression is a mood disorder that influences every aspect of daily life. This illness affects all segments of the population in every socio-economic group: children, adults, the elderly.

              Depression influences every aspect of daily life. This powerful disease controls the body, mind, behavior, emotional state and can even determine the ability to maintain relationships.


              Profound sadness, irritability, rapid weight gain or loss or inability to lose weight, indecisiveness, insomnia or constant fatigue, memory loss, and feelings of worthlessness can plague the sufferer who often times can not explain "why".


              Ranging from mild to severe forms, depression symptoms leave a wake of dysfunction that cannot be willed away nor ignored. Contrary to popular belief, depressive disorders have biochemical origins that, in most cases, readily respond to clinically proven herbal remedies and natural remedies. However, if left untreated, symptoms can endure for weeks, months, or years.

              What does 'freedom' mean?

              Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
              Restricted by the sky?

              Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
              Not enough river to explore?

              Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
              but death for the fish,

              The sea is wide for the fish
              but will engulf the bird.

              We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
              We can only express our nature as it was created.

              The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
              freedom from slavery to other than the One,
              Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
              and a horizon that extends to the next life,
              Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

              http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

              Comment


              • #8
                Symptoms of Depression

                Symptoms of depression range from the obvious low mood to the seemingly unrelated tell tale sign of memory loss. The severity and types of symptoms vary with individuals and vary over time.

                Since depression manifests itself with such a wide array of experiences, it may difficult to diagnose and often goes untreated. Recognizing the symptoms, however, is the most important step in successful treatment of depression. These symptoms include:
                Persistent sad or "empty" mood
                What does 'freedom' mean?

                Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                Restricted by the sky?

                Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                Not enough river to explore?

                Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                but death for the fish,

                The sea is wide for the fish
                but will engulf the bird.

                We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                We can only express our nature as it was created.

                The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                Comment


                • #9
                  Types of Depression

                  Depressive disorders come in different forms, just as is the case with other illnesses such as heart disease. This pamphlet briefly describes three of the most common types of depressive disorders. However, within these types there are variations in the number of symptoms, their severity, and persistence.

                  Major depression is manifested by a combination of symptoms (see symptom list) that interfere with the ability to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy once pleasurable activities. Such a disabling episode of depression may occur only once but more commonly occurs several times in a lifetime.

                  A less severe type of depression, dysthymia, involves long-term, chronic symptoms that do not disable, but keep one from functioning well or from feeling good. Many people with dysthymia also experience major depressive episodes at some time in their lives.

                  Another type of depression is bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness. Not nearly as prevalent as other forms of depressive disorders, bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes: severe highs (mania) and lows (depression).


                  Sometimes the mood switches are dramatic and rapid, but most often they are gradual. When in the depressed cycle, an individual can have any or all of the symptoms of a depressive disorder. When in the manic cycle, the individual may be overactive, over-talkative, and have a great deal of energy.

                  Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, the individual in a manic phase may feel elated, full of grand schemes that might range from unwise business decisions to romantic sprees. Mania, left untreated, may worsen to a psychotic state.
                  What does 'freedom' mean?

                  Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                  Restricted by the sky?

                  Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                  Not enough river to explore?

                  Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                  but death for the fish,

                  The sea is wide for the fish
                  but will engulf the bird.

                  We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                  We can only express our nature as it was created.

                  The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                  freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                  Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                  and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                  Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                  http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Causes of Depression

                    Some types of depression run in families, suggesting that a biological vulnerability can be inherited. This seems to be the case with bipolar disorder. Studies of families in which members of each generation develop bipolar disorder found that those with the illness have a somewhat different genetic makeup than those who do not get ill. However, the reverse is not true: Not everybody with the genetic makeup that causes vulnerability to bipolar disorder will have the illness. Apparently additional factors, possibly stresses at home, work, or school, are involved in its onset.

                    In some families, major depression also seems to occur generation after generation. However, it can also occur in people who have no family history of depression. Whether inherited or not, major depressive disorder is often associated with changes in brain structures or brain function.

                    People who have low self-esteem, who consistently view themselves and the world with pessimism or who are readily overwhelmed by stress, are prone to depression. Whether this represents a psychological predisposition or an early form of the illness is not clear.

                    In recent years, researchers have shown that physical changes in the body can be accompanied by mental changes as well. Medical illnesses such as stroke, a heart attack, cancer, Parkinson's disease, and hormonal disorders can cause depressive illness, making the sick person apathetic and unwilling to care for his or her physical needs, thus prolonging the recovery period. Also, a serious loss, difficult relationship, financial problem, or any stressful (unwelcome or even desired) change in life patterns can trigger a depressive episode. Very often, a combination of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors is involved in the onset of a depressive disorder. Later episodes of illness typically are precipitated by only mild stresses, or none at all.

                    Depressive reactions are normal mood responses to the stresses and strains of daily life. The primary cause of major depressive illness is unknown. Research indicates that in many cases there appears to be a genetic (constitutional) predisposition to depression. The actual onset of depressive illness is attributed to a deficiency of certain brain chemicals - the neurotransmitters norepinephrine, dopamine and/or serotonin. What initiates the deficiency is not known.

                    Depression in Women

                    Women experience depression about twice as often as men. Many hormonal factors may contribute to the increased rate of depression in women-particularly such factors as menstrual cycle changes, pregnancy, miscarriage, postpartum period, pre-menopause, and menopause. Many women also face additional stresses such as responsibilities both at work and home, single parenthood, and caring for children and for aging parents.

                    A recent NIMH study showed that in the case of severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS), women with a preexisting vulnerability to PMS experienced relief from mood and physical symptoms when their sex hormones were suppressed. Shortly after the hormones were re-introduced, they again developed symptoms of PMS. Women without a history of PMS reported no effects of the hormonal manipulation.

                    Many women are also particularly vulnerable after the birth of a baby. The hormonal and physical changes, as well as the added responsibility of a new life, can be factors that lead to postpartum depression in some women. While transient "blues" are common in new mothers, a full-blown depressive episode is not a normal occurrence and requires active intervention. Treatment by a sympathetic physician and the family's emotional support for the new mother are prime considerations in aiding her to recover her physical and mental well-being and her ability to care for and enjoy the infant.


                    Depression in Men

                    Although men are less likely to suffer from depression than women, three to four million men in the United States are affected by the illness. Men are less likely to admit to depression, and doctors are less likely to suspect it. The rate of suicide in men is four times that of women, though more women attempt it. In fact, after age 70, the rate of men's suicide rises, reaching a peak after age 85.

                    Depression can also affect the physical health in men differently from women. A new study shows that, although depression is associated with an increased risk of coronary heart disease in both men and women, only men suffer a high death rate.

                    Men's depression is often masked by alcohol or drugs, or by the socially acceptable habit of working excessively long hours. Depression typically shows up in men not as feeling hopeless and helpless, but as being irritable, angry, and discouraged; hence, depression may be difficult to recognize as such in men. Even if a man realizes that he is depressed, he may be less willing than a woman to seek help. Encouragement and support from concerned family members can make a difference. In the workplace, employee assistance professionals or work site mental health programs can be of assistance in helping men understand and accept depression as a real illness that needs treatment
                    What does 'freedom' mean?

                    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                    Restricted by the sky?

                    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                    Not enough river to explore?

                    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                    but death for the fish,

                    The sea is wide for the fish
                    but will engulf the bird.

                    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                    We can only express our nature as it was created.

                    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                    and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                    Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                    http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Herbal and Natural Remedies

                      St. John's Wort

                      This unassuming plant with little yellow flowers is probably the best known of all herbal remedies for depression. Clinically used in Germany for over 40 years, St. John's Wort has been proven to be a successful antidepressant as well as antibiotic and anti-viral agent. Be sure to read about the drug interactions of this powerful herb!

                      SAMe

                      SAMe, SAM-e, or S-Adenosyl Methionine is an essential amino acid required to maintain healthy neurotransmitter processes in the brain. People suffering from depression often have deficient quantities of seratonin, dopamine, and phosphatides and poor receptor site binding. SAMe works fast to increase these levels and improve receptor site binding with little or no side effects. People suffering from arthritis, migraines, fibromyalgia and liver disorders have also reported significant relief from SAMe

                      5HTP

                      5HTP is an amino acid that is converted to seratonin, a strong neurotransmitter in the brain. It specifically targets symptoms caused by low seratonin levels such as feeling down, changes in sleep patterns, fibromyalgia and migraine pain. 5HTP has also been successful as a weight loss aid by suppressing the appetite

                      Ginkgo Biloba

                      Ginkgo Biloba is a powerful antidepressant and antioxidant that increases blood flow to the brain and other parts of the body. This improved blood circulation increases memory, promotes cardiovascular health, corrects impotency caused by arterial insufficiency and alleviates symptoms of Alzheimer's patients. Asthma sufferers may also benefit due to its high flavonoid content

                      Siberian Ginseng

                      Ginseng in its various varieties is referred to as an adaptogen, a substance that assists the body to adapt to external physical stresses such as exposure to extreme heat / cold, biological hazards, trauma, illness or lack of sleep. Ginseng is believed to stimulate the immune system, enhance abstract thinking and improve aerobic capacity. By regulating blood sugar levels, Ginseng may also benefit people with diabetes

                      Note: Please seek medical advice before taking any type of remedy.

                      What does 'freedom' mean?

                      Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                      Restricted by the sky?

                      Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                      Not enough river to explore?

                      Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                      but death for the fish,

                      The sea is wide for the fish
                      but will engulf the bird.

                      We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                      We can only express our nature as it was created.

                      The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                      freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                      Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                      and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                      Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                      http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Depression: "Truly, it is by the Remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest."


                        Q. The past 6 months I have been taking Harmon injections. These injections are necessary for me as the doctors have told us that there is a small chance for us to have child. As painful as these injections are (I have to inject myself every evening). They also have a side effect like most medicines do. My medicine has side effect that they can make one depressed. No you can imagine that after 6 month my strength has broken and I find myself often depressed. I cry a lot and let things get to me very quickly. So I was wondering if there is a surah that can help me calm down a bit and get me through this difficult period.

                        A. Allah Most High says, "Truly, it is by the Remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest." What is remembrance (dhikr) of Allah?

                        Imam Sha`rani explains in his Lawaqih al-Anwar al-Qudsiyya that its essential meaning is to have Allah in heart and mind at all times. Remembrance of the tongue and worship of the limbs is a means to this.Be with Allah by loving Him, turning to Him in all your affairs, by obeying His commands out of love, thanks and servanthood, You will find Allah with you, for He is "closer to you than your jugular vein," and He does not let the efforts of those who seek Him go to waste.




                        As for what Surah to recite, the scholars say that (even if only for a short amount of time), This is because they change your life completely, unlike short-lived bursts of activity, the scholars explain.



                        It is also very recommended to send a lot of blessings upon the Beloved of Allah, the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), for he is the ultimate mercy from Allah to humanity, and we have been informed, Allahumma Salli `ala Sayyidina Muhammadin



                        Wa `ala Aalihi wa Sahbihi wa Sallim.

                        O Lord! Send blessings on our master Muhammad,
                        The medicine of hearts and their cure,
                        The light of eyes and their illumination,
                        The health of bodies and their healing,
                        And upon his family, companions, and send peace
                        What does 'freedom' mean?

                        Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                        Restricted by the sky?

                        Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                        Not enough river to explore?

                        Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                        but death for the fish,

                        The sea is wide for the fish
                        but will engulf the bird.

                        We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                        We can only express our nature as it was created.

                        The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                        freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                        Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                        and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                        Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                        http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Q. Does Islam permit the treatment of depression with prescribed antidepressants plus psychotherapy (as well as dua, dhikr etc)?

                          A. Yes, the Prophet, upon him peace, said to seek treatments for ailments and antidepressants are some such treatments.

                          As for psychotherapy, the best advice is to seek a Muslim practitioner.

                          It is advised also to renew family ties and gift the entirety of a dhabiha (a sacrifice) to feed the poor with the intention of recovery.
                          What does 'freedom' mean?

                          Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                          Restricted by the sky?

                          Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                          Not enough river to explore?

                          Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                          but death for the fish,

                          The sea is wide for the fish
                          but will engulf the bird.

                          We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                          We can only express our nature as it was created.

                          The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                          freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                          Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                          and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                          Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                          http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Tribulations, Hardships, and Difficulties: Supplications and Advice

                            Outwardly, we are to live out our live by taking the best and most effective means (worldly and spiritual), according to the standards of the Shariah of the Beloved of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him).

                            Inwardly, we are to submit to Allah's Command: things only unfold as Allah Wills them. Our duty is to turn out hearts towards Allah.

                            The scholars tell us that:

                            When He gives us blessings, our duty is to be grateful to Him.
                            When He sends us hardships, our duty is to be patient.
                            When He tries us with sin, our duty is to repent.
                            When He gifts us with acts of good, our duty is to thank Him.

                            Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to say,

                            اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ

                            وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْهَرَمِ

                            وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ فِتْنَةِ الْمَحْيَا وَالْمَمَاتِ

                            وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ عَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ
                            Cowardliness and feebleness;
                            I seek refuge in You from the trials of life and death,
                            What does 'freedom' mean?

                            Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                            Restricted by the sky?

                            Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                            Not enough river to explore?

                            Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                            but death for the fish,

                            The sea is wide for the fish
                            but will engulf the bird.

                            We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                            We can only express our nature as it was created.

                            The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                            freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                            Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                            and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                            Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                            http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Q. The issue is that I cry a lot in the evening, especially lying in my bed and at Isha time, when I think about my sins and about my grave and my reckoning with Allah. I get very depressed and feel that the only place for me is Hell, the Fire.

                              A.

                              1 . Crying:

                              It is of the great works of the heart to weep in reverence, fear, longing, and love for Allah.

                              The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

                              [Tirmidhi]

                              And he also mentioned (peace and blessings be upon him) seven people whom Allah will shade in His shade, on a Day when there is no other shade, and included among them,

                              [Bukhari and Muslim]




                              Allah has blessed us with the straight and upright path of Islam, which is essentially balanced and moderate in its outlook. Part of this balance is that a Muslim does not only fear Allah: we also have great hope in Allah, for Allah is the Merciful, Compassionate, and Loving.

                              His Beloved Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) told us that when Allah ordained creation, He wrote on His Throne,

                              I answer the prayer of the suppliant when they cry unto Me.Therefore remember Me, I will remember you. Give thanks to Me, and reject Me not.

                              002.153 O you who believe! Seek help in steadfastness and prayer

                              We all have shortcomings. Allah has called us to turn to Him:

                              002.222 Truly Allah loves those who turn unto Him,

                              The way to this is repentance, and turning towards Allah in obedience and love. For every step you take towards Allah, Allah draws closer to you beyond imagination.

                              The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said that Allah Most High said,

                              I am with them when they make remembrance of Me. So if they remember Me to themselves, I remember them to Myself. And if they remember me in a gathering, I remember them in a gathering better than theirs. performing good works, obligatory and voluntaryThus, when we realize our shortcomings, we weep over them, repent to Allah, but move forward, for our reliance and hope is not in our works but in the Mercy and Concern of Allah for us. A Muslim is thus an optimist, because while recognizing our shortcomings, faults, and errors, we also realize that Allah gives: our duty is simply to ask and then take the right means.

                              And Allah has told us,

                              029.069
                              What does 'freedom' mean?

                              Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
                              Restricted by the sky?

                              Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
                              Not enough river to explore?

                              Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
                              but death for the fish,

                              The sea is wide for the fish
                              but will engulf the bird.

                              We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
                              We can only express our nature as it was created.

                              The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
                              freedom from slavery to other than the One,
                              Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
                              and a horizon that extends to the next life,
                              Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

                              http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

                              Comment

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