How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

[Ya'sin]

:salams:

Hope this is in the right section lol

I've been thinking about this for some time and then I saw the thread 'your moment' by [MENTION=71631]iRepIslam[/MENTION].

Sometimes it's hard to forgive a person who has committed a big sin, whether they have stolen money from you, lied to you, broke your trust or done anything that made you angry and hurt.

Think about that time and how YOU felt. What did you do?
How did you feel if you forgave them?

Sometimes you say you have forgiven that person but you haven't really because the bitterness stays in your heart. So, as Muslims how do we know that we have truly forgiven that individual?

What are the rewards for forgiving someone that has done something very serious but you decide to forgive for the sake of Allah ? Is this intention good enough?

Will I get rewarded? Even if I'm still hurt, upset and sometimes I'm angry, but I still feel sorry for them so I decide to forgive them.

:jkk:

[Rifqah]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

:wswrwb:

I have more questions on this topic than I have answers.

I don't think of forgiving someone as letting them off but turning them over to Allah subhana wa ta'ala. So now I'm not involved. Is that okay to think? I don't know.

I also think that there could be a thousand things I need to be forgiven for and I cannot hold a thing against someone else.

Feeling hurt and in pain is a different matter altogether. It's human to feel these emotions and part of that is healing because each time it comes round again we choose to let it go and reconfirm our decision to forgive. Soon it will cease to come up at all.

It's not the reality of the pain that we feel but what we choose to do about it. Do we nurse the bitterness or do we cry out to Allah subhana wa ta'ala in our distress and then pick ourselves back up drawing strength from Allah.

Same with anger, it's not that we feel it but what we choose to do about it, that's the issue.

[Deen95]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Yeah your right sister, maybe forgiveness is more than just words, it has to be something you feel in your heart.

[neelu]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Walaykum salam wrwb,

In my experience, I've noticed people try to force this notion of "you MUST forgive" on me. By which I mean that someone has wronged me and I still felt the rawness of being hurt and angry years later and there were people who kept telling me I "HAD TO" forgive him. No I bloody well didn't! Besides, I can't conjure up forgiveness sentiments out of thin air because other people told me to, or said "it's the right thing to do". Islamically it's considered better to forgive but we're not under any obligation to forgive and besides, some horrible things impact us too much to consider forgiving the other person as an option, ESPECIALLY if the other person is unrepentant and doesn't apologise.

Anyway I'm telling you this because I've been in a situation where people really pressured me to forgive someone, guilt tripped me until I said I'd forgive him and for weeks that notion made my skin crawl as though I'd just betrayed myself. People say "you hold on to anger and it'll eat you up inside" but actually it wasn't the anger but the notion of forgiving someone whom I still believed didn't deserve it at all was making me twice as angry and I realised that inside myself in spite of what I'd said, I hadn't truly forgiven him at all, it was wrong for me to feel compelled to do so just cos' other people expected it from me and I shouldn't even consider forgiving him until and unless it feels right TO MEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Then some years passed and other stuff in my life happened that caused me to see things from a different perspective and that changed things. I don't know if I could say I've forgiven him yet, but what I can say is that I've let go of most of the anger I felt towards him at the time which is a big leap forward compared to where I was before and the idea of forgiving him doesn't seem quite so impossible anymore so maybe that day will come, but I can't say for sure. What I will say for sure is if I do forgive him, it'll be because I want to, on my own terms and has nothing to do with other peoples expectations of me. Maybe those other people will say I'm bitter and cynical, maybe they'll say I hold grudges- I don't care cos' the impact of my decisions wont affect their lives, it affects mine far more than they could possibly realise.

I'm not saying any of this to put you off. If you want to attain reward by forgiving someone for Allah's (swt) sake, then go for it, but don't let other people tell you how you should or shouldn't feel about it.

:salams:

Hope this is in the right section lol

I've been thinking about this for some time and then I saw the thread 'your moment' by @iRepIslam.

Sometimes it's hard to forgive a person who has committed a big sin, whether they have stolen money from you, lied to you, broke your trust or done anything that made you angry and hurt.

Think about that time and how YOU felt. What did you do?
How did you feel if you forgave them?

Sometimes you say you have forgiven that person but you haven't really because the bitterness stays in your heart. So, as Muslims how do we know that we have truly forgiven that individual?

What are the rewards for forgiving someone that has done something very serious but you decide to forgive for the sake of Allah ? Is this intention good enough?

Will I get rewarded? Even if I'm still hurt, upset and sometimes I'm angry, but I still feel sorry for them so I decide to forgive them.

:jkk:

[_Ruby_]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

I cant give you a muslim perspective, but from your previous posts, I get the feeling you're really not that happy and I have nothing to make worse by giving my 2p....

One bit of advise I always use as my benchmark is: is this the hill you want to die on?

If something matters more than the harm they did to you, then you need to decide which side of the fence you fall on - either give it up or find a way to work it through.

Forgiveness is a process and it doesn't mean you forget or you'll ever be over it. If you are convinced or can take a gamble on the fact you think they wont do it again AND the end result is better than cutting them off, you have to work with them to make it ok. But they have to also work with you, accept the wrong they did and make long term modifications to help them and you heal your relationship.

Betrayal often hurts more than one person, so it takes more than one person to heal, you cant do it on your own. Both parties need to put in all their effort.

[Abu julaybeeb]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Good thread hard question

But when a man killed the prophet :saw: relative (cant remember whether hamza or his daughter) the prophet forgave him as he became muslim but said something on the lines of dont come near me or dont show your face to me

Also main thing is if you forgive someone and show mercy then on the day of judgment Allah will cover your sins and show you mercy

Hard to do but inshAllah possible

[Samsandman]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

:salams:

Hope this is in the right section lol

I've been thinking about this for some time and then I saw the thread 'your moment' by [MENTION=71631]iRepIslam[/MENTION].

Sometimes it's hard to forgive a person who has committed a big sin, whether they have stolen money from you, lied to you, broke your trust or done anything that made you angry and hurt.

Think about that time and how YOU felt. What did you do?
How did you feel if you forgave them?

Sometimes you say you have forgiven that person but you haven't really because the bitterness stays in your heart. So, as Muslims how do we know that we have truly forgiven that individual?

What are the rewards for forgiving someone that has done something very serious but you decide to forgive for the sake of Allah ? Is this intention good enough?

Will I get rewarded? Even if I'm still hurt, upset and sometimes I'm angry, but I still feel sorry for them so I decide to forgive them.

:jkk:

excellent question.

The Quran tells us that forgiveness is better than retribution but being weak as we are this can be difficult and we are inclined towards revenge.

Sometimes not seeking that retribution or revenge is the first step in forgiveness and forgiveness can be a long journey for some.

[Samsandman]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Good thread hard question

But when a man killed the prophet :saw: relative (cant remember whether hamza or his daughter) the prophet forgave him as he became muslim but said something on the lines of dont come near me or dont show your face to me

Also main thing is if you forgive someone and show mercy then on the day of judgment Allah will cover your sins and show you mercy

Hard to do but inshAllah possible

your thinking of Hamz ra killed at the battel of Uhud by Wahshi ra,

After the Battle of Uhud, I continued to live in Makkah for quite a long time until the Muslims conquered Makkah. I then ran away to Ta'if, but soon Islam reached that area as well. I heard that however grave the crime of a person might be, [God] forgave him. I, therefore, reached [Muhammad] with Shahadatayn on my lips.[1] Muhammad saw me and said "Are you the same Wahshi, the Ethiopian?" I replied in the affirmative. Thereupon he said: "How did you kill Hamza ibn Abd al-Muttalib?" I gave an account of the matter. Muhammad was moved and said: "I should not see your face until you are resurrected, because the heart-rending calamity fell upon my uncle at your hands". It is explained by Islamic scholars that the reason for Wahshi avoiding Muhammad, was not out of continued anger against Wahshi, but in case Wahshi interpreted a look on the face of Muhammad as anger for him, which would therefore make him distraught. Wahshi says: "So long as Muhammad was alive I kept myself hidden from him. After his death the battle with Musaylimah took place. I joined the army of Islam and used the same weapon against Musaylimah and succeeded in killing him with the help of one of the Ansar. If I killed the best of men (Hamza ibn Abd al-Muttalib) with this weapon, the worst man, too, did not escape its terror.[2]

— Conversation of Wahshi ibn Harb and the incident related to Hamza ibn Abdul-Muttalib

[Ya'sin]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts on this.

Interesting but what a difficult subject it is because when you're in that situation it feels restless. What to do.

[Ya'sin]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

your thinking of Hamz ra killed at the battel of Uhud by Wahshi ra,

After the Battle of Uhud, I continued to live in Makkah for quite a long time until the Muslims conquered Makkah. I then ran away to Ta'if, but soon Islam reached that area as well. I heard that however grave the crime of a person might be, [God] forgave him. I, therefore, reached [Muhammad] with Shahadatayn on my lips.[1] Muhammad saw me and said "Are you the same Wahshi, the Ethiopian?" I replied in the affirmative. Thereupon he said: "How did you kill Hamza ibn Abd al-Muttalib?" I gave an account of the matter. Muhammad was moved and said: "I should not see your face until you are resurrected, because the heart-rending calamity fell upon my uncle at your hands". It is explained by Islamic scholars that the reason for Wahshi avoiding Muhammad, was not out of continued anger against Wahshi, but in case Wahshi interpreted a look on the face of Muhammad as anger for him, which would therefore make him distraught. Wahshi says: "So long as Muhammad was alive I kept myself hidden from him. After his death the battle with Musaylimah took place. I joined the army of Islam and used the same weapon against Musaylimah and succeeded in killing him with the help of one of the Ansar. If I killed the best of men (Hamza ibn Abd al-Muttalib) with this weapon, the worst man, too, did not escape its terror.[2]

— Conversation of Wahshi ibn Harb and the incident related to Hamza ibn Abdul-Muttalib

That makes sense because you don't want to see something/someone that reminds you of something/someone that is upsetting.

I've seen some people move houses to forget painful moments of that environment.


I suppose you should leave something that is always playing with your mind. It's just hard to decide because of the unknown future.

[Ya'sin]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

:wswrwb:

I have more questions on this topic than I have answers.

I don't think of forgiving someone as letting them off but turning them over to Allah subhana wa ta'ala. So now I'm not involved. Is that okay to think? I don't know.

I also think that there could be a thousand things I need to be forgiven for and I cannot hold a thing against someone else.

Feeling hurt and in pain is a different matter altogether. It's human to feel these emotions and part of that is healing because each time it comes round again we choose to let it go and reconfirm our decision to forgive. Soon it will cease to come up at all.

It's not the reality of the pain that we feel but what we choose to do about it. Do we nurse the bitterness or do we cry out to Allah subhana wa ta'ala in our distress and then pick ourselves back up drawing strength from Allah.

Same with anger, it's not that we feel it but what we choose to do about it, that's the issue.

I think if you are handing them over to Allah then in what mind are you doing it in. That's the question, do you want justice or are you okay with them getting away with it with no consequences for their actions.

I think the whole point of forgiving someone is so that they don't get punished for what they did to you or their punishment lessens because you showed them mercy in this life.

The second point is that the reason we are encouraged to forgive is because Allah is the most merciful and the most Forgiving, Allah's mercy overtakes his wrath and when his servants try to do the same it's a rewarding act.

Intention matters, some people forgive and carry on normal, inside they are cursing that person so the grudge is still there. On the other hand, you forgive the person because you feel sorry for them but you decide oust them from your life.


I'm not going to read what I just typed but I hope it makes sense, also please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm just saying from what I've learnt.

[Ya'sin]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Neelu is right, the less you see that person and as time passes by ,the forgiving can become slightly easier because you haven't dwelt on it as much, but obviously, it's up to you if you really want to forgive or take it to the day of judgement.

[umrahexperts]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Forgive the person for the sake of Allah is the best thing and Allah likes this action very much. Allah will give the reward on the day of judgment.

[misshijabi]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

Ahh. the topic of forgiveness. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding regarding this topic, and sometimes we show more cruelty towards the one who can't forgive, than the one who has actually wronged them.

Here are some things I have learned about forgiveness, the hard way. Forgiveness is a process. A sahaba was given glad tidings of being amongst people of jannah, because he used to forgive every night. So forgiveness might have to be done repeatedly, not just one time thing. Something else might come up, that triggers negative memories, and you might have to reforgive them.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept them back into your life specially if the person is harmful for your mental health, and keep doing the same wrongs repeatedly, or is unrepentent. But yes we must be civil with them. When you see them, say salam. We aren't allowed to go 3 days without talking or saying salams to our fellow muslims. When we say salam, we are actually making dua for them to be at peace.

Researchers actually came up with some steps we can follow that can ease forgiveness. https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/e...when_forgiving
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/n...to_forgiveness

These steps include empathizing and acknowledging your hurt pains first, and not minimizing or brushing off the wrongs done to you. Making the decision to forgive. Learning to see things from their perspective and empathize with them (what lead them to do what they did, or become how they have become, and also the fact that they are wronging their own souls and earning sins), Making dua for their well being (perhaps that they gain understanding and become better), turning it over to Allah (swt) and realize that He (swt) is the only one who will never disappoint you, and finding meaning in your pain.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that things could've been any different to what it was, and letting the past go. It served its purpose, it purified you, taught you, made you who you are today, perhaps it earned you a higher level in the sight of Allah (swt). What more could we really ask for.

When prophet (sas) was treated poorly, he (sas) always made dua for them, and made excuses. He (sas) said, oh Allah, forgive them for they don't know any better. So accept that they didn't know any better, and a part of forgiveness is also being able to forgive yourself. You didn't know any better, and you did the best you could at that moment with the knowledge you had. If you can't forgive yourself, it is harder to forgive others.

I think, the bitterness may linger (however, try to follow the above steps so that it slowly leaves). But Allah (swt) told us that in jannah He (swt) will cleanse our bitterness towards each other. But just I guess remove wanting bad things to happen to them, and use your experience to become better, closer to Allah (swt).

Try journaling it out inshaAllah. I think journaling really helps to cleanse the heart.

Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is worth it.

[Red Apples]

Re: How rewarding is it to forgive someone for the sake of the Almighty?

The reason we find forgiveness hard is because we forget that our own admissibility into Jannah is dependant on the forgiveness of Allah SWT towards us.

Today - we have elevated our own souls to such high lofty egotistical heights that our main concern has become whether "I should forgive" as compared to whether my Rabb has forgiven me. We have sub consciously made ourselves into Gods. We forget our own flaws, from missed Salaah to lies to backbiting to zina and every evil under the sun and suddenly the epicentre of our existence becomes whether or not to forgive someone.

How Sad !