Do your parents have right to your money?

[hassan246]

My parents keep asking me for thousands of dollars to buy unimportant things like a new car. Not concerned whether or not I have debts or need the money. When I try to explain they start cursing and shaming me lol.

The thing that bothers me isn't them asking for money, but they never bother my older brother. They are more concerned If he needs his money than me.

In Islam, do you have to comply to whatever money your parents are asking you, or is there a boundary?

[Ikki]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

Your parents have a right to your money, along with a whole load of other people. Wife, kids, community, poor etc.

But you do have to have boundaries, have a fair budget, and be responsible with your money. You do want to have some saving at the end of the month, even a little bit.

It might be better for you to decide how much you can give your parents every month, and either give it to them monthly or let it accumulate and give from that when they ask you.

[Kya]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

Is there a reason they ask you for money and not your brother? do they think you are wasting money in your life and hence to prevent you from wasting money, they are taking it. I have seen parents ask for extra money from their kids when
1) they believe the kid is not able to manage his own money & so they stash it away under the pretext its for something they need or
2) when a wife enters picture, parents feel like they have limited time they can get money from their son & they should take as much as they can now before the wife and kids demand too much of his finance and leave nothing back for parents

Have you had a talk with them, not an argument when they ask for money but more "white people type family talk". Maybe set a budget before this talk and tell them, look I only make xyz and I have abc expenses and I need to save for my future. I can allocate this much for you every month, I can give it to you for monthly expense or give you one big chunk per year. If you need anything more, you need to ask all your kids and together we can chip in but this is too much for me.

[Mintchocchip]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

I agree with what someone mentioned above about giving them a certain amount every month.

Do you and your brother both live with your parents? Do your parents have any other income? Maybe they think you have no use for your money. Best to discuss it with them and tell them of your financial circumstances. You don't have to give them exact details but mention to them if you have debts.

You can also talk to your brother and ask him to to give some money to your parents if he is able to.

[Strivingbro]

[hasan2013]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

It was narrated from Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah that a man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have wealth and children, but my father wants to take all my wealth.” He said, “You and your wealth are for your father.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2291; Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 2/142 from the hadeeth of Jaabir, and 2922; Ahmad, 6902 from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr).

If its causing you to be in debt then there may be an exception

[MENTION=46324]Ikki[/MENTION]

The parents are not entitled to take whatever they want from the sons wealth, they are only allowed to take from it in certain conditions IslamQA clarified this matter. Basically they need to be in need of the wealth and the child should have enough for himself.
https://islamqa.info/en/9594

@Op, bro it's good to discuss the situation with your parents when they are in a good mood, explain your financial situation and that you are not able to help them due to being in difficulty, maybe suggest an amount you could afford to give them, make sure to apologise to them and speak to them kindly. Also ask your brother if he could possibly support them.

If none of these options make them happy, just ignore their curses and evil behaviour, they have no right to demand you to give them money when they are not in need, so why do they abuse you when you refuse?

Btw they are probably still fairly young so they can buy the extravagant items they want from working or other means, don't worry insh'Allah.

:jkk:

[Ikki]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

@Ikki

The parents are not entitled to take whatever they want from the sons wealth, they are only allowed to take from it in certain conditions IslamQA clarified this matter. Basically they need to be in need of the wealth and the child should have enough for himself.
https://islamqa.info/en/9594

:jkk:

Please read what I actually wrote:

Your parents have a right to your money, along with a whole load of other people. Wife, kids, community, poor etc.

But you do have to have boundaries, have a fair budget, and be responsible with your money. You do want to have some saving at the end of the month, even a little bit.

It might be better for you to decide how much you can give your parents every month, and either give it to them monthly or let it accumulate and give from that when they ask you.

I did not say they have a right to take whatever, I said he needs to set boundaries. Also, I pointed out other that have a right to his money, meangin he will have to budget to be able to fulfill everyones rights. Just because someone has a right over your money, does not mean they can abuse that right.

Thank you for sharing the fatwa. I dont' need a sheikh to tell me how much money to give my parents. I would give them even if they don't have dire need or fit the certain conditions mentioned in the fatwa. It's nice to give your parents just becuase they asked, and not means test them like they social security applicants. However, the giving should be in a way that is fair to me. And I would suggest the same to the OP.

[hasan2013]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

Please read what I actually wrote:


I did not say they have a right to take whatever, I said he needs to set boundaries. Also, I pointed out other that have a right to his money, meangin he will have to budget to be able to fulfill everyones rights. Just because someone has a right over your money, does not mean they can abuse that right.

Thank you for sharing the fatwa. I dont' need a sheikh to tell me how much money to give my parents. I would give them even if they don't have dire need or fit the certain conditions mentioned in the fatwa. It's nice to give your parents just becuase they asked, and not means test them like they social security applicants. However, the giving should be in a way that is fair to me. And I would suggest the same to the OP.

Well parents do not have a right over the child's money in normal circumstances, only when they are in need. It's another thing if the child wants to willingly give to his parents, in which case he is highly rewarded.

As far as 'means testing' parents is concerned, this approach is much better and clearer, the conditions are set out clearly so each party is aware of what their rights are. The fatwa is good to stop oppression and so some parents don't go on thinking they have a god given right to their child's money in all cases and they can then subject them to a barrage of abuse to obtain their 'right'

But in any case, the Op should try to give as much as he can to his parents, this might keep them happy and he will also obtain Allah's pleasure.

:jkk:

[Stoic Believer]

Do your parents have right to your money?

Nvm

[neelu]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

don't give them anything whilst you're in debt as facing Allah whilst indebted is a very serious matter. I've read that you're not even supposed to go on hajj until your debts are cleared. apologise to them and say you cannot afford to give anything at this time as you need your money for other expenses and don't let them interrogate you as to how you spend it, just say if money is available at a later date, you'll give it to them inshaAllah but in the meantime to ask your brother. If you clear the debt and can afford to at a later date, then you should give them something, especially if they're retired as living on a pension can get a little tight. Don't let them see your bank statements or where your money is going as sometimes people aren't bothered but then they see a statement and think you're rich and can ask you for anything.

[MuslimThinker]

Re: Do your parents have right to your money?

Tell them the money is for their grandchildren's upbringing instead.
They love grandchildren.

[baum]

writemyessayfast.ca

Hi,
You need to set the boundaries. Make sure you talk to your parents about it.

I don't want to be too harsh on my parents... But I understand that without boundaries I won't be able to build my own family and maintain its well-being.
How do I tell them that I want to spend my money on other things? Not on the stuff they want me to buy.