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  • #31
    yo..why do u need other pple doing ur own decisions??..only u kno the whole story the whole pie ya kno?..and only u can make a decision off of that..we only kno from wat ur telling us..the best is istikhara..do it now..
    Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

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    • #32
      In this case you need to wait:). slow down the things, move like a tortoise and leave your mom the time to get used with the idea. Some moms will never get used but you have really big chance because your father seems to agree with your decision. A mom is a mom so if she will hear what she wants to hear she will consent in the last.
      :) t. l. poetry corner
      So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
      Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

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      • #33
        i whole heartedly agree with aprentice- its ur decision- like i said in my first post to u.
        i am not giving u contradictory message- i just said u can't marry shia- but u can try to comprimise with ur parents.
        this really is ur decision- and we can't make it for u- cause people have suggested what u can do- but u still wanna dig deep and cause people to say things they shoudn't- like fitnah- bro don't u speak to ur mum- to know whether she is ill or not?
        at the end of the day, u have to do good by Allah and ur parents, and if u can't then Allah subhanah wa t'ala alone. its up to u- and i don't think there is much more to be said
        assalamu alaikum
        Last edited by Sophiya; 25-01-05, 08:41 PM.

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        • #34
          Ameen Sophiya..truer words were never said..
          Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

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          • #35
            cheers mate- but truer words were siad- they are in the qur'an- for that is perfect and if u A Ahmed read it u would truely find a solution- remember the hadith- tha if u migrate for the sake of Allah, u migrate for the sake of Allah, if u migrate for the sake of a woman, u migrate for the sake of a woman...its about intentions. so please bro sort it out- wishing u all the best

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            • #36
              sorry bro ahmed, what i meant was, that it is VERY imporant (i cannot stress enuff) to get your parents blessings but that doesnt what they are telling you to do,e.g marry a shia and then convert her to sunni,that is obviously wrong


              and u have no guarantees whatsoever that she would convert to sunnism.

              your first and utmost priority is your parents, not this girl (no offence) it might seem like your parents will never agree but give it time and take their feelings into consideration (not that u aint) and i guarantee Allah (swt) will makes things work out which are best for everyone...including YOU.

              I have done istikhara for certain situations bro and trust me things have happened to me that i thought never would,feelings i have had that i thought i never would, all because i put my faith in the Almighty.

              Dont stress, jus pray,pray, pray and pray some more!!
              The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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              • #37
                masha: yeah i'm taking things slowly for now, by the way my father is also against this marriage, he didn't agree to it for the reasons i explained in my earlier posts..

                thanks for all the advices.. n sophiya i wish someone here could just give me one more advice as to how could i not marry shia while still compromising with my parents (like u said "can't marry shia- but u can try to comprimise with ur parents.").. if there is some way to do that i'd do it right now but i don't see any honestly.. if they even agree to marry me to a sunni girl but not that pakistani girl i'd try that too but they ain't changing from their stance for now :|
                i've made almost everything clear about my situation here, what would u all do if u were in my position?..

                the shiekh seems to be my only n last hope for convincing my parents if not then i'm back to square one (where i was before i came here) that is whether to still go ahead n marry any sunni girl for that matter n make my parents severe their ties with me coz i considered marrying a sunni girl more important than their feelings for me or to do what they say n go against what i was righteously supposed to have done..
                (though i'm leaning more towards marrying a sunni girl)

                as far as migrating is concerned (hope i didn't take the wrong meaning of what u meant) i've already done that on the sunni path of islam, if u meant for my marriage then yes if i'd marry a sunni girl it wouldn't be just for her but for my iman more importantly..

                muslim girl: yeah sis.. i'll do istikhara lets see what allah s.w.t. thinks best for me..
                Last edited by A_Ahmed; 25-01-05, 09:05 PM.
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                • #38
                  When you are talking about she try to move slightly the conversation over her "qualities", try to show her like a person, ( you are stick right now at the fact she is a shia and what will say your community ). If they will keep insisting over her religion you can try to add she will change it BUT you need her consent and her parents should know too whats going on.
                  The marriage has an aim and definitely is not to marry to any sunni girl like you have said. Its about to have a family where even your children to find stability.
                  :) t. l. poetry corner
                  So I stay in my chair, staring into the fire,
                  Thinking of where are you at this hour :scratch:

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    i meant marry a sunni- if ur parents allow this- but if they don't then go ahead and marry a sunni girl- but always keep channels of communication open no matter how harshly they treat u- becuase if u r still so nice to them regardless how they treat u- then they will see how much a better person u r and who knows they could change and come to ur way of thinking- but if u cut them off cause of how they treat u and u don't try to keep a door open then they will neverr come to accept it- only Allah knows- now u sorted in ur head? feel free to say if u don't. salam

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                    • #40
                      Well yes sis Sophiya, now its clear by what u meant by the word 'compromise' in ur post (i thought by compromise u meant like agreeing to them in some ways and they agree to me in some other ways too which is what the word compromise usually implies), actually even without u saying that if i do marry a sunni girl (which i most likely will inshallah) i'd never ever think of isolating my parents or restricting my ties with them in anyway coz they mean alot to me n i as their only son have a ALOT of obligations towards them which i'd never want to turn away from.. thanks again for all ur replies, much appreciated..

                      i'll do istikhara n post back here if i do feel that i've felt any kind of sign or message from allah s.w.t. about what i'm supposed to do in this regard, ie. whether to marry the pakistani girl or not.. till then if anyone wishes to post any more advices or suggestions for me u r most welcome.. thank u all..
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                      • #41
                        Hmm...Well have you tried to present your parents with Qu'ranic evidience, or hadiths? For instance:

                        "Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." (2: 232)

                        Ask your parents why they dont want you to marry this girl (All the reasons).

                        Also, i feel that you dont really know her "properly". One month isnt that long you know. It can also be an act. This girl could possibly be lieing to you, cause the communication is through the internet, not such a strong source. You've only seen her once too, and dont be blinded by love or anything. Look into this situation wisely.

                        Do her parents agree? Because if they dont, then you might aswell leave it. It is absolutly nessasary for her guardian to give the go ahead.

                        Another thing. If you do the Istikhara and you cme across many obstacles, then this relationship is no no.
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                        • #42
                          No i haven't presented any such hadith, actually i didn't know of any such hadith until u posted it here bro.. but i guess once my sheikh talks to them he'll most probably know what to present in front of them in convincing them about it.. inshallah lets hope he succeeds..

                          the reasons for their disapproval have all been mentioned in my first post of this thread, no other realistic or valid reason besides those invalid reasons imo.. unless anyone here finds any of those reasons valid enough to oppose a marriage between two muslims of the same caste..

                          yes one month is too short that is why i haven't decided for sure that i'll be marrying her but i do like her from what all i think n know about her for the time being, but i'll (like everyone else has advised me to) take atleast a few months to make sure about her, how long can one pretend to be someone they r not no matter if the communication is just over the net itself, don't u agree?..
                          coz no matter how good a person can be on pretending someone they r not they'd atleast once somehow give it out if they stay constantly in touch with anyone for a period of time.. i haven't ever seen her face to face only her picture thats it..
                          I still don't know of her parent's reaction coz she first wants me to make sure about my parents only then she would take it up with her parents on this matter..

                          I'll do the istikhara tonight, but as far as obstacles r concerned the biggest one of them all is already about convincing my parents, besides that i don't see (her n her family's coming here for her marriage with me or her immigration to india/kuwait to stay with me) much of an obstacle in any other way unless these things should also be considered by me as obstacles, what do u say?..
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                          • #43
                            how long can one pretend to be someone they r not no matter if the communication is just over the net itself, don't u agree?..

                            In some cases it may be for short period, but in others it can go on for years.


                            I'll do the istikhara tonight, but as far as obstacles r concerned the biggest one of them all is already about convincing my parents, besides that i don't see (her n her family's coming here for her marriage with me or her immigration to india/kuwait to stay with me) much of an obstacle in any other way unless these things should also be considered by me as obstacles, what do u say?..

                            Hmmm....Dont you think it'll be too much trouble? Your facing a very complex situation here.
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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by A_Ahmed
                              Well yes sis Sophiya, now its clear by what u meant by the word 'compromise' in ur post (i thought by compromise u meant like agreeing to them in some ways and they agree to me in some other ways too which is what the word compromise usually implies), actually even without u saying that if i do marry a sunni girl (which i most likely will inshallah) i'd never ever think of isolating my parents or restricting my ties with them in anyway coz they mean alot to me n i as their only son have a ALOT of obligations towards them which i'd never want to turn away from.. thanks again for all ur replies, much appreciated..

                              i'll do istikhara n post back here if i do feel that i've felt any kind of sign or message from allah s.w.t. about what i'm supposed to do in this regard, ie. whether to marry the pakistani girl or not.. till then if anyone wishes to post any more advices or suggestions for me u r most welcome.. thank u all..
                              i can c u would never think of breaking ties with your parents but the problem here is,that if u make a decision NOT to your parents liking then breaking ties with them might not be in your hands but there's, do u see what i mean?

                              jus have faith in Allah(swt)
                              The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Shaolin's-Finest
                                Dont you think it'll be too much trouble? Your facing a very complex situation here.
                                yeah but don't u think it as better to pursue marriage with someone whom i know somewhat about (though i ain't marrying her any soon without taking my own time) than to marry someone else about whom i don't know much about?.. even if i do get to know someone later on (through the traditional means or even by net) but still wouldn't it be better (or should i say worth it) to marry someone who is more compatible n similar in thoughts n views than someone who is not just coz of these obstacles?..

                                whats the guarantee that if i marry someone else based on the information what others tell me about her and what i come to know of her from just one or two meetings (which is the max traditionally) n she turns out to be someone pretending to be someone she is not either then?.. coz like u said pretence can be short or go on for years.. so bro that logic can be applied both the ways imo.. like stanley who posted earlier it took him about 12yrs to know how truly did his wife feel about him.. so one can never know anything for sure about anyone.. sometimes we should just leave it on allah s.w.t. n go by our instincts..

                                Originally posted by muslim girl
                                i can c u would never think of breaking ties with your parents but the problem here is,that if u make a decision NOT to your parents liking then breaking ties with them might not be in your hands but there's, do u see what i mean?
                                jus have faith in Allah(swt)
                                yeah sis i've got ur point here.. n i'd do my best to keep things the same way as they were with them in regards to relations with them after my marriage to any sunni girl inshallah (if they still disagree to it), i can't control their behaviour towards me but i'll do what is right n what i'm supposed to be doing from myside..
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