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  • Question for Africans/Blacks (about hair)

    This is really random but I honestly want to know. I myself am African and did think about relaxing my hair. As of right now I have decided to stay natural because I'm scared of the chemicals but I want to know do you think relaxing hair can be a form of self hate. Or do you think its just trying to fit in with the standard of beauty of having straight hair. I do sometimes struggle with self esteem like most girls cause I am young and other influences but I'm trying to stay strong. Also to add to this can any of you guys give me advice on how to stop comparing myself to my friends, I sometimes feel like the most unattractive out of all of them lol. I know this is bad but please give me adivce I have just had bad things said about me during my childhood regarding my appearances which still kind of hurt me till today.
    Last edited by Rea1234; 10-05-17, 11:26 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

    I got a perm, I think two years ago (it's like relaxing but getting it curly instead). I did it for fun and wanted to try something new. If you want to relax your hair for fun, trying something new etc - I think there's nothing wrong with that and it isn't self-hate.

    However, after a few months my hair started breaking really easily. So I wouldn't recommend chemical treatments for hair, simply because they can ruin your hair.

    Humans are social, so comparing your self to others is normal. You just need to remember that a persons physical appearance isn't all that matters. Also I'm sure your friends, and many other people compare themselves to others that they think 'look better'. One way to help fix this is to look at people that have less than you, are less well of - downward comparison, instead of upward comparison. There are people who can't see, or hear or have physical defects etc. And they are living as best as they can and are as content as they can be .. thank Allah swt for what you have, because anything can be lost.

    May Allah swt help you figure it out, you're young. So it's normal to feel like this and have these thoughts. It'll all be okay :) Insha'Allah

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

      I love african hair, i know its work to maintain but its beautifull, it really is Allahumma barik


      As for relaxing the first time i relaxed my eyebrows thkey got burned pretty bad, now they dont burn anymore but a lot of hair falls out though, so its unhealthy, and u see a lot of girls who hlave hair thats just relaxed but stiff and damaged... i would recommend you to stay natural


      I'm not black though but i thought I'd share anywa
      يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

      O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

      Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

        Gyaldem maybe don't discuss your hair specifically, openly on a forum coz y'all wear hijab
        Lol this is also a hot topic on the UF whatsapp chat.. Rea and Aynina both u guys know
        aha I never even knew about what the term 'relaxing' means and the grades.. its actually really interesting
        And speaking generally..I love hair that is big, naturally frizzy, naturally curly (tight ringlets)
        But perhaps avoid discussing how y'alls hair actually is irl..but its fine to talk about hair in general as in which hair types you like/dislike. you guys know what my hair is like irl anyway lol...
        And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
        [al-An’aam 6:59]

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

          Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
          Gyaldem maybe don't discuss your hair specifically, openly on a forum coz y'all wear hijab
          Lol this is also a hot topic on the UF whatsapp chat.. Rea and Aynina both u guys know
          aha I never even knew about what the term 'relaxing' means and the grades.. its actually really interesting
          And speaking generally..I love hair that is big, naturally frizzy, naturally curly (tight ringlets)
          But perhaps avoid discussing how y'alls hair actually is irl..but its fine to talk about hair in general as in which hair types you like/dislike. you guys know what my hair is like irl anyway lol...
          Lol yea I wont disclose how my hair looks on here. Relaxing hair well for black people means doing a chemical treatment that permanently straightens your hair, when new growth comes in you go back to get a touch up, which means relaxing the new growth.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

            Originally posted by Rea1234 View Post
            This is really random but I honestly want to know. I myself am African and did think about relaxing my hair. As of right now I have decided to stay natural because I'm scared of the chemicals but I want to know do you think relaxing hair can be a form of self hate. Or do you think its just trying to fit in with the standard of beauty of having straight hair. I do sometimes struggle with self esteem like most girls cause I am young and other influences but I'm trying to stay strong. Also to add to this can any of you guys give me advice on how to stop comparing myself to my friends, I sometimes feel like the most unattractive out of all of them lol. I know this is bad but please give me adivce I have just had bad things said about me during my childhood regarding my appearances which still kind of hurt me till today.
            Natural hair is beautiful because Allah made it that way. It might be easier if you relax it, but in the long run it will just damage your hair.

            What is the main problem with your hair? Is it too curly, too thick? Let's get to the root of this problem.
            مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

            "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
            It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
            Surah al-Baqarah
            [2:245]

            .:.
            .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
            Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

            .:.
            ...said the spider to the fly...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

              Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
              Natural hair is beautiful because Allah made it that way. It might be easier if you relax it, but in the long run it will just damage your hair.

              What is the main problem with your hair? Is it too curly, too thick? Let's get to the root of this problem.
              "Root of the problem"

              "Root of the hair" lol

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                Natural hair is beautiful because Allah made it that way. It might be easier if you relax it, but in the long run it will just damage your hair.

                What is the main problem with your hair? Is it too curly, too thick? Let's get to the root of this problem.
                I dont want to describe my hair texture on a mixed forum lol

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                  Originally posted by aynina View Post
                  I love african hair, i know its work to maintain but its beautifull, it really is Allahumma barik


                  As for relaxing the first time i relaxed my eyebrows thkey got burned pretty bad, now they dont burn anymore but a lot of hair falls out though, so its unhealthy, and u see a lot of girls who hlave hair thats just relaxed but stiff and damaged... i would recommend you to stay natural


                  I'm not black though but i thought I'd share anywa
                  Yes omg its alot of work but alhamdulilah it can be fun at times.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                    Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                    Natural hair is beautiful because Allah made it that way. It might be easier if you relax it, but in the long run it will just damage your hair.

                    What is the main problem with your hair? Is it too curly, too thick? Let's get to the root of this problem.
                    Yea I know i should keep my natural hair because Allah made me the way he wanted to do and didnt make any mistakes. I have to learn that cannot have that perfect straight hair lol but just accept it

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                      Originally posted by Rea1234 View Post
                      This is really random but I honestly want to know. I myself am African and did think about relaxing my hair. As of right now I have decided to stay natural because I'm scared of the chemicals but I want to know do you think relaxing hair can be a form of self hate. Or do you think its just trying to fit in with the standard of beauty of having straight hair. I do sometimes struggle with self esteem like most girls cause I am young and other influences but I'm trying to stay strong. Also to add to this can any of you guys give me advice on how to stop comparing myself to my friends, I sometimes feel like the most unattractive out of all of them lol. I know this is bad but please give me adivce I have just had bad things said about me during my childhood regarding my appearances which still kind of hurt me till today.
                      Think this is aimed at more the black sisters then the guys. Don't know too many guys that do this.
                      I do think there is an element of self hatred but would say most of it, is just achieving this idea of beauty most women have in their head.
                      I don't know if this is limited to a particular brand but i often see that chemically treating the hair comes with a rather strong odour.
                      Keep in mind there is 1000s of ways of looking beautiful i would recommend enhancing what you have instead of altering it. I've seen rather attractive black women with an afro( not saying you should).

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                        I'm not black so I hope you don't mind me commenting here, but your post does suggest the problem here is less about whether to conform to an external standard of beauty and more about the dissatisfaction with your natural appearance because people around you were bullies and bigots. There's this very very pervasive standard of beauty all over the world that pushes this view that beauty is in being more white, especially in Africa, Asia and the Caribbean (whilst in Europe the white women often feel compelled to tan themselves). The people featured in the beauty product ads are always the lighter skinned ones, the ones with more European features and/or the light eyed ones- it's like that where my parents come from too.

                        To give you a glimpse of what I mean, just google "Indian streets" and you'll get a glimpse of what normal everyday people look like in the sub continent... then google "Indian dramas" and it'll look like someone bleached the whole screen. I can't help but feel there's a self hatred element in that and I know it's not easy to fight the norms of a whole culture and upbringing that's stacked against you, but at the same time, I see conformity to those standards as a sign of defeat and yes, I do think relaxing hair (and bleached skin) are signs of being defeated. That's aside from the fact that they're unnatural and unhealthy.
                        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                          Originally posted by Rea1234 View Post
                          Yea I know i should keep my natural hair because Allah made me the way he wanted to do and didnt make any mistakes. I have to learn that cannot have that perfect straight hair lol but just accept it
                          You could always use a straightener or head to the hair dresser and have them do that. That way it's not relaxing and will go away after a good washing.

                          Maybe treat yourself with a bi-monthly visit to the hair dresser to get it straightened?

                          I use to be annoyed by how much time it took to do my hair, but as I got older the more I liked it and the happier I felt. Just view it this way, your hair is a ni'mah from Allah and the time you take to make it look nice is a form of ibadah. So you're getting good deeds all the time.

                          As for what other people say, people will always talk whether your hair is straight or not. If it helps, natural hair is getting more popular; and therefore, there are more products available for those who don't want to use relaxing agents or weaves. There's a really great documentary about black hair from Chris Rock called Good Hair.

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m-4qxz08So - you can see the trailer here. (Note, brothers the documentary deals with black women's hair so there's uncovered women. Don't click. Or if you do just listen but don't look, because it's a good documentary.)
                          Last edited by Pippin1376; 11-05-17, 08:26 PM.
                          مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                          "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                          It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                          Surah al-Baqarah
                          [2:245]

                          .:.
                          .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                          Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                          .:.
                          ...said the spider to the fly...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                            Originally posted by Pippin1376 View Post
                            You could always use a straightener or head to the hair dresser and have them do that. That way it's not relaxing and will go away after a good washing.

                            Maybe treat yourself with a bi-monthly visit to the hair dresser to get it straightened?

                            I use to be annoyed by how much time it took to do my hair, but as I got older the more I liked it and the happier I felt. Just view it this way, your hair is a ni'mah from Allah and the time you take to make it look nice is a form of ibadah. So you're getting good deeds all the time.

                            As for what other people say, people will always talk whether your hair is straight or not. If it helps, natural hair is getting more popular; and therefore, there are more products available for those who don't want to use relaxing agents or weaves. There's a really great documentary about black hair from Chris Rock called Good Hair.

                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m-4qxz08So - you can see the trailer here. (Note, brothers the documentary deals with black women's hair so there's uncovered women. Don't click. Or if you do just listen but don't look, because it's a good documentary.)
                            Im trying to stay away for heat for now cause im trying to grow it out to a certain length in shaa Allah, but when it grows out to what I want it to be I will in shaa Allah flat iron and maybe think about getting a blow out. Yes natural hair is getting more popular alhamdulilah, im trying to embrace my natural hair one step at a time. I like the hair dresser idea but I would probably do that once Im married in shaa Allah, that way I dont have to worry about styling as much.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Question for Africans/Blacks

                              “Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the colour of your skin to such extent that you bleach to get like the white man? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate the race that you belong to so much that you don’t want to be around each other?”
                              — El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (Malcolm X)
                              The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

                              Comment

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