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  • How do I stop becoming bitter?

    Assalamu 'alaykum

    Recently a pretty good friend was saying hi and such after seeing my status. I really do love her and she has such a sweet heart and I can't think of anyone else I'd wish good things for but she's at a place in life right now where I wish I was... I know qadr Allah and he is the most wise, but I can't help but to feel so bitter. It's not just her, it's anyone that I hear about that's doing what I was working on doing. I hate thinking like this but I don't know how to stop. Wallah I don't wish anything bad upon her or anyone really, but it's this feeling like "it should also be me". I rarely ever get jealous, but I don't know, I can't help but to ask myself "what did they do right that I did wrong?".

  • #2
    Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

    Alaykumu salam sister,

    Sweety, just slap shaytan with Masha Allah in order to prevent an evil eye :)

    Did you try to make a list of your achievements, talents, happy events etc in life? That might help you.

    Love wassalam
    Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of
    The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

      Originally posted by Benefy View Post
      Alaykumu salam sister,

      Sweety, just slap shaytan with Masha Allah in order to prevent an evil eye :)

      Did you try to make a list of your achievements, talents, happy events etc in life? That might help you.

      Love wassalam
      It's the fact that I've been working hard since the 8th grade. All my achievements were so I move closer to my goal. To just have that dream taken from you... it's devastating.

      Also, I heard that it's not masha'a Allah, it's "Allahuma zid wa barek" to prevent evil eye (I believe from Mufti Menk)
      Last edited by Sarah5; 10-03-17, 04:15 PM.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

        Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
        It's the fact that I've been working hard since the 8th grade. All my achievements were so I move closer to my goal. To just have that dream taken from you... it's devastating.

        Also, I heard that it's not masha'a Allah, it's "Allahuma zid wa barek" to prevent evil eye (I believe from Mufti Menk)
        You know, Allah cares for our effort, not Dunya results. Maybe for every effort you made you gained a palace in Jannah :)
        Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of
        The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

          Love for your sister what you love for yourself. Make dua that Allah removes any ill feelings you have towards your sisters fil Islam. Another thing you can do is make dua for them :-)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

            It happens, we all go thru phase in life when we compare ourselves with others, when we feel short & eventho we know its bad practice we just can't shake it off. Regardless of how successful you are, you will face moment in life when others seem to be better. I have had those moments time to time. I am generally not jealous person like you. But there has been moments & from those moments taught me to control/better understand this feeling over the years

            I will say embrace the feeling, explore it, try to understand where its coming from. Is it because you are not satisfied with your life? What can you do to be more happy in your life? If you are happy with the effort you are putting in your life but still can't shake it off, then look at your friends life holistically. Ask your self If you had her life exactly as is, with the bad and ugly, would you still want it? You will realize soon that everyone has some part of their life that is amazing while other parts not so much. Once you analyze each person, you will realize you are exactly who you were meant to be

            It is normal feeling. It comes to us when we need to learn something about ourself or do something for ourself

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

              Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
              Assalamu 'alaykum

              Recently a pretty good friend was saying hi and such after seeing my status. I really do love her and she has such a sweet heart and I can't think of anyone else I'd wish good things for but she's at a place in life right now where I wish I was... I know qadr Allah and he is the most wise, but I can't help but to feel so bitter. It's not just her, it's anyone that I hear about that's doing what I was working on doing. I hate thinking like this but I don't know how to stop. Wallah I don't wish anything bad upon her or anyone really, but it's this feeling like "it should also be me". I rarely ever get jealous, but I don't know, I can't help but to ask myself "what did they do right that I did wrong?".
              Wa 'alaykum as salaam wa Rahmatullah,


              That's basically the story of my life, sister. I was working so hard towards a certain career and then all of a sudden... EVERYTHING came crashing down. And I was completely lost. Every person I knew looked like they did all the right things to get to where they were and I kept questioning where I went wrong. It was the lowest point I'd reached in life.

              Honestly sis, the only thing that helped me was making du'aa'. Asking Allah to guide me- for who can guide us to good except Him? So I'd advise you to pour your heart out to Allah. Talk through everything and wait for His response.

              I also feel like in the pursuit of our seemingly perfect goals/dreams, we hugely undermine our actual achievements. If we stop comparing ourselves with people and realise that no one has walked in our shoes and experienced things the way we have, it'll have a positive impact on us. We have to really think about all the things that we *did* achieve. Write them down, if necessary. And I find that creating new dreams, goals and ambitions helps. And each new dream should begin with the performance of istikhara, in sha Allah. That way, we'd feel content going ahead.
              ~And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                :wswrwb: I know this feeling too well...only recently actually...

                me and 'emma' wanted the same thing...emma finally got the opportunity....I prayed late nights and made lots of special dua for this opp and she didn't even pray and she got it handed to her on a plate....and the other day she had the audacity to say to me that this opportunity came at the wrong time for her and she shouldn't have taken it on...
                My face was like 'really heifer' ...you know I wanted this opportunity as much as you did and now you are being ungrateful right in front of my face...



                I know Allah swt has different plans for me...maybe I just have a few more bumps in my road before I get the things that are meant for me...


                ALLAH TA'ALA knows what's hidden in the deep recesses of our hearts. Those feelings of pain, anguish, resentment, hatred, bitterness, etc., that we so successfully hide from everyone else, including our closest family members and friends. So why not let it all out. Why not let ALLAH TA'ALA be your "therapist". Let your prayer mat be your "couch" while you reveal and ask the One who is in control, Who knows you better than you know yourself. From the very depth of ALLAH TA'ALA'S fountain of Mercy, bitterness will be cleansed and you shall blossom amongst the flowers of enjoyment. Subhaan-ALLAH !

                Beloved Reader! It is better to live in peace than in bitterness and strife. I've known people to go through a lot of trials and hardships and maintain a grateful and gracious spirit throughout. I've seen others face similar trials only to become angry and embittered souls. In both the cases the hardship revealed the heart more than it formed the heart. If we are filled with sweetness and something jostles us, then sweetness spills out. If we are filled with bitterness and we get jostled then battery acid goes everywhere. Overcome the obstacles in your path, be determined, courageous and hard-working. Never be faint-hearted. Be resolute, but never bitter... be beautiful inside and thus you shall become an embodiment of love, joy and happiness.


                HOW TO DEAL WITH BITTERNESS:


                Bitter thoughts are like weeds. Pluck them out of your heart relentlessly…and in their place will sprout the seeds of joyful new life.
                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                  I hate bitter-types
                  I think I've been aflicted with evil-eye by one
                  Make sure you say Allahumma barik and mean it


                  Also is this type of behaviour typical amongst women?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                    Originally posted by Muslimah1436 View Post
                    Wa 'alaykum as salaam wa Rahmatullah,


                    That's basically the story of my life, sister. I was working so hard towards a certain career and then all of a sudden... EVERYTHING came crashing down. And I was completely lost. Every person I knew looked like they did all the right things to get to where they were and I kept questioning where I went wrong. It was the lowest point I'd reached in life.

                    Honestly sis, the only thing that helped me was making du'aa'. Asking Allah to guide me- for who can guide us to good except Him? So I'd advise you to pour your heart out to Allah. Talk through everything and wait for His response.

                    I also feel like in the pursuit of our seemingly perfect goals/dreams, we hugely undermine our actual achievements. If we stop comparing ourselves with people and realise that no one has walked in our shoes and experienced things the way we have, it'll have a positive impact on us. We have to really think about all the things that we *did* achieve. Write them down, if necessary. And I find that creating new dreams, goals and ambitions helps. And each new dream should begin with the performance of istikhara, in sha Allah. That way, we'd feel content going ahead.
                    Jazaki Allah

                    My highest wordly achievements are connected to my goal so it hurts to remember them. And at this point sis, I don't want any more goals. This isn't the only goal that's failed, but it's been the biggest one that's had a major impact. I'm sorry for the pessimism, but so much has went wrong in such a short amount of time, it hurts nothing is working out. I know Allah is the best of planners, and I know patience is key, but it really really hurts. Everything failing and you're waiting on the edge for just something to finally work out
                    Last edited by Sarah5; 10-03-17, 06:22 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                      Originally posted by Blueflame99 View Post
                      I hate bitter-types
                      I think I've been aflicted with evil-eye by one
                      Make sure you say Allahumma barik and mean it


                      Also is this type of behaviour typical amongst women?
                      Seriously dude? You're going to come on here when I'm pretty low and be so insensitive? If you care so much to know, I already said I wish the best for this girl meaning my intentions are never AND WOULD BE NEVER to afflict her with evil eye. And you wouldn't get afflicted if you read Quran more often and mention the name of Allah ta'ala (https://islamqa.info/en/11359) so do that.

                      May Allah forgive you that's all I'm saying.

                      And I think you should worry about improving yourself than worrying about studying the behavior of females.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                        :wswrwb: I know this feeling too well...only recently actually...

                        me and 'emma' wanted the same thing...emma finally got the opportunity....I prayed late nights and made lots of special dua for this opp and she didn't even pray and she got it handed to her on a plate....and the other day she had the audacity to say to me that this opportunity came at the wrong time for her and she shouldn't have taken it on...
                        My face was like 'really heifer' ...you know I wanted this opportunity as much as you did and now you are being ungrateful right in front of my face...



                        I know Allah swt has different plans for me...maybe I just have a few more bumps in my road before I get the things that are meant for me...


                        ALLAH TA'ALA knows what's hidden in the deep recesses of our hearts. Those feelings of pain, anguish, resentment, hatred, bitterness, etc., that we so successfully hide from everyone else, including our closest family members and friends. So why not let it all out. Why not let ALLAH TA'ALA be your "therapist". Let your prayer mat be your "couch" while you reveal and ask the One who is in control, Who knows you better than you know yourself. From the very depth of ALLAH TA'ALA'S fountain of Mercy, bitterness will be cleansed and you shall blossom amongst the flowers of enjoyment. Subhaan-ALLAH !

                        Beloved Reader! It is better to live in peace than in bitterness and strife. I've known people to go through a lot of trials and hardships and maintain a grateful and gracious spirit throughout. I've seen others face similar trials only to become angry and embittered souls. In both the cases the hardship revealed the heart more than it formed the heart. If we are filled with sweetness and something jostles us, then sweetness spills out. If we are filled with bitterness and we get jostled then battery acid goes everywhere. Overcome the obstacles in your path, be determined, courageous and hard-working. Never be faint-hearted. Be resolute, but never bitter... be beautiful inside and thus you shall become an embodiment of love, joy and happiness.


                        HOW TO DEAL WITH BITTERNESS:


                        Bitter thoughts are like weeds. Pluck them out of your heart relentlessly…and in their place will sprout the seeds of joyful new life.
                        Alhamdulillah I am not angry, and I truly TRULY am happy for her wallah I love her dearly and I only wish the best to her. But I guess the bitterness is more towards myself or something, I don't know. Perhaps it's cause it's recent and an accumulation of things failing and bad things happening. And trust me sis, I don't get sleep that's how busy I am but because of this I sometimes think "nothing is gonna come out of this studying" which is a terrible thought (alhamdulillah I don't let get to me but still hurts).

                        But jazaki Allah, it's really hard to think positively in these times. I even look at poorer people, thank Allah ta'ala for my life and still have this lingering sadness.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                          Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                          Alhamdulillah I am not angry, and I truly TRULY am happy for her wallah I love her dearly and I only wish the best to her. But I guess the bitterness is more towards myself or something, I don't know. Perhaps it's cause it's recent and an accumulation of things failing and bad things happening. And trust me sis, I don't get sleep that's how busy I am but because of this I sometimes think "nothing is gonna come out of this studying" which is a terrible thought (alhamdulillah I don't let get to me but still hurts).

                          But jazaki Allah, it's really hard to think positively in these times. I even look at poorer people, thank Allah ta'ala for my life and still have this lingering sadness.
                          ....I am also happy for that person and give them dua because I know Allah has blessed them, and why would any muslim be angry at Allah's blessing?
                          My issue is about that person being unappreciative right in front of me and believe me this ungratefulness wasn't a one off...

                          You're literally standing there gritting your teeth thinking you know I wanted this too so how about you just shut up and be a bit more thankful...that is where the bitterness stems from...not their blessing but their ungratefulness..

                          .......yours is more to do with things not falling into place even though you have worked hard....just know that Allah swt tests us all...this lack of opportunity might lead you in a different direction and maybe later down the line you might realize that this was the better path or maybe there is greater reward in this test..
                          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                            Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                            Seriously dude? You're going to come on here when I'm pretty low and be so insensitive? If you care so much to know, I already said I wish the best for this girl meaning my intentions are never AND WOULD BE NEVER to afflict her with evil eye. And you wouldn't get afflicted if you read Quran more often and mention the name of Allah ta'ala (https://islamqa.info/en/11359) so do that.

                            May Allah forgive you that's all I'm saying.

                            And I think you should worry about improving yourself than worrying about studying the behavior of females.
                            You can still affect her with evil-eye it's not just about intentions

                            and about the rest of the response let's just say that even the sahaba may Allah be pleased with them were afflicted by evil eye

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How do I stop becoming bitter?

                              Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                              ....I am also happy for that person and give them dua because I know Allah has blessed them, and why would any muslim be angry at Allah's blessing?
                              My issue is about that person being unappreciative right in front of me and believe me this ungratefulness wasn't a one off...

                              You're literally standing there gritting your teeth thinking you know I wanted this too so how about you just shut up and be a bit more thankful...that is where the bitterness stems from...not their blessing but their ungratefulness..

                              .......yours is more to do with things not falling into place even though you have worked hard....just know that Allah swt tests us all...this lack of opportunity might lead you in a different direction and maybe later down the line you might realize that this was the better path or maybe there is greater reward in this test..
                              Oh wow, I understand what you mean now. To be honest, that's really rude of that person may Allah forgive them. And jazaki Allah sis, I know Allah is absolutely the best of planners. It's just very frustrating these chain of events.

                              Comment

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