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Dealing with problematic relatives

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  • Dealing with problematic relatives

    For most of my life, I've been prevented from having too much contact with an aunt who likes to create unecessary drama. After I converted to Islam, I realized that I must uphold ties with her. I can't contact her at the moment because I don't have a phone and I know I won't be allowed to call her. I know she will interrogate me about my life and there are many things I would not like to speak to her about. She will probably gossip about me if I answer her questions and that's something I'd prefer to avoid.

    How should I deal with her and how can I let her know that I don't want to talk about my life without offending her? Should I just answer her questions and let her gossip about me? How should I go about this? I don't really care if people talk about me, it's just that my mother may feel ashamed of me. It's not that I did or am planning to anything wrong, it just that what I am doing is looked down upon and this may humiliate my mother.
    وَمَنْ أَعْرَضَ عَنْ ذِكْرِي فَإِنَّ لَهُ مَعِيشَةً ضَنْكًا

    And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life.
    (Quran 20:124)

  • #2
    Re: Dealing with problematic relatives

    I don't think you HAVE to keep ties with her. We should avoid people who create fitnah and backbite

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    • #3
      Re: Dealing with problematic relatives

      Originally posted by aidaalej View Post
      For most of my life, I've been prevented from having too much contact with an aunt who likes to create unecessary drama. After I converted to Islam, I realized that I must uphold ties with her. I can't contact her at the moment because I don't have a phone and I know I won't be allowed to call her. I know she will interrogate me about my life and there are many things I would not like to speak to her about. She will probably gossip about me if I answer her questions and that's something I'd prefer to avoid.

      How should I deal with her and how can I let her know that I don't want to talk about my life without offending her? Should I just answer her questions and let her gossip about me? How should I go about this? I don't really care if people talk about me, it's just that my mother may feel ashamed of me. It's not that I did or am planning to anything wrong, it just that what I am doing is looked down upon and this may humiliate my mother.
      Leave the problematic aunt in peace.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Dealing with problematic relatives

        Originally posted by aidaalej View Post
        For most of my life, I've been prevented from having too much contact with an aunt who likes to create unecessary drama. After I converted to Islam, I realized that I must uphold ties with her. I can't contact her at the moment because I don't have a phone and I know I won't be allowed to call her. I know she will interrogate me about my life and there are many things I would not like to speak to her about. She will probably gossip about me if I answer her questions and that's something I'd prefer to avoid.

        How should I deal with her and how can I let her know that I don't want to talk about my life without offending her? Should I just answer her questions and let her gossip about me? How should I go about this? I don't really care if people talk about me, it's just that my mother may feel ashamed of me. It's not that I did or am planning to anything wrong, it just that what I am doing is looked down upon and this may humiliate my mother.
        There are other ways to keep ties. Such as giving gifts or writing a letter. Maybe an email will be sufficient? I guess we should ask to confirm.

        I would suggest to leave your negative environment if you can. You have to be confident and try to gain that by learning Islam etc. and sticking to practicing muslimahs.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Dealing with problematic relatives

          Originally posted by Bearded_One View Post
          I don't think you HAVE to keep ties with her. We should avoid people who create fitnah and backbite
          Originally posted by Ikki View Post
          Leave the problematic aunt in peace.
          Originally posted by A.Basheer View Post
          There are other ways to keep ties. Such as giving gifts or writing a letter. Maybe an email will be sufficient? I guess we should ask to confirm.

          I would suggest to leave your negative environment if you can. You have to be confident and try to gain that by learning Islam etc. and sticking to practicing muslimahs.
          Jazakum Allah Kheir
          وَمَنْ أَعْرَضَ عَنْ ذِكْرِي فَإِنَّ لَهُ مَعِيشَةً ضَنْكًا

          And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life.
          (Quran 20:124)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Dealing with problematic relatives

            I agree with the other post that says there are other ways to keep ties. Sending her a card on special occasions, meeting up at family weddings or funerals etc would mean you haven't broken ties. You shouldn't feel obliged to do more than that because you know she will turn increased contact into a fitnah for you and your family and may even worsen your relationship with your mother.
            The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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