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How do stop myself arguing with my father?

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  • How do stop myself arguing with my father?

    Salam alaykum. I'm very argumentative towards my father and whenever he tells me something I argue against him and disrespect him, I always feel bad afterwards but in the heat of the moment I have a lot of built up anger towards him for no apparent reason. I love him sincerely but when he tells me to stop doing something I always argue the matter. I always feel like he does not listen to my side of things and he does not let me speak when we argue and shouts me down so I get even more frustrated.

    I have tried to be patient and listen to him but there are times where I am so angry because I truly believe what I'm saying is correct and that he is wrong. How can I overcome this? How do I respect him more? He calls me a spoilt little brat and says my friends have influenced me but honestly it really has nothing to do with them. It's the fact that he never lets me speak. My mother tells me to listen to my father but then when he is not around she says it's not my fault he is just being protective etc.

    So is it my fault or not? Am I being disrespectful or is he just being short tempered? You know those times when you're adamant that you're in the right but they just don't listen to reason... that is how I feel sometimes and it drives me insane.

    He takes away my phone, reduces my spending money and grounds me so I do get punished but I always end up arguing again a month later. I don't know what I can do to try and be a better daughter.
    I beg my parents for money

  • #2
    Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

    What's your age? You don't have to be specific. E.g. late teens, early 20s etc.

    It would give a bit of context to the story.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

      Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
      What's your age? You don't have to be specific. E.g. late teens, early 20s etc.

      It would give a bit of context to the story.
      16, 17 very soon inshallah.
      I beg my parents for money

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

        :wswrwb:

        Just listen to him and bite your tongue.

        Make him a cup of tea that has been made with love and grab that moment of peace to talk to him. Never raise your voice or give him that fed up look. Be smiley and get your message across.

        Be good to him so that he will be softer with you. If you must, write it down on a piece of paper and visualise yourself talking to your dad and how that message will come across. Ask yourself if it is respectful and if the reason is good enough

        Also, reflect on why your dad is 'restricting' you on certain things. Find a replacement for those things that will benefit you more.

        Be a good girl and do things that make him happy. Help your mum, be the daughter that brings happiness into the home and the more your dad sees you are responsible enough and fulfilling your obligations, he is more likely to listen to what you have to say.



        All the best.

        :jkk:
        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

          Originally posted by AishaGirl View Post
          16, 17 very soon inshallah.
          That's very young

          i'd tell my 16 year old self to focus on studies, friends are not too important at this age, they have to come second i'm afraid. Get those A* srs, competition is rife out there

          I was a party animal and a slacker :zzz:

          the good old days

          you can still enjoy yourself but you need to balance everything, parents have a role to play in your life at this very important stage
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

            Originally posted by AishaGirl View Post
            16, 17 very soon inshallah.
            Sister this thread should have been in a sister's only section as perhaps other sisters would be able to advise you gently. If it were down to me I'd be giving you both barrels while I swiftly reload. However, I'm in a mellow mood today so I'm going to leave you in peace. I hope you get some good advice. :up:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

              And.......

              taking your phone and money away from you is a very good thing

              spend those precious time bonding with your family and reaping those rewards

              Get to know your family, talk to your parents and ask them questions about their childhood.

              gel
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                :wswrwb:

                Sister, I don't know what to tell you. I do understand and have been in this situation myself.

                When we argue like this we can be right about the point but more wrong because of our attitude. Is it so worth being right that we contribute to this situation? It's hard to let someone go on and on because of their position but really, right or wrong, we have to let the boss do this at work and be disciplined enough to keep our lips closed. So, if we can do that for the boss or the head of year or head of school, then what of our family who we love sister?

                It's hard to do I know sis, I have my family saying things at the moment that are untrue about me. I have to look past the instant gratification and see that they are worried. That's what all their noise is about. It's because they love us sis.

                What helps me is to be aware of the build up before the situation goes to RED ALERT , notice when it starts small and try and extricate yourself before hand.

                May Allah (swt) ease your affairs sis and give you patience.
                Last edited by Rifqah; 08-01-17, 05:31 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                  On the flip side your father has given you a phone and spending money...........you seem like the only girl in the family?? Is that why you are allowed to get away with behaving like this...? No need to answer ...

                  If your father says something, take some time to calm down, if you are too angry then walk away and discuss the issue later when you've calmed down... see it from his perspective....he is a parent of a Muslim teenage daughter...our parents are much more over protective....he might be right about your friends...your non muslim friends probably have lenient parents so you might be comparing your strict father with their easy going parents....
                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by AishaGirl View Post

                    16, 17 very soon inshallah.
                    Lol. Explains a lot of your posts on here.

                    Respect your father. It doesn't matter how "right" you think you are.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                      [MENTION=100194]Ya'sin[/MENTION] Mashallah thank you for the advice.
                      [MENTION=140612]Rifqah[/MENTION] I'll try and do that in future, when I feel myself getting agitated I'll try to just go to my room or something.
                      [MENTION=52453]Shay[/MENTION] I have tried doing that but he just says he doesn't want to hear it and that is the end of it. It is very frustrating when people don't hear you out you know?
                      [MENTION=122131]Stoic Believer[/MENTION] I know I have to respect him but it's a bit hard when he does not let you get my argument across. Parents and children should be able to discuss things but there is no discussion...
                      I beg my parents for money

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                        Originally posted by AishaGirl View Post
                        [MENTION=122131]Stoic Believer[/MENTION] I know I have to respect him but it's a bit hard when he does not let you get my argument across. Parents and children should be able to discuss things but there is no discussion...
                        I understand; my father can be the same way at times. But there is really no excuse to disrespect your parents. You will have to answer for that on the Day of Judgment.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                          Lol. Explains a lot of your posts on here.

                          Respect your father. It doesn't matter how "right" you think you are.
                          No. Respect is vey fundamental but she shouldn't have to bottle up her feelings as this could cause resentment in the future and prevent understanding or love between a father and his daughter.

                          This relationship is very important and sacred, if anything, father and daughter relationship can be much more precious as the dad always wants to protect his 'princess' or 'angel' etc.

                          [MENTION=141791]AishaGirl[/MENTION] The prophet :saw: said about his precious daughter the mother of the believers Fatima :RAA:

                          "Fatima is part of me. Whatever upsets her upsets me, and whatever harms her harms me." Sahih Muslim

                          “Fatima is part of me, so whoever makes her angry makes me angry.” Sahih Al-Bukhari

                          We'll never be like them but we can always aspire to be like them. It's tough to please people. I'm not close with my dad and there's a few misunderstandings that happen. But I try my best to make him happy. The things I am currently doing are with the intention of pleasing him one day :insha:

                          Be his princess and one day he will listen to you because he'll know that you are responsible enough to have your own judgement that needs to be heard. He'll listen and whatever the outcome and his opinion, as daughters we will have to learn to respect that because our dads are our guardians.

                          Always make dua for your parents. The dua that is specifically made for them. You can do this every day more than once.
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                            As for your age Aisha, don't let people thumb you down for your age. You can be wise and determined as a 17 year old. You can be the best in your generation if you learn to understand what your priorities are in life.

                            The youth are the assets of this ummah, they are our hope. Success is written in your fate if you have the right intentions you can do it. Your main goal in life and the most important one is to fulfil your obligations as a daughter and Allah has told us to treat our parents like royalty.

                            Be like the flower that gives its fragrance to even the hand that crushes it.” ― Ali ibn Abi Talib.

                            I hope things get easier for you :insha:

                            All the best
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: How do stop myself arguing with my father?

                              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                              As for your age Aisha, don't let people thumb you down for your age. You can be wise and determined as a 17 year old. You can be the best in your generation if you learn to understand what your priorities are in life.

                              The youth are the assets of this ummah, they are our hope. Success is written in your fate if you have the right intentions you can do it. Your main goal in life and the most important one is to fulfil your obligations as a daughter and Allah has told us to treat our parents like royalty.

                              Be like the flower that gives its fragrance to even the hand that crushes it.” ― Ali ibn Abi Talib.

                              I hope things get easier for you :insha:

                              All the best
                              +1

                              Comment

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