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My father won't let me get a job or get married

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  • My father won't let me get a job or get married

    Asalamu Alaikum!

    My father has recently put a stipulation on me, saying that I could not get married until I memorized the entire Quran. This, as of today, was said to me about a year and a half ago, and he still hasn't let up on it. Just as an important detail to bring up, I had asked my dad two different times if I could get a part-time job, and/or use that job to get an apartment of my own. He got extremely furious, and without allowing me to explain how my plan would not interfere with his plans or my Islamic studies, he shut me up and told me to talk about it anymore. The second time it came up, I didn't bring it up, my little brother did, but that's an entirely different story.

    This point is that I could not get through to him that I wanted to make a livelihood without him immediately thinking that I was going to fall into one or 3 things, sin, transgression and most of all, pornography, or fornication, whichever comes first. When the truth is that him and I do not really disagree with what I want. He wants me to finish the Quran, learn Arabic, and become a scholar, and I want all of the same, I just wanted to do it in my own comfort and finance (Mainly since I'm living with my grandmother currently, which is just... lame to say the least). I didn't, nor do I see the problem, especially since I was, and still am going to Quran school, and my plan wouldn't cut into it. But I can think a reason.

    1) He's comparing me to one of my brothers, sisters and mother.

    My mother left my dad AND Islam, and this was mainly due to her current condition limiting the things she could do in the Duna. She claimed she was being oppressed, typical of someone who just wants to enjoy life if you ask me, because she wasn't being oppressed.

    My older brother Abdul Jabbar, left our grandmother's house to live with our mother. He didn't leave Islam, and to be honest, I really think that only Allah truly knows the depth behind why he left, but a lot of it was centered around my dad's set up keeping him from finishing High School and getting a career.

    My sister however, she's a hot mess. She didn't leave Islam, but the only thing going through her head, (And this was obvious to everyone) was living with her mother and having a ton of fun. She was rebellious to the adults, and she is still rebellious to them where she is currently.

    Because of this pattern, he believes that there is no doubt at all that I will definitely do the exact same thing all of them did, and lose sight of the Islamic goals he has set in mind. My personal conflict with this is that I know what is inside my heart, so I know what I will do, but I don't want to do what my other family members did, and leave without his consent or knowledge. I don't want to do anything that will anger him, upset him, or break up the family, but every time I try and speak with him about these things, he blows me off as though nothing I say has merit, and my life will play out the way he wants it to.

    This is also including the fact that he won't allow me to get married, or get an income to do so. Keep that in mind.

    During that time, I doing online school, and occasionally, I would do other things, such as watch a video on YouTube or something (Even though he didn't want me to, I was wrong). However, once I completed the 12th grade, all that changed, because I was then doing Summer School, and they didn't give me that much time to catch my breath, so I couldn't do other things even if I wanted to.


    This Summer School stuffed 3 semester courses down my throat in the course of 6 and a half weeks during Ramadan, so there was no way I was about to chill out and do anything. Nevertheless, I was happy, because I was finally going to be done with school after this, or at least, that's what I thought.

    When I was doing Summer School, I aced everything I saw given. On the night before the final exams (which I had to physically go to, in this case, it was the library) I was having serious hypermobile loose joint issues.

    So my dad thought that me staring into the computer screen for so long was giving me neurological dysfunction, (for some reason) so he took the computer away from me, and told me NOT to go to the final exams, which was unfortunate, because the only way I was gonna go in my condition was if someone took me

    So I passed the courses, but didn't pass the exams because I never made it there, so I had to repeat High School, but only take 3 courses

    I get that he was being overprotective, but that decision made literally no sense, especially with everything riding on it.

    So then, I had to repeat High School, but I only required 3 - 5 courses, (3 if I had a job) and for this time period, I was still only doing school, and nothing else. The proof is in that halfway through the school year, my uncle and grandmother had our only computers wirelessly bugged, and they knew what we were doing. However, on the first say that the bugging happened, I was on a forum website. My uncle told my dad about it, and he used it as evidence that I was always never doing school and lying about it, so he told me that I'm done altogether.


    You should have seen how it took place too, it happened so fast. He used that one tiny bit of evidence my uncle told him that, even if we were to believe wholeheartedly, doesn't justify the way he reacted, especially since we had proof that it never happened again. But he did not allow me to explain anything. He brought me outside, told me to drop out, and told me not to say anything on my defense, and he didn't even tell me what dirt he had on me in the first place (probably because he thought I could defend it)

    The next day was worse. You see, Hoosier Academy is an online curriculum, the entire schooling has to be done on a computer. My dad (And grandmother now, for some strange reason) are now of the opinion that I shouldn't do school because I've done things other than school (They act like it's porn or something) but they also thought that I should focus entirely on Islamic studies, and only come back to finish High School after a good five years of Islamic studying. I'm 19 years old by the way. When I told my dad that I id not want to go through the stress of High School in my late 20s, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Look boy, I don't care what you want with your life, you're gonna do what I want" And I have been heavily conflicted since then.


    Now I want to get a work-at-home job (preferably two) and to get an apartment in Highland Indiana, within walking distance to my Quran school. I want to talk to him about it, but as much as I love and respect my father, I have to admit that he is irrational at times. He will not allow me to speak to him about any of these things one on one, because he still sees me as a child. (Did I mention that I'm 19 years old?)


    I don't know the Islamic ruling, and I want to know it thoroughly because I don't know the Islamic ruling, and I want to know it thoroughly because I don't want to go against it. Is my father allowed to dictate all of these things in my life and order that I strictly abide by them, even if they don't go against Islamic rules? I'm not a child, and I'm not in love with the life of this world. There are just things that I want to do with my life, that I'd much rather do NOT living in the cramped closet home, that is my grandmother's house, with almost all of my other brothers and sisters. (that's another story entirely)


    Could you please tell me what to do about this?


    Thank you, Asalamu Alaikum!

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