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How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

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  • How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

    :salams

    ....
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

  • #2
    Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

    :salams:

    short answer is you cant, its impossible. this is something only Allah can do
    You just have to be there for them the best you can, remind them of the insignifigance of this dunya and the tremendous rewward for being patient. just be a good friend to them basically, make them lots of cups of tea and be an ear for them

    if they are muslim get them to read this dua

    It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

    للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي

    ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

    “O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

    but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
    "My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful." (Surat az-Zumar: 53)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

      It's a blessing that Human beings move over things quickly then they thought when they were in pain. this is human nature, you will get over grief soon. What you experience after grieving period isn't as painful, rather mildy melancholic. You will miss them for your rest of your life

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

        AsSalaamu Alaikum.

        Invite them to fear Allah and be patient. The patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

          :wswrwb:

          You cannot do that, you can simply listen to them if they wish to talk or be there for them if they don't want to discuss it. It also depends on what relationship you have with that person. For example, a couple who have lost a child can only understand each other and will usually confide in each other granted their relationship is alhamdulillah sturdy. However, a friend or a sister consoling someone on their loss may not be able to offer much advice if they have not been through similar situation.

          Unfortunately, in my experience, people want to comfort but end up saying the wrong things. Sometimes remaining silent or having patience with the person is best.

          But it depends on the personality of the person also, and how they are grieving. Some like to speak about it and whatever opportunity they get, others don't want to mention it at all. Everyone is different.

          Grieving period is three days, but the person involved does not forget after three days, they will never forget. So others should respect that and unless they are involving in haram (doubting Allah, wailing etc) they need their time to move forward. I mention move forward because moving on doesn't happen.. the person will eventually with the help of Allah live life normally but the hole can't be filled - which is why this is dunya.
          Last edited by Hamnah; 20-11-16, 07:00 PM.
          اذاً لن يضيعنا الله

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

            I was once going through an excruciating phase of my life.

            So I started watching lectures of a sheikh's video. My friend suggested me that I should watch his. Before his videos I tried watching videos of some other sheikhs but i could not feel that soothing effect that I wanted, maybe it was because they were talking in english and I wanted someone in urdu. I am not sure why. I felt that the pain was gone when i would listen to other sheikhs but it would return as soon as I would stop listening to those sheikhs.
            However, the sheilh my cousin recommended was such that his speeches (which were about Hadith and Quran...intrepretation and life of Muhammad Sallaho Alayay hai Wasallam. The speeches had that regenerative effect on me such that it equipped me emotionally to counter that gloomy painful feeling I had for quite a while.


            The name of that Sheikh was Maulana Tariq Jameel Sahab btw, whom was recommended to me

            JazakAllah
            Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

              Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
              :salams:

              short answer is you cant, its impossible. this is something only Allah can do
              You just have to be there for them the best you can, remind them of the insignifigance of this dunya and the tremendous rewward for being patient. just be a good friend to them basically, make them lots of cups of tea and be an ear for them

              if they are muslim get them to read this dua

              It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

              للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي

              ‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

              “O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

              but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
              :wswrwb:

              :jkk:

              especially for that dua cos I always forget and u always post it out of the blue and I'm like -_- oh yeh why didn't I remember the very thing that will take it away. No human, no words - only Allah swt
              ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
              "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
              :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                Originally posted by Mohamed Mifxal View Post
                It's a blessing that Human beings move over things quickly then they thought when they were in pain. this is human nature, you will get over grief soon. What you experience after grieving period isn't as painful, rather mildy melancholic. You will miss them for your rest of your life
                Originally posted by LA3 View Post
                AsSalaamu Alaikum.

                Invite them to fear Allah and be patient. The patience is at the first stroke of a calamity.
                :wswrwb:

                :jkk:
                ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                  Originally posted by Hamnah View Post
                  :wswrwb:

                  You cannot do that, you can simply listen to them if they wish to talk or be there for them if they don't want to discuss it. It also depends on what relationship you have with that person. For example, a couple who have lost a child can only understand each other and will usually confide in each other granted their relationship is alhamdulillah sturdy. However, a friend or a sister consoling someone on their loss may not be able to offer much advice if they have not been through similar situation.

                  Unfortunately, in my experience, people want to comfort but end up saying the wrong things. Sometimes remaining silent or having patience with the person is best.

                  But it depends on the personality of the person also, and how they are grieving. Some like to speak about it and whatever opportunity they get, others don't want to mention it at all. Everyone is different.

                  Grieving period is three days, but the person involved does not forget after three days, they will never forget. So others should respect that and unless they are involving in haram (doubting Allah, wailing etc) they need their time to move forward. I mention move forward because moving on doesn't happen.. the person will eventually with the help of Allah live life normally but the hole can't be filled - which is why this is dunya.
                  Which is why this is dunya

                  :jkk: ur post was actually v soothing to read
                  ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                  "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                  :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                    Originally posted by GoogleSlayer View Post
                    I was once going through an excruciating phase of my life.

                    So I started watching lectures of a sheikh's video. My friend suggested me that I should watch his. Before his videos I tried watching videos of some other sheikhs but i could not feel that soothing effect that I wanted, maybe it was because they were talking in english and I wanted someone in urdu. I am not sure why. I felt that the pain was gone when i would listen to other sheikhs but it would return as soon as I would stop listening to those sheikhs.
                    However, the sheilh my cousin recommended was such that his speeches (which were about Hadith and Quran...intrepretation and life of Muhammad Sallaho Alayay hai Wasallam. The speeches had that regenerative effect on me such that it equipped me emotionally to counter that gloomy painful feeling I had for quite a while.


                    The name of that Sheikh was Maulana Tariq Jameel Sahab btw, whom was recommended to me

                    JazakAllah
                    Tariq Jameel.... lol that wouldn't go down so well

                    but :jkk: to all of u- u reminded me that it's only Allah swt we can turn to even for our loved ones. Sometimes seeing them go through pain is much worse than your own pain.

                    But it's a reminder

                    What is this life


                    We all say we are strangers or travellers but what does that really mean


                    What is the point of us here if we're not worshipping Allah - in our bad we're forced to turn to Him. We have nowhere else to go to and the pains that choke us up inside force us close to Him.


                    In our good how many of us forget, we forget that good times aren't just plain sailing. They're a calm to see whether we will show gratitude to the One that has given us all these favours.
                    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                      Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                      Tariq Jameel.... lol that wouldn't go down so well

                      but :jkk: to all of u- u reminded me that it's only Allah swt we can turn to even for our loved ones. Sometimes seeing them go through pain is much worse than your own pain.

                      But it's a reminder

                      What is this life


                      We all say we are strangers or travellers but what does that really mean


                      What is the point of us here if we're not worshipping Allah - in our bad we're forced to turn to Him. We have nowhere else to go to and the pains that choke us up inside force us close to Him.


                      In our good how many of us forget, we forget that good times aren't just plain sailing. They're a calm to see whether we will show gratitude to the One that has given us all these favours.

                      Btw, just curious, why would'nt Tariq Jameel go down well
                      Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                        I love this dua. Helps alleviate any pain or distress that you have and helps you cope with it.
                        Abu Umamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
                        The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) made many supplications which we did not memorize. We said to him: "O Messenger of Allah! You have made many supplications of which we do not remember anything." He said, "Shall I tell you a comprehensive prayer? Say: 'Allahumma inni as'aluka min khairi ma sa'alaka minhu nabiyyuka Muhammadun sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam. Wa 'a'udhu bika min sharri mas-ta'adha minhu nabiyyuka Muhammadun sallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam. Wa Antal-Musta'anu, wa 'alaikal-balaghu, wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah (O Allah, I beg to You the good which Your Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) begged of You; and I seek refuge in You from the evil where from Your Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) sought refuge. You are the One from Whom help is sought and Your is the responsibility to communicate (the truth). There is no power or strength except with Allah the Exalted, the Great."'

                        [At- Tirmidhi]

                        وعن أبي أمامة، رضي الله عنه قال‏:‏ دعا رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، بدعاء كثير لم نحفظ منه شيئًا، قلنا: "يا رسول الله دعوت بدعاء كثير لم نحفظ منه شيئا،" فقال‏:‏ ‏"‏ألا أدلكم على ما يجمع ذلك كله‏؟‏ تقول‏:‏ ‏"‏اللهم إني أسألك من خير ما سألك منه نبيك محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم، وأعوذ بك من شر ما استعاذ منه نبيك محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم، وأنت المستعان، وعليك البلاغ، ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله‏"‏‏.‏ رواه الترمذي وقال حديث حسن‏.‏
                        Sunnah.com reference : Book 17, Hadith 28
                        Arabic/English book reference : Book 17, Hadith 1492

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                          Originally posted by GoogleSlayer View Post
                          Btw, just curious, why would'nt Tariq Jameel go down well
                          See this thread: http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...Jameel-Exposed
                          "The more you know, the more you realise how little you know. The less you know, the more you think you know." - Abu Mus'ab.
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                          • #14
                            Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                            Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                            :salams

                            ....
                            :wswrwb:

                            Sometimes all a person needs is a shoulder to lean on, to know that there are people who care about them.
                            "The more you know, the more you realise how little you know. The less you know, the more you think you know." - Abu Mus'ab.
                            Darul Ilm Blog
                            Darul Ilm Faceboook
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                            Darul Ilm Google+
                            Ummah Radio Classes
                            Ummah Radio
                            Ummah Radio Youtube Channel
                            Subscribe to our Youtube channel to be informed of any new uploads.

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                            • #15
                              Re: How do you take the pain away of someone grieving?

                              Originally posted by Darul Ilm View Post
                              Maulana Tariq Jameel has changed his view about shias

                              if his pro shia stance is a problem for members then it is quite surprising. Because there are lots of members on this forum who have a very moderate view about shias.......but they have issues with maulana
                              Please Please Please Make Dua for these [URL="http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?455964-Plz-Make-Dua-for-these-members&p=6715010&viewfull=1#post6715010"]Click Here[/URL] JazakAllahi

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