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  • Bad Parents

    ..
    Last edited by Zainab70x; 02-07-18, 09:54 PM.

  • #2
    Re: Bad Parents

    You need to see a therapist....
    Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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    • #3
      Re: Bad Parents

      Originally posted by shay5 View Post
      You need to see a therapist....
      whyyyy??

      wow....just wow

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Bad Parents

        Originally posted by shay5 View Post
        You need to see a therapist....
        If you reread her post you will see that she has already been hospitalized several times, what you said sounds rude and does not help her in any way.

        I don't know why some people comment just for the sake of it. If you have nothing good to say then keep quiet, and if you've nothing to say to help that person, then a duaa for them is sufficient.

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        • #5
          Re: Bad Parents

          You should do a background check on this guy and make sure he isn't using you for a passport or anything.

          I'm not quite sure on how to deal with your parents. Their behavior is very strange. All I can say is don't go along with them if they try to make you oppose Islam e.g. nor praying but otherwise try to do what they say and be nice to them.

          May Allah make it easy for you.
          Last edited by Medic; 16-09-16, 03:07 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: Bad Parents

            Originally posted by Medic View Post
            You should do a background check on this guy and make sure he isn't using you for a passport or anything.

            I'm not quite sure on how to deal with your parents. Their behavior is very strange. All I can say is don't go along with them if they try to make you oppose Islam e.g. nor praying but otherwise try to do what they say and be nice to them.

            May Allah make it easy for you.
            No, he isn't. He's American and a convert.

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            • #7
              Re: Bad Parents

              Originally posted by naom View Post
              whyyyy??

              wow....just wow
              Originally posted by StarlitSky View Post
              If you reread her post you will see that she has already been hospitalized several times, what you said sounds rude and does not help her in any way.

              I don't know why some people comment just for the sake of it. If you have nothing good to say then keep quiet, and if you've nothing to say to help that person, then a duaa for them is sufficient.
              ..the sister has/is suffering from anorexia as well as depression.....I fear someone's sarcastic piece of advice on this forum could be detrimental to her health....this is why I think she should stick to seeing a therapist....someone who is trained to give her adequate advice....and knows her full history..
              [MENTION=140448]Zainab70x[/MENTION] Get a wali or even the imam to check this guy out before you marry him....
              Last edited by shay5; 16-09-16, 03:17 PM.
              Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Bad Parents

                Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                I don't know why people judge for the sake of it ......my comment was in no way rude or 'not good' ......the sister has/is suffering from anorexia as well as depression.....I fear someone's sarcastic piece of advice on this forum could be detrimental to her health....this is why I think she should stick to seeing a therapist....someone who is trained to give her adequate advice....and knows her full history..
                [MENTION=140448]Zainab70x[/MENTION] Get a wali or even the imam to check this guy out before you marry him....
                You did not specify what she should see a therapist for. If you made it clear by saying "You should see a therapist for anorexia" then it wouldn't have come across as rude. Anyway, ان بعض الظن اثم so forgive me sister.

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                • #9
                  Re: Bad Parents

                  Originally posted by StarlitSky View Post
                  You did not specify what she should see a therapist for. If you made it clear by saying "You should see a therapist for anorexia" then it wouldn't have come across as rude. Anyway, ان بعض الظن اثم so forgive me sister.
                  Forgive me too...
                  Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Bad Parents

                    Originally posted by Zainab70x View Post
                    No, he isn't. He's American and a convert.
                    I see. Make sure to ask all the right questions when you and your parents meet him. May Allah give you what is best for you.

                    BarakAllahu Feeki.
                    Last edited by Medic; 16-09-16, 03:28 PM.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Bad Parents

                      Originally posted by StarlitSky View Post
                      ...
                      When I rep people, I normally just spam my keyboard to fill the minimum character requirement or put 3 dots. So 'sdad' is just me spamming my keyboard.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Bad Parents

                        Originally posted by Medic View Post
                        When I rep people, I normally just spam my keyboard to fill the minimum character requirement or put 3 dots. So 'sdad' is just me spamming my keyboard.
                        Oh I see! Thought "sdad" was an abbreviation that I wasn't familiar with. Jazak Allahu khairan.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Bad Parents

                          your parents are one of the easiest path to jannah so it should be clear why allah has given them high status

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Bad Parents

                            Originally posted by Zainab70x View Post
                            Salam,

                            Our religion gives so much rights to parents and it's driving me insane. My parents are ruining my life and health. I have been in and out of the hospital for the last year because of my mother. I feel like I'm stuck because they are tearing me down in every way possible and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

                            I recently became religious by the grace of Allah(swt). Growing up my parents knew Arabic and a lot about religion but didn't pray and refused to teach me anything always telling me to go online and learn even when I was still a kid. I went out of my way and relied on others to teach me Islam. In fact I hated Islam growing up because my parents never showed me the good nor practiced it but tried to enforce all the restrictions on me without explanation while growing up in an Caucasian community. This led me astray from Islam for many years. It wasn't until two years ago that my parents started to pray though they still refuse to teach me about Islam. I remember once I started to pray and caring more about Islam ( after my parents had begun to pray also) and my mom pulled me aside and tried to give me an intervention because she thought I was being bullied into Islam by an extremist even though I wasn't dating at the time. This led me to feel ashamed an embarassed since I was still a bit young and her opinion mattered a lot to me so I stopped praying again.

                            My parents never took care of me or took time with me I grew up with my grandparents who are lovely people. However my parents hold a lot over me because since I was young they've been spooling me with money and unnecessary things. Those things never mattered to me, i grew up bullied by my mom leading me to even be anorexic at the age of 10. But to them they deserve respect because they took care of me (whenever there's a problem they bully me about it and then throw money at me). I envy people who have parents who care and listen to them a lot mine just put me down on the regular. My mother even puts me down telling lies about me to strangers. I do well in school, follow my religion and am working. All of which I got back into recently. My parents stressed me out so much two years ago to the point that I dropped out of uni, lost a high paying bank job, dropped my friends and was hospitalized for depression. No matter what I do they won't be happy with me until I start to care about people's opinion of me and show up to social functions with them pretending to be something I'm not. I tried before I can't deal with the people they socialize with, I don't know how my brother does it. I really don't know what to do I feel myself falling apart again and I'm scared.

                            I finally found someone who is good for me and we are soon to be married but he lives outside of the UK and I'm waiting to finish school until we are together and finalize our marriage. In the mean time I'm staying with my parents and ruining out of patience I'm also scared because my family is doing everything in their power to break us up which is possible because my mother knows how to manipulate me well.

                            Why can parents treat us like this, ruin our health, well being and relationships while we must respect them and take it all with a grain of salt. I'm litteraly losing my sanity.
                            Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

                            I pray Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala alleviates you from your distresses.

                            Firstly, you need to think deeply about what it is that is causing this anxiety. The underlying factors.

                            What do you resent most about your parents? The fact that they aren't practising Islaam, or the fact that they didn't teach anything or the fact that they try and stop you from practising the deen?

                            In regards to your fiance - then you should be cautious. You are very vulnerable at the moment, and sometimes people tend to take advantage of other people's vulnerability and mental fragility.

                            I suggest you try and work your relationship with your parents. Try and speak with them, or maybe get an elder involved. Do you have a local imaam who they look up to?

                            No one can give you peace. Peace comes from within, so stay firm on the deen, recite the Qur'aan, for surely it was sent to guide humanity. Maybe that will help you with your spiritual and emotional issues insha'Allaah.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Bad Parents

                              :start:
                              :salams

                              My sister in Islam. The world does not become easier, rather we become stronger.

                              Find me 1 person who has not had troubles with their parents. Your parents bear traits which are common among the parents of our generation.
                              It is very common that our parents carry their culture and identity with them, but their knowledge in Islam is often very limited.

                              You should be happy that your mom encouraged you not to become fat and diabetic, but rather skinny. It is sad that this went to extremes, but it is not an excuse to ruin yourself.
                              Give excuses to your mother, but never speak ill of her.
                              Too much stress, and too many expectations is also not an excuse to ruin yourself, rather you should think through your life and what you are doing and organise things better.
                              Easier said than done I know, but that's how I do it. Plan your life ahead, and then whatever happens, try to stick to that path.

                              Live in the future! Not the past or present.
                              If you live in the past, you will not be able to advance, and will perhaps be stuck in your family's house until you die. Sick, uneducated, unmarried and depressed.
                              If you live in the present, you are cheating yourself. The human eye doesn't see the present, it sees the past. Living in the present means that you will jump off a mountain, due to the YOLO-mentality. You also cannot study if you live in the present, due to the fact that it's boring, and takes too much effort. But if you think future, it will be easy, since you think of the benefits.

                              So how do you find success in this life and the next one? Think future!
                              Think about the next life! What can you do to reach firdaws al-alaa?
                              Think about what will happen next, the benefits of what you are doing. The fruits of your hardwork!

                              If you are thinking about getting married as fast as possible, then think how can I reach that goal? If getting educated is an obstacle, then remove the obstacle by getting educated! If making your father agree to the marriage is an obstacle, then make your father agree!

                              Let me ask you, what are parents for? Why is a mother, a mother? You will never be able to repay your mother! You don't have to love her if you don't have a working heart, but at least act like it, because she is your mother.

                              May Allah help you in your obstacles, and make them easy for you, just like he has made them difficult for you. For He alone has the power to do so, and to Him alone belongs our submission. And verily He does not give us a higher burden, than that which we can bear.
                              Sisters don't rep or joke with me.

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