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Forgiveness for sins committed against other people and becoming a muslim vs laziness

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  • Forgiveness for sins committed against other people and becoming a muslim vs laziness

    Asalamalaikum, sorry this post will be long. I have 2 main issues in question.

    1) Does Allah forgive sins committed against another person? Let's say i hurt someone's reputation/dignity (knowing what Allah said about it), will Allah forgive me if i sincerely repent and make tauba to never commit such a sin again? I know Allah knows best and that many scholars says that only the person whom the sin is committed against can forgive, but is there anyway one could seek Allah's and that person's forgiveness without having to face the person? (Too embarrassed to face them ofcourse) Is there a dua to seek forgiveness from Allah for sins committed against others and to hide those sins from becoming public on the day of judgement? Is there a dua to hide a sin from becoming public in this world? or a dua to make others forget about my sins and other embarrassing incidents involving me so that they never mention it to anybody or they never think about it?

    2) I did not fast during ramadan. I only observed maybe first 5 fasts only. I did not pray namaz either. I feel guilty now. I keep getting this feeling, i pray on and off and then i feel guilty after a couple weeks. What can i do to become regular in my ibadat? I lack discipline in life generally. I wake up at whatever time i want, i eat whatever i want, there's no discipline. I tried to become disciplined but it didn't work. I don't obey my parents, in fact i sometimes say stuff to them that makes them cry. I do all sorts of sins. It seems like its not in my control. Laziness just takes over me when i have to move for someone else (or for Allah). I don't know why i am like this but i am like this since 6 years. I have been feeling guilty for this stuff since 6 years but i haven't been able to change myself. In fact, sometimes i even feel like its too hard to become a Muslim and i don't want to become one; i say this despite knowing that Allah is real, he is there and he is listening and he wants me to pray to him for myself and to make myself a better person, but i still feel so lazy. I cannot describe my laziness in words. Is there anything "easy" that i could do to make myself able to do all these^ difficult tasks? I even feel lazy to say astaghfirullah more than once.

    I have committed so many sins that i feel like Allah will test me at one point and humiliate me. I am scared of that humiliation. I feel like i am seeking Allah to get izzat/respect in this world and in front of others, which i know is not the right motivation. The right motivation should be Jannat and Allah's love. I am not sure how i could please Allah just for him, how i could become a true muslim. But i wish i could just let go of this world, get over my past sins, and start life like a fresh new muslim. But i am a female who doesn't observe hijab and is too materialistic to become a perfect muslim. What does one do in my position? I am probably posting this to get rid of some of my guilt, i honestly don't know what i could do for Allah to make him happy. I feel like praying 5 times a day makes me bored or like a robot, and takes away the pleasure of talking to Allah (for me)....I pray to him rarely, but when i do i do it whole heartedly; whenever i need him i pray like there's no tomorrow, but on other days i become selfish and i say bad stuff about islam and about being a muslim. i am a typical selfish born-muslim woman, who's extremely confused about herself (whether i am good or bad and whether i could improve my bad habits. rn i feel like i can't do sh*t in life for others. And i feel like i am thinking about Allah rn because i am feeling guilty about something i just did. I hate being so selfish but i can't help it. I see nice people and i wonder why Allah didn't make me like that or why He made it so difficult for me to become like them. I blame him (or my parents) for every single bad thing in me. Is my personality my biggest test in life?)
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