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Parent Marriage Problems (Serious)

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  • Parent Marriage Problems (Serious)

    As Salamu Alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

    Some of you may already know me from one of my previous threads on this issue. Due to the seriousness of the issue, I entered severe depression and anxiety and just couldn't come online to reply that thread. I can't find that thread anymore, so I decided to make a new one.

    When I last wrote, I was talking about the issue between my parents and how they were totally at the edge of divorcing any day. At the current time, that situation has gotten much much worse, to the point that neither my mom or my dad want to even mention each other or see each others face. They just talk bad about the other all the time now. Long story short, my mom and dad are pretty much at the breaking point. I have already gotten hints that in a few weeks, the end of their relationship is near. (Its been almost 5 months since they spoke to each other.)

    To make matters worse, (way back in November) my family booked tickets for a summer vacation to our home country overseas. From what I have gotten hints, my dad might be planning a divorce there in our home country.

    Honestly, I do not know what to do. I've confronted both of them, gotten other family members involved, done everything. I can not sleep in the nights or be at ease in the day because of this. If they divorce I can not even imagine how I will be able to choose who to live with. I can't choose between them, and spending time between the two of them just wouldn't be the same.

    I want my family back together. That's all I want. Please pray for my parents that Allah brings them back together with each other very very soon. Ameen. May Allah reward you all for your help.

    Jazak Allah Khair

  • #2
    Re: Parent Marriage Problems (Serious)

    may Allah keep them together ameen

    brother, in the event of a divorce, you should live with your mum and you should love her the most :love:


    • #3
      Re: Parent Marriage Problems (Serious)

      I understand that you want your family to stay together more than anything but you have to realize that sometimes, it is just better for two people to not be together. Being together creates a lot of toxic and hostile situations. Sometimes it is just better for things to cool off. You should take your moms feelings into consideration because women often get the blunt end of the stick in divorce. Some men literally get up and marry the next one.

      I think you should be there for your mom as a pillar of support and who knows, maybe the situation will turn around for the better In sha Allah.
      Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.


      • #4
        Re: Parent Marriage Problems (Serious)

        Salam sister

        Are you anxious because you fear your loyalties will be divided and you just want to love both parents equally? thats what it sounds like to me, forgive me if I am wrong.

        Have you thought about writing a diary and figuring out what rules you would like to establish for them so that you set you boundaries and reduce the stress that you are feeling. I feel like you dont appreciate them tearing you apart and paining you with their burdensome hatred for one another, its not fair and you are right to feel that way.

        So maybe you could think about your goal, in several steps.

        May Allah help you

        step 1 No hostile words infront of children

        step 2 each parent must spend 20 minutes a day with each child seperately, try to engage in activities that dont require much talking aka art

        step 3 each parent should get a senior scholar or counselor

        step 4 maybe engage in charity work together as a family

        step 5 sit down and have dinner together

        step 6 have weekly taleems in the house, where the parents dont teach, but listen, this may help activate their listening skills

        step 7 Pray together, a family that prays together stays together

        You sound afraid of losing your parents, would you really be losing your parents? or after some hard work would you be making greater friends in them
        maybe as friends they will spend more time with you and give you more attention than they did before they were married.
        If they do divorce, it doesnt mean that they are bad people, it doesnt mean you are to blame, divorcees actually make some of the best spouses, and sometimes they bring in good muslims into your life, sometimes divorcees dont want to get married again so they extend on their friendships and next thing you will have more friends, but having said this I really do hope that your parents work out their differences.
        I pray that the anger goes and that the communication returns

        As for your depression may Allah cure you, its nothing to be ashamed of, actually its quite common, I hope you can find your voice and inner happiness again.
        Tips to relieve your anxiety
        Try some meditation, pilates or stretch workouts, avoid caffiene, retail therapy, colouring in therapy patterns, singing nasheeds, salah, zikr, Quran.

        may Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong and he knows best


        Senior Counselor
        Last edited by ittihadFOL; 30-05-16, 06:06 AM.



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