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I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

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  • I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

    I am in the 11th grade, and I am crushing on a girl who is in the 5th grade....what drove me to her was that I admired a girl who was in the 7th grade, but I decided I could never be with her because she plays the piano and violin, and music is haram, and the same day I saw her, I also met the 5th grader, who I can tell probably has hit puberty because she wears full hijab.....I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and I just want to know if it is haram for me to even think about her, or if I can imagine life with her when I get older and she gets older.....

  • #2
    Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

    Lol- I think you need to get married. Maybe then will the desires of wanting random girls stop.

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    • #3
      Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

      Brother! You need to find good company!
      Forget all these little girls ...are there any decent Muslim men your age or older you could befriend and sit with. It will definitely benefit you more than the company you are currently seeking.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

        Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
        I am in the 11th grade, and I am crushing on a girl who is in the 5th grade....what drove me to her was that I admired a girl who was in the 7th grade, but I decided I could never be with her because she plays the piano and violin, and music is haram, and the same day I saw her, I also met the 5th grader, who I can tell probably has hit puberty because she wears full hijab.....I feel guilty for having these thoughts, and I just want to know if it is haram for me to even think about her, or if I can imagine life with her when I get older and she gets older.....
        I don't know if you read my reply last time...please read this carefully. I think it might help.

        You seem to be going through a lot of stressors in your current life. That is fine- Junior year of high school is not easy at all (trust me!). But I think this obsession with different girls....at least a part of that is coming from the stress and lack of stability in other areas of your life at the moment. When people have a void in life....rather than trying to address it with an increase in worship or if it's something serious (as in your situation) to seek guidance and help from an adult then they will often turn to something else such as romantic relationships etc for fulfillment. They don't know this...it's a subconscious thing but that's exactly what happens. Ever wondered why some trolls are so persistent in trolling in the online world? Ever wondered why a guy just can't get over someone? Ever wondered why some people do things that will damage their health even when they know it will? It's the void...only way to address it is to confront it.

        Now crushing on a kid....I'm not a professional, I can't tell you what to do about that...normally someone your age would be interested in a someone at least a bit older, in their teens or something. For now though just completely avoid females for now and situations where you're alone with them....and try to figure out ways to meet brothers your age group who can support you and are willin to hang out with you. I know you have autism and it can make communication difficult but there are plenty of people out there who have at least one friend who is autistic. You just need to figure out where to make those connections if school is not an option.

        -Figs
        Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

          Dear brother [MENTION=136855]Striving for Janna[/MENTION]h, I am very concerned about you.

          It's not your fault, you just need to take it easy, calm down and think straight. I know you have had some 'issues' in the past and you just need some kind of guidance.

          With your permission, I would like to contact Mr President of Ummah forum.com to help us if possible.
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
            Dear brother [MENTION=136855]Striving for Janna[/MENTION]h, I am very concerned about you.

            It's not your fault, you just need to take it easy, calm down and think straight. I know you have had some 'issues' in the past and you just need some kind of guidance.

            With your permission, I would like to contact Mr President of Ummah forum.com to help us if possible.
            im not sure if I should give you my permission....won't that get me banned?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

              jazakallaha khair for all of your responses.......

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                Are you fasting regularly? If not fast regularly.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                  Originally posted by Figs View Post
                  I don't know if you read my reply last time...please read this carefully. I think it might help.

                  You seem to be going through a lot of stressors in your current life. That is fine- Junior year of high school is not easy at all (trust me!). But I think this obsession with different girls....at least a part of that is coming from the stress and lack of stability in other areas of your life at the moment. When people have a void in life....rather than trying to address it with an increase in worship or if it's something serious (as in your situation) to seek guidance and help from an adult then they will often turn to something else such as romantic relationships etc for fulfillment. They don't know this...it's a subconscious thing but that's exactly what happens. Ever wondered why some trolls are so persistent in trolling in the online world? Ever wondered why a guy just can't get over someone? Ever wondered why some people do things that will damage their health even when they know it will? It's the void...only way to address it is to confront it.

                  Now crushing on a kid....I'm not a professional, I can't tell you what to do about that...normally someone your age would be interested in a someone at least a bit older, in their teens or something. For now though just completely avoid females for now and situations where you're alone with them....and try to figure out ways to meet brothers your age group who can support you and are willin to hang out with you. I know you have autism and it can make communication difficult but there are plenty of people out there who have at least one friend who is autistic. You just need to figure out where to make those connections if school is not an option.

                  -Figs
                  I think you're right....I think I should avoid females, and find peers who are male to hang out with.....jazakallaha khair.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                    Originally posted by Akhūka View Post
                    Are you fasting regularly? If not fast regularly.
                    I can't fast for medical reasons....I'm on medications.....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                      Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
                      I can't fast for medical reasons....I'm on medications.....
                      May Allah grant you shifaa'

                      Is it not possible to take them at Suhoor or Iftar? Wallahi fasting would help you so much, if you can find a way to organise your medication so that you can fast you'll see the benefit. Even if it's only in winter when Fajr and Maghrib are closer together, so that if you are taking a pill twice daily it becomes possible.

                      Besides that lower your gaze and become busy in worship and attending classes to learn the religion.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                        Originally posted by Akhūka View Post
                        May Allah grant you shifaa'

                        Is it not possible to take them at Suhoor or Iftar? Wallahi fasting would help you so much, if you can find a way to organise your medication so that you can fast you'll see the benefit. Even if it's only in winter when Fajr and Maghrib are closer together, so that if you are taking a pill twice daily it becomes possible.

                        Besides that lower your gaze and become busy in worship and attending classes to learn the religion.
                        wallahi I have tried fasting while taking pills at suhoor and iftar, but the problem is my medication wears out and I end up getting panicked due to the medicine leaving my system....also, I often take over the counter medicines to calm down my anxiety, especially at school, so I don't just take the meds twice daily...my other plan was to only break my fast for taking meds, and use as little water as possible, but I am worried this is bid'ah, and I am also worried because my medication makes me hungrier than most people....it is a big reason I have gained so much weight in the past...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                          Originally posted by Akhūka View Post
                          May Allah grant you shifaa'

                          Is it not possible to take them at Suhoor or Iftar? Wallahi fasting would help you so much, if you can find a way to organise your medication so that you can fast you'll see the benefit. Even if it's only in winter when Fajr and Maghrib are closer together, so that if you are taking a pill twice daily it becomes possible.

                          Besides that lower your gaze and become busy in worship and attending classes to learn the religion.
                          no, seriously, is breaking my fast for taking meds ONLY bid'ah or not? I cant take them that far apart (at suhoor and iftar)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                            Originally posted by Striving for Janna View Post
                            no, seriously, is breaking my fast for taking meds ONLY bid'ah or not? I cant take them that far apart (at suhoor and iftar)
                            Sorry akhi I don't know the answer

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: I am crushing on a child.....help! What do I do?

                              I agree with all the other responses but...11th grade??? and crushing on someone who is in 5th??? Yes, forget all about her...


                              maybe 10 years down the road when she is 20.
                              Last edited by Tide2006; 24-05-16, 03:37 AM.

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