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Can you read me please ?!

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  • Can you read me please ?!

    salam alaikum sisters and brothers, wish you are all in good health

    Please do not quote me, thank you
    Well I have some questions or maybe just some stuff to say:

    I was born in a muslim family but not everybody is practising in the family, but we all fast pray etc.. Like almost basis stuff
    My mother started to pray like only few years ago, she always believed in Allah and have faith but like is not really learning or reading about Islam, when I try to talk to her about it she is like bored and changes subject. Like she fears death and refuses to talk about that because its something terrible (I know she went through really hard things in her life which shocked her, and before she could not even listen to the Quran because it reminded her when my father and brother passed away, but now Alhamdulilah with time she started to be able to listen), I feel like when she hears about religion its like something scaring, death and sad stuff. I tried many many times to show her videos, talk to her, buy her books to read, sometimes she is like oh wow but then quickly gets bored and dont wanna go further in the conversation. Its been like that for like 3 years and now I really dont know what to do but i'm like tired

    I am very sad because she is my mother and I fear for her, I want her to be in Jannah with her loved ones. She is a kind person and put her trust in Allah always.
    I would like my mother to teach us Islam you know

    Secondly, my faith is going down, I'm so sad about that because deep down I love Islam and I know its the truth but I am doubting sometimes, I still pray my five prayers but i'm not concentrated and don't take my time as I used before, I am lost and questionning everything. I am scared to loose my beautiful and perfect religion. I want to do many things but its like if I'm thinking : what makes you think Islam is real etc.. so why are you going to put hard effort to that , Astaghfirullah I feel so ashamed to even write that but I cannot help, its been like that for months and months. Have you ever experienced that and then it became better?
    I was not like that at all before, today i'm like a new person I cannot recognize myself. I feel sad everyday but do not really show it. Its been months I have not slept well because I am always overthinking and then stressed and scared

    Maybe it all started when some issues appeared in my family and my life in general. I was strong but today...

    I think of myself, my family, my friends, people all around the world, and the dead ones and I fear for all of us I swear, thats why I cannot sleep well at night or take a nap, I am scared if we come to die in that state, what are we going to tell to Allah? We do not even have a good excuse. We are responsible and we are failing, this life is temporary but we only care about enjoying it the most, regret is hard, time is flying, everyday thousands of people die and one day we will be one of them and we are not ready or even preparing ourselves?

    I could continue writing about what is stressing me but it would not stop untill tomorrow
    If you have any video, article or whatever that is really helping and interesting about our religion please do share it
    Something that I can show or tell to my relatives and first to myself

    Thank you