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Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

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  • Umm Uthmaan
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    This isn't restricted to the Somali culture. I'd even argue that we (Somali sisters) have it easy compared to other cultures, not that it makes it any better.
    Anyway it doesn't just come down to the parenting, or else these issues wouldn't be so prevalent. I think [MENTION=130730]Rumaysah~[/MENTION] explained it well wAllahu A'lam

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I got the impression that the option to work was for the time when the mess hits the fan. From here at least (UF) I got the impression women who are working before getting married are not that keen on working once married. If that is the case then the likelihood is that you have spent so much time out of the market that it's difficult to get back in to what you want or had before, of course its dependant on your skills and experience. But generally, the longer you are out of the race it's harder to get back in.

    However, the time spent learning and applying knowledge is not a bad thing, it can always be utilised in other ways too.
    Most working women are not keen on working once they have kids until the kids start school. That is 5 years, depends on how many kids one has. Most assume, they will get knocked up right after marriage. Hence the word marriage/motherhood are used interchangeably by most sisters. I don't know of any sister who quit her job just because she was married. Of course some sisters relocate & finding new job is not easy.

    True one can not go back to the same level they were & gap does make it difficult. But having some experience before taking leave makes it easier to come back to.

    Leave a comment:


  • AwRastaale
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Nope, it's not generalization. Generalization don't exist among most generation x/new Somalis. The ones don't share the similar traits only exist among the minority.

    She is correct. Somali men are beta and women are the real alpha, there are almost zero role model among Somali males nowadays. The pure alpha men died out around the 5th/6th generation, today, they're too beta, weak, effeminate and submissive while women are alpha, does all the work, lifting and carrying the family. The men still have the youthful mentality.

    Leave a comment:


  • _Sapphire
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Same with lots of Arab cultures too

    Leave a comment:


  • muslima3
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Too much generalizations

    Leave a comment:


  • MyUsernameIs...
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Sounds like the Desi community too.
    The men are so overly dependent on their womenfolk ...you'll see grown men who can't even make themselves a cup of tea.
    He may earn money but thats literally it ...everything else is run and controlled by the women but they will often give the man of the house the final nod on matters so he feels like he has a false sense of control.

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    Good point, I should have clarified the "under parents protection" applies more to older generation, which is whom our parents learned from. The "fiercely independent women" recently came out. Many of the parents were not prepared for them when raising their kids.

    I agree with the rest. I would say another reason mothers (parents) push the daughter to get early start in career is so that when she does take career beak to raise kids, there will be something for her to get back to. Boys don't need that career break. I use to get irritated by this gender bias I saw. But as I got older, I realize there truly is wisdom in age. Most times we don't get it but there is. Trust the elders
    I got the impression that the option to work was for the time when the mess hits the fan. From here at least (UF) I got the impression women who are working before getting married are not that keen on working once married. If that is the case then the likelihood is that you have spent so much time out of the market that it's difficult to get back in to what you want or had before, of course its dependant on your skills and experience. But generally, the longer you are out of the race it's harder to get back in.

    However, the time spent learning and applying knowledge is not a bad thing, it can always be utilised in other ways too.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    I agree with the first two paragraphs in the main, however, to suggest the boys are under the parents protection does not make much sense. He does not get an easy ride and has to provide for his household. With so many fiercely independent women about I can't imagine they will be marrying a guy that is not keen on a bit of hustle.

    The main driver in mainly south asian households from what I have seen is that the mother does not want her daughter to be tied to the kitchen like she is so wants her to have more options, I can understand that to a point. I think western society is reaping the benefits of it now. You have educated women who perhaps have greater ambitions to achieve more and have wider horizons and they look around and say "where all the men at?".
    Good point, I should have clarified the "under parents protection" applies more to older generation, which is whom our parents learned from. The "fiercely independent women" recently came out. Many of the parents were not prepared for them when raising their kids.

    I agree with the rest. I would say another reason mothers (parents) push the daughter to get early start in career is so that when she does take career beak to raise kids, there will be something for her to get back to. Boys don't need that career break. I use to get irritated by this gender bias I saw. But as I got older, I realize there truly is wisdom in age. Most times we don't get it but there is. Trust the elders

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I don't think its just the Somalian, every community you go into you will see this trend. Some might be one generation ahead but go back 50 years and you will see the same in Western culture. Desi culture has the same issue & this is the transition generation. Next generation the Somalian and Desi parenting will be similar to the western parenting of no difference between boy/girl.

    I see the same thing, the girls are pushed hard from young age. A sense of urgency is embedded in them due to need to get them married ASAP while needing to establish a career ASAP. So girls learn and push & handle more so they can be prepared for their 20's when marriage can put halt on everything. Parents know this, so they do their best to prepare their daughter in the short time they have with her. The daughter will not be under parents protection for too long so the parents have to get her ready to survive the world. What if her husband becomes an @$$, what if her inlaws abuse her, what if she can't manage to raise kids..(those questions existed in parents mind in past) but now parents have to prepare her to be successful and wise and independent in the short time they have with her.

    For boys its different, he will always be under parents protection. He doesn't have that sense of urgency that girls have. Even if he gets married young, he still lives by his rule so he can carry on doing things that is convenient for him. Even in old days, boys learned their fathers job and inherited the trade (farm/business) from father, which didn't happen until father retire.

    Hence girls grow up in their teens while boys grow up in their late 20's. But by 40's they are all in same place in life.
    I agree with the first two paragraphs in the main, however, to suggest the boys are under the parents protection does not make much sense. He does not get an easy ride and has to provide for his household. With so many fiercely independent women about I can't imagine they will be marrying a guy that is not keen on a bit of hustle.

    The main driver in mainly south asian households from what I have seen is that the mother does not want her daughter to be tied to the kitchen like she is so wants her to have more options, I can understand that to a point. I think western society is reaping the benefits of it now. You have educated women who perhaps have greater ambitions to achieve more and have wider horizons and they look around and say "where all the men at?".

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    I don't think its just the Somalian, every community you go into you will see this trend. Some might be one generation ahead but go back 50 years and you will see the same in Western culture. Desi culture has the same issue & this is the transition generation. Next generation the Somalian and Desi parenting will be similar to the western parenting of no difference between boy/girl.

    I see the same thing, the girls are pushed hard from young age. A sense of urgency is embedded in them due to need to get them married ASAP while needing to establish a career ASAP. So girls learn and push & handle more so they can be prepared for their 20's when marriage can put halt on everything. Parents know this, so they do their best to prepare their daughter in the short time they have with her. The daughter will not be under parents protection for too long so the parents have to get her ready to survive the world. What if her husband becomes an @$$, what if her inlaws abuse her, what if she can't manage to raise kids..(those questions existed in parents mind in past) but now parents have to prepare her to be successful and wise and independent in the short time they have with her.

    For boys its different, he will always be under parents protection. He doesn't have that sense of urgency that girls have. Even if he gets married young, he still lives by his rule so he can carry on doing things that is convenient for him. Even in old days, boys learned their fathers job and inherited the trade (farm/business) from father, which didn't happen until father retire.

    Hence girls grow up in their teens while boys grow up in their late 20's. But by 40's they are all in same place in life.

    Leave a comment:


  • Dinobot
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
    i'm not sure about the reason. i don't think it used to be like that back in the day.

    in the grandparents generation men used to be put before the women in nearly everything, the women served the men, the men at least had to be men and go out and work.
    then in our parents generation there was war then Europe/west happened. things were wrong to start with but it got worse here.
    men started chewing that qat a little too much and women had to pretty much do everything. i think this is where they became like they are and they pass this down to their daughters. maybe because of what they've been through? i don't know

    (there are obviously exceptions, i'm just speaking from what i've seen)

    It all depends upon the parents and how they raise their kids

    Leave a comment:


  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    i'm not sure about the reason. i don't think it used to be like that back in the day.

    in the grandparents generation men used to be put before the women in nearly everything, the women served the men, the men at least had to be men and go out and work.
    then in our parents generation there was war then Europe/west happened. things were wrong to start with but it got worse here.
    men started chewing that qat a little too much and women had to pretty much do everything. i think this is where they became like they are and they pass this down to their daughters. maybe because of what they've been through? i don't know

    (there are obviously exceptions, i'm just speaking from what i've seen)

    Leave a comment:


  • Silent being
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by F_R View Post
    Lol at least it's not just me
    It is what it is. A sudanese lady pointed this out too. She used to live in KSA and noted what you just said. Obviously might be a bit of generalisation but there is no denying the fact.

    Leave a comment:


  • F_R
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Originally posted by Silent being View Post
    I agree with you.
    Lol at least it's not just me

    Leave a comment:


  • F_R
    replied
    Re: Parents with Somali girls vs parents with Somali boys

    Ceebaying? Lol coz it ain't just somaalida who see this, my friends have said similar. An I'm not talking about protecting which is basically to do with gheera an I'm not talking about that

    Leave a comment:

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