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Parents at the edge of divorcing

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  • #16
    Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

    Wa 'alaykum salaam wa-rahmatullah wa-barakatuh.

    May Allah protect your family and increase love and mercy between your parents.

    Keep trying to convince them to work things out.
    If nothing works, please ask them to consider ruqya before thinking of divorce.
    They can do it themselves by simply reciting the Qur'an (or even listening) on themselves and du'a with the intention of protection/cure.
    If not, they can go to a trusted raaqi who will recite on them. They can also have a trusted family member to speak between them.

    Allah knows best, but that may help in shaa Allah.
    Maybe this is a sign for them to get closer to Allah together than they already are.
    Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
    Bismillah hir rahman nir raheem

    As-salamu alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

    I am currently going through a huge huge huge problem in life. My parents are at the edge of divorcing each other. Nothing has been decided yet, however, reality seems to be that divorce may end up happening. My parents have not spoken to each other in nearly four months since their last argument. Since I was young, I have seen them argue and argue over and over again. It happens usually every few weeks. However, this time its gone way too far. I understand that couples have disagreements, but not speaking to each other for four months is just outrageous. When they are together they are the best couple ever, loving and caring for each other. But when they are like this, they act like enemies.

    I have felt that my father has tried to patch up with my mother. However, my mother believes that if she patches up, they will only end up arguing again a few weeks later. (I honestly don't understand what she wants to do now)

    I've tried talking to them directly and explaining feelings many times. I've mentioned how shaitan must be very happy to see them behave this way. I've been doing as many chores as I can do ease the tensions. However, nothing seems to be working. I'm constantly making dua day and night to Allah as well. I don't want to see my family fall apart like this. :(

    Could anyone give me any advice on what to do. Please try to make dua for my family and me as well.

    Jazak Allah Khair
    Last edited by Oum Soumayyah; 28-04-16, 08:36 PM.
    *"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."* [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
    "Mindless are those who only jump when told to jump, cry when told to cry, and laugh when told to laugh. Indeed, they are but sheep." TheStrivingUmmi

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    • #17
      Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

      Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
      Dear sister,
      I am 16 years old. JazakAllah khair for your help.
      I don't know if this has been advised already but they should both go sit down with an imam at the mosque to work it out...two people can be meant for each other but they start to lose respect or they are not behaving well and lash out at their spouse...your parents need to learn that they have to respect one another and this is how they can build their relationship....soon you wil leave the home ...does your mother really want to spend her days alone? Same goes for your father...
      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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      • #18
        Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

        There are specialist mediators out there, who deal with these situations.

        I would highely recommended using their services.

        Often a good sit down and chat with an unbiased expert is what it takes.

        google - family mediation, in your area, and get to work !


        ~ML~
        If you, or anyone you know, needs a Lawyer, please message me

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        • #19
          Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

          Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
          Dear sister,
          JazakAllah Khair for your reply. I agree 100% that they should let things go and move on. They are indeed both being stubborn. I have tried talking to them multiple times about how I dislike their behavior and constant arguments. There is not really an actual problem. It is more of a constant argument every now and then on little useless matters, which leads to them doing the silent treatment to each other for who knows how long each time.

          I really really don't want them to get divorced because I know when they are normal, they are really the best happy couple and a happy family.
          May Allah grant them happiness and resolve their differences between each other. Ameen.

          This is wrong though. Someone has to be mature enough to compromise and move on. Staying angry and living away isn't going to resolve problems. Also, as I said before, most people in marriages argue, even constantly on useless things, but it doesn't mean we hold grudges. Someone has to be the one, to make it up.

          “It is not lawful for a Muslim to desert (stop talking to) his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning to the other way when they meet, the better of the two is one who is the first to greet the other.” [Bukhari]

          “Pardon them and overlook – Allah loves those who do good” (Qur’an 5:13)

          “Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good.” (Qur’an, 3: 134)

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          • #20
            Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

            Originally posted by R123 View Post
            This is wrong though. Someone has to be mature enough to compromise and move on. Staying angry and living away isn't going to resolve problems. Also, as I said before, most people in marriages argue, even constantly on useless things, but it doesn't mean we hold grudges. Someone has to be the one, to make it up.

            I recently just discovered a day or so ago that my father had tried to be the first one to make up, however, my mother was still holding the grudge and didn't give in. It was really a big disappointment knowing this now, because everything could have gone back to normal had my mother gave in as well. :(

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            • #21
              Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

              Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
              I recently just discovered a day or so ago that my father had tried to be the first one to make up, however, my mother was still holding the grudge and didn't give in. It was really a big disappointment knowing this now, because everything could have gone back to normal had my mother gave in as well. :(
              Tell your mother to recite "Ya Wadudu" off and then.It ll create strong bond between your parents.
              ".......He giveth and spendeth (of His bounty) as He pleaseth. But the revelation that cometh to thee from Allah increaseth in most of them (kuffar) their obstinate rebellion and blasphemy.Amongst them we have placed enmity and hatred till the Day of Judgment. Every time they kindle the fire of war, Allah doth extinguish it;but they (ever) strive to do mischief on earth. And Allah loveth not those who do mischief."(5:64)

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              • #22
                Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

                Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
                I recently just discovered a day or so ago that my father had tried to be the first one to make up, however, my mother was still holding the grudge and didn't give in. It was really a big disappointment knowing this now, because everything could have gone back to normal had my mother gave in as well. :(
                If you do not mind me asking, does your mother work? If not, then its beyond me that your mother is still holding grudges. Not making up, leads to more heartbreak, and eventually divorce (which is not ideal). Tell her, if she keeps this up, how is that going to benefit the family? Will she be satisfied if everyone breaks up. If she doesn't like your father, then at least think about the children. Who is going to provide? Honestly, if its a small issue, she really should have the resolve to let it go and discuss ways with your father to approach things differently.

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                • #23
                  Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

                  Wa alaykum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu,

                  Stay strong habibi and continue to LISTEN to them and their problems and their complaints. When you are alone with them, tell your parent the good things the other parent says about them. Remind that parent that the other person cares for them, but they are angry and upset and feeling hopeless.

                  It will take a toll on you for a short term, but I think you can do it.
                  Originally posted by goal4jannah View Post
                  Bismillah hir rahman nir raheem

                  As-salamu alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

                  I am currently going through a huge huge huge problem in life. My parents are at the edge of divorcing each other. Nothing has been decided yet, however, reality seems to be that divorce may end up happening. My parents have not spoken to each other in nearly four months since their last argument. Since I was young, I have seen them argue and argue over and over again. It happens usually every few weeks. However, this time its gone way too far. I understand that couples have disagreements, but not speaking to each other for four months is just outrageous. When they are together they are the best couple ever, loving and caring for each other. But when they are like this, they act like enemies.

                  I have felt that my father has tried to patch up with my mother. However, my mother believes that if she patches up, they will only end up arguing again a few weeks later. (I honestly don't understand what she wants to do now)

                  I've tried talking to them directly and explaining feelings many times. I've mentioned how shaitan must be very happy to see them behave this way. I've been doing as many chores as I can do ease the tensions. However, nothing seems to be working. I'm constantly making dua day and night to Allah as well. I don't want to see my family fall apart like this. :(

                  Could anyone give me any advice on what to do. Please try to make dua for my family and me as well.

                  Jazak Allah Khair

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

                    I am sorry to hear about this brother...I will make dua....but remember that everything happens for a reason, according the the Qadr of Allah, so there may be good in this over the long term......perhaps your parents weren't right for each other and would be unhappy if they stayed together....but I still am sorry you are going through this...may Allah swt make it easy on you and your family. And btw, my parents divorced when I was 10, and shortly after moving, if that makes you feel any better....My wounds healed soon, and now I don't even think about it, despite having autism, and I'm sure you can heal, too.

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                    • #25
                      Re: Parents at the edge of divorcing

                      My fav dua:
                      Surah Baqarah verses 285-286.
                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdrAd5QiPgg

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